This morning I awoke.......prodding Mr Beehive I hissed, "Are we alone?" (poor bugger, thought his luck was in!). As it turns out, we were. No midnight visitors and no child to fall over asleep on the mattress beside me. I showered - for ten complete minutes, even enough time to remove the fuzz from my legs, still no visitors. Both Master Beehive the elder and younger came in with smiles on their faces to bid me a good morning and then proceeded to lay the table and prepare their own breakfasts with out beating seven shades of s**t out of each other. I actually fell over my mouth rather than the washing on the stairs when I came down to a peaceful kitchen.
Where in the hell was I? I have been having some rather odd dreams of late, so I was initially convinced that I actually was probably still asleep upstairs in some evil and vile trick of a dream! Or maybe I had passed into no man's land, dying in my sleep, and this was the one thing that I needed to see to "see it all"?
Giving the usual five minute warning, I was knocked over by all three (you did read that correctly) Beehives appropriately dressed, no Snow White or Samurai, most clothing on the correct way around and not inside out, minty fresh breath and combed hair. All three continued to the next level of my gratitude by putting on shoes and coats without fuss and proceeding to the car.......in fact I do declare I even heard an "after you...." - Nah! probably not!
Given that most mornings the five minute warning tends to take over fifteen to fully appreciate, we were all sat in the car in the drive in stunned silence at 8am wondering what to do next. Could we really drive to school this early? Perhaps a maths problem would be in order: If I had to drive 4 miles in half an hour, how slow did I need to go??? Did I need gas?? No!
Later on after drop off I went to get my hair done. We have a cocktail party tonight at school and I felt that the new Sporty Spice look from the 90's with the high scraped back ponytail, was a touch rough around the edges.
My hairdresser, Jennie, really should be named Midas. She can perform wonders and not only that, anyone who is prepared to let their fingers get remotely near my three day old, unwashed bar net, deserves a medal in my book! Anyway, as she left me with a stunning coiffure that even looked a shade or two lighter (perhaps I shouldn't be confessing that out loud!) I noticed that God, in his infinite wisdom had chosen that precise moment to press the "rain" button. I had had to park quite a way from the salon as they are having renovations carried out at the moment, so knew this was a disaster for the new Aniston wig!
"Do you have a hood?" Jennie asked
Shaking my head she disappeared to the back of the salon, returning with........... a nice plastic shower cap.
Weighing up my options: either a great poodle frizz from the rain and humidity, or a five minute walk through the town sporting the latest, hot of the catwalk, head gear.
Well, what can I say, I only hope that some poor old biddy was able to use that comedy moment to find their way to the other side having finally "seen it all"!
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