Curry-ageous

Well wos' the goin's on down in the Beehive eh?

Summer has been shooting past like a TVR this year. We've done numerous things and I have been so behind with my blogging and suffering from an addled, heat ridden brain that I can't remember the half of it in the fantastic detail it deserved when we were doing it. Suffice to say we've travelled to mexico and the Cape,
caught frogs in ponds,
made jams until they came out of our ears,
picked our veggies, that have just come into bloom so we have cucumbers, beans, onions and lettuce so far,
swum in the sea and learned to Boogie board,
sold a house, unsold the same house and then resold it again (fingers and legs crossed it remains that way),
had playdates,
eaten WHAY too much ice cream and basically indulged in all the things that make it summer what it should be.

This weekend, we are over half way through, in fact our friends in the UK have been off for their first week and this normally signals the halfway point for our summer time.

Mr Beehive is taking a quite literally, flying visit, to the UK to look at a home we have found that appears, on paper, to be our dream home. It has the character, updated look AND land that we have been searching for for the last year AND it is within budget?

The downside to this is that I am going to brave The Vibes this year without him. I have managed to rope in my unsuspecting friend and her two smalls so we are going to hang out, re-live our youth and be free and groovy for a day..........well as free and groovy as you can be the wrong side of 35 and with five kids in tow in a wagon!! Fortunately i did have the common sense this year (after our previous years' disasters!) to not opt to camp this year - breath out!

Finally I must let you in on how much my children love and appreciate me - yes, this is an unadulturated brag:
Yesterday morning I sat Master Beehive the younger on my knee for a first thing in the morning cuddle. He is always so snuggly at that time. Do not repeat this anyfurther (and this has to go on my list of things you thought you would never do before children!), I put my face in his tousled mop and sniffed his hair - mmmmmm, honey, delicious~!!

"Mmmm, you smell of honey sweetie" I crooned

"You, don't" he replied still snuggled in tight...
"you smell of onions!"


Tell it like it is babe, tell it like it is!

Strange goings on!!!

Okay, so long story short - I haven't vanished off the face of the earth, but have been exceedingly busy trying to fit life into the 13 week summer holidays (well that and chasing up my stupid dentist who never answers her fricking phone then, two months later I finally get her and the only appointment she has is now when the kids are back at school - that took up most of my time!!)

However, it would appear that in my absence others have been disappearing. The wonderful work of the designer who put up my funky webpage to be precise. No idea what happened there, one minute it was there, the next it appeared she had exceeded the bandwidth on her storage for the photo, and also done a midnight flit!!!

So for now, we are back to boring!!

And as for me, I am off to chase the doctor now ..........see you in the fall!

Entering into the Twighlight Zone!

Customer @ well known "coffee" drive-thru: "I'd like a non-fat iced caramel latte please."

CDT (Coffee Drive Thru): "Do you want whipped cream on that?"

Customer: "No thanks."

CDT: "Okay, just drive on up to the first window."

At Window:

Customer on being handed a coffee with whip: "I asked for no whip please."

Customer on being handed a new coffee without whip: "I'm sorry, I forgot to ask for a couple of bottles of water please?"

CDT : "That'll be $3.64"

Customer hands over money and waits for water: "Did you take the water off this money?" ($3.64 seems mighty cheap!!)

CDT: "What?"

Customer: "It seems cheap, did you include the water. Two bottles of water please."

CDT: "What do you want?"

Customer: "Water?"

CDT leaves to get CDT 2 to "interpret" the foreign language being spoken by the customer

CDT2 comes to window: "What was it you wanted?"

Customer: "Water please?"

CDT2: "What's that?"

Customer: "Er.........(hesitation for this question to sink in!!) that clear stuff that normally comes out of taps, but I want the bottled kind."

CDT2 attempts to hand over chocolate milk in a bottle.

Customer:" Warrrrrrdddder???"

CDT2: finally hands over two bottles of the clear stuff.

CD1: "That'll be $3.64 please!"

Drive thru' livin!

Today we went on an expedition....... we are not allowed to venture into civilisation due to the poxy, so it was an expedition of drive thru's. Thank freakin' feck for America and it's drive thru' mentality!! In the course of one trip I was able to drop off library books, go to the bank and get a coffee. I could have frequented the Golden Arches but.....well.....most of you know my feelings on that place and I was going to go to the drive thru' chemist just for the hell of it to see what I could get.......but thought better of it. Still we managed to pass a good hour!

Fortunately the weather has been good, so I have been able to let the kids run around outside, we have gotten out the paddling pool and water slide and basically just gone a bit wild. There is no illness attached to this leurgy keeping us trapped, no temperatures, runny noses, or blah-ness at all. In fact, were it not for the spots you would not believe they were "sick"!

As we haven't been able to go anywhere I've taken the opportunity to craft crazy and have made almost a new wardrobe for LMB! I've gotten braver with my experimenting and have made three items without patterns this week using up remnants from my fabric stash.

A pinafore dress for LMB made of a gorgeous red cotton with little red daisy button fastenings. I am pleased with how this has turned out and so is she, mind, when I make this next time, I will put more fabric into the ruffle at the bottom and probably try a contrasting colour just for interest.
This was a first attempt at a peasant style top. Yes, it is a top, it is just too hot for trousers, so there was much protest at even modelling the top, so I thought this would do for a compromise!! This fabric is actually rayon and falls delightfully. I have made a couple of cock ups on the sleeve attachment, but none that she will be bothered about. I think I need a few more tutorials on sleeves!!

These were a pair of shorts that I made using an old pair of Master Beehive the elder's as a pattern. They have a drawstring waist and took about an hour from start to finish. The fabric is pretty cheap and shitty (only cost about $4 to make!!) and frays a lot, so the edges are all beautifully serged to avoid further fraying and the buttonholing where the drawstring came out was an arse to do, but he chose it as he liked the colours.

I added a small pocket on the back to hide a flaw in the fabric that may in time start to fray. I thought this might give them a little more life. Still, at $4 and an hour in the making I don't feel too bad about them only lasting one summer!

Finally, using the same fabric that I used for LMB's peasant top, this is a made up pattern that I came up with in the car the other day when I was driving !!??!

It is a halter neck as you can see (excuse the poor quality of the photos - mind, if you think photos of yourself are hard to make, try putting darts into a bodice when you have no one else in the house to help you...........I have since ordered an adjustable dressmaking mannequin for future projects!!)

The back fastens with hooks and eyes and a few press studs and I have inserted some darts to make it fit my body shape better.

The front hangs with a v in the centre (excuse the fashion faux pas with the shorts, but I do have a lush pair of white jeans that will go well with the top!) and the halter fastens at the top. I sewed the halter in to ensure the gathering stayed put and again with the darts at the back, it was essential there was more "stay"to the front.

None of them are exactly Project Runway, but there is such an element of pride making something that fits you or your family directly, no one else has the same design and fabric anywhere or that is so cheap to make!

My Fall project when the kids go back to school is a black and white fifties style dress with a full circle skirt and red tulle underneath for LMB to wear as a party dress! I know, that is a huge piece to bite off and chew, but ....... watch this space!!

LMB has done something to the 'puter that means that I can't hold my finger down on the delete button anymore to delete a word in one go, instead I have to repetitively press the key for each darned letter. If anyone knows how to un-do this doing, I would be eternally gratefull as my middle finger is beginning to look like a small balloon!

Answers on a postcard please or you can leave them at any drive thru' in town!!

Bleugh.....Friday 13th I'm gonna kick your butt!

Anyone who says that lightening can't strike the same place twice, is, quite frankly, lying !!

Our week has become one that was meant to be a lazy, playdate dotted, pyjama wearing, chilling out kinda week, to a chicken pox riddled, confined to the compound of the house and yard, itchy scratchy and unable to go anywhere, kinda week. Not only are we tied here, but we are REALLY tied here as Mr Beehive is overseas so I can't even get out in the evening!

I had my own porta-shopping (courtesy of my dear pal!) this evening, rang my emergency order in for vital supplies - milk, bread and apples, at 3.30, by 4.30 she was here with it for us! Then my other friend dropped by with some stuff for Will and we ended up having a conversation through the confines of our wire gating! There were essences of "Strangeways" to the chat!

So this is not chicken pox bout one, but two in the Beehive. All three Beehives have had it before and now, it appears, caught a more virulent strain that has beaten a vaccinated country to survive and pass onto my, supposedly, immunised (naturally mind, not by the vaccine!) children!!! So what does that say for vaccines - they work? viruses morph and evolve to survive??

So, what with the house sale falling through, now chicken pox, I am sitting here waiting for the third thing to happen. It is, after all, Friday 13th this week and I am feeling my glass......no wait....my glass really is empty, not even half lol!

Ooooh, Cupcake and Arse ache!

Excuse the title, my day has been somewhat of a rollercoaster. This morning started particularly well:

I made this delight for LMB to add to her growing patisserie,

and managed to difuse a potential wailing situation when she asked (about 8 months after his leaving us) where her giant Elmo was. Bear in mind this monstrosity was the size of her and used to sit in her wardrobe unplayed with. She has not mentioned him until today.

"Where is my Elmo mama?"

Hmmm......silence.

"He's gone away to live with someone who doesn't have any toys"

"Who's that then?"

"Er.......Sally, her name is Sally and she is your age" - see that nose grow Pinnochio!

"Has he gone far?"

"No, not far, just to N****"

"Is he coming back?" - the dreaded question.

"No sweetie, Sally is his mama now and will look after him"

"Okay, can I have a peach?"

Phew! That had potential to turn out very nasty. As for the real whereabouts of Elmo, well, he did go for a short drive with Daddy to the Goodwill, so, in all honesty could be living with a three year old called Sally in N****!!

Later this afternoon, Mr Beehive phones to tell me our buyers have pulled out of the house purchase!!!!! Apparently they have cold feet! WTF! There really should be a cooling off period and if, after 14 days they haven't pulled out, then there needs to be a penalty if they DO pull out for cold feet or no good reason! So, we are likely to lose the other house we were in the process of buying if we can't find a new buyer asap for ours! Ironically, I haven't even SEEN the house we were buying, but it is gorgeous and has everything, upstairs room, downstairs room, garden, garage, walk to good schools and 40 mins to london for Mr Beehive.

Feck I HATE housebuying and selling.

Perhaps my next craft project should be little felt buyers and then I can stab them with pins!!

Vacation Creations

So "School is out!" to coin a phrase and we are making a slow start into the hols. As usual I have way more planned than I know we will ever get the time or energy to do! This year we have come up with a "Summer Ideas" bucket. The kids are putting in their ideas as they come up with them, of things they want to do over the summer and on days where we are looking for things to do, we are going to try to do some of the things in them. In all honesty I thought their fantasy would get the better of them and they would try to see exactly what we COULD do, but in reality, apart from "Eat an Alligator" the majority of the ideas are pretty tame.

Friday afternoon was a more challenging afternoon. I had planned for an outdoor playdate as the weather had said it would be good ! Well, it wasnt'. Three boys (I borrowed an extra - there were meant to be two extra but one wasn't able to make it - thank heavens!) and a girl, just fresh outta school for the long summer, wound up after graduations and closing ceremonies like rubber bands, they were bouncing off my walls like they were tennis balls!

LMB managed to jump onto her bean bag and thus burst it and all the contents all over the playroom floor. In my enthusiasm (yeah, right!) to clean it up with the vacuum, I didn't see the small lego piece under about 3 lbs of styrofoam snow and managed to bugger up the hoover! So I wasn't happy!

The weekend, naturally has proven exhaustingly hot - 100 degrees in some places, we had 98 in the garden! We had a barbecue planned with guests on Sunday. Such a beautiful day! About twenty minutes before they were due to arrive, however, the sky went black.........yes, that's right, not just rain, but wind and thunder and lightening. I was out picking up LMB who had been at a party and took the boys along for the ride. We were riding back in the eye of this storm watching the fork lightening bounce off the road beside the car as we tried to swim home! At home a huge branch had come down over the drive, narrowly missing our visitors as they pulled up the drive!!!!

Today, is once again over 80!!??

I have been knocking out a couple more bits and pieces so here are the few crafts I made today and yesterday:

A strawberry slice - requested by the kids for their "shop" They now want a bowl of strawberries and some peas - I could be sometime with the latter request!!!!!??!! Still, at least they haven't requested a "pooh" which is what the children of a lady on a crafting forum I frequent, did.

And a dress made from a tshirt and left over bits of material from previous creations.

I also finished Master Beehive the younger's new sweater (which incidently won't rotate on the pic!!)

and made a vintage style ra-ra skirt for a friend's daughter for her birthday.

I have nearly finished another one for LMB for next year.

My summer projects are a couple of pairs of plaid elasticated waist trousers for Master Beehive the elder and a batik style dress for me to wear over jeans, then in the Fall I intend to start my sweater! However, as with all my craft, there will be other bits and bobs that will catch my fancy along the way and slow down the process!

Crafty Beehive

We've had my mum here for the last ten days and it has been really fun! We've had the opportunity to go to the city, hang out with the kids, "do lunch" and have crafty afternoons sewing or knitting. I know, really sad eh?


We had one day over the weekend where the Little Miss managed to aquire a couple of new items for her wardrobe; a dress courtesy of moi and a skirt from mum.....I can't believe I am going to say this now, but fook me, I actually quite enjoy the calm from making clothes for her! Here are the finished products:

This was the dress that I made her! Don't ever ask me to make anything with bastard sequins again though! AGGGGGHHHHH!

And the skirt was mum's creation - excuse the constipated expression though, that is a trademark of the Little Miss at the moment - "see camera, make fucktard expression" - you know how it goes with three year olds.

Master Beehive the younger is graduating this week - no, he hasn't become the next Ruth Lawrence, but he "graduates" from Primary to Elementary in the Montessori programme. He is all set (by his own choice) to give a small tap display for his "performing piece" at the graduation, note this has to be called 'Tap" not "Tap DANCE" because apparently it isn't cool to put dance after the word tap!!!???? So he and I have been practising our routine (no! I won't be performing, but probably mouthing the steps from the wings!) this evening much to the distress of our lino! Here he is in his Tap paraphernalia from his dance display last weekend!

Fred Astaire, eat ya heart out mate!

Rant!

You know, if you are a parent, you are damned if you do, and damned if you don't! If you discipline your children publicly with any kind of harshness you are likely to become the recipient of tuts, stares and reprimanding. If you discipline the way I like to, with quiet explanation, firmness and calmness, you receive the type of abuse I am going to talk about and are blamed for not disciplining your children - you can't win!

On Friday, I "shouted" at an old lady? Do I feel bad - no not one iota!

Friday was grandparent's day at the mini Beehive's school. My mum had flown in from the UK the night before for a very highly anticipated trip. The children were very excited, in particular LMB. During the morning, her grandmother had spent time in her classroom. After the event we decided to round it off with lunch at a "family friendly" restaurant.

Within a few minutes of sitting down I could hear the elderly lady behind me talking in a very loud voice to her companions about the state of the US, how universities are just full of foreigners, children are undisciplined blah blah- you have probably heard this type of conversation several times in your own lives, so I won't bore you.

I just inwardly smiled and ignored it.

Little Miss Beehive was very tired, and was being acting up more because of that. She had had a morning in school with her grandmother and no recess to expel the energy. She liked to look in the mirror next to us, that involved standing on the seat. I explained on more than one occasion that she needed to sit. However, the restaurant was busy, the service wasn't as fast as we hoped, but she was being quiet, just bouncy. This bouncyness btw, had no impact on the diners, she didn't bother anyone other than me and I was coping fine with it.

At one point, she decided to go to the bathroom (this was the second exodus to go!) She got down and mum went with her and I noticed she had no shoes on, so I called after mum to take them.

It was at this point that the elderly lady behind me said in a very loud voice - "Dreadful behaviour, such unruly children, this is what I mean....."

I turned and stared at her in disbelief.

She continued to her cronies.

"I think she heard me."

I am afraid I turned around, the red mist came down.........

"Too right I heard you! I object to sitting here listening to you talking about my children like that when you know NOTHING about us. Keep your opinions to yourself!"

She did, however, I was shaking by then. I couldn't eat my lunch.

What IS it with some elderly people that they think that THAT kind of behaviour is any the less unruly, rude or dreadful than a three year old running to a bathroom without shoes???
Little Miss Beehive is three, she has had three years to become well behaved, well mannered and polite, she isn't perfect, but she is getting there. This old bat, has had seventy plus years to achieve this and still hasn't managed it.........hmmmmm, I wonder who was the more unruly and ill mannered???

Public apology!

What do they call them in the UK? The spin doctors? The person who manages to put a spin on a story to cover up the crap? Well, I unfortunately don't have one of my own so have to cover my own doggy doo!! However, I do have a certain small person who is delightfully good at landing me in the doo doo!

Her trick today was thanks to her advanced fine motor skills. She is, as we know and as her teacher has told us, pretty good at holding a pencil. Unfortunately for us, this skill extends (don't ask me how!) to an accute ability to control a mouse on a computer.

This afternoon I was sent an e-mail from a teacher at school, inviting me to some or other social network shenanigans, when I opened the mail, it took me to a page where upon the whole, yes, the WHOLE of my address book was in front of me, some 180 odd persons. All the little boxes were pre-checked off. Then, as per the best story tales, the phone rang and I was distracted............. well you can pretty much guess the rest.

Little Miss Beehive is responsible for sending the 180+ emails today inviting you to that same social network thang - that I have yet to investigate. I think she pressed the continue button and the rest is history!

I am very sorry, she is not, she thinks it is funny, I do not! We are working through this with therapy (of the bubble bath and wine kind - well I am, she is not!)

So - warning to all out there! Do not leave your three year old unattended by a computer even for a nano second - or else, your doo doo will be all over t'interweb!

This was a public announcement brought to you in deep embarrassment by the long suffering parent of Little Miss Beehive. We thank you for your understanding!

Who are you, and what have you done with my kids?

Very occasionally I cross over into the twighlight zone. This morning was one of those moments and I just have to share it with you.

This morning, it was the birds that gently brought me to full consciousness, not a child, not an alarm, not even a snoring husband. It was 6am, the start of a new school week and everywhere was quiet and calm. I checked the mattress to see if LMB had done her usual trick but not woken me, but her space was empty.

I got up, answered my e-mails, went about the start of my day in a leisurely way, the way I have dreamed about in my wildest dreams, but am not expecting much before the children are teens and thus incapable of getting up in the morning before noon!

En route to the bathroom I met Mr Beehive the younger who greeted me with a smile and asked politely if he could use the shower after me.......

By 6.30 I thought I ought to waken Mr Beehive the elder and LMB.

LMB awoke, smiling and handed me her nighttime pacifier without me asking for it and without the normal tussle we have to extricate it from her cakehole!

By now there was a feeling of calm radiating my body........what was the day to hold? It is warm, sunny, blue sky, birds singing.

Mr Beehive the elder was downstairs and doing something extremely strange - he was holding the scoop for the dog's food and putting food in his bowl..........without being asked!! This is indeed such a rare occurrence, normally, despite the chore chart, feeding the dog is apparently the epitomy of the job chart - they would rather dust and hoover ???!!!!

By now I was floating on something extremely weird. The morning thus far has continued on a similar vein, children being considerate and gracious to each other, sharing, helping each other without discussion.........................there has yet to be a raised voice............???????!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I am going to seize the moment, my sacred space, and go to yoga this morning after drop off.......continue the peace. .........after all, tomorrow will be a new day and good things don't last!!!

One, Two , Three, Foo-foo!!

It's not the terrible two's and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It is most definitely the terrible threes. Who would think that this:



Could turn into this:




in just three wee years?


Little Miss Beehive's favourite hobby at the moment is a real toss up between staring me out when I ask her not to do something, or giving me the mother of all tantrums if I then proceed to remove the offending article or stop her from doing what she wishes to do.


This week her mounting crimes are:

• Pouring invisible ink all over her brother's bed (which, when met with blue linen, actually isn't invisible at all, but stains yellow ............. somewhat like cat's piss!)



• Colouring in my lambskin rug with fluorescent marker!!!!!




• Letting the dog out of the garden gate!!



• Finding the Q-Tips under the bathroom sink and using them for cleaning not only her orifices but also the floor under the toilet, unfortunately I am non the wiser as to the order of these occurences!!!




• Removing most of the sand from the sand box to the patio and then mixing it with water from the hose to create a mud mess for me to clean up.



• Inserting the remaining sand into her foo-foo whilst sitting naked in it!!

Most of this she managed just this afternoon!

I totally despair as she just finds everything extremely funny and has a manipulative way of creasing her little dimples and making me laugh too - which isn't the point!!!!

So this evening was not the most pleasant of tasks ensuring that her sandy elements were suitably sand free after she complained of itching and scratchyness in her nether regions! I would like to say this has hopefully taught her that there are better holes to fill with her sandpit but..............this is LMB we are talking about and tomorrow is another day with 12 more hours to fill with mischief !

Living in a Surreal World.

I think my life has hit an all time high at the moment!!!

Today I have found myself teetering somewhere close to the twighlight zone:

• I have been offered monkey porn by an old school friend - fresh porn too I hasten to add, none of the cheap nasty stuff - some that he has himself directed and produced..........okay I suppose, as long as it is accompanied by good quality music and none of that Bowwowchiccawowwow stuff!

• I have reached an all time low with regards to things I never thought I would find myself saying when I asked Mr Beehive the younger to pass me his pants this evening so I could smell them to see if they were clean or not!!!!!!!! OMG - I have a university degree - what happened????

• I have given up with my ongoing saga with Little Miss Beehive's hair when this morning I was trying desperately to force hairclips into this matted mess only for her to tell me, when I asked what it was: "it's milk and butter..........I love milk and butter in my hair, it's so.............nice!!". Well, who am I to argue, the milk worked for Cleopatra, but then..........so did the drugs!!!

So this weekend is Mother's Day in the US and I am on my own!!! Well, not entirely, I have a small swarm of mini Bees to entertain me and LOOOOOOTS of rain, but Mr Beehive has gone to the UK to look at houses! We have just (tentatively) sold our house in the UK and I, in my infinite wisdom, am trusting him, with his sensible head, to go and find me a new one!
As my sis so kindly pointed out this evening - better him than me, as I always manage to come home with the runt of the litter whenever I go out. I prefer to say that I see potential in a property, bedraggled cat/dog, rusted old car, whereas Mr Beehive tend to think with his wallet!

Well, I like to have faith, it ain't failed me yet!



Ach well, I guess I have a few pints of milk, some butter and a nice piece of monkey porn to keep me going - Moms Rock!!!

Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun.......

I can't believe that we are only three full school weeks away from the start of the summer vacation! It doesn't seem five minutes since the snow was on the ground and we were wishing some heat, now, it is upon us and planning has started.

We don't have the usual 6 week vacation like we would do in the UK, instead we have between 12 and 13 weeks break!!!! This takes a lot of planning to ensure that everyone is only partially bored lol, no one goes stir crazy (particularly me!), arguing is at a minimum, the beach is at a maximum and school work doesn't completely go by the wayside.

Each holiday the children pick a topic that they want to study. Last year they researched Arizona and The Grand Canyon and this year we are going to look at Mexico. I try to find activities that are related to that: music, games, arts and crafts as well as other more "schooly" activities such as math and language work. Fortunately, the kids tend to choose a project that comes from one of our jaunts, so we are able to do lots of "hands on" learning. In fact, Master Beehive the elder, will be our voice when we go to Mexico in the summer as he is the only one who can speak more than three tourist phrases of Spanish! Both the boys will keep a journal, as they always do when we go on a holiday and they will probably want to add to their scrap books over the summer too.

I find the best way to handle this huge amount of time, is to set a rhythm to each day, so we tend to start off leisurely, with some "lessons or crafts" around 10ish for an hour or maybe two, then we will do chores, laundry, gardening, baking or meal prep etc. Then the afternoons we like to go to the beach, visit a museum or two, go to the library, have playdates and generally hang out. The kids are also intermittently going to a variety of camps for an hour or two some days or, a whole day one week! They are going to be going on a nature camp, drama camp, Master Beehive the elder is going on a film making course for two weeks (mornings only) and tennis camp. Hopefully this won't over fill their days, but will put something in here and there that wears a different face to Mummy! I also hope to take them up to the Cape to stay with our good friends for a weekend and I may try to squeeze a weekend in the UK in August if things go ahead with our house buying back in the UK.

I hope that the weeks will be fun and energising with them, with plenty of time for relaxing, enjoying friends, celebrating a birthday or two and travelling. Trying to find a good balance isn't as easy as it seems with three of differing ages either!

Of course, I need to get my sweet dumb blonde head out of the cuckoo land clouds that I have them wedged in and remember that interspersed with all this is going to probably be lots of hot, sweaty beached-out three year old and thirty six year old tantrums, eight and nearly six year old spats and confrontations with mama about why they can't practise their tennis strokes against the lounge window or use their racquets as sibling swats, lots of room re-decoration and reorganization from LMB (and I am having a rather deluded thought about just letting her get on with it for the whole 12 weeks and then just do one clean up of her room at the end to save my knees- but I don't think I will be able to find her after week 2!) and probably one or two disagreements over my well thought out and regimented routine for the days, but through these rose tinted specs - I'd say our summer looks pretty lush right now.


So here's to a nice crisp Chardonnay on the terrace (ho ho!) Cheers!

Drowning in Pink!!!

Today we have been PINK!

In fact, we have been Pinkalicious!!! If you can imagine an auditorium full of girls, all dressed in as much pink as their little bodies could physically withstand and decked with enough pink jewels, from tiaras to rings and necklaces to outdo even the worst dressed Oscar attendee, then you'd be close! You will probably be pretty amazed to know that young Miss Beehive actually had little pink bling!!!

A local Breast Cancer Charity was holding a musical event based on the kid's book Pinkalicious to raise funds and can I say now, as a disclaimer......I am really glad it was for a great charity and am very happy and keen to support and what I am about to say has nowt at all to do with the Breast Cancer Organisation, but to do with the fact that kids activities (in general as we have discovered a lot recently!) are not always that well thought through from the kids' perspectives - ok, so that said......

Well, this has become one of Little Miss Beehive's most favourite books ever since she had it bought for her some months ago.......to the point she can recit it and tells me when I do the naughty trick of trying to speed read and miss out bits 'cos I......Am.....So....Bleedin'......Bored of it now!

So naturally, being the kind mama I am, thought she would love to see it as a musical.

We took our friends along to it. These friends were innocent and untouched by the snare of Pinkititis until today. For that, Claire, Heather, I apologise profusely! Well, ever since we knew we had tickets I have had her asking is it now, is it today, is it in a minute, is it this year?????

So, back to this neon pink room full of all shades of pink -magenta, fuschia, pale pink, peach pink, lurid bright pink, shocking pink, salmon pink, Pink Popsicle, Marshmallow Bunny, and Tickled Pink.......add to that, high energy fever and some pink cupcakes............it made you realise why the colour so often associated with hell is red.............cos it is so feckin' close to pink!!

After the show - (imagine lots of adults pretending to be children, the recorded music coming through the same speaker as the singers, thus drowning them out, and several seriously off pitch notes.....yeah I know I am a mean old critic, but you had to be three to appreciate it in its full catawauling!!) - there was an "after show party" - for the kids.
Well..........by the end of the show, most of the under fives had had it. They needed to eat! So Claire and I sought out the queue for the pink cupcakes (what the heck - why not?!) only to discover that in the infinite wisdom of the organisers, there was one person selling these to a room of 650 people, of which we were round about number 356 and 7!!! Needless to say, we had to play mean mothers again and remove our now melted wrecks of daughters (particularly mine, she is somewhat partial to her snacks at the exact time of day and woe betide if you cannot produce!) from not only the lengthening queue but also the small room in which they had chosen to squash us all for eating, face painting, craft activities, nail polishing and meeting the cast.....................
I do seriously wonder if when these things are organised for kids, the organisers ever actually associate the fact that there will really, truly be children at the event? It should be set up so that there is:

• more haste involved in the food department ie: more than one person who doesn't understand American currency, can count past 10 or can even see the money, on the till would be a start or, better still, someone stuffing a cupcake into each child's mouth as they leave the auditorium!!!
• more space in the craft activity department, so you actually go home with a craft on paper, rather than the remnants of someone else's on your clothing from when you tried to breathe in and squeeze past for the umpteenth time while trying to find a: the food, b: your child, c: the bathroom or d: a combination of all them.
• more than one person doing the activities such as face painting or nail polishing that takes at least 5 minutes per child, so therefore creating a queue out of the door and, after the food queue are always the longest!
• And moving activities that involve long queues ie: food and face painting into separate rooms from each other so that mothers are not scrapping with each other in front of their kids 'cos Sydnie was in front of Priscilla in the food queue, but actually Priscilla thought she was in the nail painting queue but this wasn't discovered until several clumps of hair have been won by each team!

Right! Now I need to detox myself from this horrific experience. Apparently, according to my pals, I still have "The American Girl Doll" experience to look forward to............Woo Hoo..............can't wait

NOT!

Auction Fever!!

Agggghhhhhh!

Phew, thanks for allowing me to do that.

This week has been getting crazier by the hour. It is auction countdown at the little Beehive's school and for some really bizarre reason - obviously I enjoyed myself too much last year - I agreed to head up the Item Management team this year.

Probably doesn't sound such a big deal, but basically it comprises of writing up all the 370+ items we get into a huge mega catalog, ensuring all donor details are recorded for thank yous, compile bidder boards and sheets and make sure that all the physical items and gift certificates are stored and cataloged correctly so we know exactly where they are - phew - it exhausts me just thinking about it. Pretty much, if there is a fuck up, it is going to lead back to me in some shape or form - stress? Much!

On top of that I am working on Thursday mornings at the Waldorf school and also doing Postpartum support for one of my clients during the evenings or whenever I have some free time -oh god, my sides nearly split laughing then!

The hardest part of this, however, hasn't been the juggling of jobs and responsiblity, it has been the entertainment of Little Miss Beehive, who, has been doled out to various friends to the point of pushing friendship boundaries and trying on other afternoons to work and have her play around me.

LMB is not low energy!

Gosh, how I snort at that statement. She is of MY gene pool, has ants seriously embedded in her knickers and was born under the incorrect star sign - she needed to be an aries, rather than the scorpio she is.

She fills a room with her energy and free spiritedness, which one day will be a wonderful asset that I need to focus on, but for the meantime, she knows exactly how to push boundaries to their absolute extreme and in the course of the past few weeks has drawn on the walls (shh!) the table (shh!), eaten the chocolate that belongs to my team (this must be a huge shhhh, they need the chocolate to function!) and run up and down the quiet Montessori school halls giggling loudly more than a zillion times.
There was no concern about me not making the gym enough times over the time we have been doing this. As one of the assistants told me today;
I amuse her (yes, note the "I") so much as she sees the young version whizz like road runner down the corridor squealing with delight as I try to gain composure and control and head off after her, slowly at first trying not to bring attention to this, and then at breakneck speed as she refuses to come back to my calls!

I then pick her up or hold her hand, explain in my best "Montessori voice" how this is unacceptable and the other children need to work with quiet in the halls and she is disrupting that lead her back to the room where we are working, sigh, sit down, move my mouse and realise she has gone - again........and so this game continues - ALL AFTERNOON!!!!!!!!

This terrorising continues from my children later as I pick them all up from late day and the Little Miss is still in hyper mode (despite having two hours playing outside on the playground - you'd think that'd wear her out!), Master Beehive the elder is away with the fairies as he continually chats from the moment I pick him up until i put food in his gob at home.....he doesn't even care that I am talking to Master Beehive the younger at this point, who is in meltdown mode because I am the nastiest mother on the planet and won't allow him to have chewing gum, and is thus hollering and wailing and crying at the top of his voice...........

As we leave, a parent is sitting with his daugher, calmly on a bench outside. LMB marches over to the daughter and introduces herself.
The daughter sweetly smiles back and says that she knows who she is........................





...............yeah baby! Your reputation goes before you!!!!!!!

Rituals and Relaxation

The rituals of LMB and bedtime are proving to be more of a giggle on a daily basis.

Ever since the children were a few months old, Mr Beehive and myself have accustomed them to some kind of routine - generally of the guise: Bath, Books, Boob/Bottle, Bed......almost the three R's eh?

As they are getting older, the books have gone from being separately read in each child's room to a rather stunning move to a "family reader" (our current read being Pinnochio), but really, I am digressing.

Each of my kids has had their own "spinning it out" techniques and Little Miss Beehive, is proving no exeption to that rule.

Her latest is to ensure we have the light on outside her room (despite her having the door closed because she likes it dark!) and then following up not ten seconds later with opening her door and just standing there.

One of us then, naturally hears her and will go up to ask what is the matter. She will then cock her head to one side (which, if you could see her this evening in her brand new yellow Snow White nightdress and finally growing and thickening blonde hair - just perfects this picture of Marmalade Atkins crossed with Pinkalicious!) and close her eyes and start......everytime the same way.

LMB " Errrmmmmmmmmm"

Irritated parent "Yeess??"

LMB "Eeerrrrrmmmmmmmm...........when I go to bed.....................errrr....errmmmmm.... I don't shut my eyes *tee hee, titter titter*" (she does find herself incredibly witty and amusing!)

Irritated Parent "Okay, that's nice - go to bed please."

and that is it, no fuss, no argument, she just has to tell someone!!!



Tonight I had:

"Errrrmmmmm"

"Yeeesss?"

"Eeerrrrrmmmm.......*thinks*....my wardrobe."

"Okay, your wardrobe?"

"*tee hee, titter titter* My wardrobe is not nice, I don't like it, it scares me.....*more titter titter!" (she then looks at me from her cock-eyed view and grins)

"Okay, well we'll deal with that in the morning - now go to bed!

Problem solved..........




Only not, because it is a built in wardrobe!!!!!


Her other ritual is to migrate, every night, from her room, to ours. When she was small, it was okay, nice to cuddle up to her hot body. Now she is a large nearly 3 and a half year old, this hot body is rather squirmy and loves to come between myself and Mr Beehive and not to mention sleep diagonally. So thus, we have set her up with a matress on the floor to which she dutifully comes in, lays down, pulls up the covers and goes back to sleep............................................



.................................until the morning - What are you complaining about I hear you cry?

But the problem is not really her early rising or migration - it is the "watching".

From around 5.45 most mornings I am no longer awoken by babies crying, birds singing, alarm clocks going off or even Mr Beehive getting up for work. Instead I am awoken by a presence.

It stands watching, nothing else, not poking, touching or even talking. It is silent, still, observant - just watching me from around 8 inches from my face.

It scares the living crap out of me, without fail, ever frickin' morning.




I just gotta get her out of THAT ritual!

Babies, Boys, Buses and Blue Icing!!!

Okay, so I am seriously out of it dude!!

Today Master Beehive the elder had his party for his birthday. He had chosen to take a couple of friends out to the Sushi restaurant and then afterwards come back for cake and a movie. As we drove to the restaurant his two friends began talking to each other about the latest Pokemon games that they have. We are a pretty un-techy household (in fact, I am currently typing this blog entry on a buy that has taken somewhat three years to convince ourselves of the usefulness of - a laptop) and thus far haven't really had any reason to change that. However, listening to these two, one eight years old, one just seven, I realised that the whole language was different. I can honestly say that I had no clue what they were talking about and in all honesty, couldn't even make sense of what they were saying.

"Dude, what's the HP damage on your Itrabobby"

"Aw Man, it's awesome, there are 650 danger knots"

"Aw dude, that sucks!"

"Yeah! It sucks, but then it's cool, the right phelange is connected to the left phelange which in turn rotates the 769 whingamadoodle and stops the kratchewatche from blasting the mingymongy, and I am up to level 45!"

" Cool man! Awwwwwweeeessoooooome!"

What the F(*&*(*&***?????

I had obviously left my street cred back in 1984!

The return journey on the other hand, if you can add a couple of glasses of coke, some sugar and blue icing and it was truly incomprehensible and at twice the speed and volume too.

I suppose it wasn't helped by the fact that I only got in this morning at 1am after the second birth this week. It's somewhat like waiting for a number eleven at the moment. You wait weeks, then suddenly two come along at once. The first was Sunday night through Monday night and then yesterday morning I was called away to the next one which got me back early this morning. I was then supposed to be doing post partum work with the first couple at 9am - so strangely enough I am somewhat flagging right now.

The births were long and tough on the mamas involved. But how opposite could they be.
Birth one was a big big boy delivered by c-section eventually as he started to cause his mama's cervix to swell up and Birth two was a teeny tiny girl who was a VBAC, much to her mama's delight and relief.


So, all party guests are present and correct and quietly (now!) watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Ah well, I bet they don't know qwerty or who Gene Wilder is!!

Hmmm now where is that blue icing?..........

Boobie cases and the LBD!

You know, internet shopping is both a blessing and an absolute pain in the butt!

This weekend I have been excitedly awaiting the arrival of a new dress that I ordered on line for our school auction party in mid May.

I tirelessly (oh ho ho!) trawled the net looking for the LBD - only I was happy with it not being Black. Thinking my luck was in with a sort of halter necked type that claimed to "hang beautifully" - I ordered it in both my regular size and the size below (yeah, I know I can't luck in twice in one session!) plus the perfect set of matching shoes.

When the dratted thing arrived, the material, which wasn't evident from the regular pics, the zoom in pic, or the size 0 model smiling smugly wearing the LBD, clung to all my wobbly bits. The muffin top was leaking into the fabric and in all honesty..........I was scared. I know I still have a month and that is four more weeks of no chocolate, lots of Special K, 300 gallons of water, at least 20miles of X training and 500 hours of Pilates, but this would have to have been nowt short of a small miracle or liposuction to reach the cling free six pack that the dress really demanded.

So today I decided to send Mr Beehive back to the local store to return said item whilst I took Master Beehive the younger with me to another large department store to try to find one of around a dozen dresses I had found on line, but wasn't risking anything short of physical fitting this time!

Unfortunately what the small print didn't tell me was that the likelyhood of finding even one of anything I see online in the store is pretty much zero. The shop assistant scanned my printed off "wish list" only to return it to me with the information that normally what is online isn't carried in the store (*rolling eyes emoticon here*) and the only way to try stuff is to buy it in several sizes and send back what doesn't fit..............okay! Thanks for that info........exactly what I was in there to avoid! (*double rolling eyes emoticon here*)

Still, as we had arrived at the mall at least half an hour before opening, Master Beehive and I had done our fair share of window shopping by this point and had noticed one or two other stores with some potential.

Now there is one really extra special quality about Master Beehive the younger that needs to be known outside his family, Master Beehive the younger is going to be the BEST catch EVER!

He has a real natural eye for fashion, tells it how it is, (you won't catch HIM beating around the bush - if your bum looks big......he'll tell ya and mean it, none of this reading between the lines malarky with him!) and his ability to sit and wait patiently, without huffing and sighing, whilst the woman in his life tries on half a dozen dresses is truly tremendous for a five year old!

So, he sits outside the fitting room in a comfy chair reading the latest issue of "Bridge for Beginners and Bored Housewives" whilst I try on several different dresses; halter neck, strapless, sateen, linen, plain, patterned, white and black, black and white, more black than black and more white than......well.....white! As you can see, the colour idea got flushed down the swanny fairly rapidly and I guess being in the shop "White House/Black Market" had already limited our colour options somewhat!!

After narrowing down my shortlist to two, I thought I would ask his opinion on them.

He was more than happy to oblige and leaving his post and come in behind the curtain.

If you know my boyo, you know that he has two volumes in life: Very Loud and Ridiculously, unbelievably, people-can-hear-you-in-the-next-shop-despite-the-music-being-on-full-volume-Loud

Then in his best "I-know-I-am-cute-and-am-about-to-say-something-I-know-is-cheeky-and-funny-but-you-won't-tell-me-off-cos-I-am-so-cute." ridiculously, unbelievably, people-can-hear-you-in-the-next-shop-despite-the-music-being-on-full-volume-Loud Voice, he pokes his head around the curtain and exclaims with "oh such indignance"....

"Why is your boobie case on the floor mama?"

You could hear the sniggers.

Fortunately I am so used to these outbursts that I was able to leave the changing room with my head held high and engage in banter with the shop assistant whilst purchasing the best of the two lovely frocks.

So all being well, boobies and muffin top safely encased, and no doubt checked for their stay-put-ability by my son, I will be able to enjoy auction night!!

The first cut is the deepest.......

.........and causes the most likelyhood of bald patches!


So what can I expect from my kids and peer pressure in the future??

Well if today is anything to go by - I expect they will bow to it as much as I tried to (well, I liked to call it "rebelling against my parents" but in all truth it was probably succumbing to peer pressure -yawn!)

This weekend, Master Beehive the younger's bezzy mate was unwittingly handed over to his father's capable hands for a quick trim at the barbers......kind of male bonding one presumes lol! However, this resulted in a number 2 army crew cut and probably a close call on the divorce front too!!

So, this evening, Master Beehive the younger commented on how much he liked his friend's new cut.

"That's nice!" I replied with my mind on other things


"I want mine cut like that" says he


"Sure sweetie, we'll just let it go through the summer, like we agreed, and then have it cut in the Fall." This was actually partly a ploy on my part to hope he changed his mind and also because he changes his mind on a weekly basis like the wind.

After dinner I pop upstairs to get the Little Miss's p-j's and shut curtains - the usual routine. Getting sidetracked I probably end up being upstairs for a good 15 minutes.





On returning to the kitchen, I notice there is a smallish but long pile of hair on the floor. Not thinking TOO much of it, I pick it up and open the trash to put it in, only to discover at least four more handfuls.

It is funny how, when faced head on with a situation, the dawning of reality comes in slow motion. Eventually the mallet hits me on the head and I put two and two together.

He had scalped the back of his head and taken his bangs so high they would have made Bjork proud! I had to do a repair job and there was only one way forward and at 7pm at night, there are no hairdressers open for the challenge except chez moi!.....................

So I am now, very sad, mourning the loss of his wonderful angelic mop......................





From this:

To this.........................