Ultimately Significant Pile of S**t!!

Okay, so what is it with customer service and post offices?

Our local PO is the epitomy of crapness. Frequently there are queues out of the door and one maybe two if we are lucky, desks open. The staff are sullen and rude and it is also badly stocked, so if you need a customs label, they are often out, so you have to approach the snapping crocodile and request one and a pile of verbal abuse for pudding! I try really hard not to go there unless it is absolutely necessary. Over here, you can actually do a lot of your postal work online, print off the postage, nice Mr/s Mail delivery man (some of these guys are really pleasant, obviously a different breed!) will actually pick it up from your mail box when they drop off your daily mail, so unless you need something specific ie: media mail postage or.......my fall down, you want to post overseas.......you can avoid Hades. Yesterday was one of those unfortunate days when, I made a conscious decision to "child-lessly" (they were in school) attempt the post office. More fool me!
First off, one of the Post Office attendants screamed at a customer (ok, so a little bit of an exaggeration, but it was excessive reprimand!) that she needed to fill in all her forms before coming to the desk, poor woman must have felt about knee high. Secondly one of the other attendants was struggling to work out how to perform a procedure that required delivery confirmation on pre-paid postage or something, so, my attendant is just about to finalize my transaction when, after having already abandoned me once to go and get gum! he moves over to help out his colleague, which, in theory is actually nice....but 5 minutes later he is STILL with him, I have a child to pick up, the queue is now 11 long and huffing AND the freakin' big master of the Post Office is just standning there........OBSERVING! Meek and mild no longer rubs with me.........so I just asked if I could please pay as I had a small child to pick up from school - "oh!" says my cashier........15 minutes to pay for 2 parcels within the US, and that doesn't include waiting time in the queue! I think we should start a book on this!

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Mama # 2 had her baby yesterday! This has been a week of new births in this small area of CT by all accounts. So on getting back on Friday night, I was called away again on Sunday evening. My client's water had broken and they were all set on staying home (I was rooting for this choice to be made) however, within 10 mins they had rung again to say that there was some blood in the water and they were nervous, would I meet them at the hospital?

Nights when I am called away always fill me with such mixed feelings. Of course there is the initial excitement of a new baby, a new labour and birth and new opportunities to help a mother achieve a great birth experience, then intrepidation, for their health and then for staying on the right side of interventions etc etc, then also, that real niggling, sarcastic feeling that I can never get rid of these days of " how long before the epidural, how long before they wave the white flag at me and tell me they no longer want to stick to their original ideals"? I know, I know, I was the same with my first, so were many of my friends, it was then we discovered there was so much more to the birth experience than watching it from the outside. We became so much more aware of how to work with the contractions and embrace them really deep (in a literal sense too!) rather than fighting it because it hurt.

Anyway........this birth I remembered to pack my Yoga mat - yuhuh, not to actually practise!! but because most times I end up sleeping on the grimy hospital floor while the parents try to get rest. i cannot sleep in a chair, I have to be flat and after the birth in September where I slept on a cold tile floor and woke up freezing and in shock, I decided that my yoga mat would be anotehr prop I would add to my bag of goodies!

However, this birth has left me more troubled than most. These clients were already under more stress than many of my clients, their child was conceived with IVF, they had been told that she may have androplaysia dwarfism and the mom had not had an easy pregnancy, gestational diabetes, high blood pressure and a family history of P-E and prematurity.
When their daughter was born, she didn't appear to be out of proportion in anyway. She appeared healthy, muscle tone and colour all good and great Apgars. But to me, her protruding tongue and almondy looking eyes were suggesting she may have Down Syndrome. This was not noticed or said by the paediatrician, so I hope to god I am totally wrong and she was just small and these were regular features. I keep looking at the photos I took, in many, her tongue is out, not just a little, but a long pointed protrusion. I am sure (and I really really hope) I am wrong. i said nothing and intend to say nothing to the parents. it isn't my place, I am no expert suffice to say that my instinct is bugging me. I sincerely hope I never mention this again.

Well, time to hit the sack. My eyes are so heavy that my head keeps toppling backwards, if the boys were awake they would call me a bobble head!

Goodnight!

YMCA

We have a standing joke that I am sure many family's have and this is particularly apparent with Little Mr Beehive! When he is on top form, he is obviously my son, when feeling particularly mischeveous, he is most certainly his father's!! - funnily enough, the same rules apply for the dog too!! but that is another day!

One of Little Mr Beehive's particular similarities to his father, rather than my Monica-ness about things, is his disdain of tidying up. LMrB could live days, maybe even months or years, I break out in goosebumps just thinking about it, under piles of worn clothing, with books all over the place, tripping over shoes and toys etc.
As a family, we all chip in to lay and clear the table at meal times.........one of LMrB's pet hates. Often when asked to help out he starts up what is slowly becoming his signature - It starts with a hopping, then clutching at his groin, then more hopping which intensifies and becomes a frenetic jump, then a mad dash to the bathroom and wails of "I need to peeeeeeeeeeeee!".

Well today we are all sitting, waiting patiently for him to return, which he starts to do...arriving at the kitchen door, he notices, perhaps, his yogurt pot still sitting where it was left waiting for him to put it in the trash and announces with a big grin - "oh no, now I have to go pooh!"

The usual round of raised eyebrows pass the table, even Little Miss Beehive has caught onto this, speaking of whom was trying desperately to get me to feed her my strawberries "me try one?" she asked hopefully (oh, she had already had her own bowl so please don't feel too concerned for her!). I looked at her and she tried again "just a liddle one okay mama?" she asked with fluttering eyelashes and her twitchy fingers already in my bowl - we are in fits of giggles about her already demure and "girlie" pleading techniques, so when LMrB decides that his bathroom business is taking a little long (his father is more of a book man, but we never really started that routine with the children) we are entertained with a hearty and loud rendition of the Village People, which interspersed with grunts and splashes makes for a great Saturday lunch!!

Y..........grrr...........M.......ggggrrrrrrr......C...............A SPLASH!!! aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh*sigh*

A tale of two births

So this week has strangely brought about the kinds of births that many of us could only dream about.

Firstly, on Sunday, my friend Cari and her husband, Rob, birthed their second child on the floor of their bathroom! They were all set to go to the birthing centre but their son had other plans. Cari is a wonderful, calm woman and took all of this in her stride. She would have certainly relished the intimacy of birthing her baby at home (something that so many women are not able to do here in CT. for issues of insurance, lack of HB midwives etc) and it had been her secret longing all the way.

Keep this image in your minds readers, because shrouding this beautiful story was the one that then followed when they did what any person would have done and is legally meant to do (I think!) and they called 911. What followed was a horrific pre- judgement of them as mad renegade hippies and thus were treated like second class citizens. Their healthy 9lb+ son was taken from them into the NICU, fed formula and Rob was unable to hold him until the next day, that and they were threatened with legal action if they did not comply!!

Yesterday Cari's pain was intense to say the least. No-one heard her, that all she wanted to do at the hospital was stay with her son, nurse him herself to get his sugar up and be his mother!!

If there is ever a number 4 in the Beehive.............s/he will be birthed at home IN ENGLAND!

Birth number two was my clients, due last Wednesday. Again this couple were due to be birthing at the same birthing centre and were driving down from about 45 miles north in NY state! Her first labour had been fast for a P.G and so we were expecting this to be about a 4-5 hour birth. Her cervix had already been partly dilated and effaced and she had mild, inconsistent, occasional contractions. She rang me at 3.20 yesterday afternoon to say her water had gone and they were going to drive in. I sorted out my childcare, and left my house by 4.30. Traffic aside..........I still wouldn't have made it!!! They walked in the birth centre door at about 4.30, Baby Auden was born just 20 mins later. My arrival at 5.06 was just too darned late!! I did remain with them however, as they had another child whom I was going to sit with for a while.

Ironically (is it??), despite this being a MUCH different scenario to the one Cari went through at the hospital and my client enjoying just "being" with her family, one of the nurses at the centre was desperate to push them to go home. She hinted about the weather getting much worse (cold, not snow) and how she would be far happier in the lounge of the birthing centre rather than in the bedroom bonding with the baby and enjoying some alone time...........Funny, it really is a game of two halves!!

Today is "Primary Mom's Day" at school. So W. has been up since the crack asking if it is time to go yet. He has chosen to wear a shirt and tie (!!) so I feel incredibly underdressed in comparison. I have had half the contents of my wardrobe on at one point this morning, do I do:

1. Sensible mother: nice smart brown trousers and shirt and boots (with heels)?

2. Warm and cuddly mummy - comfy trousers and a big warm sweater and sneakers?

3. Posh mom, smart pencil skirt, neat blouse, jacket, pantyhose (ha, just put that in cos I LOVE the word!! so stupid!) and heels

4. Normal me, but slightly off the cuff earth mama - Empire style patterned loud shirt and short, cropped cardi with jeans....................

Believe it or not, I do own an assemble of the above in some form or other, but........well, I wouldn't be W's mama if I tried to be anything but number 4!!

Okay, my other half is back from the gym - yes, he scoots out on a Saturday morning, (like all the other days in the week!) leaving me with Saturday chaos of children, dishwashers, breakfasts, bed making, dressing children, showering, walking and feeding dog...........bet he hasn't even brought me a coffee!!!!

Oh well!

Four legs good, Two legs bad!!!

I cannot be the only one in the world who wonders sometimes who on earth writes the news scripts?

This week's corker has to go to the radio news reader (shamefully I can't remember what station as I was just flicking to find news of any sort) who came up with this faux pas after an emergency landing by an aircraft due to the death of the pilot in transit:

" the plane landed safely at x airport. No-one was hurt in the emergency landing...........(pause)........except the pilot of course."

At bookclub this month we have just discussed "The Spirit Catches you and you fall down". If you haven't read it, it is well worth the read. A book written by a journalist who followed the life of a little Hmong girl with epilepsy and her family. They move from Laos to the US whereupon it is discovered that this little girl has epilepsy. In the Hmong culture, epilepsy is seen as a gift, it is described as the title. Many shamen have this gift. Anyway in America epilepsy is seen as a medical condition that is treatable. However, neither her parents speak English or read Hmong nor at the time were there interpreters. There is a real cross fire of culture and in the end, by whatever means, the little girl eventually becomes so sick that she doesn't recover and remains from this day forth, in a vegetative state. I shan't give too much more of the book away, suffice to say that I found it very impressionable. Whereas initially it is so easy to "judge" from a western stance, ie: were the Hmong stupid not to take the tablets, surely they must know that medicine was the only help for her, of course the doctors were right; in more depth it is actually incomprehensible to really understand HOW the Hmong felt about this and why. This culture is so far removed from any of our pre-conceived ideas of technology, medicine, illness and even hierarchy, that it became a book that certainly I (not sure any of my fellow bookclubbers remained with my by this point!!) started seeing from, if you like, a levitational view. I really knew that I could never understand why this happened and to be honest, I don't think I was meant to, but it really helped me open my eyes. It was well written, the author had certainly got to a certain degree of intimacy with the Hmong, and reported the history and the facts as such, but had she understood them, no, absolutely not, and she won't, just as had a Hmong written the book they would never have understood it from a Western POV.

That said, if you like books that make you think outside the box, ie: this is not a particularly easy read, it is also written in a very journalistic way too, then try it.

The other "bee" in my bonnet this week is an article in the http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/01/10/nschools10.xmlTelegraph in the UK about the call to scrap catchment areas for schools and basically to draw names out of a hat for intake for schools. I can see what they are trying to achieve by doing this: ie a mixed intake so that lower socio-economic areas are not necessarily going to be the lower achieving schools, house prices remaining more constant because there will be less desire to move to a good school catchment area etc but my problems with it are thus:

1. A good school is not solely down to the area. A good school comprises, in my opinion, of a good strong headteacher, motivated staff, funding, a mix of pupils who are inspired.

2. What about people who do live, and have always lived, within walking distances of local schools that they are more than happy and expect their children to attend, they have to get into cars, add to the pollution and traffic and parking problems to drive 4 - 5 miles across town to a school where their child's name HAS been drawn.

3. Private schools are going to be oversubscribed and thus this will eventually have a knock on effect for funding for state schools ie: less pupils= less capital = not achieving #1 in my list!!

4. People are always going to "change religion", move to a good catchment area or bend the rules to ensure as much as possible that their child gets the best possible education.

It's crazy. I am sure my parents never had the problems that my generation are now facing. Our house in the UK backs onto a school, currently we will presume that our younger two will be offered places there. We hope T will, but as his entry will be to Y5 it may be harder and he doesn't really fit into this argument, he is a different case. That said, if either of the others don't get in, we are lucky as the next options locally are also excellent schools but I will be fulfulling #2 and driving 3 miles to a different school - madness! In our area in the UK a lot of the problem is down to the fact that they are building more and more houses and not keeping the amenities up so that everyone is accomodated. Before we left for overseas, they had already knocked down one house three doors down and built three teeny tiny postage stamp sized town houses in it's place, so now as a minimum there are three (but probably 6 or more) people living in the same sized plot as 1 or maybe 2 were before!! There are or maybe have been 60 houses built on wooded area all of which are "family" houses so that is another 240 people to get into the already oversubscribed doctor's surgery and 120 more children probably to get into the local school that attaches to my house...........

Would we pay privately to ensure them a good quality of education if we were in a situation where our next offering of school was crap - probably, yes, because we could if we tightened our belts but why should we? and what happens to people who can't?

Maybe all this money spent on developing lovely wooded natural land could have been spent on schools or amenities? Nah, of course not, at the end of the day, that won't line some business man or politician's pocket so s/he can continue to send his/her children to a private school away from us riff raff.

The Great Hiawatha

It has been a funny kind of week this week, we have had some snow - finally (about 1/2 and inch, a sneeze in fact, hardly worth mentioning) but of course this has meant the rigmarole of snow pants and boots, gloves, hats and scarves X 3 has been part of our daily school routine. That is not to mention ensuring that all 6 gloves, 6 snow boots, 3 snow pants, scarves, hats and jackets, spare wet clothes including socks, homework, readers, and 2 lunch packs are all brought home again afterwards too!

I have been feeling somewhat displaced this week. I suppose because the week began with our realisation that we have now been here 18 months and it is possible that in the same time again, we could be moved. I suppose in my mind I always presumed we would be going home (which we still quite probably will be) but then R. brought up the topic of another international move.
We had set a time frame to ensure we would be back int he UK by T. starting at secondary school, so we still do have time to play with. But it just threw me off kilter a little.

It always seems so glamorous to live the life of an ex-pat - the exotic-ness, the new places to explore, the multicultural lifestyle, the gin brigade, the "clubs" blah blah - point is, it may be like that in many places, but for most expats, life has to continue in much the same vein as it does at home, only without the close friends and family, without the roots and security of knowing what is coming, without the choice of whether to work or not, without the familiarity and unsaid background knowledge of the country and culture.
It is a great lifestyle, I am forever grateful for our opportunities, but......there is also a loss of something, a fear that the gaps you leave behind will be filled, that you are "missing out" on the goings on back home. I suppose I didn't realise I was so much of a home bird! I have missed the births of friend's and my SISTER's babies, celebrations for events, changes and even now a funeral. Often expat wives are called "Trailing Spouses" and that is exactly sometimes how I feel.

Today has been another day for de-cluttering - I AM ON A ROLL! We have de-papered today. It began this morning when we talked about extending the house back home in a few years, turning what is currently the bathroom into a study. This room is very small and we are drowning in paper! Too much for this wee john to accomodate!

The biggest problem with being a hoarder - is being married to a financial one! My dear other half is the world's WORST for hoarding paper, receipts dating back years! Do you know, I even found an estate agent's blog thing for HIS first house in Manchester! So, once again, our house is breathing a huge sigh of relief and Ebay is heaving with Fimbles, Teletubbies (oh they're not paper I know, i moved onto the kid's rooms next!), clothes, books etc

Finally I must just leave you with W's latest little character. My younger son is great for coming up with truly hilarious names for characters. He has a wonderfully natural sense of humour and a devilishly sharp wit. He was entertaining the masses with his game of Indians, where of course, he is the chief. I asked him what his name was -

"Skumpton" he replied

I introduce to you: Indian Chief............Skumpton????!!!! Where DOES he come up with it?

Take a moment

Today is not a day for good tidings. I have just learned that my piano teacher died two days ago. He had an aneurism I think and they hadn't expected him to last very long at all, but he managed a good six months. Thing is, he wasn't very old at all. I really can't get my head around it. He taught me from the age of 7 until 18, packing me off to The London College of Music on Saturdays, taking me through my music 'A' levels (and GCSE), smiling gently as I would throw a tantrum over not getting the Khatachurian dance right again, having patience as I tripped over my fingers over and over, encouraging me all the way. He leaves a wife and three daughters
Second news was that an school friend is due with her third boy any day now and her terminally ill husband has only weeks left to live. Imagine, a widow at 34, those poor sweet boys. i don't know how I would cope. R. is not only my husband, my sounding board, my sanity, my patient, patient supporter, he is, in a literal sense, my soul mate. I know i would be flat without him. I don't know how she will be without her partner. I so desperately want to contact her again, we haven't really been in touch since 6th form, but I don't really know how appropriate it is to start digging up old contacts in this scenario. I know she needs support right now and probably has that from her family and friends and she may think that this is spectating, which it isn't from my point of view, but that may not be shared. Perhaps a card and small gift when the baby arrives is appropriate?
Thirdly, my clients who are due at the end of Jan are going to be induced on Tuesday this coming week. They have been told that their baby may well have androplasia dwarfism but the neonatolagists can't be sure. What ever, the baby is not growing as well as she should. This couple conceived with IVF after lots of trying, so this has been one hell of a rollercoaster few years for them and even now they cannot be assured of an easy birth or parenting journey.

I feel somewhat flat this afternoon. I feel so blessed but equally so bad for these families, whose life journeys have suddenly taken such an enormous turn. Perhaps you can remember these families in your thoughts tonight?

Gratefully yours
TheBeehive

A story told by Astrid Lindgren, author of Pippi Longstocking.

“Above all, I believe there never should be any violence.”

In 1978, Astrid Lindgren received the German Book Trade Peace Prize for her literary contributions. In acceptance, she told the following story.

“When I was 20 years old, I met an old pastor’s wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn’t believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard practice at the time. But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking-the first of his life. And she told him that he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, ‘Mama, I couldn’t find a switch, but here’s a rock that you can throw at me.’

“All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child’s point of view; that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone. And the mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because violence begins in the nursery-one can raise children into violence. I think that too often we fail to feel situations from the child’s point of view and that failure leads us to teach our children other than what we think we’re teaching them.”

This made me weep!

"You have just realised his worst fears!!"

• "Always treat your 'babies' as the real thing" - (number one rule of NCT props and childbirth aid dept!!)

• "When demonstrating breastfeeding do not remove head of baby" (must be rule two)
  

I have now failed in two attempts. Firstly, I cannot and will not patronise my clients by treating a plastic doll as the real Mcoy......I keep them in plastic bags under a chair for goodness sake and my clients are 36 not 6!!
Secondly I have not only failed number two, but also managed to realise one of my dad's worst fears this evening.

At the start of the course we run a worry board: things that parents wanted answered, are concerned about. Very frequently "dropping the baby" or "hurting the baby accidently" are listed. My present class had listed "killing it, squashing it, dropping it, maiming it," as it's fears, which are pretty just for many new parents.

Tonight we were covering breastfeeding and I was attempting to demonstrate as to why a baby does not find it easy to feed when nestled in the crook of an arm (for the layman - it bends the neck forward and cricks the oesophagus) Normally I ask my clients to bend their own heads down to their chests and try to swallow, but tonight, I also followed up by demonstrating on my "breastfeeding baby" (some overpriced plastic doll with an open mouth AND a faulty HEAD!)..........and the head came clean off .

Sorry, I am laughing even as I type. What a sadist!

That certainly has to go down in history as the way NOT to breastfeed! I have to say, however, I am pleased that I hadn't handed Headless Harry over to my clients for them to "practise" on.......just think of that poor dad, he would have been mortified!!!

Still, I think I am forgiven, we certainly laughed about it. Baby has been reunited with his head and I am now truly on my mission to find a properly suitable demonstration model. Anyone out there a designer? I want a doll with a floppy neck and a bean bag body along with a hard plastic head and open mouth and a visual tongue.

Oh and you had better add unbreakable to my list of wants!!

2006 in review

2006 in Review

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? Pilates, became a doula, got some writing published, went up the Empire State building on Christmas Eve.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?I don't make resolutions, I prefer the freedom of being able to change my mind and I don't like the definition of a "New Year" to be the thing that means I can strive for better things, I can do that anytime!! So part two there is no !

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? How close do you want?
Yes about 10 women all within about 1 foot of me!!!!
....friend wise, Julie, although I haven't seen him yet, she's in Spain!

4. Did anyone close to you die? No and I am grateful to be saying that

5. What countries did you visit? Jamaica, Belgium and England (that seems weird!) but we are living in the States and exploring there, does that count?

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? More time!!

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Gosh that is a hard question. Nothing major happened (for once!) so I guess 2006 will go down in a history as a nice, calm year with no moves, no babies (of my own!), no new houses etc.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Is this really banal to say losing 10lbs and getting a great Yoga venue to practise at?

9. What was your biggest failure? Losing my rag sometimes, taking things on in such a personal way, getting irate about things I cannot change!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No, but R. did and I hope that he remains on track this year. That doesn't want to recurr this year!

11. What was the best thing you bought? I have no idea that there is any one thing: A mattress pad for our bed - now I really can sleep, several gifts for people for Christmas from Oxfam unwrapped, a new camera, maybe my really good blender so now I make smoothies for W. and kid him into consuming veggies and fruit!!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? OMG, every day I see people on the t.v, in papers who have done selfless deeds, fostered children, helped in the developing world, saved lives............

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Where do I start? George Bush and his lack of recognition in the US's part in global warming for one small issue, many tabloids and their exploitaiton and sensationalistic stories, many OB's!! Nestle, Nestle, Nestle ......

14. Where did most of your money go? Probably on organic food, then books I expect, although I think a lot disappears into R's share scheme at work which we will one day see again I think!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My family and friends coming to visit...........oh and a takeaway - it means I don't have to cook!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2006? Jingle Bells I expect. I. sings it with such panache and T has learnt to play it on the piano!! In fact I am actually heartily SICK OF IT!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:i. happier or sadder? Neither, but I am more content and at peace with myself.
ii. thinner or fatter? Woohoo - thinner - 10lbs - did I say that?
iii. richer or poorer? Probably richer, it feels like poorer, smalls like to eat, grow and do things, but we certainly have enough.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Exploring the area and country we are currently living in, writing, taken more video of the children, breathed!

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Driving, sulking!

20. How will you be spending the Winter? Hopefully in much the same way I spend most of my time surrounded by my family, snuggled up in front of the fire or mucking around on our "ski hill" in the back yard on a sled!!

22. Did you fall in love in 2006? Not especially.

23. What was your favorite month of 2006? I don't really think I had one, each month had it's qualities

.24. What was your favorite TV program? I do like "House", but we tend to watch videos of British series' rather than channels, Spooks, Messiah, that kind of thing.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No, that is far too harsh a word. I have lower esteem for a few people I didn't this time last year, and disappointment in one friend, but equally higher esteem of a few.

26. What was the best book you read? The BEST book? Hmmmm, I liked one I read really recently "The Spirit catches you and you fall down" also "The Mind of Boys" was pretty inspiring, I don't know. Oh hang on, I really liked the book "A year by the sea".

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? That my clarinet still works and isn't full of mould - yet!!!

28. What did you want and get? More energy - sometimes, healthier - definitely,

29. What was your favorite film of this year? The Constant Gardener.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I honestly can't remember, we might have had a meal out somewhere? Isn't that dreadful! I was 34

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? That overnight my children would have developed the ability to talk to each other rather than shout at top volume, that they would never fall out or argue or at least would reason with each other and that the clothes looked as good on me as they did on the model!!!!

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? A huge mix of alternative, boho, hippy look with an underlying awareness of the phrase "mutton dressed as lamb". Hopefully pretty young and funky, although it does very often consist of jeans!!!!!!!

33. What kept you sane? A nice Chardonnay and a book.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Not fancy, but I admire Angelina Jolie, not so much for her acting, more her international work, her physique and that she has snagged Mr Pitt (the bitch!) however I have the lushes for Johnny D, Orlando (of course) and Mr Aragorn - so as you can imagine, Pirates of the Carribean and LOTR are somewhat of a porn fest for me!!!

35. What political issue stirred you the most? The polar icecap has rattled R's cage. The technocracies of birth in the US is what stirs me the most

.36. Who did you miss? My family and friends

37. Who was the best new person you met? I don't know, I met a bunch of new people this year who have been lots of fun to know, maybe Laurie........my yoga buddy and Montessori mom, probably Mary, she is my inspiration and guru.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: Two really: Your kids are who they are - let them just be and you won't find that 26 hour day, it just ain't there.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Hmmm still thinking.

Okay, so current mood is apparent then!!!!!!
I have days when I wonder what I am up against. This morning on the way to school I am called by a lady who is 5 days PP. She is suffering from the after effects of an epidural (swelling everywhere) a 1st degree tear (v.painful!!) and the consequences of the somewhat floppy mouth of what must can only be a lactation consultant from the hospital having a very bad day of sense of judgement. Of course, I can only take her word for it, BUT........
She has been feeding him formula since her return from the hospital and hasn't tried to latch him only to pump........to cut a VERY long rant in half, the "advice" from the hospital was that she was "so determined to feed it would be dangerous for the baby"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!&*(*)&((*&$£???? The same consultant (although I am reluctant to call her that) would not answer my client as to what exactly she meant (text book case of foot in mouth syndrome!) and recommended pumping and formula. Her diagnosis was based on the fact that the baby wouldn't latch on.......2 hours after his circumcision surgery (okay don't get me started on that subject!).

Suffice to say, she successfully latched him this morning at 9.30am when I arrived, fed him, found a comfy lying down position AND has aborted the idea to pump for at least 6 weeks.

This is not the first time I have heard this dreadful kind of story. It makes my blood boil. I want to report comments like this. I don't understand what the aim of it is. She is a LACTATION consultant for goodness sake, she is meant to be PRO breastfeeding. If she (my client) hadn't have rung me, she would be exclusively formula feeding now, that sounds really arsey and "what a saviour" I am-ish, that isn't what I mean at all, I just don't know what to do. There needs to be some kind of support (Free if possible or certainly low cost) in place that is genuine, up to date and knowledgeable where women can ring, have someone come around to help without the fear that they can't afford it, the insurance won't cover it, they don't know anyone etc. It happens in the UK with the NCT, although I am not sure that they do home visits anymore. I will get her the contact for the local La Leche league though. If women are told this kind of thing in hospital following a long arduous birth they are naturally going to doubt their ability. This consultant left my client with the understanding that she was not producing milk for her son. True it maybe that her milk supply is not yet established and she may be slower than some for the milk to come it, but meanwhile is producing just what her son needs as long as she feeds him!

So, I am on my way home, fuming, and decide to do my usual........call me tight or frugal but buying snow suits and thick coats for NEXT year in the sale has always been the way I work, saves me loads! I bought I.'s coat and the lady asked me if I had the size up from the one I need as they always come up really small.?!!! So, simple question, if that is common knowledge, why not just make them bigger???????????I don't get it!

I was reading a comment on someone's blog this week about how easy it is when someone has a problem, to feel that problem as one's own. You know, I would love to think that was always true, what a calm and peaceful place the world would be. We would be filled with compassion for each other all the time. Within hours I was reading an article in a magazine about Female Genital Mutilation and the author of the article concluded with saying that how easy people find it to read about issues such as FGM and other disturbing issues and not take on the problem as one's own. The difference tends to be if the situation affects us directly or it is on our own doorstep so to speak. I sometimes feel this conflicted about my job. How far should I go to try and change things? how much can I, one person do? Oddly enough T. is currently reading Gulliver's Travels. Look at how much those tiny Lilliputians did as a team !! Then this evening I got home to an e-mail from a client I taught a week or two ago for a short series, she said:

"....F. (her husband)remembered everything too. He was such a champ. He helped me more than I could imagine anyone could....."

I suppose the answer is that one day we will see the effects of our desire for change, one day, if we work as a team there maybe more miwife infuence, more education for OB's on the holistic model of care, but until that point we will have to continue to plug the holes in the dam, be that drop in the ocean.

Okay, so ramble over, I must go a re-do dinner, yes you read that right, re-do, as the mutt decided that it was his, admittedly R. was late home tonight but that is really taking the p**s.

De-cluttering da house!

I have days like this, when I feel the need for a huge splurge on decluttering. I feel we are drowning in books at the moment. I love books and so does R and it appears we have three children with exactly the same opinion. Books are the one thing that I don't mind buying outside of Christmas and birthdays and they are the one thing that I couldn't do without. However, this is verging on the ridiculous! Each of the children has a pretty packed shelf with middle son being the exception with a hugely "over" packed shelf; he has the books T has outgrown and the books I. isn't yet ready for as well as a bunch of his own.........not to mention we have three bookshelves of our own downstairs!!

So where in the heck to start.........duplicates were first - can you belive we have duplicates??? That is seriously poor! When I first met R. I laughed at him. He used to have all his books in alphabetical order..........where is the fun in that? (Yeah alright Paul if you read this, I know I used to have labels on mine too..........but I was 6 when I did that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) My shelves were all higgeldy-piggeldy because the enjoyment of finding a book that I hadn't read for a bit and re-reading all the while actually looking for a totally different book was the appeal to me........sort of like being lost in a huge library (*shiver*) . So naturally (being the alpha female I am!!) I got rid of that anality for a start!! The downside of this appears to be we have found ourselves with duplicates.

Second came the "if it ain't been read in 18 months" rule with a large bend in it! After all, that would leave my shelves looking sad and forlorn, and the "why in the hell did I buy THAT?" rule.......for the "Training your Golden Retriever" book (he isn't a retriever for one......training - hmm that is another!) and the "Fundamentals of Obstetrics and Gynaecology" books (well meaningly advised by the NCT or maybe ALACE - but IRL.........get real I am a doula not a doctor!)

Finally came the task of attacking the "Lonely Planet" collection that we have accumulated over the years. We have been to the majority of the places we have the books for (relief!) but there are a few on our shelves to where we will not be going before they bring out at least six further newer editions of the book and thus these are in fact, gathering dust!
Our poor house has breathed a sigh of relief today at the fact that the weight in books has lightened, there is space between some of the books (you know what that means don't you.......!!) and I have made a buck or two selling some of the better quality ones on a second hand site, all in all a day of frugality!

Which is a good thing as R. did my tax return today and what with the little I get a year, because in the US we are being taxed together, my tax is HALF of what I made this year and believe me and you, that was pretty minimal and not to forget the childcare on top. I really don't know why they (the government) want women with children to work? It really isn't cost effective. I know it isn't about the money and we are not badly off, I don't have to work and I am lucky enough to have the choice, but that is not the point. It is the fact that I am trying, I want to contribute to what R. brings in, I want to feel I am contributing to society but 40% tax on my earnings and then the childcare too means I take home less than 15%! For being covered in vomit and pooh and standing on my feet for 36 hours. I am sorry, I love what I do and I should do it from my heart, which, when I am there working with my clients I do........but it don't pay the bills! Okay, rant over. I apologise, there are so many families out there who struggle. This isn't about that, this is about independence and my alpha streak really.

Anyone want some books??????

'Tis Done!

Well to a lesser degree........she got finished, just and nearly. She has her cap on and I still need to properly attach all the hair, but at least she was in a playable condition. Problem was, I. had seen me with it stitching over the previous few days and when she opened it she immediately handed it to me; "mummy's dolly"! Oh well!

We took the boys into NYC for a treat on Christmas Eve, and they had a great time. It was very cold and windy at the top of the Empire State building, but a great day for views. We then walked to the Rockerfeller Centre. I have to say, I had a different impression in my head of this area. I thought it was going to be huge, not a small rink on a lower level. It somewhat reminded me of the surprise I had when I saw the Trevi Fountain in Rome. I had always envisaged it being bigger and grander rather than in a back street pretty much.

Today is Boxing Day or the Feast of St Stephen's in the UK and many parts of Europe, here in the US it is a normal day and people go back to work. R. is going into work today and then taking the rest of the week off. Mum and Dad leave us tomorrow. I can't believe their visit is over already and this time we aren't seeing them for nearly a year! We still have a very filled year ahead as we launch into 2007. I have several births lined up for the first two months, and by the time we are eventually dug out of the snow in the Spring we are taking a holiday to the Grand Canyon. We a good flow of visitors throughout the year so I am sure that 2007 will be just as crazy and manic as 2006 was.

I remember sitting in my kitchen in the UK back in January 2003 with my friend, Fred, and having an empty calendar, we used to "complain" about not liking the start of the year and it feeling such an anti climax after Christmas. These days I laugh about that and a part of me yearns for that too. To be able to hold onto these days a little longer would be fantastic.

I don't have any specific resolutions for the New Year. It is a nice feeling to feel a "fresh start" but to resolve to be more x or do more y is too static for my liking, not to mention that I would rather have the option to "change my mind" and that my resolutions come as I learn more, it is a journey!!!!

However, I do have desires for change in the world in 2007 and that change truly begins at home, by wishing for peace in the New Year I would like to see less self absorption by the world and more global thinking, less talk with money and more with feeling, more offering the hand of compassion and less fingers on the triggers, more thinking outside the box and what the results of actions may be even within our own families and communities, and less jumping in with both size 10 boots. I think it was Gandhi who said "be the change you wish to see in the world".

As the countdown to 2007 begins I wish to all of you, a very happy, peaceful and aware New Year.

new years text

Armless wenches and hurling competitions

Coffee drunk - 1 cup of brown water -my parents are staying and they bought medium roast - sorry folks, I am a stand your spoon up in it get high on the fumes kinda gal!
Current mood - deranged and crazed but trying to stay sane until after I have taught my class tonight - then it's meltdown time!!
Exercise today - at least 3000 times up and down the stairs with a bucket, endless bending down to clear up toys, chasing dog around kitchen at least 45 times with the latest object of his desire that he isn't meant to have.
Noses wiped - 4726
Bottoms wiped - actually only one today (doing well!)
Laundry done - you have GOT to be kidding me!! My washer is having a nervous breakdown from overuse
Calories consumed - does the left overs of last night's dinner for breakfast count as today's or yesterdays calories?? but currently living off fresh air (those damn scales lie!)
Sleep log - somewhat lacking due to sharing my bed with a vomiting 6 year old. I'd say I had a good run from 10pm until 3am!!

We are sickness aplenty here this week. The end of the school term and the excitement of Christmas nearly always leads to someone being sick. When my sister was little it was always her. She pretty much couldn't make it past the 21st without being ill. She always did the same if we were going on holiday.......a few days before, we never needed to check the calendar, she would inform us of the day by being poorly the night before
Last week it was W, so today it is T's turn. Poor lamb he has a fever and acid stomach. It has taken me most of this morning to convince him to go back to bed (along with chasing after him with a bowl and gallons of water!). I hope he is better by Sunday as we are planning to go into the city to see the Rockerfeller centre and go up the Empire Stat building as a treat, we were intending to go tomorrow - but he is not fit.

I am desperately trying to finish I's Christmas present. As you can see by the picture, she is nearly there apart from arms and a wig!!
Her dress is in the making but I need to get a crotchet hook for her hair which means going out, which means taking a sick child, which I am not going to do, so I think it will be a close call as to whether or not she is under the tree for Christmas, or maybe she will just be naked!! I am pretty pleased with it considering I don't have a machine, so she has been lovingly stitched by hand and just look at those superb pear hips - a proper woman!
Don't worry about the flap on her bonce, a small lobotomy will sort that and you'll never see the scar as it will be under her hair!!
I will post a finished picture if I actually manage it!

And finally, J.K. Rowling has titled the last HP book hoorah!! I suggest you go no further if you don't want to know.......




Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -

although according to the illiterate New York journalist who made the announcement on Yahoo this morning, it is actually the Deathly Hollows - if you check out J.K's own website, she has set up a game to help you get to a hangman which eventually reveals the name (hint click on the eraser!). This same mentioned journalist also reports that at one point in the game a Christmas "reef" illuminates - hmmm I suppose she is talking about phosphorescing phytoplankton on the Barrier Reef? (I know, it makes me sound so smart - I had to look it up, I couldn't remember what it was called- not so clever now eh?) rather than this. Still smart arsed-ness aside, I am excited that the book will be out next year, towards the end rather than the summer as originally rumoured - finally laying to rest (no pun intended I hope!) the bespectacled young wizard and his quest against "he who should not be named". Does he cark it? Hmmm she doesn't give that much away, but my odds are on no and that Snape is good but he does pop his greasy size 14 pixie boots, but not after he has revealed some smoosh requiring the reader to vomit into a bucket about how he was always there to protect Harry bleugh......(god there I go again!! I think two days confined to inside the house is messing with my head!) Ach well. Let me know what you think!!

Winterlight

Well it is that time again. The holiday season is upon us.
This year, as with every other, the world has gone mad! People are buying up the supermarkets as if it is the end of the world!! Why? I really don't understand the need. Of course, we will have our organic turkey and veg on Christmas day followed by a steamed Christmas pudding courtesy of my grandmother's mothers superb recipe, which has of course been stirred by each one of us for luck! But we won't eat anymore than we would normally for a Sunday lunch. Every year I cringe more and more when I see the commercial exercise in wealth display that Christmas has become.

I am eternally grateful to be spared of too much glitter and plastic with the wonderful diversity of the school and their approach to the holiday season. With a school full of children from all walks of life, their approach is that of Winterlight, the celebration of the solstice on the 21st and beautiful winter songs, some carols and the celebration of light, this way Kwaanza, Diwali, Christmas, Hannukah are all there. T. has already participated in his choral concert and was so excited and proud to be able to be a part of this and particularly to share it with his grandparents who flew in that very morning and remained awake just to hear him and hear him sing.
Don't take me for a Scrooge or a Bah Humbug, I am not, but with questions being asked of me such as "If Jesus was a Jew, then why do we call ourselves Christian and celebrate Christmas rather than Hannukah?" the more I question why indeed? The more I want to lean more to celebrating this time for just the time it is in the calendar rather than for religious reasons. That said, it is part of my upbringing and heritage that I wish to share with my children, the same goes for the spirit of the big hairy fella in red. I have some acquaintances who feel it quite unecessary to inflict upon children this guy in a red suit who buys presents for "good" boys and girls. For them there has been pain when they found out that this is in fact just a story, a myth, a fable...........a lie? and really there is no such person. Hmmmm..........I respectfully disagree, I remember feeling that Christmas was a magical time and even when I did find out (I don't remember how) that it was in fact dad sneaking around trying not to stub his toe on the door and swear, it didn't spoil the magic for me. I think that is what I hope for my children, when they are ready they will discover, and, just as I explained to mum last night when she asked me how I would approach the topic of hanging (T. is reading Oliver Twist), I would answer all the questions he needed as honestly, without elaborating but without hiding the reality. I will tell him it is a tradition that goes along with Christmas and that it originates from history, Saint Nicholas or Baboushka or whichever fable you believe to be the origins. Each year we put 10 small presents in their stockings, a clementine and a small piece of chocolate just as my parents did for me and my sister and their parents before them and this is not subjected to their "being good" or "being on the list", that is the one part I really don't agree with. I don't feel scarred from knowing that it was all fantasy and I still feel this is a magical time of year to celebrate winterlight with my family and friends.

I have tried to make more of my Christmas gifts this year, I. is getting a doll (fortunately my current client had her baby this weekend, so i have time to finally finish the doll, although she may not be clothed in time!!) and my mum is helping me finish a jumper for W.

Another big part of our Winterlight celebrations is to not only think about our own festivities, but also to think about this time of year for others less fortunate. This year, my children chose to give a kit for a teacher from Oxfam for each of their classes at school. We also find half a dozen toys each year, that are in good condition, that the children give to the Toys for Tots appeal and then we make a hamper up for the soldiers in Iraq. The children of a friend of mine here frame about half a dozen of their art pieces that they made throughout the school year and take them to one of the old people's residences in the town to brighten the walls - I think that is a wonderful idea, so easy and yet thoughtful and the residents will probably be cheered by some brightness and "kiddypics"! One of the teachers at the school always volunteers for the soup kitchen on Christmas day and another friend back in the UK has a homeless person over for Christmas dinner and another friend and his partner are working in Uganda for VSO and not opting for the easy option of returning home for the holidays (I think they are contemplating catching and plucking their own turkey eugh!!!) I am proud to know there are such thoughtful and open people who rise above the commercialism and share their peace and love at this time.

Now I must fly, my younger son is singing in his class concert today and insisted on wearing a shirt and tie just like his older brother had done........there is a tear in my eye!

Have a wonderful, peaceful and restful holiday season !

Water of Life

"Why can't water cure cancer?" was the question T asked on the way home from school today. As we drove into school this morning, many houses had lines of paper bags outside them. These bags held candles which were there to reflect on those who have cancer and it is also a fundraiser for cancer research. The journey to school caused many questions about cancer and who gets cancer and why.
I always find these times in parenting really hard and enlightening. It really stretches my skills and I find myself reflecting on them deeply later on.

Firstly, how far do you go to tell children about cancer? For my children they have yet to encounter anyone with cancer or even a similar life threatening disease (touch wood they won't have to for a while). I don't want to frighten them but equally I don't want to shield them.

I always try with these discussions to be led by them, to answer what they specifically want to know and give them time to process it. Normally (as it did tonight) they have a while to dwell on it, then they want to know more.
I want to be honest as much as I can, so when T. asked if he would get cancer, I said that I didn't know, I hoped not, but I don't know the answer to that. I explained that there are ways he can reduce his chances by living healthily, not smoking or doing bad things to his body, but even then, that is not finite.
He and W. wanted to know what it was, so I told him it was a disease that caused large lumps inside people's bodies that eventually ate away at the good things in their bodies and made them really sick so they couldn't live. So W. asked if Cancer was a monster, (I think the link was that he thinks monsters eat people!!??) - truthfully - yes, Cancer is monster, but the type of monster he means, such as the "Wild Things", then no.
T. then asked why on earth they give people drugs to make them better if the drugs make them sick in other ways - OMG - too smart!! After a full 20 minute interrogation on Cancer (and my knowledge being less than enough!) I was close to passing the buck here, but I think he got it.
"Why can't water cure cancer mum?" he asked - "wouldn't that be simple. You tell me that if I am sick I need to drink lots of water to feel better, why can't people with cancer just drink lots of water too?" I wish sweetheart.............

Another parenting thing that has been making me think recently is an ongoing discussion and circular e-mails I have been sent from well meaning friends about the use of praise and in particular (something the Americans love to use!") "Good Job!" when a child does a task well or completes something.

From what I gather, to use this, is demeaning to a child, it is "training talk" as you would train a dog, rather than talk to another human. The dog follows a command knowing that he receives praise and a cookie on succesful completion. Some real followers of someone called Alfie Kohn actually think that children don't require this kind of positive reinforcement in which ever way it is given "good job, well done, that's great" etc etc, that we should be treating children as adults, not encouraging them to seek this positive praise but rather to achieve things for themselves alone and this is unconditional parenting (I know there is far more to it than just that, but this is the bit that sticks in my mind!) This is just a glimpse of what it is about: Five Reasons article

I think my ball lies firmly within the side of giving positive reinforcement. To me, there are many times when my children do really help, they do work hard on an activity, play together without fighting, sort out arguments and reason with each other, listen etc etc and to me I see the glow of pride when I tell them exactly that.

Sure the praise isn't an "off the cuff" derogatory comment and I do avoid "good boy/girl" as that is not an acknowledgement of their task or achievement, rather it is personal - much like "bad or naughty boy/girl". I try to stay generally along the lines of "you must be really proud of that drawing, or I really appreciate how well you helped me" but to see their faces knowing that their parents have acknowledged their triumphs, their keeness to try and help etc is so important.

Maybe we shouldn't be a society with the need for reassurance in our abilities or tasks, but tell me who out there, as an ADULT, doesn't like to be told they have done something particularly well, a cake or meal was really tasty, or they look nice in a certain outfit. I know I do, and I would think, judging by my children's reactions, they do too. I suppose the crux of this is that if we, as parents, had been brought up this way, and the generations before us, then maybe there wouldn't be the need for seeking out affirmation for what we do...knock on effect. That said, I parent in the 21st century within which, I know for a fact, I often really craved some comment from my maternal grandfather particularly, that I was doing okay. To me, not receiving this, made me feel like there was something missing, that there wasn't unconditional love, there was definitely love, and in his own way, he showed it.......perhaps that is just it though........the feeling that I needed to "aim to please" is exactly what Kohn is all about?

But I see it that, longterm, if you don't give children positive praise and reinforcement when it is deserving, then perhaps we are pushing our children underground, they won't want to come to us with something they have done, either positive or negative, for fear of being shunned or rejected? How will this have an effect when they are 15/6? To me, it seems somewhat cold, conditional and detached. I think I need to read it fully to understand and maybe accept some of his reasoning.

To me, unconditional, attached parenting is all about being aware of my children's needs, for them to know that they are acknowledged and appreciated, even if something took them twice as long as anyone else or they really struggled, to tell them just how much we appreciated their trying will surely encourage their need to be proud of what they do. And besides all that..........I LIKE to tell my children when they have done well or tried hard........Selfish or not, for me, if I have seen the effort, then they deserve to feel that their works are not going unnoticed. Food for thought .......

"What you are aware of, you are in control of...what you are not aware of, is in control of you..."

Today is R's birthday, the ripe (I hope not!) old age of 38!!! Bloody Hell, that's nearly 40! It is wonderfully depressing and equally uplifting to be heading to this stage of our lives. I feel so calm about it all, which is great, as it is only age after all, but I think, the important thing is how I feel we have managed to do so much, see so much and yet still have so much more to do and see and (I hope!) the time to do it. It is weird how these musings come about. This one, was brought about by something that my yoga teacher mentioned yesterday about the moons and the tides and then something clients asked me about last night - "why are so many babies born at night?" - and then also when there is a full moon and turning of the tide?
My thoughts on the first are that it is all down to primitive animal instinct: Babies tend to be born at night because it is safer. Well, when we hadn't evolved it was safer, and probably for many other mammals in the world it is safer. Under the cover of night, a birthing mother can hide from predators and be less detectable.......only not with the blazing lights of the hospital and the leads from the epidural drip - anyone can find ya! However...........blah blah, long story shortened (a bit!), this then got me realising just what a tiny insignificant little imprint we are on the planet, how, despite the fact we think have some control over our lives, so much of what we do is already in place, organised and led by forces far outside our control. This is not to say that it has suddenly dawned on me, I have been aware of exactly who I am and where in the enormous picture I fit into things (I think!) but on an even bigger scale, with the classes I teach, encouraging women to take control and work with their bodies and their babies, much of what they will experience in labor is actually already in place for them from the second they conceived and neither they, their care providers or maybe even the baby, has a say in it.

Yesterday I heard of the Tornado in London - who would have thought it. A street in North London severely damaged and looking like a street in the mid west of the States more than Kensal Rise!! I was heartily glad to hear no one was hurt mind. But there you go, out of our control (well unless you want to start the discussion of global warming and how much we are actually creating this change in the weather systems). R. is very keen on getting permission to erect a wind turbine when we eventually move back to the UK. Obviously not in our house we have in the UK right now, but if we decide to renovate or find a suitable property, then we may try to move over totally to wind and solar power. He is also wanting to change to a Hybrid car. We can't do without the car here unfortunately as we are in the sticks, but at home, we may find we can reduce to one car. http://www.ucsusa.org/global_warming/solutions/ten-personal-solutions.html


To lighter things -

Tonight we are at Richard's work do - the theme is Casablanca - I am so stupidly excited ( I don't KNOW anyone there, but hell!!) it is a black tie affair and I have the opportunity to wear a "frock" yay! I think the last dress up frock I wore was my wedding dress!! Last year we missed the event due to a huge snow fall that night and my insecurities on leaving the children and then not being able to get back. Of course, Murphy is at work today, it is 12F, bitterly cold (yesterday it was so warm we picked up T from school in the afternnon without coats!!!!!!!!!!!) and it is desperately trying to snow right now. Bugger it, I had me hair done, so it'd better not snow- well either that or I had better get the sledge out of the shed, he can pull me!!!!!!!!

Savvy! Savvy?

My task of the day today is to come up to date with the 21st century !! For quite sometime now R. has been trying in vain to get me to lose my huge paper diary that is my life, containing all my addresses, dates, contacts blah blah and update to a Palm Pilot type of thing so that we can then syncronize our diaries, send e-mails portably etc. (as you can see, I am not up with this, so the lingo is probably far from correct lol!)

My shoulder alignment from lugging around my filofax, has finally been what has made me see sense! I now have an early Christmas present and naturally, all the hours in the day to figure out how to use it! I suppose it is as with everything, 15 years ago, I could never imagine not writing everything down using that little ink stick! today, I type just about everything, my life is now on the computer I suppose, so i guess it makes sense to make the move from pen to stylus!

Of course, there are still going to be the things I will miss about my big black book, the fact that it not only holds all the info I need, it also carries photos of the kids, post it notes, business cards, leaflets of useful things - okay, lots of junk too, and there is no where on my palm pilot to store that! But I guess I won't miss the need to visit a chiropractor to re-align my spine due to excessive weight being carried on my left shoulder!!!!!!!!!

The season of festivities has arrived here, well actually, it arrived the day after Thanksgiving. We are seeing more and more houses decorated already, Christmas trees already up, wreaths on doors and windows and half the shelves of Stew Leonards already empty! What is it that makes people feel the need to start so early? Bah Humbug I am not, I am as excited as the next person, but I have no desire to put up a 20ft inflatable snowman on my lawn just yet (well, actually at all.......but then that IS the bah humbug in me!!) nor fear not being able to find a 300lb turkeyphant to grace my table (after all, the woods are endowed with the buggers!!!) and reduce the smalls to gibbering wrecks because they can't cope with more than a week's worth of build up and excitment.

I am gracefully saved from the cries of "but why???" when asked why the tree isn't going up yet, by R. thoughtfully having his birthday next week, so we have always had the tradition that Christmas doesn't start until AFTER Daddy's birthday and thankfully with the lack of much tv viewing, I don't have to suffer too much "I want" just yet for the latest X-box (or Play boy - as I managed to reduce the school parent's lounge to tears with last week, getting myself muddled over Playstations and Game Boys - oops, see it is that lack of technology screwing me up here!) I know it will come eventually, I don't intend to keep them from it forever, but for now, at 6,4 and 2 they are happy with models, jigsaws and more traditional toys, there is plenty of time for them to become savvy with the latest technology!

"Don't lose your temper......no one else wants it!"

Yesterday T came to me before school upset that he had a pile of work that he hadn't finished yet. His goals for the week seemed daunting to him and I think he felt overwhelmed and unsure where to start. We sat and talked for a while about things he might like to do, break it down into 2 pieces each day, bring some home etc. I explained that even now I have to make lists daily for the things I need to do and often I don't finish all the work I set out to achieve. Other things crop up or I get distracted. I think he felt more positive, he certainly seemed happier last night. It is so important to achieve even small things and yesterday I achieved a pose in yoga (Bakasana) for the first time. It was such an achievement. I have only been doing Vinyasa yoga for about a month now and each time I go, I know I have psychologically set myself goals even if I don't acknowledge them out loud. I know I want to push my body that little bit further, that evening, with that goal successfully under my belt, not only do I now feel inspired to practice it more and more, I managed to write 2000 words on my assignment!! Today my goals are far less challenging, but no less important. By setting small targets, it opens up the opportunities to achieve and feel good about oneself.

Recently I read about the power of laughter. Believe it or not, there are some people who run laughter workshops. Now I enjoy a laugh as much as the next man, but the thought of being made to forcibly laugh in a room full of people really puts the bejezus into me! However, I decided whilst driving the children to school yesterday to at the very least try to force myself to smile at nothing. So while I am grimacing (hopefully unobserved by passing motorists!!) this sign appears on the side of the road: "Don't lose your temper........no one else wants it!" Well, what fun! I not only smiled but laughed out loud, which in turn caused the children to laugh too.........laughter is infectious! I am not converted however, I will still not stand in a room of chortling hyenas laughing over the fact that there is nothing to laugh about, I AM going to smile today at absolutely nothing, and if I can't think of nothing, I will at least remember that by smiling it will difuse any situation that might drive me crazy with the children!!

Go on........give it a go!!!

"If you like orange poop!"

Happy Thanksgiving!

What do I have to be thankful for? Well, amongst many, many other things, I am thankful for my family for being guinea pigs to my culinary compositions! and the honesty of my elder son at his chosen times.

Today, like many others, I have decided to "jazz" up the cabbage and the bok choi and have added a twist to the traditional pumpkin pie!
The former two went down well as we sat down to a Thanksgiving meal at the "posh" table. The kids have come to expect great things when we sit down to a meal at that table. We didn't have the traditional bird, instead I did Nigella's 24 hour pork, (requested once a year by my dh!!) which was somewhat cut short by the flipping oven having a 12 hour automatic cut out switch. Hence this morning when I awoke to the somewhat less than aromatic scent of pork, the oven was only luke warm. Not a prob with a smaller cut of hog though...

I am never one, however, to do things simply. To cook a simple, plain pumpkin pie is boring! So I decided to jazz it up, using real pumpkin from our October 31st efforts and then a cross 'tween a lemon meringue attempt, admired the finished product. Served hot with vanilla ice cream, the kids tucked in as I served up some for R. in the kitchen. Thinking he couldn't be heard, my greatest critic responds to his brother's question of "how is it?"

"It's okay...........if you like orange poop that is!"

Bugger! Better stick to the recipe next time!

The world according to children

"What is the sun?"

"I don't exactly know the science, perhaps we can look in that book you have about the sun?"

"Well I know what it is! It is a huge ball of fire."

"That's right!"

"It started off on earth as a planet, then some people put it into a cannon and shot it into the air and it became the sun."

"That is a great idea, we will have to check if it's true."

"No! Maybe it is God"

"Well, some people think he may have created it."

"No! I mean........maybe God is inside it!"

What can I say???

Bloody balloons and "Sober Tooth Tigers"

I love the Bronx Zoo. I don't know why as I am not a fan of caged animals, but this zoo has to be seen to be believed. The drive in in itself is fascinating, you come from the parkway into the Bronx which consists of a lot of high rise flats and marshy areas. You can't really believe how a zoo this big will fit into this area, but it does. It is one of the better educational zoos for the children too, particularly along the lines of conservation of not only the animals but the world. The exhibits are hands on for the children, full of really scary and unerving facts such as every minute 150 acres of rainforest is destroyed!! and the animals are living in large enclosures with many enrichment activities to ensure they are not just "rotting" away. You feel you really are getting your dollar to the right place.

Anyway, we decided to go there today as a treat for I's birthday yesterday. We last went in March this year, so it was actually fun to go when it wasn't so busy and some of the animals were in their winter enclosures inside too and we felt that we really got to see the animals rather than someone's elbow or coiffure!

The boys like to follow the trails and feel like they are stepping into Asia or Africa in the various trails. On this particular visit however, we have noticed a large yellow wildlife warning sign with a picture of a tiger as we approach the tiger mountain; W. yells out at the top of his voice "watch out! Sober tooth tigers are here!!!" of course, we all fell about with the images "jusssh fillllsush up wiv anover!!!"

It has been a somewhat calmer day than yesterday when we were awakened at "stupid hour" by the eldest of our children who wanted the youngest awake opening her presents - not a good start! The day didn't really progress much better. We had to fetch the food from the cafe, then pick up some balloons which I had ordered; whilst in the shop picking up the balloons T decided he wanted a balloon and his granny had said he had to put it back. Minutes later however as I am loading into the car, the shop assistant comes out after us asking us if he would return the balloon - I had no idea he had picked it up again, however, he was making no effort to hide it either!! Whether or not he had meant to steal it or had just expected me to pay for it, either way, he had taken it and he knew he was wrong and I was not happy with him at all. We drove home in a less than somber mood as you can imagine to the dulcet tones of the food thudding down between the seat and the back ledge !!!!%^&**)_*)!!!!!!!! Fortunately nothing was spilled, however, the gorgeous presentation was a little scrambled and my mood was deteriorating further!! I explained to T that as a responsiblity for his actions, he would have to tell his daddy what he did.....which he accepted and did, in the interim I burst one of the frickin' balloons on getting them out of the car grrrr! Well you know me and loud noises.........bloody helium sounds like a shotgun!!

Anyway, the party went ahead without hitches (fortunately!) and R took me out to see Casino Royale later that evening putting me back in a relaxed frame of mind (if not a little racing after seeing Daniel Craig with his kit off yum!)

Finally, what is it about children and telling jokes? T, at 6, is starting to have an interest at the moment in jokes, he is keeping tabs on some fairly funny ones. His newest is: "how does a farmer count his cows?" - "With a cow-culator". Most of the time, he tries to make them up and they lack any form of sense, not to mention humour he also feels obliged to ask "do you get it?" and then proceed to explain the "connection"!!!. His younger brother at 4 is even worse, except for the odd occasion where he may not have gotten the hang of a joke per se, but he can certainly make us laugh. His follow on to T's cow-culator joke was "how does a farmer count his goats?" "with a goat-ulator" All together - "uhhhggghhhh"

Mothers, sisters, daughters and girlfriends

What is it with the female species that they have this desperate need, some of them, to stick the needle in and twist? My blog this evening is covering two separate situations, one that is directly affecting my life, the other not so at all, other than I know the "persecutor" and cannot believe she is so shallow.

I suppose the ramble begins with T. and his stage of development. He is having one or two insecurity issues since he started at Elementary this year. I have been working hard to try to hear him out and help him deal with this. It is unfortunately manifesting itself in some rather unwanted behaviours and, if you have any advice, I would gladly listen!!

Ever since he was small and started to interact with other children, he has always gravitated towards girls. He has never been a particuarly testosterone fueled child wanting to play soccer or even ride a bike. He has preferred more sedate activities, reading, lego, his drama club etc. I have had no concerns with this what so ever, other than the fact that I did feel that he may find it hard when he gets older as girls tend to move off on a tangent from boys (and vice versa). After all, boys are smelly and loud (LOL!!!). Girls seem to form more of a tight knit best friend (albeit changeable by the day!) relationship, whereas boys are less this way inclined (this is my general observations, not hard evidence!)

My fears have been somewhat recognised as he is discovering that girls are no longer wanting to "play" with him or hang out with him as much as they used to, yet at the same time, he doesn't always fit in with the sporty bunch, although he seems to have a group of aquaintances who slap him on the back or say "hey" in the corridor (ugg me man!), so I don't feel he is in "isolated geek-dom". The issues of course that he now faces are:

1.rejection,
2.lack of understanding of their emotions and in turn having the ability to deal with them, having a totally different brain make up
3.not really knowing where he fits in,

to add to that he has always been the eldest in the class what with the move two years ago too and now suddenly he is the youngest. I don't think in the long run this is going to do him any harm whatsoever, in fact, if he can start to understand this change, it will only serve him well. However, how to help him understand the feminine psyche is another thing altogether!!!!!!!!!

Aside from this, part deux of my situations about girls;

I sometimes log into some of the UK mothering web forums and have done for a few years now, more being nosey, but also as an old friend hangs out there and it has been nice in the past to drop in. However, I have recently been utterly surprised with the behaviour that is starting to become more and more apparent with her. Most recently she seems to have decided to take it upon herself to "out" another mother on the website who has maybe lied, maybe stretched the truth, maybe just feels she needs to convince herself that she is having another boy (her 4th!) when it has been common knowledge that she wants a girl. I don't really care much for the situation and don't feel I am in any position to comment on the pregnant mother's situation having not known her. That said, the "friend" has publically scathed her, called her a liar and is, to be honest, stalking her! I have no idea what is driving her right now other than to say that I am pretty glad she is no longer in my life. Not only that, she has stated that it is innappropriate to lie on public forums to the rest of the "community", having herself in the past, quite blatantly lied and USED that lie, that she is a trained breastfeeding counsellor, (which she isn't). I suppose I am doing no better by talking about it on here, other than to say that I think this blog is far more private than one of these forums and it is a beautiful demonstration of the complexities and oddities of the female mind!

My current reading is taking me to "The Minds of Boys" by Michael Gurian. I would highly highly recommed this to any parent of sons or teachers. It is a great book, both reassuring on the one hand and informative on the other. For me, it has started to connect together some of the thoughts I had had in my mind and some of the observations I have made with the boys. It is making me appraise the ways I speak to, spend time with, play with, discipline or even set up the evironment, for my boys. If you need an idea for a Christmas present for someone with boys.......now all I need to do, is convince R to read it too!

Does it hurt?

OMG!! Why do people ask such stupid questions? Yes, whilst you poke my gums with a metal stick and cause them to bleed it IS going to hurt and I AM going to flinch or react to it! and no I don't think it is because they are particularly sensitive I just think it is because you are POKING THEM CONTINUALLY WITH A SHARP METAL STICK!!!!!!!!!

This morning in Yoga I managed a handstand - I don't think I have done one of those since 1984!

I was put in somewhat of a predicament however, stand like a lemon to one side and watch all the beautifully strong and toned devotees do their handstands, or, when the class assistant (may I add an extremely handsome, mysterious and sexy looking man!!) offers to hold my legs and put his fist between my thighs (apparently it encourages you to pull in your thighs and strengthen and straighten the pose - yuhuh!?) do I agree? I am running the risk of kicking him in the face (or somewhere else even less agreeable), collapsing in an ungainly 100 and something lb heap on the floor at his feet, or worse still....you can fill that in! However, I feel that sense ran away from me and I agreed! Fortunately, I think the spirits that be were looking out for my dignity and, luckily for him, not wearing the same short skirt and pink knickers I was probably wearing in 1984, (thank fuck for that!)I manage to draw myself into Adho Mukha Vrksasana, continuing my Pranayama (and prayers at this point in time believe me!)for a whole 40 second pose!! Wohoo!!!

Oh and while you ask - yes it hurt!!

Fitting in

Coffee drunk : 1 large
Mood: Nonchalant
Yoga sessions this week: three!
State of home: disorderly demise!

God, if this was all there was to bother me, wouldn't life be simple!! It is Friday people, it is crazy day here at the Beehive. Friday workshop always leaves me feeling that I need more hours in the day, that I have more to say, not enough time for questions!
We have been at school since 7.30am this morning, selling tickets for a concert which the school are hosting as a fundraiser. I never know where I stand in these fundraisers. I like to help, but then feel a hypocrite cos I am not going myself to the event. I realise the school has to raise money and it is important, that said, these tickets are phenomenal and I really would rather put some of the amount of a ticket towards a truly needy cause! Then i shot home for the workshop, then back up to school cos it is a half day today and back for lunch and then we are due at the Doc's in a bit.
T. has a funny lump on the back of his knee. TBH it looks like his bone is at a funny angle. He says it's been like that since birth and doesn't hurt, but I don't know why I haven't noticed it before. Of course, all the horrid things go through my head, but I am sure it is fine so i will just get it checked to be safe.

I was rung last night by a doula friend who is trying to find a last minute doula for a lady. She was due yesterday (VBAC) and has just decided that she might need the assistance of a doula to help achieve the VBAC if at all possible. Apparently she is not getting the support she had originally hoped for from her care givers. I had to pretty much turn her down due to my own comittments, but left her my cell number just in case she went into labor tonight or tomorrow and hadn't found anyone. I hate to think that someone wouldnt have a doula at all if they needed or wanted one, but equally, my head was wondering why she decided so late on and was she really just wanting a doula so she felt she had someone on her side? It is such a fine line to tread as a doula. Part of my role IS that of supporter and advocate, BUT I am not there to take sides and in a situation like this, where a doula is hired last minute, how hard has this been thought through? Where does it become that we are the "scapegoat" for the unwanted c-section by the client, or the "meddlesome doula" who interferes in what is supposedly best for the mother and baby by the care givers? In an ideal world it is much better to meet clients well in advance and build up a relationship, just like a midwife would do. Anyway......I will let you know if I end up being called!
However, despite the hospital not being so supportive of her VBAC, they are going to induce her on Friday if she hasn't gone into labor naturally? Someone correct me, but my training always taught me that a contraindication of pitocin was a previous caesarean?

R. arrived back after a week in Greece at 2am this morning! Then his folks arrive later today and I haven't even made the beds up yet - can you tell I am bothered!! The yoga is working!!

Recipes and Reading

Today's task is to put my new recipes up for you:

There is a real mix here, granola, mushroom loaf and blonde macaroons.
As usual, my method of quantity is somewhat random and tends to be guided by continual quality control!! So please feel free to put your own measurements in along the way and be guided only be taste!!

Mushroom loaf:

You need: 1 onion, 2 cloves of garlic, parsley, about 12 - 14 mushrooms (I used plain old organic button mushrooms, but I think it would be spiced up somewhat with a mix of wild mushrooms!), cumin, broccoli (or your preferred green veg choice), a favourite spice (I used worcestershire, but you could use anything) salt and pepper, two eggs and pine nuts about a handful!

Chop the onion and garlic into fine pieces and lightly fry until golden
Meanwhile chop the mushrooms, broccoli and put into a bowl,
Beat the egg and add that, stir it all well
Add the now fried onions and garlic
Add the cumin and seasoning, then add the handful of pine nuts.

Press it well down into a greased loaf tin and bake at about 375F for about 20 - 25 mins.

Granola:

You need:
1/3 cup Flax seed, 1/3 cup sunflower seeds, 1/3 cup shredded coconut, 3 cups oats, 1/3 cup wheatgerm (or wheat bran), bran (if you have the wheat germ and bran separately), abour 1/2 cup of walnuts, almonds, pecans or brazils or a combination.



Dried fruit of your choice, honey, veg. oil, vanilla extract,

Put the first set of ingredients into a shallow tray or dish and gently roast in the oven set to 375F for about 30 mins, turn them frequently otherwise they will burn in places.

Meanwhile mix up the honey (1 cup) with the oil (1 cup) and the vanilla extract (1tsp) into another bowl and mix them up. When the nutty mixture comes out of the oven, pour this over it and mix. Then replace back into the oven again, this time for about 20 minutes, make sure you watch it though so that the honey doesn't burn.

When you bring it out, add as much or little dried fruit as you wish. When it is cool store it in an airtight container in a cupboard. It makes about 6 small portions and will keep for about a week.

Finally

Blonde macaroons:

this is a vegan recipe and is classified as raw as you only very gently heat them through ensuring nothing higher than 118 degs.

I used:
2 cups of shredded coconut
1/2 cup of ground almonds
1 cup of soy or coconut butter
1 cup of maple syrup.
1/2 tsp of salt.

This really is a trial and error recipe. The first time I made these, although the final product was fine, they didn't stick as well as I would like, therefore, it might be better to add a little more butter or maple syrup, but you must just experiment. I also think that next time I may put them into the fridge before the step that is to follow......

Simply, mix it all together in a bowl and press them into small balls. Put them onto a tray and pop in the lowest oven setting you possibly can get. You are looking for a very very light golden brown to them.

They taste yummy however and the children loved them as a snack. I didn't feel remotely guilty about putting them in T's lunchbox either as the sugar content was low and also raw.

Try them and let me know what you think!!

My current reading list is bizarre at the moment, it consists of a psychology book, a fiction book and a children's book!!
I am currently reading (or trying to!)

Childhood and Society by Erik Erikson
Living to tell the Tale by Gabriel Marquez (living in the time of cholera guy!!)
The Midwife's Apprentice by Karen Cushman ( this is the children's book!)

oh and I have as my spare continually "on the go" book - The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

I have just finished The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards.

Last Thursday I went to a talk at the school about the Elementary programme and one of the questions that arose from a parent was how exactly does a Montessori programme differ beneficially to a mainstream education. I just wanted to share this wonderful analogy and my own thoughts to that:
Imagine a dot to dot puzzle, you are given the numbers and the sequence, but not the connections, that is mainstream education. In Montessori, you have the connections and it is up to the child to make the dots: a young child in Montessori may not know the word square root yet, however, the child will know HOW to do a square root, WHY to do a square root and WHAT NEED there is to do square roots within the greater context of their everyday lives. In short Montessori is a holistic approach to education, the direction of applied learning skills rather than just lists of facts. I think this, for me, sums it up and I feel eternally grateful that we have been allowed this opportunity to submerge both the children and ourselves in this more organic way of learning and thinking. I only wish it were easier for everyone to do this and that Montessori principles were observed and studied during all teacher training courses. Of course the grand scheme of things is far more in depth than that and thinking is very broad and outside the box that for me, has been normal up to now, (ex-state/public primary school teacher!) but if you are ever considering thinking about Montessori even for a short time in your child's pre-school years, go and listen to some of the directors talk about the philosophy, I assure you, your eyes will be opened.

A calm drone resumes.......

in the beehive. Vent and anger have henceforth been banished to the doghouse (well he doesn't use it,) and aformentioned FIL's will find himself there smoted should my ying and yang be discombobulated during the visitation!

Anyway, to minor things and back in the mode of this blog - rambling!
Today my inner peace has been restored, I have managed to find a great organic veggie cafe to make some party food for Izzy's birthday. I have decided to do away with prancing ponies and fearsome clowns that will probably just reduce them all to tears and instead invest in some class A food rather than the usual contraband that they try to pass off in the supermarket as birthday fodder! I haven't got the time to make much myself this year due to himself being away for some time, and the innies arriving, not to mention my usual week of craziness before hand, so I have passed the buck.......and what a great buck too! I have managed to get a wonderful selection all with change in the bank too! yay! So now, all I need to do is the cake. But as this is always the same, much scoffed cake, year after year, I have no worries about this. All this will be washed down with a yummy berry smoothie, which I. pinched from me this morning and drank the lot !!

However, I think I may also try a new recipe which I will add on to the blog later once I have tried out the proportions this afternoon.

My application to join a children's literature writing course has been accepted, however, my feelings are not sure about this. Not for actually DOING the course, but more for how subjective and selective the process actually was, or is this one of these usual vying for business processes rather than judging on merit. They claim to do the latter, but I thnk before I part with any tuition fees, I will need to research them a little more thoroughly. They claim that you will have a manuscript fit to send to a publisher by the end of the diploma.......watch this space!


We experienced true Trick or Treatin' American style for the first time on Tuesday evening. OMG! We went with some friends dressed up (or rather NOT Marla!!) in our costumes. Every house was decorated to the nines, it was like Christmas, only halloween style, all houses were opened to the merriment with one house putting on a film on the side of their house and another had set up a full blown pizzeria/buffet in his drive.....it seriously had to be seen to be believed. The candy stash was enough to feed several small countries!!! W. bless his heart, was carrying around a UNICEF box trying to collect pennies too. It was sweet to see his little Mr Incredible figure standing as the lone child in a doorway after all the candy seekers had gone, asking for a few pennies for the poor children!! T. on the otherhand asked if the poor could wait until tomorrow, until after he had collected his candy......hmmmm??? I suppose at least one out of three ain't bad so far!