Sink or swim?

Last week I lost something.

I lost something that I didn't ever really have, if only for a brief couple of days.

I was enticed, by Hope.

She was standing on an island and I was on the sand, white, brilliant sand.

In front of me was sea, crystal clear, blue sea.

I put my toe in.

The water was so warm, so inviting.

Hope was there, shining a light and beckoning me to come toward her.

Slowly I swam.

I swam those crystal waters towards Hope, towards her light.

After a short while, the water began to feel colder, not the same as it did on the shore.

I hesitated, but reminded myself that often seas feel colder when you get in deeper.

Gradually a light mist surrounded me.

Through this mist I was struggling to see Hope.

I could just make out her light, but it was faint.

Then briefly the mist lifted and once again I saw Hope and her light.

But all too soon, she was gone.

The mist was thick, heavy, it engulfed me and sucked at my soul.

Panic set in, I couldn't reach the bottom of the sea, my feet trod the water and I floundered in the unknown.

Behind me I heard voices, on the shore.

I turned and swam heavily and with cumbersome strokes, flailing often, toward the voices.

Hands reached in and grabbed me and dragged me up on the the rocks and pebbles that were once pale sand. As they did, the rocks cut my arms and my face and my legs.

The sea water stung my body as deep reminder of my journey, just as the tears later stung my face.

My womb felt empty, my heart heavy.

The voices asked me if I was okay.

I was devoid of any emotion, I could not reply.

Looking behind me back at where Hope once stood, I could now make out her island.

Millions and millions of pieces, made up from women's hearts.

Shining, red and bright, on the precipice of this isle.

And standing out like a star on the horizon,

Was a tiny, new, fresh slice of mine.

Jollies and Gin Trollies!

I am getting a little too good at this hiatus thing! This could be in part due to being uber busy at the moment and not having so much time on the 'puter to blog the banal, or it could be due to the fact that I am losing my leetle grey cells again.......as it appears there is a small bun in the oven sucking them dry!

We have just returned from an ........interesting.......trip to The Bahamas. I say this as we were on a mission there to renew our visas, the choice of destination wasn't a choice for a holiday per se, merely the better of other choices outside the US for one week that spoke English, wasn't five hours ahead and wasn't 35 below! and after all, who can complain about being forced to the warmth of the Carribean for a week?

As I have said before, holidays are for the mad, the childless and the desperate. Queues, lost luggage, delays, missed flights, living things sharing the same bed at night (and this is after Mr Beehive and all small Beehives), cancelled trips AND mislaid visas, not much more one could pack into a week really!

Nassau, we felt, was a little "Marbella-ish" - but perhaps that is just our hidden snob popping its nose out or a sign we are heading towards the wrong side of 40 rather than the right side of 14!

It was riddled with cruise ship visitors and many, many spring break teens all delightfully drunk and loud, supping yards of beer from containers designed to match their own overbaked skin (I am sure I was never like this, nor will my children ever be....off to pop my head back in the sand!). Puke stains decorated the corners in strategic places and even the sellers in the straw market looked pissed off and too tired to barter! For the "other-end" of the market, there was Paradise Island where one could mingle with the likes of TomKat and Oprah, spend a night at The Atlantis Hotel in the $250,000 per night suite overlooking the cruise ships, drink Marguaritas on the locals' floating gin palaces or ride in helicopters to shop for extortionately priced diamonds and other bling.

But moans aside (which, were they to happen singularly, we would have just laughed at, but altogether does appear somewhat of a conspiracy!!) it was semi relaxing, very warm and pretty enough. The boys and I managed to feed sting rays and see a wild sea turtle (that was the highlight of my trip. I have seen one before, in Sri Lanka, it rode alongside our boat for a short while, but it never ceases to fascinate me when I see wildlife in its true habitat, particularly rarer creatures such as turtles!). Mr Beehive, however, saw more of the inside of the American Embassy than he would care to remember.

New Providence has some glorious parts, the outer islands and the sea itself, the coral reefs (a diver's paradise!) and some secluded beaches here and there, but there is a need to seek the rose amongst the thorns . We won't be returning in a huge hurry.

Seize the "teachable" moment!

Every so often in the Beehive we have a weekend that just needs to be written off!

This weekend was that one!

On Friday at school I was part of a group of parents participating in a Health and Sexuality talk with a nurse. In a very large nutshell, it was about how we can teach our children about sex, puberty, self esteem and the likes. It was an good conversation and I came away with some excellent info, the most important was the ceasing of "teachable moments".

Saturday was the first of those such moments. Not related to the topic by any means, but early evening saw Master Beehive the elder and younger fooling around (as so often happens after dinner); remember the "witching hour" when they were babies? Well believe me, that continues for as long as they are children, manifesting itself in different ways and in my household, that becomes the "mad half hour". Children running wildly around in all different directions and doing all manner of things - fueled by fuel in fact - whoever said that children's behaviour deteriorates when they are hungry hasn't been in The Beehive after dinner of an evening!!!!!

I am chatting with Mr Beehive in the kitchen whilst needlefelting my gnome (nah! not as rude as it sounds, think voodoo but with an end product - the stress relief is G - R - E - A - T !!!) when I hear a tinkling sound. You know when you hear something, you know exactly what it sounds like but your brain refuses to register that this is what it could possibly be because, if it is.....well that would mean the inevitable has happened........and that couldn't possibly be so - or could it?

Apparently yes!

Mr Beehive the younger comes running through to say that Master Beehive the elder has put a baseball through the window. You know, STILL not registering (and I haven't even had a drink!!) I am SOOOO slow on the uptake, that it is not even in my radar that he is telling me that his brother has just broken the lounge window with a baseball!!??!!

Suddenly the realisation hits and the red mist comes down.

I storm through, see the evidence and send him forthwith to his room telling him I will deal with him when I have calmed down. Recalling an example in a book I read a while back, perhaps Life with Boys or something similar, where a dad talks about the exact same scenario and how he deals with it with his 11 year old, I decide to draw on this and go up to calmly talk to him. Together we come up with a suitable reprimand, in this case, some of his pocket money to help pay for the repair (this is the one thing that hits him hardest!) and discussing the fact that his dad and I are not upset with the fact the window got broken as it was an accident and yes, he didn't mean to do it, but more that he was irresponsible and was playing with a hard ball inside the house.

Anyway, cutting a looooooong story short. This morning I am awoken by whispering and swiftly attaching my extendable-mummy-ears catch on that he has just charged his poor brother $10 for the priviledge of entering his room!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously if it wasn't funny, I could have swung for him. He was dutifully ordered to return the toll!

So, teachable moment number one!

Teachable moment number two came on Sunday at breakfast time. Sitting down to scrambled egg we got onto the topic of the chicken and the egg and the fact that they lay eggs and we don't have eggs.

"But we do!" says I

"Where? We are mammals!" asks MB the younger

"Well mummy has eggs, like a bird really and they need fertilising with a seed before they become a baby"

Mr Beehive looks ominously at me! Ignoring his look, I am empowered after Friday.

MB the elder says

"Daddy has the seed"

"There you are!" I say, gleefully ! Woohoo that was easy!!

Silence

More silence

Then

"Well alright but how do the egg and the seed get together?"

Mr Beehive smiles a kind of smirking smile, the kind that says - ha ha now you did it!

"Sex," says I............

Thus endeth the second teachable moment!

So what with an abundance of teachable moments, and a childbirth class at school that found me on the floor of the school music room with a large blue ball between my legs (make of THAT what you will!) this weekend only had to end with one of them falling sick.

Poor lamby LMB! She is flushed and hot and feeling decidedly sick. I returned from the class at school to find her asleep on the sofa and since then she has been in the sling as I try to cook the dinner.
-
-
-
-
-

Which the bogging dog ate the left overs of, so now I have to think of something afresh for dinner tomorrow night. Something that doesn't involve ANY teachable moments methinks!!!

Golden Potty Awards!!

The worst parent of the week award goes to...........



.................drum roll...................................



ME!


This afternoon LMB was somewhat desperate for the toilet. Why is it that girls who are desperate to go to the loo, leave it until the last possible moment, until that point whereupon their move from their strategic crouch on the floor will open the floodgates and send pee everywhere? Hopping from one foot to the other, she had managed to remove her dungarees (I know, very helpful for her, but these are the only ones she owns and she loves em!) but was wailing for help. Feeling compassion, I hoiked her up onto the seat just in time. I handed her some toilet paper and left the room, calling behind me to remind her to put her clothes back on.

"But I am wearing my knickers mammy."
"Wow, that was quick!"

I turn back to check and see her still poised on the porcelain pot and glance at the crumpled dungarees on the floor. I return back to sorting the washing in my bedroom.

"You haven't you silly thing, they are on the floor. Are you tricking me?"
"No mama, I have my knickers on"
"But I put you on the pot......you can't have your.......... knickers............. on.........(*shiiiiiiiiittttt*)"

Realisation dawns, I leg it back to the bathroom to see her sitting forlorn, still on the toilet, trying to desperately remove her sodden undies, toilet paper in hand!

I expect she is now scarred for life!!

Mum's day / Dad's day

When I teach my childbirth and parenting preparation classes, sometimes I do an exercise called Mum and Dad's day, highlighting the importance of communication in the early days of parenting and how easy it is to misinterpret something that you don't see in reality.

So, I think I need to re-introduce this exercise into my own life:

Mum's Morning

6.15 Get up check state of hair and make decision not to wash it as there won't be time, have quick shower. Turn on computer to check e-mails later in day. Throw on clothes, fling hair into ponytail. 6.25 Go downstairs to breakfast chaos to find no Mr Beehive, LMB has poured milk into the apple sauce, Master Beehive the elder and younger are both gnawing on chocolate chip granola bars for breakfast and the dog is howling in the yard. Start by clearing up and reprimanding the boys for poor choices. Re-set the table and put on wellies to go and get the dog in before he wakes the neighbours. Toast bagels for the boys' lunch boxes and intercept argument about who stands on the stool to get in the way and then following fight with Mr Beehive the younger pulling the Little Miss off the stool by her feet! Get milk for Master Beehive the elder who has suddenly developed an accute inability to walk, remove empty orange carton from fridge and replace with fresh open one. Make bagels to discover no lunchboxes. Send boys to retrieve lunchboxes from school bags. Wash both boxes hastily and dry them manically, debating the second most important use for my hairdryer in a crazy household. Remind boys to choose their fruit, close their boxes and put them back in their bags. Load dishwasher. Clean table, clean children, supervise teethbrushing (a little too late)...........clean bathroom (!) Open curtains in various rooms, remove Mr Beehive's snack plate/wine glass from previous night. Open bathroom window as it smells like a duck's crack. Find Master Beehive the elder's school book behind the toilet. Pick up Master beehive the younger's glasses and hat strewn on the dining room floor. Continue up the stairs, meet Mr Beehive looking clean and dressed and unstressed coming out to pretend to be interested in the dressing process. Snarl at him, he retreats back into the bedroom and half heartedly tries to help me make the bed which I deliberately re-do around him to prove that it is too late trying to help when I AM ACTUALLY DOING IT! Put two baskets of clean washing on the bed to remind me to sort it into piles later for putting away. Make children's beds, open curtains, help LMB choose something to wear, chivvy along Master Beehive the younger. Retreive another library of books from down the side of Master Beehive the elder's bed. Wave off Mr Beehive, clean my teeth, put on slap, help LMB re-dress as she got to the loo too late. Print off important stuff for meeting this morning, remember I still haven't done the preparation for work on Thursday and write myself a list. Get sidetracked by the need to change as the Little Miss gives me a hug holding a purple crayon and draws on my jeans and then sidetracked further trying to trace the cause of a disgusting smell, finally realising that it is a dirty diaper that LMB did for me this morning at 5.30am which has been left in the bathroom. Give kids a 10 minute warning to get on socks, sweaters. Give 5 minute warning.
Go downstairs make sure lights are off, put on coat, collect together lunchboxes and bags and leave them on the stairs for boys, lay out coats. Notice that the laundry basket has been put in the kitchen and immediately get my hackles up feeling irritated that Mr Beehive thinks I need to know the washing needs to be done (*insert eye rolling emoticon!) Kick the basket!
Spend the next 15 minutes chasing Mr Beehive the younger into actually getting his stuff on and getting out of the door into the car. Little Miss in the meantime is down the garden, playing in the mud! Re-dress LMB for the second time this morning, check my watch, panic as we will be late and Master Beehive the elder will get a tardy mark and then blame me!!
Finally get all children into the car at 8.15 ready for school.
Get to school and realise I have left the photocopies on top of the pile of washing to be sorted in the bedroom!

Dad's morning:
6.10 Get up and go downstairs, pick up newspaper on way to bathroom. 6.20 Emerge sometime later. Put radio on loudly. Check blackberry. Empty dishwasher, wash up few items with back to children. Presume they are making breakfast, but can't hear or see them, still, think what a nice surprise that will be for Mrs Beehive! Check blackberry again. Take dog out to yard. 6.25 Come in and go upstairs. See Mrs Beehive has put on computer, go on few websites and download stuff to ipod. Shave, Clean teeth, take a nice long warm shower, style hair, cut toenails, dress. Notice Mrs Beehive isn't happy when she comes up, feel confused, help to make bed, pick up laundry basket on way downstairs to leave by machine to help Mrs Beehive. Get coat, briefcase together, check blackberry one more time before arriving at the office. 7.10 Say good bye to children and the wife, leave. Arrive at work, have coffee, settle into day!


Perhaps I should devise the "nine years later" game for my classes??!!

Diversion

Today's post can be found here http://www.athomewithmontessori.blogspot.com/

Oh and here is Master Beehive the younger after playing a game this afternoon with his brother called "You've got to be kiddin' me". This was apparently a forefeit!

Making sense of it all!!

Finally the finished dress!!

I think the Little Miss approves, which is great news!!

I start at the Waldorf on Thursday this week. This may all seem somewhat of a change of allegiance, but I have always felt that for the early years ie: birth - around 3, Waldorf is a wonderful environment for children to be in, so it isn't, I am as reinforced as ever about Montessori.

The group I am running is a parent and toddler group and we all work together in the room, making bread, doing handcrafts and observing the children, allowing them the freedom and independence to join in by first observing themselves and then participating. We also play games in a circle and share a snack together.

To me, this isn't too dissimilar to the Montessori environment that my children then moved onto bar the presence of the parent. I have often felt that this wonderful nurturing, parent-secure environment that is created for the first two or so years at the Waldorf, neatly merges into the need of the child to move onto more independence away from the adult and thus lies the prepared environment in the Montessori. I realise this is over simplistic, but I feel that there is some complement to these two very different educational methods as well as some very different ideas too.

This weekend I completed "The Silent Journey" at the Montessori. We spent the time observing all the classes (Toddler, Primary, Lower El, Upper El and the Middle school) in silence, reflecting on our observations. The second part of the weekend was spent being shown and being given the opportunities to use the materials in each of the rooms. It was a very humbling experience. I felt like I was almost being shown something forbidden as there was this strange sense of awe and almost loss looking at things that I had no idea how to use and then, after being shown how the tools produce the formula or results etc, having that real "a-ha!" moment! I have to say, I am actually envious of the opportunities the mini Beehives have at that school!

So returning to my original point about the morphing of Waldorfian ideas with the thoughts and philosophies that Maria Montessori had, I really feel that the idea of parent supported groups for babies through the time they would begin a toddler program, for me working in the Waldorf environment, neatly includes the need for attachment, the need of the child to observe the parent, the need to explore and be curious in a safe environment, the use of simple toys and the stretching of the mind, emphasis on sound and voice and a natural prepared environment.

Waldossori?? Not sure that anyone would buy it!

Mad Dogs and Englishmen

Crisp, sunny, winter day, what better thing to do than go to the playground and burn off some energy?

Only, not if it is 21F with a windchill of 18!!!!

One of my less intelligent ideas was carried out yesterday with LMB and Master Beehive the younger. Master Beehive the elder was on his way back from a camp-in at the Boston Science Museum with Mr Beehive, so I decided we needed "out"!! All children were suitably dressed in attire that would put the Michelin man to shame whilst I, in my infinite wisdom, decided that "clothing was for wimps" and donned merely a couple of sweaters and scarf, pair of gloves (and trousers too natch!) and of course, the obligatory shades, but no jacket or hat.

Such a nice day, let's go to the playground at the beach right?............. WRONG!

The playground at the beach has the wind at the beach and the wind at the beach comes gusting across the Sound at the beach. On pulling up at the playground, I notice lack of other human beings and excitedly tell the children they have the whole playground to themselves..........of COURSE they do, what other nutters would be out in this weather.............well, other than one family..............who were British.

As we all sat in the small pocket of sunshine drinking hot chocolate from a flask and eating ginger biscuits......we were the united front of English eccentricity.........you would have been proud of us!!!!!!!

On warming up my dead fingers, I managed to finish these next two projects which I am pleased with. LMB loves her new funky flares, and my sewing machine simply adores his new quilted cover (bastard, like he needed to smugly share that info with me after I had sat at the beach in the freezing cold!!!!)

Today we were going to make some bread for lunch as we are off from school, but last night the oven decided enough was enough! After ten years of service, he decided to bow out with a somewhat spectacular fireworks display running around the lower element! I think my slow cooker is going to step into the spotlight this week until the new kid arrives!

Oh and finally, I have a new job!! Just an itty job that fits in perfectly with my schedule. I will be running a parent and toddler class one morning a week at the Waldorf school at the bottom of the road! I can hardly call this work, making crafts and baking bread with lots of friends each day.....pah, I have such a tough life!!!

Saturday project

It is amazing what you can do with a spare couple of hours, some remnants of fabric and a pair of cheap jeans.....

My new toy arrived the other day and I have been itching to try it out. My head is spinning with all the ideas I can finally put into practice, so here is the first one which came to a total cost of $7.00 to make, yes, that included the jeans from the consignment store!!

My next project is the first of a few very early Christmas presents- bugger the January sales now - and then I am going to attempt a summer dress for LMB. Watch this space....

Anyone for knitted yoghurt?

In response to an e-mail received this week:





"I must have a word with you about this knitting obsession though - who knows where it could lead. I should hate for you to become lanoline dependant, spending increasing amounts of time sniffing and touching in wool shops and driving around the state in search of sheep to hug finally ending up in the gutter and throwing your life away. I think you should begin by putting a strict ceiling on the number of patterns, pairs of needles and balls of wool you have in the house at any one time. I will, however, give you a huge tip about the types of garments you should be creating for T, W and I (and more importantly R!!). You need to know that knitted swimming costumes, regardless of the quality of the wool or craftmanship, don't work. Please don't put them through the embarrassment of emerging like Persephone from the foam with a ton weight of 4-ply clagged round their knees and ankles suspended on flimsy shoulder straps. NOT attractive."






I wanted to have the opportunity to respond and say that I was not intending to make Mr Beehive too many horizonally striped sweaters with his initials on the front or knit too many all in one jumpsuits for my salsa dancing, gym manic mother. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind to think about bathing suits however, now there IS an idea............so


Frances - This one is for you:

I guess you don't want to hear about the arrival of my latest toy then???

The Frog Prince

Remember the scene in "The one with all the Thanksgivings" in Friends?
This was my own little Joey this afternoon!!





What a nutjob!

Am having a bit of a writer's block at the moment. I hope to be fully recovered in the next couple of weeks so ..........put on the kettle, but don't go anywhere!!

The Business of being Born

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DgLf8hHMgo

Finally!

Look at the faces of the docs when asked how often they get to see a natural birth - they look like they don't even understand the question for a second!!!

Out of Hibernation

Early this morning, sometime around 6am, Mama bear was awoken by the padding paws of Father bear crossing the den toward the "great outdoors". Sleepily she snuggled further down in her nest pulling in baby bear closer for warmth, content that her other cubs were still snoring peacefully. The gradual light from outside the den was evidence enough that hibernation was over........at least for this year!!!

The first morning back after the holidays always feels like a huge shock to my system. This Christmas we haven't had any visitors and so have been just the five of us, hunkering down in front of the fire most afternoons, playing board games or watching movies, or, in my case, knitting*. We have only ventured out for essential supplies (yes knitting needles were one of these essentials!), to go to "Stew Lemons" as LMB delightfully calls it (well daddy does this place - I can't stand the shop!), to attend a badly run NYEve party for the kids when we should have remained home (perhaps this hibernation period has made us particularly choosy over the types of things we head out for??) or to walk the dog. It has been great fun! Mr Beehive has been off work for a whole week and a half - nearly the longest we ever have him home at any one time.

It hasn't all been fun and games however, Little Miss Beehive and Master Beehive the younger (primarily, but with his older brother joining in for good measure now and then) have been at loggerheads on several occasions that has had me ready to pack up and leave home, we have had WAAAY too many games of Star Wars for comfort (Mr Beehive has been even been drawn in to "feel the force" on occasions and I have lost count of the times we have been subjected to "Mary Pottums" by her #1 obsessed 3yr old fan aaggghhhh!!!

*With regards to my knitting, that I took up last winter as a curiosity or loosely termed hobby more than anything else, it has become an obsession!! I have finished one dress for LMB and nearly a cardigan this holiday and the sweater I started for MB the elder is in its last stages omg! I am already slavering over my next project (a cute hat with pigtail holes for my niece!) and the sordid thoughts of rolling around on the knitting shop floor on piles and piles of beautifully handspun, dip dyed alpaca wool........ahhhh the thought!! Mr Beehive, despite approving of my safe and sometimes wearable craft, is amazed that the cost of a button these days! It isn't my fault, the shop lures me in, sucks my inner soul (and my credit card), my good sense and feeds me patterns that say "simple", "easy", "any numptey can do this one" and then the profur these gorgeous bamboo needles that feel so ooooohhh! and the wool - ahhhh! - don't even take me there - I think I have moved over to the dark side, perhaps I should start trusting the force too?? - but it may be too late for me!! (of course, this obsession will only be understood by a fellow knitter - to all others of you I will appear like some crazed, unhinged person with an unhealthy attitude to playing with sheep offerings!!)

Now we are in a new year - funnily enough it doesn't feel any different to the last one so far, but there is nothing like an opportunity to tweak a few imperfections or have a good clear out of stale stuff, not that I am one for resolutions anymore, they don't tend to get much further than the 4th before they are broken or in serious disrepute!

So my only New Year's resolution this year is to not have any resolutions then I can't fail!!

However I do wish you all the largest dose of health and happiness throughout this year!!!!!







Yours 2008ishly
The Beehive

Raindrops on Roses and whiskers on kittens...........

So what were YOUR favourite Christmas gifts this year? Did you secretly love the sweater that Great Aunty Mo knitted for you in lime green with a picture of a cat on the front? Or that 9785 piece jigsaw of your front lawn in full greenery? Or how about that really great book on Ineffective Political Leaders of our time in all its 4,000,000 pages!!!!!!!

In the Beehive there are really few rules as to what makes a good gift, most of them set by me:

1. it occupies said person for more than 10 seconds
2. it lasts with said person for more than 10 seconds

Simple really!

Ours particular faves this year were*:

Master Beehive the elder - his Lego City that has kept him and his dad amused since about 1pm on Christmas day (I love pressies that amuse both child and dad!! you really feel like you are getting your monies worth - there should be a government health warning on the side though - buy this gift and lose two family members for around 12 hours!!) We have a few more pressies that fit this category that we have lined up for the next few days in order to give mama time to knit or go to the gym and burn off that Christmas dinner!

Master Beehive the younger rather took to a bug catcher with a wonderful, battery operated suction facility. Even though there are no bugs to catch at this time of year, he has thoroughly enjoyed "catching his sister's hair" and sucking up little bits of grime to show me during mealtimes!!

Little Miss Beehive was particularly taken with a pack of Charlie and Lola playing cards - "I am ever so honestly playing a game of flip flop mammy, even though I really truly and completely haven't got a clue what I am doing!!" This too has kept her amused for quite some time.

For me there was a nice, lush black scarf from my mil (chosen by me however hee hee!) and an espresso machine from dh (which might be apparent from my jibbering post today!) I was also the delightful (erk! Should read delightED - but perhaps I am delightful too???) recipient of a beautiful piece of jewellery - I think he might have actually been sucked in by the adverts !! I just hope I manage to keep this piece where it is meant to live (around my neck!) rather than lose it somewhere into oblivion in my parent's ensuite!!

I feel a little sorry for Mr Beehive the eldest of all olds, as I bought him a couple of replacement sweaters (he has had a sweater cull recently!) because his actual present was a trip to Vermont earlier in the Fall. There ain't no easy way to wrap that up, oh and he has a daily present of ................. ME!

So now we are moving to 2008...........I wonder what the year will bring? Hopefully for all of you a happy, healthy and wonderfully fun year.

Mwah x

*disclaimer - this is not to say that ALL presents received this year were not wonderful, of the best thought and love and we are very, very grateful THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

A Christmas ditty

What did YOU do this weekend then?

In the Beehive, we have been preparing like many other families of school aged children, for the end of the term. Hence the baking has begun and I need you to keep up!

On the first day of Christmas Master Beehive said to me
I need to knit a masterpiece.
On the second day of Christmas Master Beehive said to me
Four Grandma's jumblies and a Secret Santa knitted masterpiece.
On the third day of Christmas Master Beehive said to me
Thirty choc chip cookies, four Grandma's jumblies and a Secret Santa knitted masterpiece
On the fourth day of Christmas the school rep reminded me
15 hot mincepies, 30 choc chip cookies, Four Grandma's jumblies and a Secret Santa knitted masterpiece
On the fifth day of Christmas Master Beehive said to me
30 more crunchy cookies!
30 choc chip cookies, 15 hot mincepies, Four Grandma's jumblies and a Secret Santa knitted masterpiece.
On the sixth day of Christmas Little Miss Beehive threw a fit
30 boggin cookies, 30 more crunchy cookies, 15 hot mincepies, 30 choc chip cookies, 4 Grandma's jumblies and a Secret Santa knitted masterpiece.
On the seventh day of Christmas Mr Beehive said to me
I need 48 cookies, 30 boggin cookies, 30 crunchy cookes, 15 hot mincepies, 30 choc chip cookies, 4 grandma's jumblies and a Secret Santa knitted masterpiece.
On the eight day of Christmas a little voice said to me
Don't forget the chutney, I need 48 cookies, 30 boggin cookies, 30 crunchy cookies, 15 hot mincepies, 30 choc chip cookies, 4 Grandma's jumblies and a Secret Santa knitted masterpiece
On the ninth day of Christmas the teachers reminded me
Where is the jelly? Don't forget the chutney, I need 48 cookies, 30 boggin cookies, 30 crunchy cookies 15 hot mincepies, 30 choc chip cookies, 4 Grandma's jumblies and a Secret Santa knitted masterpiece
On the tenth day of Christmas I said to me......
Sixteen bottles of vino, one pot of valium, seventy cups of coffee and one happy family!!!!!!!!!

So this evening I am putting the finishing touches to 160 cookies (well I couldn't make all those and not leave any for my gannets!) and sewing a button on a bag!

But I did manage to make this little number that I am proud of! I knitted this in Karabella Festival wool which is really fun if not a little tricky.

Hemorrhoids from Heaven!

No matter how old you are or what anyone tells you - toilet humour is always funny! I just thought I would share with you two delights that my brood came up with yesterday.

After picking LMB up from school yesterday lunchtime, she started the usual tribal loo hop.

"I need to go poo poo!" she declared "I can feel the bubbles popping in my bottom"

Needless to say I fell about (of course whilst assisting her with her request!)

Second incident was later whilst I was taking Master Beehive the elder to his school concert. We were chatting and I got him engaged by telling him about the meteor shower that is due on Saturday. I explained that these little particles were called Geminoids as they were passing through Gemini. He was really enthusiastic about this and rushed into the concert to tell his teacher and classmates all about this information.
Post concert I asked him if he told his teacher and if he had remembered the name of the particular particles.

"We-e-e-ll" he said, "I did tell them about it, but I got a bit stuck on the name. I couldn't remember, so I told them that lots of Gemarroids were falling into earth's atmosphere on Saturday".

I only thank goodness that he got the first letter correct - I have horrendous images of the preceding letter of the alphabet falling from the sky on Saturday night!!!!!!!

Talking of things falling from the sky; today we are off for an impending snow day.........I am pleased to announce that at 11.40am it has finally started! Upto 3 - 4 inches. I guess we are on for Piles of it ! (sorry couldn't resist!)

Tutus, monkeys and greetings of the season!

So, t'is nearly the season to be jolly, but right now we are being manically busy in the Beehive. End of the school year always brings madness to the nest, but more so during the festive season what with concerts, parties, trees to decorate, gifts to buy and send and cards to distribute. No wonder all the mama's are drunk by 11am on Christmas morning, they are so blinkin' knackered and amazed they have survived it all one more year. It is a sense of shock!

Friday was Mr Beehive's work do! The one day of the year that I don a party frock and I do like to do it with gusto. Trouble is, most years we have to contend with Mother Nature who has other plans for us. Naturally, just as she did in 2005, she treated us to a nice sprinkling of snow that began around 3pm. Normally this isn't an issue, but at the moment she is teasing with these flurries that are actually catching out the road salters. Hence it took Mr Beehive over an hour and a half to come 8 miles with the boys after their party and, fortunately, being the man he is, only 15 minutes to get ready to turn around and go out again. Our driver for the evening was Mr Doom who proceeded to enlighten us with information about the state of the roads, all the accidents, how the car we were in was not suited to the weather (oh goody!). However, it has to be said, Mr Beehive's work knows how to throw a damn good bash. Last year was a OO7 theme , this year was a masked ball..........Our christmas tree this year now has a theme "The Theatre dahhling" and is sporting all the beautiful masks that I delicately managed to remove from the event after a few glasses of vintage bubbly (well, they would only chuck them out, everyone else was doing the same and yes that is a pathetic lemming type of thing to do and no! of course I won't tell the kids that and yes, I do telling them not to be lemmings - Monkey see, monkey want and monkey was just a teeny weeny bit tipsy!!)

Saturday was Mr Beehive's birthday. We had a slow kind of day, got the tree and, much to the disgust of the children, put it up but told them they had to wait to Sunday to decorate it! We have a rule in the Beehive that Christmas doesn't officially start until after Mr Beehive's birthday. Of course, this rule doesn't apply to my need to play a little bit of Croony Christmas Crap on CD prior to this date - there's that boggin' monkey again!

Today Master Beehive the younger has begun tap lessons. He has been hankering after these for quite some time. So we have found a fun class for him to attend and he was unbeliveably excited, wanting to practice on our wooden floors the minute we got in with his shoes on Saturday. Today, however, he is a little more reserved about the whole experience.

"It is noisy and it is full of girls!"

If only Billy Elliot wasn't so fully of cussing, I would perhaps suggest we watch that, however, I will just have to convince him that the dancers from Hi Five started in the same tap lessons as him with all the girls and came out okay! I hope he gets over this and makes a go of it. He has such a good sense of rhythm and loves to dance.

Michael: So you're going to ballet every week?

Billy: Aye, but don't say owt.

Michael: Do you get to wear a tutu?

Billy: Fuck off, they're only for lasses. I wear me shorts.

Michael: You ought to ask for a tutu?

Billy: I'd look a right dickhead.

Michael: I think you'd look wicked.

I think he'll do grand!

The end and beginning of an era!

Yay we have snow! Well, more like dandruff right now, but it's a beginning. The forecast doesn't look promising for it to stay which, has the advantages of the children being in school so I don't have to cancel my meeting tomorrow morning, but the disadvantage of the rush off to school and the lack of hunkering down inside in front of the fire.

I think we have reached unchartered territory! Mr Beehive, so it would appear, has a silent crush.....*gasps*. Tomorrow he has a female friend coming back for a playdate and dinner. He has been preparing for this event ALL week, to the point that he has revealed some of his inner most worries to me to ensure the date goes well.

I have been served up a list of duties I need to perform before and during this date. Firstly I have been banished out into the snow to clean out my car!!!?? then I have to serve up the specifically requested menu of gluten free noodles with tomato sauce and butter (if she is allowed to eat dairy on that day) followed by.....a dessert (something that in our house consists of either yoghurt, fruit or occasionally ice cream. I remember an ex-boyfriend's mother always serving that same choice up for weekday puddings every time I went over.....and here I am, doing it myself with full recognition and kudos to her, that after 8 years of trying to be inventive and creative for children's meals, I am exhausted with the main course, so puddings are relegated to weekend treats!!) at dinner time!!???
Normally a playdate in my son's opinion consists of lots of charging around the garden, climbing the trees, generally getting filthy (not caring about the state of my car interior) and then some hot dogs and salad for dinner........this is a new realm for him (and me!)!!!!!!!

Finally, he has asked to have his hair cut!! Now this is serious. Naturally I am saddened that he wants to shed his gorgeous long white blond curly locks.......and HE is serious because when I offered to cut it for him, he requested that he be taken somewhere "proper" with "experts" (not remotely offended of course!). So this afternoon we are heading to my stylist whom I trust to listen to my motherly whinging and whining and give him a trendy, floppy.......*short*aaaggh it hurts to say it...boy cut! Oh and she won't laugh at me when I ask for the hair in a tupperware!

Now I take my leave to mourn!

Turkey Time!!

I'm a slacker I know!


Thanksgiving has been and come and I haven't updated my blog.


So what to tell? Thanksgiving was......well Thanksgiving. Turkey, trimmings and hours of preparations all to be quaffed in half the time under the disguise of alcohol so it never tastes as it ought anyway!!! Of course, it is a far bigger thing to the Americans than it is to us (one of my dear friends was up at 5am shoving stuffing up her turkey's bum - now there is the first difference - I don't DO 5am and turkey butts, my style of cooking is always and shall always remain "It will be ready when it is ready and I am a vegetarian so I shall cook you meat but a refuse to venture to deeper depths!!") but I do like the idea of a celebratory day to give thanks for the harvest and our fortune at having food on the table (I know this isn't the main story behind Thanksgiving, but it works for us aliens!!). However, it always amuses me how people have to shop like it is the end of the world on these events, argue and hustle each other in the supermarkets over the last gallon of milk and then complain afterwards that they have WHAAAAY too much left over and they don't know what to do with it???!! For me, that kind of defeats the object of being grateful for being fortunate enough to have food on our plates only to then chuck half of it away afterwards. We only have one small container of leftover turkey in the freezer and I made turkey and veggie puffs with the leftovers for the day after Thanksgiving. Other than that, we are all out of leftovers.

This year I was on call, so was expecting to get to the point of putting the bird in the oven only to be called away...........fast forward a week and my client rings me to say she has had the baby. It happened so smoothly she didn't feel the need to call at 2am......so good for her and a teensy weensy thank you for not waking me up!!!!!!!


Instead Mr Beehive was able to leap on a plane last minute and hop over to the UK for his grandmother's funeral. Naturally, things always happen when Mr Beehive is out of the country, this time I came down with some unknown stomach bug and the Little Miss fell off the second to last step of our wooden stairs and tried to stop herself.....with her teeth!!! Fortunately she hasn't lost any, but we now sit and wait to see whether she has destroyed the nerves and ends up with a black tooth permanently or not.

Last Saturday, Mr Beehive and I went into the City for the day. We set off with an agenda that half an hour into our jaunt we had ditched in favour of taking off our watches and just wandering. I have always said that NYC is not a city that you can get lost in and just stumble upon stuff like London is. Well, that might be the case to an extent, but if you know where to wander, the architecture and diversity is stunning. The buildings always amaze me, so Gothic and 1920's classic, so tall and vast, so intricate:



Battery Park



Buildings near the Courts.

The Woolworth Building

The Flat Iron Building

We spent most of the day just drifting from Battery Park on the very south end of Manhattan up to the Frick on 75th st (?) near Central Park. It was so fantastic not to have any commitments, any reason to have to rush off somewhere, no lunches to prepare, no taxi services to provide etc. By around 4pm, after Dim Sum and a great reflexology session in China Town, we had gotten to The Frick Museum that Mr Beehive had wanted to see (I am not so much of a pre-Raphalite or Renaissance kinda gal) so we wandered in there for a look. Then later on we decided, off the cuff, to go to see the Bodies exhibition by the Seaport. That was so interesting. Mr Beehive had not been very up for it.......his squeamish side I think! Only it was far from squeamish, in fact you had to remind yourself that they actually were cadavers on many occasions as they looked almost plastic. It is a fabulous exhibition for anyone who is wondering. Really educational and informative and not at all gory. They have done an amazing job, the cadavers have been preserved initially to mortuary standards, dissected, soaked in acetone and then pumped with a kind of silicon or polymer and sealed in a vacuum chamber after preservation to maintain them in this permanent state. For the layperson, this is a great insight into how the body functions and also what a mess one can make of the body by smoking, drinking excessively and overeating. If you get a chance, go to one of the exhibitions, they are all over the world I think.

We now have our watches firmly back on once more to resume parental duties........Sir!!

What's lying under the floorboards?

It almost seems in bad taste relaying this tale (or should I say "tail"?) to you after my previous entry. But knowing how much Mop loved a funny story, I am sure she would have been happy to listen, so here goes:

On Friday the Beehive began to smell. No, not that leftover cooking/doggy/fire embers/washing type of smell that you get the morning after the night before, but STINK! as in rotten, festering, gagging type of smell. It was traced to our cupboard in the dining room where we have a false ceiling as well as many, many boxes.

This is actually my "Monica cupboard". The place in the house where I shove everything so that I can fool people into thinking that I can have lots of small children AND a clean and tidy house!!

On Saturday, the stench was so overwhelming that I set Mr Beehive and Father of Mr Beehive about seeking out and obliterating the cause. Of course, we all knew that it wasn't the smell of a child's diaper that had been missed somewhere, nor was it the smell of a peanut butter sandwich slowly petrifying in a lunch box, it wasn't even Mr Beehive's sneakers with his socks still in them from the gym. The owner of the smell was in fact, now deceased and it was his rotting little corpse that we were privvy to sniff.

To cut a very long story short - some three hours later and all the contents of the cupboard as well as all the contents of my boxes had been removed, searched and replaced, including the ceiling coming down (I did get a free tidy up out of this so am not actually complaining!). All of this was to no avail. The critter was still somewhere in the cupboard.

In the end FOMB, who has somewhat of a bloodhound sense of smell, came to the conclusion that it was coming from behind the wall!! Dontcha just LOVE wooden houses ??

The suggestions all pretty much led to one conclusion by now, that was to smash a great big hole in the wall............hmmmmmm riiight!

This house is rented, so we knew that was out, instead Mr Beehive decided to fill all the cracks he could find in the cupboard with some "Ug- Me-Man-sealant" you know the kind, rather like the Pringles advert - "Once you've popped, you can't stop" . We are now living in tropical climates as every hole he could find in the house has been filled with this expanding filler that he enjoyed playing with so much.....

However, twenty minutes later there are two sheepish looking grown men standing in my living room with their fingers stuck together..............yes............BOTH of them! The intelligence of men, still defeats me beyond belief!

Did I have any nail varnish remover? They needed the acetone.

Problem is, I only buy acetone free..........

Ten minutes later sees Mr Beehive and FOMB driving off up the road adorning pretty pink marigolds to buy - yes, obviously, nail varnish remover! I just hope they met someone they knew!!

As for the mouse, well he was never found and the smell is diminishing thanks to good old tea tree oil and Bicarb of soda! I just hope that Mr Beehive and FOMB at least find their ermaining dignity!!!