Phlegm and Phwoar!

How did it go? Well, put it this way:

1. I am very glad they decided to shoot on a location rather that at my gaff when there were over 30 people and god knows how much equipment in the room.

2. I am old - most deffo - old. Everyone, bar maybe one or two were at least 10 years younger - but, by gosh laddie, they were fit, phwoar, particularly the young man (you know the voice!!) who had to fix my microphone to my bra in order for the sound crew to hear me particularly loudly when demonstrating heavy breathing and using the word vagina *roll eyes* Luckily that day I hadn't decided to wear my bra designed by the ministry of defence as a spare bunker, nor fortunately the plunge version that tends to escape me (literally) but it was at least clean and decent!

3. My left butt cheek is NOT my best side, nor is my left ankle, but I fear this will be my dominant feature in the movie, but at least my socks didn't have a hole in them and yes, the birth ball does make my arse look big!

4. I could never be an actor cos it's boring! There is so much sitting around, lots of bossy sods and people shouting and not enough decent coffee for the snob in me.

Still, it was a fun experience.

Everyone here has been run down by the leurgy this and last week. First Master Beehive the elder had one of his rather dramatic asthma attacks - always brought on by the first of the season's colds, then he passed it onto Mr Beehive, who decided to take it to new heights. Many men I know, are those of the "man flu" category. Mr Beehive, however, is of the "work to the death, martyr type" just as infuriating. He has a tendency to get sick then refuse to get time off work, get sicker and then be feckin' crap by the weekend where he lies around feeling generally sorry for himself. I am not normally harsh and mean when he is sick, but when he refuses to take needed time off AND insists on going to a Yankee game and rolling in at midnight because "someone has to go" *Agggghhh*, the patience then wears very thin when he sleeps at the weekend because he is sick and tired.

Now it appears it is my turn, I can feel it there, lurking. But I am determined not to get it because I have to work this weekend. I can't be sick. This is a one off job. I have bought a large tray of satsumas and am drinking Emergency C by the bucket. So far so good!

It's Bee-llywood dahling mwah !

Fook~!

Do you know that book, "One hundred things to do before you die" The same book in fact, whose author died doing one of those hundred things, anyhoo, I have one to add to my book of "one hundred strange things that life throws at you to do before you are too old and wrinkly to do it any more". No, get your heads OUT of the gutter, it has nothing to do with being in the bedroom or reading too much of the old KS! But being an extra in a movie.............Okay, so not strictly an extra, I was hunted down for a part!! Guess that makes me less desperate than an extra eh?? lol!

My acting skills remain no more developed that when I had to fake a snog in our sixth form production of The Pirates of Penzance. I was no good then, in fact, it was probably not helped by the fact I was lusting after the Pirate King (or maybe it was the Pirate King's first mate!) rather than the good old wandering minstral who was doing his best to woo me. If he hadn't been about 5'1", suffering big time from Hallitosis, nearly bald (see, i am 5'8, so can see a man's monk spot!) and MY GERMAN TEACHER!!!!!!! .....well, who knows.........

Anyway, this time it may be easier to remain in character - and I don't have to sing, which will please everyone.

I am playing the role of.........wait for it...........A Childbirth Educator.........hmmmm!!

I have to be "on set" tomorrow morning at 7.30am (*yawn*) complete in my wardrobe. The issue is these guys haven't actually SEEN my wardrobe, which consists of jeans, jeans, maybe a hippy skirt or two, possibly one of those "I have to make an impression at parent night/interview/in-laws etc" type dresses, more jeans and lots of stuff that really isn't exactly the wow factor.

It can't be bright (that rules out half), it can't be white (that is the other half), well nearly, the "other half" is divided up into stuff WITH slug trails from babies past and stuff that quite frankly isn't allowed out in public, not least in public with silver screen lasting memory!!!

So...........what's a filmstar to do???

I have resigned to a pair of beige cords and a black fitted tee, guess I can't be more neutral than that.

So, deep down I am excited about this, I am slugging back wine right now, so I guess a little nervous (but then all actors have hangovers don't they, so that will make me fit right in.) Cybil Shephard is playing the role of the mother in this movie (but I doubt she will be on set tomorrow) so watch out everyone..........my name will be there.......on the credits, you know, the bit at the end that rolls up so fast and so tiny (if you've even stayed awake until the credits) that blink and you miss it - it will be MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (said in best Andy Serkis voice!!!)

Watch these Broadway lights!!!!

A Big Boob - aka Making a Tit of oneself!!

Okay, so you will have to go with me on this one. I have been up at a birth, got in at 3am this morning (told you Sod was out playing with his laws this week !!) and then lay there in bed with the lyrics of, for all things, the Beautiful South playing in my head until at least 4am??!!
Had to go out at 6.30am to pick up the bairns from my very dear friend who took them last night in the middle of the night - THANK YOU!!!!! Then to bring them back home for breakfast, scrub up and back up to school.

I then had to lead a meeting for the Parent Association this morning on faaaaarrr too much coffee and waaaaaay too little sleep. As I was presenting my part toward the end of the meeting we were running short of time. Fortunately for me having had three cups of coffee by this point, i was able to run off the points at lightening speed. Forgive me if I sounded incoherant at any point during this, but I promise to write up the minutes tomorrow after a full night of rest!!

Later in the day, LMB was due to start new ballet class. I am often a little nervous of all the yummy mummies that occupy the ballet halls in Connecticut. They are all imaculately dressed, skinny and yummy, I, however, am normally lucky if my jeans are the right side out and my shirt doesn't clash with the rest of my attire! However, today I wasn't worried so much about my clothes as I had dressed for the meeting!!

A friend from school who was also attending so I knew I wouldn't have to stand like a wallflower for too long before she would arrive and take pity on me!! We successfully dropped off our girlies for their ballet and went outside to chat. A couple of the yummies passed me and looked at me a bit oddly, but ..... well, I didn't pay much attention.

Part way through the conversation, having been stared at for just one to many times to make me feel comfortable anymore, I turned to my friend to ask her if I was being neurotic. As I turned, she kindly pointed out that I was baring my chest to all as my "pawsh" shirt specially dug out and laundered from the wardrobe of "clothing for posh events, interviews and occasions" had chosen to pop open revealing the fact that today was the day I had chosen to wear a plunge bra and was showing cleavage birds could nest in!

Summer vacation has left the building!

It has been a week of tide turning by all accounts - memorable moments, small and large.

First off, Master Beehive the younger has decided that reading is finally something he does want to do and has just taken off. I don't know if it is an age thing (probably!) or the fact he has gone up to Elementary (Year two in the UK). Either way, it's been pretty exciting this week to see him gather speed, rather like a snowball down a mountain and extend his vocab without much effort and do it wantingly. Now all I have to do is cross my fingers and hope the same enthusiasm is extended to his fruit and vegetable consumption! *sigh*

Second off Little Miss Beehive has decided to give up her vice! The Do-Do has gone! The Do-Do fairy came and took it away and replaced it with a princess doll!! This was all her own doing and choice. She is staying for three afternoons this year in the nappers programme at the school and after we spoke about her not taking her pacifier to the nappers with her, she decided it would be cold turkey time and proceeded to take her small stool, climb onto the counter, open the cupboard, take out the pot of do-do's and bin them! Just.Like.That.

Third off was a visit from an old school friend who is currently working in Uganda (actually read that as old flame *wink*) we've stayed in touch as mates for the last 15 years and he came over to the US this week to raise funds for Bwindi, the clinic where he works. It was a fleeting visit and maybe put him off having his own kids for life (for that I apologise *with a chuckle*), but we had a great time catching up. However, the evening was over too soon (you always know the evening is soon to be over when the bluuurrrkes get started on whisky - stay up much longer after that and it all gets incredibly maudlin!!)

Finally Mr Beehive went away this week to Dallas. So far (cling onto that wood for me!) we have had a serious lack of exploding dog arses, bin ravaging racoons, electric failure, car breakdowns, boiler leaks or packing in, floods or anything else that tends to come around when he goes away. Naturally the lights have come on the car to show that something has gone wrong there (I am doing the camel in the sand trick for now!) and I am on call so my mother-to-be is undoubtedly going to go into labour (everyone and his mother is on standby childcare duty!) but bugger it!! Stress?? Me??? Much??? The summer vacation was an absolute doddle!!!