Sink or swim?

Last week I lost something.

I lost something that I didn't ever really have, if only for a brief couple of days.

I was enticed, by Hope.

She was standing on an island and I was on the sand, white, brilliant sand.

In front of me was sea, crystal clear, blue sea.

I put my toe in.

The water was so warm, so inviting.

Hope was there, shining a light and beckoning me to come toward her.

Slowly I swam.

I swam those crystal waters towards Hope, towards her light.

After a short while, the water began to feel colder, not the same as it did on the shore.

I hesitated, but reminded myself that often seas feel colder when you get in deeper.

Gradually a light mist surrounded me.

Through this mist I was struggling to see Hope.

I could just make out her light, but it was faint.

Then briefly the mist lifted and once again I saw Hope and her light.

But all too soon, she was gone.

The mist was thick, heavy, it engulfed me and sucked at my soul.

Panic set in, I couldn't reach the bottom of the sea, my feet trod the water and I floundered in the unknown.

Behind me I heard voices, on the shore.

I turned and swam heavily and with cumbersome strokes, flailing often, toward the voices.

Hands reached in and grabbed me and dragged me up on the the rocks and pebbles that were once pale sand. As they did, the rocks cut my arms and my face and my legs.

The sea water stung my body as deep reminder of my journey, just as the tears later stung my face.

My womb felt empty, my heart heavy.

The voices asked me if I was okay.

I was devoid of any emotion, I could not reply.

Looking behind me back at where Hope once stood, I could now make out her island.

Millions and millions of pieces, made up from women's hearts.

Shining, red and bright, on the precipice of this isle.

And standing out like a star on the horizon,

Was a tiny, new, fresh slice of mine.

Jollies and Gin Trollies!

I am getting a little too good at this hiatus thing! This could be in part due to being uber busy at the moment and not having so much time on the 'puter to blog the banal, or it could be due to the fact that I am losing my leetle grey cells again.......as it appears there is a small bun in the oven sucking them dry!

We have just returned from an ........interesting.......trip to The Bahamas. I say this as we were on a mission there to renew our visas, the choice of destination wasn't a choice for a holiday per se, merely the better of other choices outside the US for one week that spoke English, wasn't five hours ahead and wasn't 35 below! and after all, who can complain about being forced to the warmth of the Carribean for a week?

As I have said before, holidays are for the mad, the childless and the desperate. Queues, lost luggage, delays, missed flights, living things sharing the same bed at night (and this is after Mr Beehive and all small Beehives), cancelled trips AND mislaid visas, not much more one could pack into a week really!

Nassau, we felt, was a little "Marbella-ish" - but perhaps that is just our hidden snob popping its nose out or a sign we are heading towards the wrong side of 40 rather than the right side of 14!

It was riddled with cruise ship visitors and many, many spring break teens all delightfully drunk and loud, supping yards of beer from containers designed to match their own overbaked skin (I am sure I was never like this, nor will my children ever be....off to pop my head back in the sand!). Puke stains decorated the corners in strategic places and even the sellers in the straw market looked pissed off and too tired to barter! For the "other-end" of the market, there was Paradise Island where one could mingle with the likes of TomKat and Oprah, spend a night at The Atlantis Hotel in the $250,000 per night suite overlooking the cruise ships, drink Marguaritas on the locals' floating gin palaces or ride in helicopters to shop for extortionately priced diamonds and other bling.

But moans aside (which, were they to happen singularly, we would have just laughed at, but altogether does appear somewhat of a conspiracy!!) it was semi relaxing, very warm and pretty enough. The boys and I managed to feed sting rays and see a wild sea turtle (that was the highlight of my trip. I have seen one before, in Sri Lanka, it rode alongside our boat for a short while, but it never ceases to fascinate me when I see wildlife in its true habitat, particularly rarer creatures such as turtles!). Mr Beehive, however, saw more of the inside of the American Embassy than he would care to remember.

New Providence has some glorious parts, the outer islands and the sea itself, the coral reefs (a diver's paradise!) and some secluded beaches here and there, but there is a need to seek the rose amongst the thorns . We won't be returning in a huge hurry.