They F**K you up your parents.......

I fear this entry is going to be getting things off my chest that have been bugging me over the last few days.

First of all I feel compelled to mention how sad I feel that had I not miscarried back in March, our baby would have been due now. I can't mention it out loud in real life because........well, it isn't something you talk about! If you talk about a baby that never was...well, you come across as a bit "affected" by it all, probably depressed, you know what I mean (not how I feel btw, more how society views it), people don't know what to say to you. It seems sad that although our baby never made it to full term, s/he will never be determined by anything other than my memories - even Mr Beehive hasn't mentioned it. I suppose women are more attached to things than men can be? *shrug*. It isn't helped that we are now struggling to get pregnant again! I had read that most women who miscarry are generally pregnant again by the time their original due date comes around, I guess I am just not one of "most" this time, but it had given me hope.

My motto is generally that "life doesn't kill you it only makes you stronger" but sometimes, it just kills a little part of you. I am sure that our life right now, with all the uncertainty, isn't helping. I am just hoping that once we have some security about where we are moving to next and when that will be, everything will fall into place. That is tha attitude i am trying to keep right now at least.

My second rant of the morning (I am doing well, it's only 9.30am on a Sunday) is to the BBC headlines in the paper that declare than an "independent study" shows that boys are proven to be behind girls at school - even when they start at five http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/7674472.stm

This, I have to say, isn't new news, people have known this for years. But read down. Note the paragraph that says:

"Children with two working parents tended to do better than others. They were four months ahead on vocabulary and two months ahead on visual tests."

Now, I am all for encouraging parents to return to the work place if they want or need to, but is there not a smattering of this sentence that irritates you? So for all of us SAHM's out there, who are educated and interested in our children's upbringing and development, apparently, according to THIS piece of tripe, we are doing our children a disservice by remaining at home with them. We should be putting them in day care from the start whereupon they are going to be four months ahead of their counterparts, because naturally, we never communicate with our children, we don't bake, garden, draw etc etc and a nursery with two or three carers (maybe all between the ages of 18 and 20!!) to 8 or 9 kids is a much more educational environment?!

Of course, I am pretty sure that isn't what they mean, not least what they discovered. We are talking the outer realms of this, the parents that don't give jack shit about their kids' welfare who are at home on benefits probably versus the parents who have a norland nanny whilst they go out and work - not really your average picture!

I can't abide these "surveys" that, quite frankly, survey a small percentage of the population extremes and then print their "findings" in the national press (probably to suit the government so that more women jump back into the workplace a few hours after giving birth regardless, to ensure they don't fuck up their off spring!). I don't suppose for once there might be the opportunity to not have women feeling guilty for the choices they want or have to make.

"There are lies, damned lies and statistics!"

Finally, here are some of the projects I'm currently working on. The school is taking part in Save the Children's Knit-One-Save-One campaign this fall, so the everyone is frantically knitting newborn hats. No longer can you hear the sound of children's voices in the hall, all you hear these days is the clicking of needles lol! So, here is one of the four I have already made and the other photo is a new project I have started, my first bit of cable. It will be a scarf for Mr Beehive when I am finished. I love to knit in the evenings while I am doing something else, but unfortunately cable isn't very easy for me as yet, as I tend to lose my place, so this may or may not be completed before next winter!

Three-year old face off!

"My house is further than yours"

"No, mine is further than yours, we have to drive to our house"

"Well we have to drive to ours too, it's a long, long way" (bear in mind we are actually IN the car driving from said house!)

"Mine is a long long way too, very long long way"

"My dog is bigger than your dog"

"No, my dog is bigger bigger than your dog"

"No it isn't. Mine is a bigger bigger dog."

"Nooooooooo" (this child hasn't GOT a dog!) "Well, my mommy likes her house better than your house"

"Yes! My mummy is fed up living in our house."

Oh well - twas great entertainment for an afternoon, just as well I couldn't get the radio to tune in properly!

Getting life in perspective.

Well this week has been anything but dull!!

Last week we were all set to move to back England - we had a new, gorgeous house in the offing, a tenant on standby and things were looking up. Within less than 10 hours we were no longer looking to move to England, the tenant was refused her money from the council, so she has had to go and look elsewhere and the house we were hoping to buy is now a pipe dream once again! (Where DOES that phrase come from?)

I think this has set me up for my somewhat feistier than normal reaction to stuff this week: I have appealed against my grading for my final essay for my diploma *shock*, gotten involved in a dispute with someone on the internet and have just written a letter to Mr Beehive the elder's teacher asking to discuss his new policy of keeping kids in at recess when their work isn't finished.

I am not looking for a fight in all this, nor am I looking for some kind of selfish justice or retribution. I am just looking to be in control of that which I can have some control over.

I could allow my essay to be unworthy of the grade that I know it is worth because I don't challenge a point and allow my tutor to just hand me the same grade she gives me for every darned essay I write.

I could allow someone else's snap comments to go unchallenged because I am too intimidated or can't be bothered to get involved in the cause despite it being one close to my heart. If I don't challenge it I could then stick my head in the sand when the consequences of the snap comments lead to something that could have been avoided.

I could just watch my child suffer a new policy that has been put in place by a new teacher, or I could challenge it and suggest alternatives that could mean that all outcomes are met and everyone is happy and working optimally?


If I have learned one thing from last weekend when all this blew up in our faces is that life can be turned around in a nano second. Blink for a minute and you'll miss half your life or it can be whipped away from you in any shape or form. I know for many, many families worldwide, this last month particularly, that is just the case.

In the current climate it is very, very easy to feel pulled under, not just financially, but also with the weight of exterior influences - politics, global warming, money, housing etc. The problem is, if you let it get a hold of you, it doesn't want to let go. If you bury your head in the sand it will cover you up eventually and then you can't get free. I listened to a broadcast from the BBC world service yesterday and was, quite frankly, horrified to hear young teens and adults saying that they wouldn't be voting. They expressed no interest in politics or the candidates so would therefore not be voting, "it didn't mean anything to them", "it wouldn't affect them", "they weren't engaged in politics or the candidates"!!

Now, more than any time, is the time to stand up for what you believe in, use your vote, challenge decisions or things you don't agree with. Ultimately, life in it's naked and natural form, is mapped out for us and we can't do a blind jot about that, but we can take responsiblity for the things that are closest to our hearts and the things we do have influence over and do something about it before it's too late.

Yesterday I lay outside under a tree for half an hour. It was a glorious autumnal day. Have you ever seen the sky from under a tree, lying on your back? The leaves fluttering in the breeze, the sharp blue sky peeping through the turning leaves. The shapes of the branches, gnarled and twisted, each one totally unique and independent. I was watching things that were far more out of my control than anything I needed to worry about in my own life right now.

It put it all in perspective for me.

Phlegm and Phwoar!

How did it go? Well, put it this way:

1. I am very glad they decided to shoot on a location rather that at my gaff when there were over 30 people and god knows how much equipment in the room.

2. I am old - most deffo - old. Everyone, bar maybe one or two were at least 10 years younger - but, by gosh laddie, they were fit, phwoar, particularly the young man (you know the voice!!) who had to fix my microphone to my bra in order for the sound crew to hear me particularly loudly when demonstrating heavy breathing and using the word vagina *roll eyes* Luckily that day I hadn't decided to wear my bra designed by the ministry of defence as a spare bunker, nor fortunately the plunge version that tends to escape me (literally) but it was at least clean and decent!

3. My left butt cheek is NOT my best side, nor is my left ankle, but I fear this will be my dominant feature in the movie, but at least my socks didn't have a hole in them and yes, the birth ball does make my arse look big!

4. I could never be an actor cos it's boring! There is so much sitting around, lots of bossy sods and people shouting and not enough decent coffee for the snob in me.

Still, it was a fun experience.

Everyone here has been run down by the leurgy this and last week. First Master Beehive the elder had one of his rather dramatic asthma attacks - always brought on by the first of the season's colds, then he passed it onto Mr Beehive, who decided to take it to new heights. Many men I know, are those of the "man flu" category. Mr Beehive, however, is of the "work to the death, martyr type" just as infuriating. He has a tendency to get sick then refuse to get time off work, get sicker and then be feckin' crap by the weekend where he lies around feeling generally sorry for himself. I am not normally harsh and mean when he is sick, but when he refuses to take needed time off AND insists on going to a Yankee game and rolling in at midnight because "someone has to go" *Agggghhh*, the patience then wears very thin when he sleeps at the weekend because he is sick and tired.

Now it appears it is my turn, I can feel it there, lurking. But I am determined not to get it because I have to work this weekend. I can't be sick. This is a one off job. I have bought a large tray of satsumas and am drinking Emergency C by the bucket. So far so good!

It's Bee-llywood dahling mwah !

Fook~!

Do you know that book, "One hundred things to do before you die" The same book in fact, whose author died doing one of those hundred things, anyhoo, I have one to add to my book of "one hundred strange things that life throws at you to do before you are too old and wrinkly to do it any more". No, get your heads OUT of the gutter, it has nothing to do with being in the bedroom or reading too much of the old KS! But being an extra in a movie.............Okay, so not strictly an extra, I was hunted down for a part!! Guess that makes me less desperate than an extra eh?? lol!

My acting skills remain no more developed that when I had to fake a snog in our sixth form production of The Pirates of Penzance. I was no good then, in fact, it was probably not helped by the fact I was lusting after the Pirate King (or maybe it was the Pirate King's first mate!) rather than the good old wandering minstral who was doing his best to woo me. If he hadn't been about 5'1", suffering big time from Hallitosis, nearly bald (see, i am 5'8, so can see a man's monk spot!) and MY GERMAN TEACHER!!!!!!! .....well, who knows.........

Anyway, this time it may be easier to remain in character - and I don't have to sing, which will please everyone.

I am playing the role of.........wait for it...........A Childbirth Educator.........hmmmm!!

I have to be "on set" tomorrow morning at 7.30am (*yawn*) complete in my wardrobe. The issue is these guys haven't actually SEEN my wardrobe, which consists of jeans, jeans, maybe a hippy skirt or two, possibly one of those "I have to make an impression at parent night/interview/in-laws etc" type dresses, more jeans and lots of stuff that really isn't exactly the wow factor.

It can't be bright (that rules out half), it can't be white (that is the other half), well nearly, the "other half" is divided up into stuff WITH slug trails from babies past and stuff that quite frankly isn't allowed out in public, not least in public with silver screen lasting memory!!!

So...........what's a filmstar to do???

I have resigned to a pair of beige cords and a black fitted tee, guess I can't be more neutral than that.

So, deep down I am excited about this, I am slugging back wine right now, so I guess a little nervous (but then all actors have hangovers don't they, so that will make me fit right in.) Cybil Shephard is playing the role of the mother in this movie (but I doubt she will be on set tomorrow) so watch out everyone..........my name will be there.......on the credits, you know, the bit at the end that rolls up so fast and so tiny (if you've even stayed awake until the credits) that blink and you miss it - it will be MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (said in best Andy Serkis voice!!!)

Watch these Broadway lights!!!!

A Big Boob - aka Making a Tit of oneself!!

Okay, so you will have to go with me on this one. I have been up at a birth, got in at 3am this morning (told you Sod was out playing with his laws this week !!) and then lay there in bed with the lyrics of, for all things, the Beautiful South playing in my head until at least 4am??!!
Had to go out at 6.30am to pick up the bairns from my very dear friend who took them last night in the middle of the night - THANK YOU!!!!! Then to bring them back home for breakfast, scrub up and back up to school.

I then had to lead a meeting for the Parent Association this morning on faaaaarrr too much coffee and waaaaaay too little sleep. As I was presenting my part toward the end of the meeting we were running short of time. Fortunately for me having had three cups of coffee by this point, i was able to run off the points at lightening speed. Forgive me if I sounded incoherant at any point during this, but I promise to write up the minutes tomorrow after a full night of rest!!

Later in the day, LMB was due to start new ballet class. I am often a little nervous of all the yummy mummies that occupy the ballet halls in Connecticut. They are all imaculately dressed, skinny and yummy, I, however, am normally lucky if my jeans are the right side out and my shirt doesn't clash with the rest of my attire! However, today I wasn't worried so much about my clothes as I had dressed for the meeting!!

A friend from school who was also attending so I knew I wouldn't have to stand like a wallflower for too long before she would arrive and take pity on me!! We successfully dropped off our girlies for their ballet and went outside to chat. A couple of the yummies passed me and looked at me a bit oddly, but ..... well, I didn't pay much attention.

Part way through the conversation, having been stared at for just one to many times to make me feel comfortable anymore, I turned to my friend to ask her if I was being neurotic. As I turned, she kindly pointed out that I was baring my chest to all as my "pawsh" shirt specially dug out and laundered from the wardrobe of "clothing for posh events, interviews and occasions" had chosen to pop open revealing the fact that today was the day I had chosen to wear a plunge bra and was showing cleavage birds could nest in!

Summer vacation has left the building!

It has been a week of tide turning by all accounts - memorable moments, small and large.

First off, Master Beehive the younger has decided that reading is finally something he does want to do and has just taken off. I don't know if it is an age thing (probably!) or the fact he has gone up to Elementary (Year two in the UK). Either way, it's been pretty exciting this week to see him gather speed, rather like a snowball down a mountain and extend his vocab without much effort and do it wantingly. Now all I have to do is cross my fingers and hope the same enthusiasm is extended to his fruit and vegetable consumption! *sigh*

Second off Little Miss Beehive has decided to give up her vice! The Do-Do has gone! The Do-Do fairy came and took it away and replaced it with a princess doll!! This was all her own doing and choice. She is staying for three afternoons this year in the nappers programme at the school and after we spoke about her not taking her pacifier to the nappers with her, she decided it would be cold turkey time and proceeded to take her small stool, climb onto the counter, open the cupboard, take out the pot of do-do's and bin them! Just.Like.That.

Third off was a visit from an old school friend who is currently working in Uganda (actually read that as old flame *wink*) we've stayed in touch as mates for the last 15 years and he came over to the US this week to raise funds for Bwindi, the clinic where he works. It was a fleeting visit and maybe put him off having his own kids for life (for that I apologise *with a chuckle*), but we had a great time catching up. However, the evening was over too soon (you always know the evening is soon to be over when the bluuurrrkes get started on whisky - stay up much longer after that and it all gets incredibly maudlin!!)

Finally Mr Beehive went away this week to Dallas. So far (cling onto that wood for me!) we have had a serious lack of exploding dog arses, bin ravaging racoons, electric failure, car breakdowns, boiler leaks or packing in, floods or anything else that tends to come around when he goes away. Naturally the lights have come on the car to show that something has gone wrong there (I am doing the camel in the sand trick for now!) and I am on call so my mother-to-be is undoubtedly going to go into labour (everyone and his mother is on standby childcare duty!) but bugger it!! Stress?? Me??? Much??? The summer vacation was an absolute doddle!!!

Anarchy in the mac and cheesy troops

The Mama needs a life, the mama needs a life, High ho the derry-o, the Mama needs a life

The life is gonna come, the life is gonna come. High-ho, the Derry-O, the life is gonna come.
The holiday draws closed, the holiday draws closed. High-ho, the Derry-O, the holiday draws closed.

She loves her bairns to bits, but they're getting on her tits. High-ho, the Derry-O, the she loves her bairns to bits.





Thirteen weeks is just three too long. Ten we managed without incidence, without me losing sight of my sanity and without me needing to resort to alcohol or anything else!

However, the bickering has reached it's peak! Yesterday was the worst with them screeching at each other literally every 3 or 4 minutes.
Normally my kids are pretty good friends, but I think that there was a large element of tiredness from traipsing around NYC on Wednesday. Master Beehive the elder, who can normally entertain himself for hours, doing all kinds of nothingness and somethingness, actually declared a state of emergency yesterday!
yesterday he was................................





B O R E D !!!

What am I to do?
We have run out of recipe ideas, arts and crafts are running low, all trees have been mastered and climbed, there is lack of sun for the pool today, the games cupboard is running dry, jigsaws can be done with eyes shut......

And to make things worse, my boys have discovered Daddy's music! From the seventies and eighties. Apparently Mr Beehive the elder's favourite song right now is Anarchy by the Sex Pistols - i give up!

hey well, tomorrow is Saturday, Daddy can have them with Billy Bragg for an hour or two lol!

Lunchtime we have had a friend over for a playdate and he stayed for lunch. He is an avid mac and cheese fan. We are not American enough to do packet mac and cheese, I always make my own ( you can throw in a bit of garlic, a pinch of pepper and occasionally some decadent cream for added richness and whop it under the grill for a nice browned effect). In fact, it beggars belief as to why anyone would buy a packet mix, but there you go! So, Master Beehive the younger is trying to heatedly sell my mac and cheese ....

"You've got to eat my mom's mac and cheese, it's the best"

later

"You have to eat it, or at least try it..."

Finally the playdate relents he will indeed try the infamous mac and cheese

"Well?" asks Master Beehive the younger? "what do you think? do yu like it?" He is on more of a tenter hook than i am, it appears there maybe somekind of playground wars going on in the "Mom's mac and cheese"department.

"Hmm...." replies the playdate, nonchalantly "I've tasted better!"

I smile under my beard!

Meanwhile the conversation turns to careers when they grow up. Both Beehives decide they want to be chefs and ask the Playdate what he wants to be

"Not a food critic by any chance?" I ask, sniggering?

"No, I want to be the President." he announces, finally looking up from the plate and resting from shovelling in pasta.

Okay, so he's aiming high.

"Well that'll be lucky, as you'll be able to have your own chef to make mac and cheese just the way you like it" I say to him and his, now empty, plate

"Yuh huh!........." he mumbles once more head down, chomping his way through the second rate pasta dish "is there any more?"

Yay - one up to moi - Mom's mac and cheese ROCKS!

Babies and 'Broidery

I love my job! I love it when I hear about my clients having their babies and I love it each time an anxious mum rings me up and says - "I think my water just broke!" I feel so excited for them and so honoured to be called and asked for advice or help, or even to come along and attend the birth.

I think I have now clocked over 25 births since I first came to the US back in 2005 and have taught over 50 couples! That's around 75 babies - er...no make that 76 as there was one set of twins. I am now beginning to get repeat clients which is also fantastic, seeing them evolve from their first birthing experience to their second.

I am currently on call for a second time mama who had a four hour birth last time around! I hope I make it!!


Christmas Challenge!

Okay, so this is it. My Christmas challenge to myself is to use as much as my fabric stash as possible without buying further AND to make at least one gift for each family member this Christmas. I had hoped to do this last year, on my green and frugal campaign, however, this year we have more pressing need to be frugal, partly due to our potential return to Blighty next summer and having to cart all this stuff back and partly due to a housing situation that we are working through. So, I am trying to cut back on my fetish of fabric and yarn and finally pull out my finger and make those projects I planned on last year! So here are today and yesterday's efforts.

This is a cute barrett holder that I made this afternoon, it has wading and card inner to ensure it is firm and then the trimming is fixed at points. The barrettes then just slide and clip on. I popped over to a friend's house this morning for coffee, she has an embroidery machine! Eager to show me how it worked, we ran up some embroidered names!! I intend to make this gift up again for my god daughter.

This is a little lavender and millet filled beanie doll. Mr Beehive has a god daughter who will like this I think. I think I might actually make a little tooth bag for her and she can then be a tooth dolly.

Mr Beehive laughed at this one! Don't blame him really, but what do you buy for the couple that really have everything. I know they'll enjoy this over their Scottish Sunday Post and warm barm cakes!

Oh and this is a stealthy brag here! See the blue ribbon! This skirt won first prize yesterday in the local Agricultural fayre!! Watch out Hugh Fearnly Knittingstools - I'll be up there with my crotcheted onions one day giving you a run for your money!

Christmas Day in Summer!

Look how big our sunflowers got!!!

Okay, so there are:
127 Days 10 hours and about 10 minutes until Christmas day (well depending on what side of the Atlantic you are on of course!). You really needed to know that under a picture of sunflowers didn't you!!?!

This year, to continue the "Living green" theme (and to also help us with our finances as we are deciding to do something very radical for us....which I will tell you about when we are further down the line) I am crafting many of the gifts for our friends and family for Christmas. This is the reason for the early start.

I can't put all of them up here, as I know this blog is read by some of the future recipients, but for now there are:

A felt tipped pen case for my niece.

An apron for my MIL which was made using a vintage tea towel for the pocket on the front.

I am currently finishing off a London Beanie for my oldest nephew, youngest nephew has a gorgeous hand made wooden logging truck (not made by me!) and a drawstring bag for him to store all his toy cars in. My oldest niece has a knitting bag with bamboo handles and I will put in a couple of balls of wool and some nice bamboo needles to get her started on her addiction!

And finally, if anyone can identify what this flower is, found in our vegetable patch, it is pink and fluffy, in fact, Little Miss Beehive's perfect flora!

Finished Hat!

My first ever project on circular needles!! An adaptation on a theme, for I needed to add earflaps and a tie to ensure it stayed on her head, but overall i am really happy with it. Hope she wears it now!!

The Beehive menagerie

Yesterday was somewhat surreal.


About noon I was rung by someone who was looking for a Childbirth Educator. Not unusual for someone who IS a childbirth instructor, but rather than looking for classes they were looking for one and their studio for an upcoming movie!!!
They came over to assess my teaching space, asked if I would be happy being filmed (tis apparently a love story - I think my role may take place AFTER the lovin' bit n'est pas!!??) and could I provide three pregnant couples to sit in on "the class"!! Well, always eager to please and cutting a long story short, three hours later I may have signed myself up to my debut movie performance, I do hope I have place for my golden globe on my mantel!!!

The original hive diva though, Little Miss Beehive, would like to inform you that we are currently driving a "Sheep" whilst her painting is drying on the "Weasel"!!


Funny, I had sure feelings that the car we HAD been driving was actually a lemon!!
As if I don't have enough going on in my life lol!!!!

To be.... fashionable, or not to be....fashionable?

It has been an underlying question for years - "Nature or Nurture?"

I, on the otherhand, have a far more pertinent question as of late:

Fashion sense: Born with it or develop it?

Both my boys are just beginning to take an interest in their own clothing. Master Beehive the Elder hates shopping for clothes with a passion, but will endure flicking through a catalogue or indulge in some online clothes shopping to ensure he has items to his liking, preferably Boden plaid pants or ghastly sport type shorts!!

Master Beehive the younger and the Little Miss are, however, happy to accompany me to buy clothing for them and actually boyo has quite a reputation at school for his sense of fashion.

Master Beehive the elder struggles, much like his dad, to understand that plaid and stripes really don't go that well, orange tshirt and red pants are not the best option. He will need a good partner when he is older to help him with his wardrobe!!


Master Beehive the younger, however, seems to manage to just throw any old cast off that his brother used to wear and it lands on him with a somewhat ruffled and bedraggled cool style.



The Little Miss, just so I don't miss her out, is kind of a mix between the two of them: a kind of Fancy Nancy wear a tutu, over Pippi Longstockings stripey tights, with a funky boho sweater (actually probably more like me ho ho!) I definitely think she has potential with her developing individual style!



Their newest fashion interest has been their hair. Master Beehive the younger asked me the other night to cut his again, when we were finished he asked to borrow some of his father's wax that he then ran through his hair creating a fantastic style that looks somewhat older than his six years!! (and bugger me he also gets the cheek bones - in fact, both boys have those!)

On seeing his brother's new design, Master Beehive the elder, who has longer floppy hair (gorgeous, but not particularly style-able) decided he needed to do similar. He refuses to let anyone near his hair with a pair of scissors at the moment and yet hates it when it gets in his eyes when he plays his violin or sport (I actually did a David Beckham on him the other day with one of my elasticated head bands and it looks pretty kewl!). He also took the wax and blobbed a load in his hair and proceeded to try to comb it back......oh dear!! *sigh* I think we will need to work on this with him.

So, the question I put to you out there, does he stand a hope in hell that I can "teach" him some fashion sense, or shall I just hope he avoids the fashion police by meeting the next Gok?

As for my current fashion sense, it would appear it is CARS!!! Yes, my new car, that went to the garage last week to be fixed, was returned to me yesterday, only to be returned back to the garage with the same problem appearing before I even got it home. So I am currently sporting a black jeep in my driveway - they say black is slimming, so I hope if I stand next to it, I might lose a dress size!!

My aim for 2008 is obviously to work my way through all the Enterprise Fleet before Thanksgiving. How am I doing so far???!!

I have "the answer"

Sometimes I outstand myself!!!

Today is one of those days.

The secret of parenting I am sure has been a well hidden one for years, if not undiscovered even. Well, now for just $19.99 I will sell you the answer...............................
















Aw bollux, you can have it anyway!!

On Thursday we discovered, after living in our town for nearly four years, that there is an old fashioned sweetie and ice cream emporium hidden behind the local grocery store!!!

Now we have found this, it has become "my secret"

Today we will frequent this place as long as:

1. the bedrooms are tidied
2. they don't bicker AT ALL
3. no one whines
4. no one cries
5. ( ) left open for me to add any more stipilations when the mood strikes me


It then works something like this:

Moi: This room looks a bit of a mess.........that's a shame....
Small Beehive: I am just about to do it, come and see it in a few minutes


Few minutes later

Small Beehive proudly displaying gleaming room with all things put away (or at least hidden out of sight!)

Small Beehive: Beginning of whine "muuuuuuuummm........"
Moi: "Scoops!" (name of ice cream shop!)


Small Beehive: "Stop doing that, you are so mean.........(add what you will!)
Moi: from the safety of the kitchen to up the stairs " Scoooooooops!!"

I think you get it!

I have had a remarkably peaceful morning so far with surprisingly minimal effort on my part !!!

The house that Jack (Shit) built!!

Ever get the feeling that your week has been a little like the below? If so, this one's for you!!!

This is the shit the raccoons left upon the bins after emptying them, at the house where the Beehive's live.

(yeah okay, so I took a picture of turds!! I know, I know!)

And this is the dog who has a sore butt and a stupid collar who abides in the home where the raccoons shat after emptying the bins in the house where the Beehive's live

Then there's the car that got towed away that sits in the drive of the dog with the sore butt where the raccoons shat after emptying the bins in the house where the Beehive's live.

(I would show you a picture of the car that has just been towed away cos it broke down after having it for two weeks..........but - it got towed away so that's that!!)

This is the buyer of the house in the UK that has been "bought" for six weeks but without anything moving forward, that comes with the car that got towed away and sits in the drive of the dog with the sore butt and the racoons that shat after emptying the bins in the house where the Beehive's live.

This is the mama who lives in the house trying to keep it all together and not pipe bomb the buyer of the house in the UK that has been "bought" for six weeks but without anything moving forward, that comes with the car that got towed away and sits in the drive of the dog with the sore butt and the racoons that shat after emptying the bins in the house where the Beehive's live.

I think she needs a really stiff drink!!

Grey and Gloomy clouds

One weekend each year I am allowed to indulge myself in my inner hippy and go to our local Glastonbury. One weekend each feckin' year it pisses it down with so much rain that II really DO get to experience Glastonbury. Ooh, same weekend EVERY YEAR!!! in AUGUST!

So, DH has buggered off to the UK this weekend, house viewing, leaving me with les sprogletts to take to the festival. I invite a good mate who also has small one of Little Miss's age and we are all geared up with our Radio flyer wagon full of food (!) for our day at the fest, a day of manic dancing to bands we have no clue about with people who are probably young enough to be our kids!!! Normally we camp, but this year decided to go for the day as we have always been rained out in the tent.

We lasted half an hour before there was the biggest thunderstorm ever, the sky erupted, marquees started to float the music was cancelled due to the potential death element from the lightening!!

We stuck it out for three hours, bribing the kids with ice creams then called it a day.


Got home to find the dog has an anal fissure - yup, brown sludge everywhere and he can't stop licking it.This is now 7pm at night on a weekend and I have to take him to the emergency $100 per second clinic to get tablets and feckin horrid collar for the poor lamb to stop him licking his arse off before Monday, when she'll put him under and drain it.

Our local pizza place has now started taking orders on line and last time Mr Beehive ordered this way t'was a success, so at 5pm, I order pizza for the kids, only for it not to arrive, ring up pissed, cos kids are hungry and melting down and we still have the vets to get through. I get told that they only just got the order, they are sorry, but the orders have to go through headquarters .......IN CALIFORNIA!!! Cancel order as they tell me they'll probably be there within the hour!!?? So have to go out to get pizza on the way home too.

After the vets and pizza pick up we get home only for me to find one of kids has played around with the buttons in the feckin car (it's new!) and now none of the interior lights go off when the car is locked. It takes me another half an hour in the rain to work out what they've done.

Eventually get the kids into bed aroudn 8.30, sit down to watch tv and finish Little Miss's sweater coat only to lose it with the pattern which is poorly written and cannot work out the buttonholing. TV proves to be just as worthless so decide to go and talk to the dog for company.

Poor dog, can't cope with the collar, won't lie down, won't sit, won't eat, won't go out and pee, just stands hanging his head, when he isn't banging into everything around him and freaking himself out, so.......... I folded and took it off him for the night so he can at least sleep!


Why does all this only happen when the old fella is AWAY????!!!

Oh and Mr Beehive has gone to buy the house of our dreams only to discover that some arsehole blokey who already has three houses and wants to buy this same house TO RENT OUT, is also in the bidding. We want the bugger to live in, HE just wants another income - life tonight ain't fair! Does he really NEED to purchase another family home, a place or several in the village school and a wonderful family garden just to rent it out to a nice couple who may not give a shit about it? (I'm a renter and I do care about my house, but I am not going to invest money in it or spend hours in the garden when I will eventually move away from it!), wouldn't a nice townhouse suffice??? And I have even chosen names for my chickens!!! See those sour grapes on the vine!!

Oh and finally just to add more salt to the wound, another friend who works for the singer of Deep Banana Blackout, rang me later from the festival to say she'd managed to get me a VIP ticket if I could get a babysitter and get back!!???!!


Okay, miserable rant over! Tomorrow is a better day (I hope!)

Curry-ageous

Well wos' the goin's on down in the Beehive eh?

Summer has been shooting past like a TVR this year. We've done numerous things and I have been so behind with my blogging and suffering from an addled, heat ridden brain that I can't remember the half of it in the fantastic detail it deserved when we were doing it. Suffice to say we've travelled to mexico and the Cape,
caught frogs in ponds,
made jams until they came out of our ears,
picked our veggies, that have just come into bloom so we have cucumbers, beans, onions and lettuce so far,
swum in the sea and learned to Boogie board,
sold a house, unsold the same house and then resold it again (fingers and legs crossed it remains that way),
had playdates,
eaten WHAY too much ice cream and basically indulged in all the things that make it summer what it should be.

This weekend, we are over half way through, in fact our friends in the UK have been off for their first week and this normally signals the halfway point for our summer time.

Mr Beehive is taking a quite literally, flying visit, to the UK to look at a home we have found that appears, on paper, to be our dream home. It has the character, updated look AND land that we have been searching for for the last year AND it is within budget?

The downside to this is that I am going to brave The Vibes this year without him. I have managed to rope in my unsuspecting friend and her two smalls so we are going to hang out, re-live our youth and be free and groovy for a day..........well as free and groovy as you can be the wrong side of 35 and with five kids in tow in a wagon!! Fortunately i did have the common sense this year (after our previous years' disasters!) to not opt to camp this year - breath out!

Finally I must let you in on how much my children love and appreciate me - yes, this is an unadulturated brag:
Yesterday morning I sat Master Beehive the younger on my knee for a first thing in the morning cuddle. He is always so snuggly at that time. Do not repeat this anyfurther (and this has to go on my list of things you thought you would never do before children!), I put my face in his tousled mop and sniffed his hair - mmmmmm, honey, delicious~!!

"Mmmm, you smell of honey sweetie" I crooned

"You, don't" he replied still snuggled in tight...
"you smell of onions!"


Tell it like it is babe, tell it like it is!

Strange goings on!!!

Okay, so long story short - I haven't vanished off the face of the earth, but have been exceedingly busy trying to fit life into the 13 week summer holidays (well that and chasing up my stupid dentist who never answers her fricking phone then, two months later I finally get her and the only appointment she has is now when the kids are back at school - that took up most of my time!!)

However, it would appear that in my absence others have been disappearing. The wonderful work of the designer who put up my funky webpage to be precise. No idea what happened there, one minute it was there, the next it appeared she had exceeded the bandwidth on her storage for the photo, and also done a midnight flit!!!

So for now, we are back to boring!!

And as for me, I am off to chase the doctor now ..........see you in the fall!

Entering into the Twighlight Zone!

Customer @ well known "coffee" drive-thru: "I'd like a non-fat iced caramel latte please."

CDT (Coffee Drive Thru): "Do you want whipped cream on that?"

Customer: "No thanks."

CDT: "Okay, just drive on up to the first window."

At Window:

Customer on being handed a coffee with whip: "I asked for no whip please."

Customer on being handed a new coffee without whip: "I'm sorry, I forgot to ask for a couple of bottles of water please?"

CDT : "That'll be $3.64"

Customer hands over money and waits for water: "Did you take the water off this money?" ($3.64 seems mighty cheap!!)

CDT: "What?"

Customer: "It seems cheap, did you include the water. Two bottles of water please."

CDT: "What do you want?"

Customer: "Water?"

CDT leaves to get CDT 2 to "interpret" the foreign language being spoken by the customer

CDT2 comes to window: "What was it you wanted?"

Customer: "Water please?"

CDT2: "What's that?"

Customer: "Er.........(hesitation for this question to sink in!!) that clear stuff that normally comes out of taps, but I want the bottled kind."

CDT2 attempts to hand over chocolate milk in a bottle.

Customer:" Warrrrrrdddder???"

CDT2: finally hands over two bottles of the clear stuff.

CD1: "That'll be $3.64 please!"

Drive thru' livin!

Today we went on an expedition....... we are not allowed to venture into civilisation due to the poxy, so it was an expedition of drive thru's. Thank freakin' feck for America and it's drive thru' mentality!! In the course of one trip I was able to drop off library books, go to the bank and get a coffee. I could have frequented the Golden Arches but.....well.....most of you know my feelings on that place and I was going to go to the drive thru' chemist just for the hell of it to see what I could get.......but thought better of it. Still we managed to pass a good hour!

Fortunately the weather has been good, so I have been able to let the kids run around outside, we have gotten out the paddling pool and water slide and basically just gone a bit wild. There is no illness attached to this leurgy keeping us trapped, no temperatures, runny noses, or blah-ness at all. In fact, were it not for the spots you would not believe they were "sick"!

As we haven't been able to go anywhere I've taken the opportunity to craft crazy and have made almost a new wardrobe for LMB! I've gotten braver with my experimenting and have made three items without patterns this week using up remnants from my fabric stash.

A pinafore dress for LMB made of a gorgeous red cotton with little red daisy button fastenings. I am pleased with how this has turned out and so is she, mind, when I make this next time, I will put more fabric into the ruffle at the bottom and probably try a contrasting colour just for interest.
This was a first attempt at a peasant style top. Yes, it is a top, it is just too hot for trousers, so there was much protest at even modelling the top, so I thought this would do for a compromise!! This fabric is actually rayon and falls delightfully. I have made a couple of cock ups on the sleeve attachment, but none that she will be bothered about. I think I need a few more tutorials on sleeves!!

These were a pair of shorts that I made using an old pair of Master Beehive the elder's as a pattern. They have a drawstring waist and took about an hour from start to finish. The fabric is pretty cheap and shitty (only cost about $4 to make!!) and frays a lot, so the edges are all beautifully serged to avoid further fraying and the buttonholing where the drawstring came out was an arse to do, but he chose it as he liked the colours.

I added a small pocket on the back to hide a flaw in the fabric that may in time start to fray. I thought this might give them a little more life. Still, at $4 and an hour in the making I don't feel too bad about them only lasting one summer!

Finally, using the same fabric that I used for LMB's peasant top, this is a made up pattern that I came up with in the car the other day when I was driving !!??!

It is a halter neck as you can see (excuse the poor quality of the photos - mind, if you think photos of yourself are hard to make, try putting darts into a bodice when you have no one else in the house to help you...........I have since ordered an adjustable dressmaking mannequin for future projects!!)

The back fastens with hooks and eyes and a few press studs and I have inserted some darts to make it fit my body shape better.

The front hangs with a v in the centre (excuse the fashion faux pas with the shorts, but I do have a lush pair of white jeans that will go well with the top!) and the halter fastens at the top. I sewed the halter in to ensure the gathering stayed put and again with the darts at the back, it was essential there was more "stay"to the front.

None of them are exactly Project Runway, but there is such an element of pride making something that fits you or your family directly, no one else has the same design and fabric anywhere or that is so cheap to make!

My Fall project when the kids go back to school is a black and white fifties style dress with a full circle skirt and red tulle underneath for LMB to wear as a party dress! I know, that is a huge piece to bite off and chew, but ....... watch this space!!

LMB has done something to the 'puter that means that I can't hold my finger down on the delete button anymore to delete a word in one go, instead I have to repetitively press the key for each darned letter. If anyone knows how to un-do this doing, I would be eternally gratefull as my middle finger is beginning to look like a small balloon!

Answers on a postcard please or you can leave them at any drive thru' in town!!

Bleugh.....Friday 13th I'm gonna kick your butt!

Anyone who says that lightening can't strike the same place twice, is, quite frankly, lying !!

Our week has become one that was meant to be a lazy, playdate dotted, pyjama wearing, chilling out kinda week, to a chicken pox riddled, confined to the compound of the house and yard, itchy scratchy and unable to go anywhere, kinda week. Not only are we tied here, but we are REALLY tied here as Mr Beehive is overseas so I can't even get out in the evening!

I had my own porta-shopping (courtesy of my dear pal!) this evening, rang my emergency order in for vital supplies - milk, bread and apples, at 3.30, by 4.30 she was here with it for us! Then my other friend dropped by with some stuff for Will and we ended up having a conversation through the confines of our wire gating! There were essences of "Strangeways" to the chat!

So this is not chicken pox bout one, but two in the Beehive. All three Beehives have had it before and now, it appears, caught a more virulent strain that has beaten a vaccinated country to survive and pass onto my, supposedly, immunised (naturally mind, not by the vaccine!) children!!! So what does that say for vaccines - they work? viruses morph and evolve to survive??

So, what with the house sale falling through, now chicken pox, I am sitting here waiting for the third thing to happen. It is, after all, Friday 13th this week and I am feeling my glass......no wait....my glass really is empty, not even half lol!

Ooooh, Cupcake and Arse ache!

Excuse the title, my day has been somewhat of a rollercoaster. This morning started particularly well:

I made this delight for LMB to add to her growing patisserie,

and managed to difuse a potential wailing situation when she asked (about 8 months after his leaving us) where her giant Elmo was. Bear in mind this monstrosity was the size of her and used to sit in her wardrobe unplayed with. She has not mentioned him until today.

"Where is my Elmo mama?"

Hmmm......silence.

"He's gone away to live with someone who doesn't have any toys"

"Who's that then?"

"Er.......Sally, her name is Sally and she is your age" - see that nose grow Pinnochio!

"Has he gone far?"

"No, not far, just to N****"

"Is he coming back?" - the dreaded question.

"No sweetie, Sally is his mama now and will look after him"

"Okay, can I have a peach?"

Phew! That had potential to turn out very nasty. As for the real whereabouts of Elmo, well, he did go for a short drive with Daddy to the Goodwill, so, in all honesty could be living with a three year old called Sally in N****!!

Later this afternoon, Mr Beehive phones to tell me our buyers have pulled out of the house purchase!!!!! Apparently they have cold feet! WTF! There really should be a cooling off period and if, after 14 days they haven't pulled out, then there needs to be a penalty if they DO pull out for cold feet or no good reason! So, we are likely to lose the other house we were in the process of buying if we can't find a new buyer asap for ours! Ironically, I haven't even SEEN the house we were buying, but it is gorgeous and has everything, upstairs room, downstairs room, garden, garage, walk to good schools and 40 mins to london for Mr Beehive.

Feck I HATE housebuying and selling.

Perhaps my next craft project should be little felt buyers and then I can stab them with pins!!

Vacation Creations

So "School is out!" to coin a phrase and we are making a slow start into the hols. As usual I have way more planned than I know we will ever get the time or energy to do! This year we have come up with a "Summer Ideas" bucket. The kids are putting in their ideas as they come up with them, of things they want to do over the summer and on days where we are looking for things to do, we are going to try to do some of the things in them. In all honesty I thought their fantasy would get the better of them and they would try to see exactly what we COULD do, but in reality, apart from "Eat an Alligator" the majority of the ideas are pretty tame.

Friday afternoon was a more challenging afternoon. I had planned for an outdoor playdate as the weather had said it would be good ! Well, it wasnt'. Three boys (I borrowed an extra - there were meant to be two extra but one wasn't able to make it - thank heavens!) and a girl, just fresh outta school for the long summer, wound up after graduations and closing ceremonies like rubber bands, they were bouncing off my walls like they were tennis balls!

LMB managed to jump onto her bean bag and thus burst it and all the contents all over the playroom floor. In my enthusiasm (yeah, right!) to clean it up with the vacuum, I didn't see the small lego piece under about 3 lbs of styrofoam snow and managed to bugger up the hoover! So I wasn't happy!

The weekend, naturally has proven exhaustingly hot - 100 degrees in some places, we had 98 in the garden! We had a barbecue planned with guests on Sunday. Such a beautiful day! About twenty minutes before they were due to arrive, however, the sky went black.........yes, that's right, not just rain, but wind and thunder and lightening. I was out picking up LMB who had been at a party and took the boys along for the ride. We were riding back in the eye of this storm watching the fork lightening bounce off the road beside the car as we tried to swim home! At home a huge branch had come down over the drive, narrowly missing our visitors as they pulled up the drive!!!!

Today, is once again over 80!!??

I have been knocking out a couple more bits and pieces so here are the few crafts I made today and yesterday:

A strawberry slice - requested by the kids for their "shop" They now want a bowl of strawberries and some peas - I could be sometime with the latter request!!!!!??!! Still, at least they haven't requested a "pooh" which is what the children of a lady on a crafting forum I frequent, did.

And a dress made from a tshirt and left over bits of material from previous creations.

I also finished Master Beehive the younger's new sweater (which incidently won't rotate on the pic!!)

and made a vintage style ra-ra skirt for a friend's daughter for her birthday.

I have nearly finished another one for LMB for next year.

My summer projects are a couple of pairs of plaid elasticated waist trousers for Master Beehive the elder and a batik style dress for me to wear over jeans, then in the Fall I intend to start my sweater! However, as with all my craft, there will be other bits and bobs that will catch my fancy along the way and slow down the process!

Crafty Beehive

We've had my mum here for the last ten days and it has been really fun! We've had the opportunity to go to the city, hang out with the kids, "do lunch" and have crafty afternoons sewing or knitting. I know, really sad eh?


We had one day over the weekend where the Little Miss managed to aquire a couple of new items for her wardrobe; a dress courtesy of moi and a skirt from mum.....I can't believe I am going to say this now, but fook me, I actually quite enjoy the calm from making clothes for her! Here are the finished products:

This was the dress that I made her! Don't ever ask me to make anything with bastard sequins again though! AGGGGGHHHHH!

And the skirt was mum's creation - excuse the constipated expression though, that is a trademark of the Little Miss at the moment - "see camera, make fucktard expression" - you know how it goes with three year olds.

Master Beehive the younger is graduating this week - no, he hasn't become the next Ruth Lawrence, but he "graduates" from Primary to Elementary in the Montessori programme. He is all set (by his own choice) to give a small tap display for his "performing piece" at the graduation, note this has to be called 'Tap" not "Tap DANCE" because apparently it isn't cool to put dance after the word tap!!!???? So he and I have been practising our routine (no! I won't be performing, but probably mouthing the steps from the wings!) this evening much to the distress of our lino! Here he is in his Tap paraphernalia from his dance display last weekend!

Fred Astaire, eat ya heart out mate!

Rant!

You know, if you are a parent, you are damned if you do, and damned if you don't! If you discipline your children publicly with any kind of harshness you are likely to become the recipient of tuts, stares and reprimanding. If you discipline the way I like to, with quiet explanation, firmness and calmness, you receive the type of abuse I am going to talk about and are blamed for not disciplining your children - you can't win!

On Friday, I "shouted" at an old lady? Do I feel bad - no not one iota!

Friday was grandparent's day at the mini Beehive's school. My mum had flown in from the UK the night before for a very highly anticipated trip. The children were very excited, in particular LMB. During the morning, her grandmother had spent time in her classroom. After the event we decided to round it off with lunch at a "family friendly" restaurant.

Within a few minutes of sitting down I could hear the elderly lady behind me talking in a very loud voice to her companions about the state of the US, how universities are just full of foreigners, children are undisciplined blah blah- you have probably heard this type of conversation several times in your own lives, so I won't bore you.

I just inwardly smiled and ignored it.

Little Miss Beehive was very tired, and was being acting up more because of that. She had had a morning in school with her grandmother and no recess to expel the energy. She liked to look in the mirror next to us, that involved standing on the seat. I explained on more than one occasion that she needed to sit. However, the restaurant was busy, the service wasn't as fast as we hoped, but she was being quiet, just bouncy. This bouncyness btw, had no impact on the diners, she didn't bother anyone other than me and I was coping fine with it.

At one point, she decided to go to the bathroom (this was the second exodus to go!) She got down and mum went with her and I noticed she had no shoes on, so I called after mum to take them.

It was at this point that the elderly lady behind me said in a very loud voice - "Dreadful behaviour, such unruly children, this is what I mean....."

I turned and stared at her in disbelief.

She continued to her cronies.

"I think she heard me."

I am afraid I turned around, the red mist came down.........

"Too right I heard you! I object to sitting here listening to you talking about my children like that when you know NOTHING about us. Keep your opinions to yourself!"

She did, however, I was shaking by then. I couldn't eat my lunch.

What IS it with some elderly people that they think that THAT kind of behaviour is any the less unruly, rude or dreadful than a three year old running to a bathroom without shoes???
Little Miss Beehive is three, she has had three years to become well behaved, well mannered and polite, she isn't perfect, but she is getting there. This old bat, has had seventy plus years to achieve this and still hasn't managed it.........hmmmmm, I wonder who was the more unruly and ill mannered???

Public apology!

What do they call them in the UK? The spin doctors? The person who manages to put a spin on a story to cover up the crap? Well, I unfortunately don't have one of my own so have to cover my own doggy doo!! However, I do have a certain small person who is delightfully good at landing me in the doo doo!

Her trick today was thanks to her advanced fine motor skills. She is, as we know and as her teacher has told us, pretty good at holding a pencil. Unfortunately for us, this skill extends (don't ask me how!) to an accute ability to control a mouse on a computer.

This afternoon I was sent an e-mail from a teacher at school, inviting me to some or other social network shenanigans, when I opened the mail, it took me to a page where upon the whole, yes, the WHOLE of my address book was in front of me, some 180 odd persons. All the little boxes were pre-checked off. Then, as per the best story tales, the phone rang and I was distracted............. well you can pretty much guess the rest.

Little Miss Beehive is responsible for sending the 180+ emails today inviting you to that same social network thang - that I have yet to investigate. I think she pressed the continue button and the rest is history!

I am very sorry, she is not, she thinks it is funny, I do not! We are working through this with therapy (of the bubble bath and wine kind - well I am, she is not!)

So - warning to all out there! Do not leave your three year old unattended by a computer even for a nano second - or else, your doo doo will be all over t'interweb!

This was a public announcement brought to you in deep embarrassment by the long suffering parent of Little Miss Beehive. We thank you for your understanding!

Who are you, and what have you done with my kids?

Very occasionally I cross over into the twighlight zone. This morning was one of those moments and I just have to share it with you.

This morning, it was the birds that gently brought me to full consciousness, not a child, not an alarm, not even a snoring husband. It was 6am, the start of a new school week and everywhere was quiet and calm. I checked the mattress to see if LMB had done her usual trick but not woken me, but her space was empty.

I got up, answered my e-mails, went about the start of my day in a leisurely way, the way I have dreamed about in my wildest dreams, but am not expecting much before the children are teens and thus incapable of getting up in the morning before noon!

En route to the bathroom I met Mr Beehive the younger who greeted me with a smile and asked politely if he could use the shower after me.......

By 6.30 I thought I ought to waken Mr Beehive the elder and LMB.

LMB awoke, smiling and handed me her nighttime pacifier without me asking for it and without the normal tussle we have to extricate it from her cakehole!

By now there was a feeling of calm radiating my body........what was the day to hold? It is warm, sunny, blue sky, birds singing.

Mr Beehive the elder was downstairs and doing something extremely strange - he was holding the scoop for the dog's food and putting food in his bowl..........without being asked!! This is indeed such a rare occurrence, normally, despite the chore chart, feeding the dog is apparently the epitomy of the job chart - they would rather dust and hoover ???!!!!

By now I was floating on something extremely weird. The morning thus far has continued on a similar vein, children being considerate and gracious to each other, sharing, helping each other without discussion.........................there has yet to be a raised voice............???????!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I am going to seize the moment, my sacred space, and go to yoga this morning after drop off.......continue the peace. .........after all, tomorrow will be a new day and good things don't last!!!

One, Two , Three, Foo-foo!!

It's not the terrible two's and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It is most definitely the terrible threes. Who would think that this:



Could turn into this:




in just three wee years?


Little Miss Beehive's favourite hobby at the moment is a real toss up between staring me out when I ask her not to do something, or giving me the mother of all tantrums if I then proceed to remove the offending article or stop her from doing what she wishes to do.


This week her mounting crimes are:

• Pouring invisible ink all over her brother's bed (which, when met with blue linen, actually isn't invisible at all, but stains yellow ............. somewhat like cat's piss!)



• Colouring in my lambskin rug with fluorescent marker!!!!!




• Letting the dog out of the garden gate!!



• Finding the Q-Tips under the bathroom sink and using them for cleaning not only her orifices but also the floor under the toilet, unfortunately I am non the wiser as to the order of these occurences!!!




• Removing most of the sand from the sand box to the patio and then mixing it with water from the hose to create a mud mess for me to clean up.



• Inserting the remaining sand into her foo-foo whilst sitting naked in it!!

Most of this she managed just this afternoon!

I totally despair as she just finds everything extremely funny and has a manipulative way of creasing her little dimples and making me laugh too - which isn't the point!!!!

So this evening was not the most pleasant of tasks ensuring that her sandy elements were suitably sand free after she complained of itching and scratchyness in her nether regions! I would like to say this has hopefully taught her that there are better holes to fill with her sandpit but..............this is LMB we are talking about and tomorrow is another day with 12 more hours to fill with mischief !

Living in a Surreal World.

I think my life has hit an all time high at the moment!!!

Today I have found myself teetering somewhere close to the twighlight zone:

• I have been offered monkey porn by an old school friend - fresh porn too I hasten to add, none of the cheap nasty stuff - some that he has himself directed and produced..........okay I suppose, as long as it is accompanied by good quality music and none of that Bowwowchiccawowwow stuff!

• I have reached an all time low with regards to things I never thought I would find myself saying when I asked Mr Beehive the younger to pass me his pants this evening so I could smell them to see if they were clean or not!!!!!!!! OMG - I have a university degree - what happened????

• I have given up with my ongoing saga with Little Miss Beehive's hair when this morning I was trying desperately to force hairclips into this matted mess only for her to tell me, when I asked what it was: "it's milk and butter..........I love milk and butter in my hair, it's so.............nice!!". Well, who am I to argue, the milk worked for Cleopatra, but then..........so did the drugs!!!

So this weekend is Mother's Day in the US and I am on my own!!! Well, not entirely, I have a small swarm of mini Bees to entertain me and LOOOOOOTS of rain, but Mr Beehive has gone to the UK to look at houses! We have just (tentatively) sold our house in the UK and I, in my infinite wisdom, am trusting him, with his sensible head, to go and find me a new one!
As my sis so kindly pointed out this evening - better him than me, as I always manage to come home with the runt of the litter whenever I go out. I prefer to say that I see potential in a property, bedraggled cat/dog, rusted old car, whereas Mr Beehive tend to think with his wallet!

Well, I like to have faith, it ain't failed me yet!



Ach well, I guess I have a few pints of milk, some butter and a nice piece of monkey porn to keep me going - Moms Rock!!!

Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun.......

I can't believe that we are only three full school weeks away from the start of the summer vacation! It doesn't seem five minutes since the snow was on the ground and we were wishing some heat, now, it is upon us and planning has started.

We don't have the usual 6 week vacation like we would do in the UK, instead we have between 12 and 13 weeks break!!!! This takes a lot of planning to ensure that everyone is only partially bored lol, no one goes stir crazy (particularly me!), arguing is at a minimum, the beach is at a maximum and school work doesn't completely go by the wayside.

Each holiday the children pick a topic that they want to study. Last year they researched Arizona and The Grand Canyon and this year we are going to look at Mexico. I try to find activities that are related to that: music, games, arts and crafts as well as other more "schooly" activities such as math and language work. Fortunately, the kids tend to choose a project that comes from one of our jaunts, so we are able to do lots of "hands on" learning. In fact, Master Beehive the elder, will be our voice when we go to Mexico in the summer as he is the only one who can speak more than three tourist phrases of Spanish! Both the boys will keep a journal, as they always do when we go on a holiday and they will probably want to add to their scrap books over the summer too.

I find the best way to handle this huge amount of time, is to set a rhythm to each day, so we tend to start off leisurely, with some "lessons or crafts" around 10ish for an hour or maybe two, then we will do chores, laundry, gardening, baking or meal prep etc. Then the afternoons we like to go to the beach, visit a museum or two, go to the library, have playdates and generally hang out. The kids are also intermittently going to a variety of camps for an hour or two some days or, a whole day one week! They are going to be going on a nature camp, drama camp, Master Beehive the elder is going on a film making course for two weeks (mornings only) and tennis camp. Hopefully this won't over fill their days, but will put something in here and there that wears a different face to Mummy! I also hope to take them up to the Cape to stay with our good friends for a weekend and I may try to squeeze a weekend in the UK in August if things go ahead with our house buying back in the UK.

I hope that the weeks will be fun and energising with them, with plenty of time for relaxing, enjoying friends, celebrating a birthday or two and travelling. Trying to find a good balance isn't as easy as it seems with three of differing ages either!

Of course, I need to get my sweet dumb blonde head out of the cuckoo land clouds that I have them wedged in and remember that interspersed with all this is going to probably be lots of hot, sweaty beached-out three year old and thirty six year old tantrums, eight and nearly six year old spats and confrontations with mama about why they can't practise their tennis strokes against the lounge window or use their racquets as sibling swats, lots of room re-decoration and reorganization from LMB (and I am having a rather deluded thought about just letting her get on with it for the whole 12 weeks and then just do one clean up of her room at the end to save my knees- but I don't think I will be able to find her after week 2!) and probably one or two disagreements over my well thought out and regimented routine for the days, but through these rose tinted specs - I'd say our summer looks pretty lush right now.


So here's to a nice crisp Chardonnay on the terrace (ho ho!) Cheers!

Drowning in Pink!!!

Today we have been PINK!

In fact, we have been Pinkalicious!!! If you can imagine an auditorium full of girls, all dressed in as much pink as their little bodies could physically withstand and decked with enough pink jewels, from tiaras to rings and necklaces to outdo even the worst dressed Oscar attendee, then you'd be close! You will probably be pretty amazed to know that young Miss Beehive actually had little pink bling!!!

A local Breast Cancer Charity was holding a musical event based on the kid's book Pinkalicious to raise funds and can I say now, as a disclaimer......I am really glad it was for a great charity and am very happy and keen to support and what I am about to say has nowt at all to do with the Breast Cancer Organisation, but to do with the fact that kids activities (in general as we have discovered a lot recently!) are not always that well thought through from the kids' perspectives - ok, so that said......

Well, this has become one of Little Miss Beehive's most favourite books ever since she had it bought for her some months ago.......to the point she can recit it and tells me when I do the naughty trick of trying to speed read and miss out bits 'cos I......Am.....So....Bleedin'......Bored of it now!

So naturally, being the kind mama I am, thought she would love to see it as a musical.

We took our friends along to it. These friends were innocent and untouched by the snare of Pinkititis until today. For that, Claire, Heather, I apologise profusely! Well, ever since we knew we had tickets I have had her asking is it now, is it today, is it in a minute, is it this year?????

So, back to this neon pink room full of all shades of pink -magenta, fuschia, pale pink, peach pink, lurid bright pink, shocking pink, salmon pink, Pink Popsicle, Marshmallow Bunny, and Tickled Pink.......add to that, high energy fever and some pink cupcakes............it made you realise why the colour so often associated with hell is red.............cos it is so feckin' close to pink!!

After the show - (imagine lots of adults pretending to be children, the recorded music coming through the same speaker as the singers, thus drowning them out, and several seriously off pitch notes.....yeah I know I am a mean old critic, but you had to be three to appreciate it in its full catawauling!!) - there was an "after show party" - for the kids.
Well..........by the end of the show, most of the under fives had had it. They needed to eat! So Claire and I sought out the queue for the pink cupcakes (what the heck - why not?!) only to discover that in the infinite wisdom of the organisers, there was one person selling these to a room of 650 people, of which we were round about number 356 and 7!!! Needless to say, we had to play mean mothers again and remove our now melted wrecks of daughters (particularly mine, she is somewhat partial to her snacks at the exact time of day and woe betide if you cannot produce!) from not only the lengthening queue but also the small room in which they had chosen to squash us all for eating, face painting, craft activities, nail polishing and meeting the cast.....................
I do seriously wonder if when these things are organised for kids, the organisers ever actually associate the fact that there will really, truly be children at the event? It should be set up so that there is:

• more haste involved in the food department ie: more than one person who doesn't understand American currency, can count past 10 or can even see the money, on the till would be a start or, better still, someone stuffing a cupcake into each child's mouth as they leave the auditorium!!!
• more space in the craft activity department, so you actually go home with a craft on paper, rather than the remnants of someone else's on your clothing from when you tried to breathe in and squeeze past for the umpteenth time while trying to find a: the food, b: your child, c: the bathroom or d: a combination of all them.
• more than one person doing the activities such as face painting or nail polishing that takes at least 5 minutes per child, so therefore creating a queue out of the door and, after the food queue are always the longest!
• And moving activities that involve long queues ie: food and face painting into separate rooms from each other so that mothers are not scrapping with each other in front of their kids 'cos Sydnie was in front of Priscilla in the food queue, but actually Priscilla thought she was in the nail painting queue but this wasn't discovered until several clumps of hair have been won by each team!

Right! Now I need to detox myself from this horrific experience. Apparently, according to my pals, I still have "The American Girl Doll" experience to look forward to............Woo Hoo..............can't wait

NOT!

Auction Fever!!

Agggghhhhhh!

Phew, thanks for allowing me to do that.

This week has been getting crazier by the hour. It is auction countdown at the little Beehive's school and for some really bizarre reason - obviously I enjoyed myself too much last year - I agreed to head up the Item Management team this year.

Probably doesn't sound such a big deal, but basically it comprises of writing up all the 370+ items we get into a huge mega catalog, ensuring all donor details are recorded for thank yous, compile bidder boards and sheets and make sure that all the physical items and gift certificates are stored and cataloged correctly so we know exactly where they are - phew - it exhausts me just thinking about it. Pretty much, if there is a fuck up, it is going to lead back to me in some shape or form - stress? Much!

On top of that I am working on Thursday mornings at the Waldorf school and also doing Postpartum support for one of my clients during the evenings or whenever I have some free time -oh god, my sides nearly split laughing then!

The hardest part of this, however, hasn't been the juggling of jobs and responsiblity, it has been the entertainment of Little Miss Beehive, who, has been doled out to various friends to the point of pushing friendship boundaries and trying on other afternoons to work and have her play around me.

LMB is not low energy!

Gosh, how I snort at that statement. She is of MY gene pool, has ants seriously embedded in her knickers and was born under the incorrect star sign - she needed to be an aries, rather than the scorpio she is.

She fills a room with her energy and free spiritedness, which one day will be a wonderful asset that I need to focus on, but for the meantime, she knows exactly how to push boundaries to their absolute extreme and in the course of the past few weeks has drawn on the walls (shh!) the table (shh!), eaten the chocolate that belongs to my team (this must be a huge shhhh, they need the chocolate to function!) and run up and down the quiet Montessori school halls giggling loudly more than a zillion times.
There was no concern about me not making the gym enough times over the time we have been doing this. As one of the assistants told me today;
I amuse her (yes, note the "I") so much as she sees the young version whizz like road runner down the corridor squealing with delight as I try to gain composure and control and head off after her, slowly at first trying not to bring attention to this, and then at breakneck speed as she refuses to come back to my calls!

I then pick her up or hold her hand, explain in my best "Montessori voice" how this is unacceptable and the other children need to work with quiet in the halls and she is disrupting that lead her back to the room where we are working, sigh, sit down, move my mouse and realise she has gone - again........and so this game continues - ALL AFTERNOON!!!!!!!!

This terrorising continues from my children later as I pick them all up from late day and the Little Miss is still in hyper mode (despite having two hours playing outside on the playground - you'd think that'd wear her out!), Master Beehive the elder is away with the fairies as he continually chats from the moment I pick him up until i put food in his gob at home.....he doesn't even care that I am talking to Master Beehive the younger at this point, who is in meltdown mode because I am the nastiest mother on the planet and won't allow him to have chewing gum, and is thus hollering and wailing and crying at the top of his voice...........

As we leave, a parent is sitting with his daugher, calmly on a bench outside. LMB marches over to the daughter and introduces herself.
The daughter sweetly smiles back and says that she knows who she is........................





...............yeah baby! Your reputation goes before you!!!!!!!