Things to do before you die!

Finally I am back in the land of the living!

My nightmare has come true! The epilogue leak I read on t'interweb, the one where I was ready to fly to the UK and personally bop JK on the head..........was the real McCoy - the end is CHEEEEEEEEEEEESE - sorry JK, I know you had your audiences, who are probably far softer than I, but I promise you, my ending was far better!!

Anyway, having stood for 2 hours in the line on Saturday morning to get my copy, I am finally back in the land of the living having gotten half way through (the rest of the book, however, is amazing!) But, NEVER, NEVER again will I go to any bloody book launch !! Still, at least now I can tick it off the list of "things to do before you die" however, had I stood there much longer, I think my list title could have been changed to "things to do as you die!"

Do you have a list? I used to have a things to do before I am 30, which had to extend to 40........now I think I will be lucky if I fit it all in before I pop off!

T'was a rough day yesterday in the Beehive. Master Beehive, the elder, was walking around in a state of living dead having forced himself to come along with me to the event, despite my better judgement.

At one point we were shopping at Whole Foods, he sat on the floor on the fruit and veg aisle, silently weeping and convincing the employee who was trying to find out what was wrong, about my status as an unfit parent - keeping my child up until the wee small hours, then dragging him, uncaringly, around a supermarket, probably feeding him coke and donuts for breakfast too whilst I swigged a beer or two! Too bad it was all self induced!!

It was actually Master Beehive the younger's birthday so we were really on the search for a cake to surprise him as he was under the impression he was only having one at his party - next weekend!

We took him to lunch to celebrate at our local Japanese haunt (his request, not ours I hasten to add) during which time Master Beehive, the elder, was really struggling to hold it all together and tantrums, his and mine, were beginning to bubble.

Later that evening we were due to go out to some friends' house. I was trying to talk myself out of going. The thought of making conversation with my eyes sealed together wasn't exactly appealing. They were having a Super Duper Weenie party !! They had hired a Hot Dog truck complete with staff (actually the guy who runs it is a gourmet chef and owns a restaurant, all the stuff is homemade, so the sausages were actually meat rather than regurgitated filling bits and stuff from the floor!) The babysitter arrived an hour early - ??! and I wasn't so sure I could pull through another few more hours before the comfort of my own bed.

Still, we made it, Mr Beehive was fed Chilli dogs and a New England all in, watered a few beers and made his own ice cream sundae (we weren't allowed to leave before this point - you know the phrase - kid in a candy store - sod their age!) this truly was a party for Big Kids!

Finally I was allowed to crawl back under my covers for a steamy hot date with that (rather cute!!) 17 year old wizard.

Oh, and ...........yeah - that's me!

Right! But it's on my list *wink*

It's Bee-llywood dahling mwah !

Fook~!

Do you know that book, "One hundred things to do before you die" The same book in fact, whose author died doing one of those hundred things, anyhoo, I have one to add to my book of "one hundred strange things that life throws at you to do before you are too old and wrinkly to do it any more". No, get your heads OUT of the gutter, it has nothing to do with being in the bedroom or reading too much of the old KS! But being an extra in a movie.............Okay, so not strictly an extra, I was hunted down for a part!! Guess that makes me less desperate than an extra eh?? lol!

My acting skills remain no more developed that when I had to fake a snog in our sixth form production of The Pirates of Penzance. I was no good then, in fact, it was probably not helped by the fact I was lusting after the Pirate King (or maybe it was the Pirate King's first mate!) rather than the good old wandering minstral who was doing his best to woo me. If he hadn't been about 5'1", suffering big time from Hallitosis, nearly bald (see, i am 5'8, so can see a man's monk spot!) and MY GERMAN TEACHER!!!!!!! .....well, who knows.........

Anyway, this time it may be easier to remain in character - and I don't have to sing, which will please everyone.

I am playing the role of.........wait for it...........A Childbirth Educator.........hmmmm!!

I have to be "on set" tomorrow morning at 7.30am (*yawn*) complete in my wardrobe. The issue is these guys haven't actually SEEN my wardrobe, which consists of jeans, jeans, maybe a hippy skirt or two, possibly one of those "I have to make an impression at parent night/interview/in-laws etc" type dresses, more jeans and lots of stuff that really isn't exactly the wow factor.

It can't be bright (that rules out half), it can't be white (that is the other half), well nearly, the "other half" is divided up into stuff WITH slug trails from babies past and stuff that quite frankly isn't allowed out in public, not least in public with silver screen lasting memory!!!

So...........what's a filmstar to do???

I have resigned to a pair of beige cords and a black fitted tee, guess I can't be more neutral than that.

So, deep down I am excited about this, I am slugging back wine right now, so I guess a little nervous (but then all actors have hangovers don't they, so that will make me fit right in.) Cybil Shephard is playing the role of the mother in this movie (but I doubt she will be on set tomorrow) so watch out everyone..........my name will be there.......on the credits, you know, the bit at the end that rolls up so fast and so tiny (if you've even stayed awake until the credits) that blink and you miss it - it will be MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (said in best Andy Serkis voice!!!)

Watch these Broadway lights!!!!

2006 in review

2006 in Review

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? Pilates, became a doula, got some writing published, went up the Empire State building on Christmas Eve.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?I don't make resolutions, I prefer the freedom of being able to change my mind and I don't like the definition of a "New Year" to be the thing that means I can strive for better things, I can do that anytime!! So part two there is no !

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? How close do you want?
Yes about 10 women all within about 1 foot of me!!!!
....friend wise, Julie, although I haven't seen him yet, she's in Spain!

4. Did anyone close to you die? No and I am grateful to be saying that

5. What countries did you visit? Jamaica, Belgium and England (that seems weird!) but we are living in the States and exploring there, does that count?

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? More time!!

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Gosh that is a hard question. Nothing major happened (for once!) so I guess 2006 will go down in a history as a nice, calm year with no moves, no babies (of my own!), no new houses etc.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Is this really banal to say losing 10lbs and getting a great Yoga venue to practise at?

9. What was your biggest failure? Losing my rag sometimes, taking things on in such a personal way, getting irate about things I cannot change!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No, but R. did and I hope that he remains on track this year. That doesn't want to recurr this year!

11. What was the best thing you bought? I have no idea that there is any one thing: A mattress pad for our bed - now I really can sleep, several gifts for people for Christmas from Oxfam unwrapped, a new camera, maybe my really good blender so now I make smoothies for W. and kid him into consuming veggies and fruit!!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? OMG, every day I see people on the t.v, in papers who have done selfless deeds, fostered children, helped in the developing world, saved lives............

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Where do I start? George Bush and his lack of recognition in the US's part in global warming for one small issue, many tabloids and their exploitaiton and sensationalistic stories, many OB's!! Nestle, Nestle, Nestle ......

14. Where did most of your money go? Probably on organic food, then books I expect, although I think a lot disappears into R's share scheme at work which we will one day see again I think!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My family and friends coming to visit...........oh and a takeaway - it means I don't have to cook!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2006? Jingle Bells I expect. I. sings it with such panache and T has learnt to play it on the piano!! In fact I am actually heartily SICK OF IT!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:i. happier or sadder? Neither, but I am more content and at peace with myself.
ii. thinner or fatter? Woohoo - thinner - 10lbs - did I say that?
iii. richer or poorer? Probably richer, it feels like poorer, smalls like to eat, grow and do things, but we certainly have enough.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Exploring the area and country we are currently living in, writing, taken more video of the children, breathed!

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Driving, sulking!

20. How will you be spending the Winter? Hopefully in much the same way I spend most of my time surrounded by my family, snuggled up in front of the fire or mucking around on our "ski hill" in the back yard on a sled!!

22. Did you fall in love in 2006? Not especially.

23. What was your favorite month of 2006? I don't really think I had one, each month had it's qualities

.24. What was your favorite TV program? I do like "House", but we tend to watch videos of British series' rather than channels, Spooks, Messiah, that kind of thing.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No, that is far too harsh a word. I have lower esteem for a few people I didn't this time last year, and disappointment in one friend, but equally higher esteem of a few.

26. What was the best book you read? The BEST book? Hmmmm, I liked one I read really recently "The Spirit catches you and you fall down" also "The Mind of Boys" was pretty inspiring, I don't know. Oh hang on, I really liked the book "A year by the sea".

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? That my clarinet still works and isn't full of mould - yet!!!

28. What did you want and get? More energy - sometimes, healthier - definitely,

29. What was your favorite film of this year? The Constant Gardener.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I honestly can't remember, we might have had a meal out somewhere? Isn't that dreadful! I was 34

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? That overnight my children would have developed the ability to talk to each other rather than shout at top volume, that they would never fall out or argue or at least would reason with each other and that the clothes looked as good on me as they did on the model!!!!

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? A huge mix of alternative, boho, hippy look with an underlying awareness of the phrase "mutton dressed as lamb". Hopefully pretty young and funky, although it does very often consist of jeans!!!!!!!

33. What kept you sane? A nice Chardonnay and a book.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Not fancy, but I admire Angelina Jolie, not so much for her acting, more her international work, her physique and that she has snagged Mr Pitt (the bitch!) however I have the lushes for Johnny D, Orlando (of course) and Mr Aragorn - so as you can imagine, Pirates of the Carribean and LOTR are somewhat of a porn fest for me!!!

35. What political issue stirred you the most? The polar icecap has rattled R's cage. The technocracies of birth in the US is what stirs me the most

.36. Who did you miss? My family and friends

37. Who was the best new person you met? I don't know, I met a bunch of new people this year who have been lots of fun to know, maybe Laurie........my yoga buddy and Montessori mom, probably Mary, she is my inspiration and guru.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: Two really: Your kids are who they are - let them just be and you won't find that 26 hour day, it just ain't there.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Hmmm still thinking.

Fruits of my labour

I think it's time for a little update around the house:

I've been attempting to find ways to ensure that the three strawberries that my 16 or so plants produce this year are not eaten by the nesting pigeons in the tree above the strawberry patch. So on Sunday decided to create my own defense system. The words "cobbling together" really don't do the appalling carpentry justice. Let's just say, if any bird manages to get through the chicken wire, it's likely to die horribly, impaled on one of the gazillion nails that "missed" when I was attempting to bash them through. However, if it lasts a couple of seasons, then it's worked (not the bird that is!)

So this is a slightly better piece of joinery! I've made another raised bed. Realising that they are silly money in the shops and I could make one myself for less, this is a really basic bed. I think it will be my lettuce bed next year, but I feel compelled to plant more radishes today after trying the first of our season's booty this morning.

This is all that remains as I had it for breakfast. It is a reminder that, despite feeling like one radish really won't feed the 5000, there is a reason as to "why" I grow lots of veg. Sinead O'Connor basically sang about* why growing your own veg is superior to shop bought ;-) (and if you press the link and you're my age - you'll be whizzed back to late night parties in Becky's house during sixth form years!!)

*okay, so she wasnt' "actually" singing about vegetables - but then I suppose it depends who you dated !

This shot shows the whole of the plot. It's really hard to show how it looks now in comparison to February when I started and it was just an overgrown mass of weeds. I'm really chuffed.

Some rather marvellous bounty all shiny and red - well, okay, a bit green too - but we're holding out for enough mixed berries to make something with on Sunday!

Painted the front door. Now all I have to do is cut back the triffid that is wisteria to ensure that we can actually get in and out of the house and there isn't a Sleeping Beauty's castle situation.

And when it gets cold or rains, I can retreat to my nice fire (I keep showing this don't I?!) and the sunny batik we brought back from Kenya last year that we've finally had framed. The perfect place I think.

As for the rest of the week. It's been a bit of a mixed bag of emotions. I've been frustrated with things going missing in the mail, both things I've sent recently AND stuff that's been sent to me. One of those things was all the important forms that I need to fill in and send back for uni. So I've been printing off ridiculous amounts of paper from websites instead to ensure I have all I need.Of course, the printer hasn't wanted to play ball, so there has been much cursing and wasted paper in the process.

I've then been tracing my medical notes as I need my immunisation records and need them signed.... However, somewhere between leaving the surgery in Edinburgh and moving down here and registering, the notes are "in transit" and that is as much as anyone can tell me. Of course the whole thing could be a bit of a moot point as I doubt my notes of 1973 will show my immunisations, despite the fact that I have a piece of paper with some vaccinations recorded from 1980ish. That's the problem of being a dinosaur!
I'm also finding it hard being a lone parent in the week. It seems so long until each weekend. Then, like happened this week, the electrician stops by to do a couple of things but unearths a plethora of other problems, some of which are dangerous...

I've also discovered that it's highly likely that one of my six weeks of holiday from uni will be changed to suit the school holidays. Which, in a normal year, would actually be great and, from a less selfish perspective is more practical. However, Mr Beehive and I had organised for my mum and dad to look after the kids whilst they were still in school and he and I were going to New York and back to Wilton for my fortieth for a few days. Now that's gotta be kyboshed!

Finally to top the week off, I learned that one of the teachers from the children's old Montessori school in the USA had succumb to cancer. She was only 50 and a wonderful lady. Full of life and vitality. Her youngest is Master Beehive the younger's age. Terribly sad.

On the upside though, a couple of school friends had been making plans behind my back to come to visit me. They  managed to reduce me to (happy) tears this week. I was so excited to get a note in my inbox to say that they were coming with their boys to spend a day with us here at The Beehive. I haven't seen either of them for...a long old time...too long! So that made me feel quite loved and gave me the kick up the arse required. Thanks Lynn and Becks xxx

Learning about Kristen and reading the blog of another of my friend's battling cancer at the moment makes me put everything in perspective. So if you have a few more moments, I'd just like to introduce someone to you:

This is Charisse.

Charisse made me cry the first time I really was introduced to her (seriously, there isn't a reccurrent theme with me and friends that make me cry- honestly!).

Not many of my friends do that. 

She had taken photographs of our children at the Montessori school that we were privileged to watch on a big screen during an parent/teacher evening early in the school year in 2005. In front of me and Mr Beehive was a picture of each of my boys in huge 10ft by 10ft black and white.
Raw, unchanged imagery of the insides of my boys' characters. This woman is SO remarkable that I swear she takes her photos of kids from the inside out. You don't just see the exterior, the blonde hair, blue eyes, you see what they are thinking, how they were learning, what emotions certain things manifest in them.

When I first met Charisse, she had just been undergoing treatment for non-hodgkins lymphoma. All her beautiful hair had come out and she was wearing a scarf. I remember her distinctly because I hadn't even noticed her hair, I noticed her eyes, the laughter on her face and the scarves - she had some cool scarves ;-)

When she was well, she would always be in school with her camera, capturing internal images of our children. Anyone can take a photo, but with Charisse's there is something more to them, something that actually makes you feel that you can reach out and shake the hand of the child in her picture or give them a hug, something that may even make you go home and look at your child in a different light as there is something there that you didn't notice before, something that Charisse and her camera are only let into, rather like being granted permission to step into a child's imagination just for a moment.
When she wasn't taking photos she would be laughing. I can actually hear her laughing even after two years of being away from Wilton. She has such a beautiful face that radiated the love that she has for life, her love, David and her boys.

So, I'm not going to grumble about the paperwork, the missing medical notes, the stupid wires that have been wired up wrong or the fact that during the week I don't have my Mr Beehive with me.

Charisse would use her coined phrase "Wasa" to put everything in perspective.

Wasa means "already done"
For Charisse, the power of this word is a message to her cancer that it is done with, gone. She will fight this and win.
For me, this week, I shall use Wasa to mean that life is what it is and what will be in it, will be. Tomorrow is a new day and yesterday and much of today is already done and there is little if not anything I can do to change it, just work with it.

Next time I have a crappy week, I shall take strength from Charisse, play this song and breathe a few Wasa's out into the air...maybe there'll be enough power in my energy to transmit some vibes to Charisse as well.

Wasa.

Om stands for Oh My God!

For those of you that have been following my blog for some years now, you'll know that whilst I lived in the US I was a keen yoga student. I would go to practice at the studio a couple of times a week (not much, but enough to develop my practice). Since my arrival in Edinburgh eighteen months ago, I've not managed to do any yoga at all. Primarily because I've not discovered a teacher and studio and primarily because I've managed to find a gazillion other things and excuses as to why I can't.

I did briefly pop along to a session in a church hall but...well, I think the venue may have said it all. It was snooze-time yoga for octogenarians and, fresh from my Vinyasa flow, I was in need of faster things! "More fluidity!" I cried.

Finally I did find a studio, and in my infinite wisdom, signed myself up for a ten week course of led Ashtanga.

I had great visions of a svelte figure, inner peace, finding a flat tummy (it's a never ending quest!) and being able to get back to doing crane pose and head stand, which I'd mastered before I left.

What no one ever tells you though is that it takes months to build this up, but only seconds to lose it all.

Dignity and flat stomachs catapulting out of my grasp as fast as I could unroll my mat, this morning's lesson found me sweating like a badger's arse, discovering parts of my anatomy that I'd long since thought had left the building and struggling with pranayama and a full on cold, so that it may have been thought that there was an escaped pig in the room. The toned muscles, that were a thing of the past and may still be yet, were riddled with lactic acid rendering me almost immobile by the end and my eyes, saddled with cold and an inability to breath through my nose had me auditioning alongside Bugsy to steal his role in Bedtime Stories part 2: the revenge of the bulging eye balls !

She had me moving through the first five standing poses with grace and flexibility, (on her part - wobbles and shakes on mine) until I really regretted the decision I'd made to eat my tuna sandwich before the class started and began mentally assessing the exits and carpeted areas that needed avoiding, in case I felt the need to share this with her.

By the time we reached Savasana an hour later, I knew I'd arrived at the poor man's version of yoga Nidra without effort. "Try not to think about anything you need to do, relax your mind, allow yourself to feel heavy" she crooned. Who was she kidding?  Time to die I think!