Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Raindrops on Roses and whiskers on kittens...........

So what were YOUR favourite Christmas gifts this year? Did you secretly love the sweater that Great Aunty Mo knitted for you in lime green with a picture of a cat on the front? Or that 9785 piece jigsaw of your front lawn in full greenery? Or how about that really great book on Ineffective Political Leaders of our time in all its 4,000,000 pages!!!!!!!

In the Beehive there are really few rules as to what makes a good gift, most of them set by me:

1. it occupies said person for more than 10 seconds
2. it lasts with said person for more than 10 seconds

Simple really!

Ours particular faves this year were*:

Master Beehive the elder - his Lego City that has kept him and his dad amused since about 1pm on Christmas day (I love pressies that amuse both child and dad!! you really feel like you are getting your monies worth - there should be a government health warning on the side though - buy this gift and lose two family members for around 12 hours!!) We have a few more pressies that fit this category that we have lined up for the next few days in order to give mama time to knit or go to the gym and burn off that Christmas dinner!

Master Beehive the younger rather took to a bug catcher with a wonderful, battery operated suction facility. Even though there are no bugs to catch at this time of year, he has thoroughly enjoyed "catching his sister's hair" and sucking up little bits of grime to show me during mealtimes!!

Little Miss Beehive was particularly taken with a pack of Charlie and Lola playing cards - "I am ever so honestly playing a game of flip flop mammy, even though I really truly and completely haven't got a clue what I am doing!!" This too has kept her amused for quite some time.

For me there was a nice, lush black scarf from my mil (chosen by me however hee hee!) and an espresso machine from dh (which might be apparent from my jibbering post today!) I was also the delightful (erk! Should read delightED - but perhaps I am delightful too???) recipient of a beautiful piece of jewellery - I think he might have actually been sucked in by the adverts !! I just hope I manage to keep this piece where it is meant to live (around my neck!) rather than lose it somewhere into oblivion in my parent's ensuite!!

I feel a little sorry for Mr Beehive the eldest of all olds, as I bought him a couple of replacement sweaters (he has had a sweater cull recently!) because his actual present was a trip to Vermont earlier in the Fall. There ain't no easy way to wrap that up, oh and he has a daily present of ................. ME!

So now we are moving to 2008...........I wonder what the year will bring? Hopefully for all of you a happy, healthy and wonderfully fun year.

Mwah x

*disclaimer - this is not to say that ALL presents received this year were not wonderful, of the best thought and love and we are very, very grateful THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

Monday, December 17, 2007

A Christmas ditty

What did YOU do this weekend then?

In the Beehive, we have been preparing like many other families of school aged children, for the end of the term. Hence the baking has begun and I need you to keep up!

On the first day of Christmas Master Beehive said to me
I need to knit a masterpiece.
On the second day of Christmas Master Beehive said to me
Four Grandma's jumblies and a Secret Santa knitted masterpiece.
On the third day of Christmas Master Beehive said to me
Thirty choc chip cookies, four Grandma's jumblies and a Secret Santa knitted masterpiece
On the fourth day of Christmas the school rep reminded me
15 hot mincepies, 30 choc chip cookies, Four Grandma's jumblies and a Secret Santa knitted masterpiece
On the fifth day of Christmas Master Beehive said to me
30 more crunchy cookies!
30 choc chip cookies, 15 hot mincepies, Four Grandma's jumblies and a Secret Santa knitted masterpiece.
On the sixth day of Christmas Little Miss Beehive threw a fit
30 boggin cookies, 30 more crunchy cookies, 15 hot mincepies, 30 choc chip cookies, 4 Grandma's jumblies and a Secret Santa knitted masterpiece.
On the seventh day of Christmas Mr Beehive said to me
I need 48 cookies, 30 boggin cookies, 30 crunchy cookes, 15 hot mincepies, 30 choc chip cookies, 4 grandma's jumblies and a Secret Santa knitted masterpiece.
On the eight day of Christmas a little voice said to me
Don't forget the chutney, I need 48 cookies, 30 boggin cookies, 30 crunchy cookies, 15 hot mincepies, 30 choc chip cookies, 4 Grandma's jumblies and a Secret Santa knitted masterpiece
On the ninth day of Christmas the teachers reminded me
Where is the jelly? Don't forget the chutney, I need 48 cookies, 30 boggin cookies, 30 crunchy cookies 15 hot mincepies, 30 choc chip cookies, 4 Grandma's jumblies and a Secret Santa knitted masterpiece
On the tenth day of Christmas I said to me......
Sixteen bottles of vino, one pot of valium, seventy cups of coffee and one happy family!!!!!!!!!

So this evening I am putting the finishing touches to 160 cookies (well I couldn't make all those and not leave any for my gannets!) and sewing a button on a bag!

But I did manage to make this little number that I am proud of! I knitted this in Karabella Festival wool which is really fun if not a little tricky.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Hemorrhoids from Heaven!

No matter how old you are or what anyone tells you - toilet humour is always funny! I just thought I would share with you two delights that my brood came up with yesterday.

After picking LMB up from school yesterday lunchtime, she started the usual tribal loo hop.

"I need to go poo poo!" she declared "I can feel the bubbles popping in my bottom"

Needless to say I fell about (of course whilst assisting her with her request!)

Second incident was later whilst I was taking Master Beehive the elder to his school concert. We were chatting and I got him engaged by telling him about the meteor shower that is due on Saturday. I explained that these little particles were called Geminoids as they were passing through Gemini. He was really enthusiastic about this and rushed into the concert to tell his teacher and classmates all about this information.
Post concert I asked him if he told his teacher and if he had remembered the name of the particular particles.

"We-e-e-ll" he said, "I did tell them about it, but I got a bit stuck on the name. I couldn't remember, so I told them that lots of Gemarroids were falling into earth's atmosphere on Saturday".

I only thank goodness that he got the first letter correct - I have horrendous images of the preceding letter of the alphabet falling from the sky on Saturday night!!!!!!!

Talking of things falling from the sky; today we are off for an impending snow day.........I am pleased to announce that at 11.40am it has finally started! Upto 3 - 4 inches. I guess we are on for Piles of it ! (sorry couldn't resist!)

Monday, December 10, 2007

Tutus, monkeys and greetings of the season!

So, t'is nearly the season to be jolly, but right now we are being manically busy in the Beehive. End of the school year always brings madness to the nest, but more so during the festive season what with concerts, parties, trees to decorate, gifts to buy and send and cards to distribute. No wonder all the mama's are drunk by 11am on Christmas morning, they are so blinkin' knackered and amazed they have survived it all one more year. It is a sense of shock!

Friday was Mr Beehive's work do! The one day of the year that I don a party frock and I do like to do it with gusto. Trouble is, most years we have to contend with Mother Nature who has other plans for us. Naturally, just as she did in 2005, she treated us to a nice sprinkling of snow that began around 3pm. Normally this isn't an issue, but at the moment she is teasing with these flurries that are actually catching out the road salters. Hence it took Mr Beehive over an hour and a half to come 8 miles with the boys after their party and, fortunately, being the man he is, only 15 minutes to get ready to turn around and go out again. Our driver for the evening was Mr Doom who proceeded to enlighten us with information about the state of the roads, all the accidents, how the car we were in was not suited to the weather (oh goody!). However, it has to be said, Mr Beehive's work knows how to throw a damn good bash. Last year was a OO7 theme , this year was a masked ball..........Our christmas tree this year now has a theme "The Theatre dahhling" and is sporting all the beautiful masks that I delicately managed to remove from the event after a few glasses of vintage bubbly (well, they would only chuck them out, everyone else was doing the same and yes that is a pathetic lemming type of thing to do and no! of course I won't tell the kids that and yes, I do telling them not to be lemmings - Monkey see, monkey want and monkey was just a teeny weeny bit tipsy!!)

Saturday was Mr Beehive's birthday. We had a slow kind of day, got the tree and, much to the disgust of the children, put it up but told them they had to wait to Sunday to decorate it! We have a rule in the Beehive that Christmas doesn't officially start until after Mr Beehive's birthday. Of course, this rule doesn't apply to my need to play a little bit of Croony Christmas Crap on CD prior to this date - there's that boggin' monkey again!

Today Master Beehive the younger has begun tap lessons. He has been hankering after these for quite some time. So we have found a fun class for him to attend and he was unbeliveably excited, wanting to practice on our wooden floors the minute we got in with his shoes on Saturday. Today, however, he is a little more reserved about the whole experience.

"It is noisy and it is full of girls!"

If only Billy Elliot wasn't so fully of cussing, I would perhaps suggest we watch that, however, I will just have to convince him that the dancers from Hi Five started in the same tap lessons as him with all the girls and came out okay! I hope he gets over this and makes a go of it. He has such a good sense of rhythm and loves to dance.

Michael: So you're going to ballet every week?

Billy: Aye, but don't say owt.
Michael: Do you get to wear a tutu?

Billy: Fuck off, they're only for lasses. I wear me shorts.

Michael: You ought to ask for a tutu?

Billy: I'd look a right dickhead.

Michael: I think you'd look wicked.

I think he'll do grand!

Sunday, December 02, 2007

The end and beginning of an era!

Yay we have snow! Well, more like dandruff right now, but it's a beginning. The forecast doesn't look promising for it to stay which, has the advantages of the children being in school so I don't have to cancel my meeting tomorrow morning, but the disadvantage of the rush off to school and the lack of hunkering down inside in front of the fire.

I think we have reached unchartered territory! Mr Beehive, so it would appear, has a silent crush.....*gasps*. Tomorrow he has a female friend coming back for a playdate and dinner. He has been preparing for this event ALL week, to the point that he has revealed some of his inner most worries to me to ensure the date goes well.

I have been served up a list of duties I need to perform before and during this date. Firstly I have been banished out into the snow to clean out my car!!!?? then I have to serve up the specifically requested menu of gluten free noodles with tomato sauce and butter (if she is allowed to eat dairy on that day) followed by.....a dessert (something that in our house consists of either yoghurt, fruit or occasionally ice cream. I remember an ex-boyfriend's mother always serving that same choice up for weekday puddings every time I went over.....and here I am, doing it myself with full recognition and kudos to her, that after 8 years of trying to be inventive and creative for children's meals, I am exhausted with the main course, so puddings are relegated to weekend treats!!) at dinner time!!???
Normally a playdate in my son's opinion consists of lots of charging around the garden, climbing the trees, generally getting filthy (not caring about the state of my car interior) and then some hot dogs and salad for dinner........this is a new realm for him (and me!)!!!!!!!

Finally, he has asked to have his hair cut!! Now this is serious. Naturally I am saddened that he wants to shed his gorgeous long white blond curly locks.......and HE is serious because when I offered to cut it for him, he requested that he be taken somewhere "proper" with "experts" (not remotely offended of course!). So this afternoon we are heading to my stylist whom I trust to listen to my motherly whinging and whining and give him a trendy, floppy.......*short*aaaggh it hurts to say it...boy cut! Oh and she won't laugh at me when I ask for the hair in a tupperware!

Now I take my leave to mourn!

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Turkey Time!!

I'm a slacker I know!

Thanksgiving has been and come and I haven't updated my blog.

So what to tell? Thanksgiving was......well Thanksgiving. Turkey, trimmings and hours of preparations all to be quaffed in half the time under the disguise of alcohol so it never tastes as it ought anyway!!! Of course, it is a far bigger thing to the Americans than it is to us (one of my dear friends was up at 5am shoving stuffing up her turkey's bum - now there is the first difference - I don't DO 5am and turkey butts, my style of cooking is always and shall always remain "It will be ready when it is ready and I am a vegetarian so I shall cook you meat but a refuse to venture to deeper depths!!") but I do like the idea of a celebratory day to give thanks for the harvest and our fortune at having food on the table (I know this isn't the main story behind Thanksgiving, but it works for us aliens!!). However, it always amuses me how people have to shop like it is the end of the world on these events, argue and hustle each other in the supermarkets over the last gallon of milk and then complain afterwards that they have WHAAAAY too much left over and they don't know what to do with it???!! For me, that kind of defeats the object of being grateful for being fortunate enough to have food on our plates only to then chuck half of it away afterwards. We only have one small container of leftover turkey in the freezer and I made turkey and veggie puffs with the leftovers for the day after Thanksgiving. Other than that, we are all out of leftovers.

This year I was on call, so was expecting to get to the point of putting the bird in the oven only to be called forward a week and my client rings me to say she has had the baby. It happened so smoothly she didn't feel the need to call at good for her and a teensy weensy thank you for not waking me up!!!!!!!

Instead Mr Beehive was able to leap on a plane last minute and hop over to the UK for his grandmother's funeral. Naturally, things always happen when Mr Beehive is out of the country, this time I came down with some unknown stomach bug and the Little Miss fell off the second to last step of our wooden stairs and tried to stop herself.....with her teeth!!! Fortunately she hasn't lost any, but we now sit and wait to see whether she has destroyed the nerves and ends up with a black tooth permanently or not.

Last Saturday, Mr Beehive and I went into the City for the day. We set off with an agenda that half an hour into our jaunt we had ditched in favour of taking off our watches and just wandering. I have always said that NYC is not a city that you can get lost in and just stumble upon stuff like London is. Well, that might be the case to an extent, but if you know where to wander, the architecture and diversity is stunning. The buildings always amaze me, so Gothic and 1920's classic, so tall and vast, so intricate:

Battery Park

Buildings near the Courts.

The Woolworth Building

The Flat Iron Building

We spent most of the day just drifting from Battery Park on the very south end of Manhattan up to the Frick on 75th st (?) near Central Park. It was so fantastic not to have any commitments, any reason to have to rush off somewhere, no lunches to prepare, no taxi services to provide etc. By around 4pm, after Dim Sum and a great reflexology session in China Town, we had gotten to The Frick Museum that Mr Beehive had wanted to see (I am not so much of a pre-Raphalite or Renaissance kinda gal) so we wandered in there for a look. Then later on we decided, off the cuff, to go to see the Bodies exhibition by the Seaport. That was so interesting. Mr Beehive had not been very up for it.......his squeamish side I think! Only it was far from squeamish, in fact you had to remind yourself that they actually were cadavers on many occasions as they looked almost plastic. It is a fabulous exhibition for anyone who is wondering. Really educational and informative and not at all gory. They have done an amazing job, the cadavers have been preserved initially to mortuary standards, dissected, soaked in acetone and then pumped with a kind of silicon or polymer and sealed in a vacuum chamber after preservation to maintain them in this permanent state. For the layperson, this is a great insight into how the body functions and also what a mess one can make of the body by smoking, drinking excessively and overeating. If you get a chance, go to one of the exhibitions, they are all over the world I think.

We now have our watches firmly back on once more to resume parental duties........Sir!!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

What's lying under the floorboards?

It almost seems in bad taste relaying this tale (or should I say "tail"?) to you after my previous entry. But knowing how much Mop loved a funny story, I am sure she would have been happy to listen, so here goes:

On Friday the Beehive began to smell. No, not that leftover cooking/doggy/fire embers/washing type of smell that you get the morning after the night before, but STINK! as in rotten, festering, gagging type of smell. It was traced to our cupboard in the dining room where we have a false ceiling as well as many, many boxes.
This is actually my "Monica cupboard". The place in the house where I shove everything so that I can fool people into thinking that I can have lots of small children AND a clean and tidy house!!

On Saturday, the stench was so overwhelming that I set Mr Beehive and Father of Mr Beehive about seeking out and obliterating the cause. Of course, we all knew that it wasn't the smell of a child's diaper that had been missed somewhere, nor was it the smell of a peanut butter sandwich slowly petrifying in a lunch box, it wasn't even Mr Beehive's sneakers with his socks still in them from the gym. The owner of the smell was in fact, now deceased and it was his rotting little corpse that we were privvy to sniff.

To cut a very long story short - some three hours later and all the contents of the cupboard as well as all the contents of my boxes had been removed, searched and replaced, including the ceiling coming down (I did get a free tidy up out of this so am not actually complaining!). All of this was to no avail. The critter was still somewhere in the cupboard.

In the end FOMB, who has somewhat of a bloodhound sense of smell, came to the conclusion that it was coming from behind the wall!! Dontcha just LOVE wooden houses ??

The suggestions all pretty much led to one conclusion by now, that was to smash a great big hole in the wall............hmmmmmm riiight!
This house is rented, so we knew that was out, instead Mr Beehive decided to fill all the cracks he could find in the cupboard with some "Ug- Me-Man-sealant" you know the kind, rather like the Pringles advert - "Once you've popped, you can't stop" . We are now living in tropical climates as every hole he could find in the house has been filled with this expanding filler that he enjoyed playing with so much.....

However, twenty minutes later there are two sheepish looking grown men standing in my living room with their fingers stuck together..............yes............BOTH of them! The intelligence of men, still defeats me beyond belief!
Did I have any nail varnish remover? They needed the acetone.
Problem is, I only buy acetone free..........

Ten minutes later sees Mr Beehive and FOMB driving off up the road adorning pretty pink marigolds to buy - yes, obviously, nail varnish remover! I just hope they met someone they knew!!

As for the mouse, well he was never found and the smell is diminishing thanks to good old tea tree oil and Bicarb of soda! I just hope that Mr Beehive and FOMB at least find their ermaining dignity!!!

Sunday, November 18, 2007


It has been rather a mixed weekend.

Today was Little Miss Beehive's third birthday but unfortunately this morning we were informed that Mr Beehive's grandmother had passed away. It wasn't totally unexpected, but it is always a shock, however much in advance you know. We have my in-laws here at the moment, so as a mark of respect this evening we lit an extra candle on the birthday table.
R.I.P. Mop.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Aah, ga-waaan you know you wanit, so you do!

They can take the girl out of the city......but they can't take the entrepreneur out of the salesman!

MB the elder is proving daily to be just such a stooge! His latest venture is his theatre group. He and some friends are practising the Lion King to perform to the parents early in the New Year. In all reality, it is a fantastic learning experience for them. The couple of parents that are "supervising" in the loosest sense of the word, are watching them direct, choreograph, sing, write lines, learn lines and work as a team with minimal adult intervention (okay gush over!) However, my darling boy is already working on the math involved - if we charge $2 per ticket. Of course, Mr Beehive da daddy, being the sceptic he is, is joking about just who is paying whom for the privilege to watch (only he is not entertaining this scathing to MB of course for fear of his marital and coital future!).

His previous venture before that was the one of publishing his book and selling it to his pals at school. This book is about 7cm by 4cm in physical being and roughly 6 pages length, with wording increasing in size by the page, so that by the last page there is nay but one word! It has helped me immensely with some surreptitious home-edding - "If you sell 6 books at 50c how much will you have?" yaddayadda - you can take the teacher out of the school........blah blah!

He is currently doing "Chores for Christmas". He wants to buy me a Christmas present - ahhh! But of course this means he will only perform his daily chores in the holiday period for a monetary reward !!! So either I forfeit the impending bubble bath in order to have a few more cleaned tables, fed dogs and dollars in my purse - or I give up and jump in the spirit of entrepreneurial endeavour!

So one of his more inventive ventures is a tag sale. In the US, a 'Tag Sale" is basically a garage sale, you sell the crap you don't want onto some unsuspecting sucker who is prepared to pay for it. MB the elder announces the other morning that this is what he wants to do..........NOW! This is November people. My fellow human beings are not even arisen from their slumber, the temperature is near 20F and he wants to stand in our drive selling crap for cents! Naturally I am not over enamoured with this suggestion and decide to see the pile he has gathered for this event before I pass comment on the continuation.........................

In the room is a pile of his sister's toys, along with his sister standing proudly mid piece!! I only hate to think what he has told her and whether she is actually part of the sale and I must only presume he has assigned himself a massive cut???!!!!

You've been Tango'd!

Look at this! It is like waiting for a number 11 bus. Nothing for days and then two at once!

Okay, so:
It is a fact of life that children learn language by repetition of what they hear. Problem is, when you start to hear yourself talk back to you.

I should have learned my lesson when Master Beehive the elder was just learning to speak and his first words pretty much were "Bloody Nora!"
Aghast and horrified I related this to Mr Beehive later that evening declaring indignantly I had absolutely no idea where he would have picked that up from, only to find myself not two days later using that exact same expletive when something fell from the cupboard. MB the elder was of course standing behind me giggling "Bloodynorabloodynorabloodynora!"

Over the years however, I have learned something and these days the mini-me-isms tend to be a little less Fishwifey!
We have been making brownies this morning and Little Miss Beehive and Master Beehive the younger have been helping me whilst Master Beehive the elder has been working on his magazine on the computer. As I was explaining to LMB why she needed to take off and hang up her apron after we had finished I heard:

"One!- it's dirty, Two!- mamasayso, Three! - wear my apron, Five!-wear my apron!" as she twirled around the kitchen, mimicking me and still wearing the apron.

Do I really sound like that?? I think I liked it better when they just used to swear!

Life at Speed!

If you have been wondering where I am, then obviously you haven't noticed the wonderful site change thanks to Mia at Blogcafe! Naturally I have been too stunned with the new graphics to get my brain to function rather than just too busy !!

So what has been going on in the Hive? We are currently anticipating the arrival of Grandparents today. This of course translates to hyper-over-excited-children-who-seem-unable-to-do-anything-for-periods-longer-than-a-nano-second this morning, without coming in to ask "Are they here yet?". To which I have to seriously restrain the sarcastic comments which would be lost on them: "Have you seen them?", "Wait, I'll just have Scotty beam them down" "They came, they went, you missed!" and all the other pathetic Chandleresque unwitty baggage I have stored up!
I have still to discover a solution to this, not the pathetic Chandleresque unwitty baggage (that, my friends, is where I am a lost cause!) but the Are they/we/he ....? questions, which, in my opinion, goes happily hand in hand with the other old chestnut the "Are we nearly there yet?" mantra!

I remember when I was young, my maternal grandmother often used to say "don't wish your life away". Of course as a young girl desperate to be older, do the things older people got to do, the world ahead of me, this just seemed like some old biddy talking nonsense and just trying to make me feel like a little girl. Of course, now I AM that old biddy, I wish time would just slow right down.

When Master Beehive the elder was a baby, I remember in the January standing in my kitchen with a friend and we were discussing how much we found the month depressing. Diaries were bare, we had nothing planned to do for the year - ohhh how would we cope.

Today, however, I find my diary tends to be booked up rather like a Broadway show. I may have a seat or two for a matinee 18 months down the line but it'll cost ya!

Life is flashing past so quickly and the three hours I have "free" each day when LMB is in school, tend to be choc-a-bl0c with errands, chores, appointments and meetings etc.

Of course, I nearly forgot! Last weekend was LMB's party. She is three on Sunday and so we had a small gathering of "pwincesses" to celebrate. As I mentioned, LMB had firm ideas over her cake, so being her mother, I felt it necessary to at least try to oblige! I am not a cake maker and, the very same friend who stood with me in my kitchen in January 2002 IS such a person, but unfortunately a nice Victoria Sponge doesn't tend to travel so well!! So I was resorted to my own exceedingly poor ability. This was the end result.

Luckily it remained standing just long enough for people to eat it before the landslide set in, so I guess the proof really was in the pudding that it didn't taste so bad! Or maybe people are just too polite to say anything!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Writing at Associated Content

So my latest venture is trying to earn a tiny bit of moolah for this drivel. Someone put me onto writing at associated content on t'interweb. Now, it would appear I am published .... yes, I know I have been published before, but this time there is wonga involved - enough for a tea bag and a cup of fingerless gloves to keep the frostbite away at least lol! Please visit my page for my more serious writings. You can subscribe and read other people too.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Trash talk

Apparently I am a bin snob!! - that is to say, according to Mr Beehive, I have quite an eye for a good trash can! I am not a fan of the plastic bin, end of! I know, they do their job, it is only a trash can after all's a Feung Shui thing (kinda!) I have tried to explain Mr Beehive to the importance of "the right fit" by associating it with nylon versus cotton know exactly what I mean - the static versus that smooth, fresh feeling.........but you can also fathom his male response.

We have been somewhat unlucky in our choice of garbage apparel over recent months, first finding that Peter Pedal bin's plastic mechanism was not compatible with his metal counterpart that he had to work against, the metal eroded the plastic, hence the lid stopped lifting. From there we moved onto Sally Snapper; a spring loaded lid opened by just a mere press of the hand.........three kids' enthusiasm and plenty of trash later, Sally's spring was engulfed by a mysterious spring illness and she too died a death. From there we moved onto Freddy Flaps.He would work by all means, no pedals, not a spring in sight - okay, so that was half the problem, he had a push front opening with a spring loaded close that ate your hand at first opportunity. Occasionally after a rather frenetic off load of garbage, his head would fall off entirely leaving not only that, but also a plate of leftovers all over the floor (and possibly a hand injury to boot!!). Not wanting to subject children to loss of limbs from this over enthusiastic garbage guzzler he was relegated to recycling bin!

Today, in his place, in shining finger-smudge-proof glory is Oscar!!! Our new-you paid WHAT? -perfect brushed chrome-Feung Shui-Buddha of all bins. I just hope he lasts the show! Otherwise he better have a good lawyer!

A scientific study into the similarities of toddlers and hobbits!

Don'tcha just love toddlers!

This afternoon Little Miss Beehive has had an accomplice to play! I use the term accomplice for that is exactly what they are together - Mastermind and accomplice lol! To be perfectly honest, I am really lucky that they get on so well, bear in mind they are not quite three yet and her little pal is happy enough to play here with LMB without her mom.

So, I picked them up from Montessorianaland and brought them back for lunch. They decided they would like pasta, so I set about preparing. Meanwhile, LMB has already set the table (there are sometimes perks with Montessori!) for herself and her pal and between them, filled themselves up with carrots, apple sauce, yoghurts, bananas and water You can guess what's coming - they didn't want the pasta (.......and sometimes annoyances lol!). Never mind, I thought, I will just save it for LMB's dinner.

Not an hour later and the house suddenly seems much quieter, where have they gone? I go to look to find the pair of them, huddled in a corner in cahoots, trying desperately hard to shove in and swallow as much of the pasta as they can muster. Second lunches!!

I had to laugh as their eyes are watering in the vain attempt to pretend they haven't eaten it!! Pippin and Merry you have met your match!

Talking of birthdays, LMB has her third birthday in a couple of weeks, so this weekend she is having a few friends over for a 'party'. I think that probably translates as having several smalls over to ransack the house, jump on the beds and smear food all over everywhere, the joys of finding petrified food months after the party has ended delights us parents the world, nothing new there then!!
Her brothers have been encouraging her to pick which cake she would like me to make from my limited cake book collection, the choices of which are usually quashed by my even more limited cake making abilities! (The stoned loch-ness always rears his ugly head at birthday times!) However, this time, she has excelled in her choice.......basically it is a cake with a doll stuck in the middle - imagine an edible loo roll dolly and you would be pretty much there.
So I have lots of scope for error and making a total hash of it and it still looking like it should!
As for what I am going to do with seven two/three year olds for two hours, well I think I will take a leaf out of Little Miss Beehive's book:

Start with an appetizer.

Jump on the bed.

Have second appetizers

Do a craft - got that bit organized at least!

Eat party tea and cake

Run madly around the house wearing a Belle dress, smearing cake on the walls and possibly vomiting (one child normally does don't they?).

Second teas

Go home!

As long as I have enough refreshment stops in there it should be easy peasy!! (Watch this space!)

Monday, November 05, 2007

I digress.........again!

How much of your day is spent not actually doing the things you set out to achieve? 10%, 25%, 90%?

I know I am in the higher percentage.

I always start the day with good intentions, but somehow along the way things always seem to deviate from the original path. Take this morning for example:

Main tasks of day:
Empty washing machine
Do washing up
Finish mincemeat
Do bread
Feed children
Help dress children
Make beds
Quick tidy up
Feed and exercise dog
Have shower and wash hair
Dry hair
Put clothes away from drying
Take one child to playdate
Pick up child from playdate
Feed children
Take children to school for babysitting whilst in conferences
Supervise piano practice
Prepare evening meal
Listen to reading
Feed children
Feed dog
Wash up or fill dishwasher
Bathe children
Read books
Put to bed

Thing is it looked like this:
Empty washing machine
Do washing up
Go around house and discover cups in bedrooms
Re-do washing up
Finish mincemeat
Realise jars have grown mould over the summer. Clean jars thoroughly and re-boil them
Burn breakfast whilst scrubbing mould.
Put dog out to exercise himself in the yard.
Re-start breakfast
Bring dog in due to barking at neighbour
Pour cereal
Put oatmeal in microwave
Pour more cereal because by the time child's oatmeal is ready other children are on round two.
Stir mincemeat - still smells burnt from yesterday.
All children finish, clear table, load and run dishwasher
Feed dog
Children all sent off to dress and clean teeth
Attempt to make phone call as it is quiet, no children.
10 seconds in, first child back wanting toast.
Second child in wanting to know if at 7.30am it is time for the playdate (this will then continue to happen every 10 minutes until 10am!!) Do very quick lesson in time telling (falls on deaf ears!!)
Hang up phone call and promise to call back.
Sort out issues
Notice toys strewn everywhere. Put in pile on the stairs ready to take up later.
Go back to kitchen, get out bowl to put bread mix into.
Call back person
Wash bowl as dog has chosen to lick it!
Notice star wars figures in the bottom of the soapy water and a trail of water out of the kitchen.
Find child #2 giving Star Wars storm troupers a bath in the sink in a concoction of handsoap, toothpaste and Aveeno.
Clean mess
realise haven't eaten, gone cold, forget it, give it to dog!
Go upstairs to supervise dressing of children - find they are all dressed - Belle costume and her brother's underwearfor LMB , shorts and nothing else for MB the elder and shorts and t-shirt for MB the younger. Decide to pick my battle and ignore this for now!
Download e-mails and answer important ones, but this is not before removing a pound coin from the disc drive and re-starting the computer saying a prayer it'll work and isn't f***ed!!
MB the elder finds me and asks if he can have a tag sale NOW! Debate this issue with him at 7.40am in the morning. Come to a mini compromise. On talking with him, realise he and his siblings have made a huge pile of random toys in the middle of his room to sell. Give up on e-mails to tidy up the toys and re-explain why a tag sale now is not an option.
Have shower. Get locked in the bathroom (LMB is up to her old tricks!). Yell profusely for 5 minutes for resuce, until one rugrat finally hears me and opens the door for me!
Put away clothes in various rooms, picking up odd socks and toys as I pass. Return to bedroom to put away next pile to find LMB has dutifully rearranged all the piles for me. Start again!
Look at clock realise that it is now only 15 minutes until the playdate and haven't dried hair. Quickly show my hair the dryer and pull a hat on!
Realise bread is still 'rising' in the cupboard - ignore it, it'll stay there until lunchtime! ***

And so the day continues!!

I read the otherday that the average wage for a SAHM has gone up to around $139,000 and over $80,000 for a working mother (ex. her salary!). Shame it's just monopoly money!

*** ETA: Don't EVER leave bread longer than the recommended rise washing machine was wearing it! Remember the story of the magic porridge pot.......nuff said!

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Arty Farty Monkey Business

Today has been a crafty day.

I have made mincemeat ready for pies at Christmas and then have made some of these little guys for party favours for Little Miss Beehive's party next week.

I really struggle to find affordable, non-candyfied, non-plastic toys to go into bags and was put onto this really simple pattern to make some felt mice. See he even has a little sleeping bag to snuggle into!

I only have to make seven by next weekend!!

On other subjects, today has surely been a conspiracy!

Little Miss Beehive has managed to sniff me out of any area I have managed to hide in meaning I have actually managed to make no phone calls and the one exception I began, had to end due to a kerfuffle breaking out in the ranks (Tell me, despite two parents, why is it the only name ever used is 'Muuuuuuum'???!!!!!!!) and I am struggling now to string two words together! Whilst I was trying to make dinner at midday, she also decided that the piles of leaves from the front step would look much nicer inside and up the stairs. This went unnoticed for a good ten minutes, so you can imagine the amount of serious work she managed to get through in that time! I managed to quickly clear it up in between stirring gravy, only to have Master Beehive the younger step on a bee that must have come in with the leaves which I had missed!!!! Fortunately this Bee was not allergic to his own kind, which was a mighty relief!!

The bread I started to make for tea this evening turned out to need 12 - 15 hours to rise........hence we are now eating a different recipe tonight and the ciabatta will be ready tomorrow! I decided to make this ciabatta after sampling the most delicious ever last night at a supper and presentation/discussion I went to. The daughter of the host had made the best tasting bread I have ever eaten. The crust was really crunchy and the middle, just perfect!! So I felt the need to try some of my own.......hmm, I think I will just have to get the recipe from Margaret instead!

Mr Beehive the spaz, has managed to burn the bottom of my pan in which the mincemeat was nicely marinading in Brandy by trying to make a cup of tea and turning on the wrong ring under the kettle.....fortunately I have managed to salvage most of it, but I have no idea if the nice burnt flavour will get into the rest.

Whilst at the discussion last night, one thing that came up is that the brain of the man has more in common with the male chimp than with the female human and the same is true of the female brain........well, I guess it's better to know who you're dealing with! Pass the bananas!

Saturday, November 03, 2007

A little nuttiness

On weekends I like to cook. There is nothing more relaxing to me than pottering about in the kitchen trying out or making up new recipes. It also comes to the rescue when I am suffering from writer's block due to lack of sleep.

This was self-induced this time!! Last night I went out with some of the ......hmm, ladies makes us sound old and believe me, we were far from that in mind and soul last night; girls.....sounds condescending and mums.....well we went out to escape that word for a while, so perhaps I should just rephrase it to 'some good friends from school'. We went out to dinner and then later the restaurant was hosting a band, the lead singer of which, one of our group knows personally. It was fantastic fun, I had no idea how much I was in need of a night like that, I was even up on the dance floor (yup! regretted that this morning lol!) 'finding my funk' (apparently, according to Heather, I have one to find but I think it might be a lost cause!). The night didn't really begin until 10pm so by 11.30 some of us olds with young bedhoppers back at base station, decided to call it a night. I have no idea what time the rest of the group finally abandoned ship, but we left them shaking their booties - you know who you are you stop outs!!

So hence, today I am not able to do much. Instead here is a recipe that I made this afternoon, just perfect for a windy, cold autumnal day with a roaring log fire:

Veggienut loaf

2 large carrots (diced)
2 sticks of celery (diced)
1 onion (diced)
2 cloves of garlic
2 handfuls pistachio nuts (unsalted and not roasted)
2 handfuls of plain cashew nuts
2 handfuls of raw sunflower seeds
3 oz (ish!) Gorgonzola cheese
2 eggs (beaten)
salt and pepper
1/2 tsp oregano

Lightly fry the onion, celery, carrot and garlic until golden brown and soft.
Chuck the nuts (NOT the seeds) into the food processor and give them a couple of quick whizzes to break them down into smaller pieces. Don't turn them into breadcrumbs though!
Put the nuts, whole sunflower seeds into a mixing bowl and add the fried veggies. Add the sunflower seeds and chopped pieces of cheese. Stir well to combine. Add the two beaten eggs, salt, pepper and oregano and mix until all the food is coated with the egg and it makes a soft consistency.

Grease one large or two small loaf tins.
Put the mixture into the tin/s and press down well.

Cook in a 375F oven for around 25 - 30 mins until the top is golden brown.


Thursday, November 01, 2007

Wherever I lay my brain......

Have you seen my nosey-parker tool?

Scroll down the toolbar and there is a world map.

It shows me where you lot are bored so are plugging in to read my blog. I am not entirely sure it shows everyone though as I know I have a friend in Singapore who reads my blog and she doesn't appear to have a nice red blob. The bigger the blob the more views (now it doesn't determine whether it is just the same person or not though, but it is good to see that there are more folk out there than my mum who read this drivel!)

Hello in Chile, Australia, Cape Town Turkey, Canada, US, UK, Norway (?)this is where my geography is getting a little sketchy.

Tonight I have been to school (yup again - I swear I attend more now as a parent than I was ever required to do as a kid!). It was an information night for Elementary (upper and lower) and Middle school. Each teacher was required to give us a lesson on something and later we were able to ask questions. I always love these events because I find I learn so much, not just about Montessori, but about things I never knew. Did you know, the first dinosaurs had two brains? One in their head and the other in their bum!!?? Quite obviously a prototype of man, from which some have evolved faster than others!! It gives quite a delightful meaning to the phrase, talking out of his hole !!

Talking of design, I am getting a new look!! As of Monday I will be quite unrecognizable! My blog is getting a make over so prepare yourselves - sorry, nearly wrote 'self' but on checking on my infinite readership (ho ho!) I appreciate I am rambling to more than one now!!

Anyway, I digress! My question for the evening, had a hidden agenda, not that it would have been remotely obvious to even the most asleep person on the planet (ho hum!) was about the child who may be slow to move through his work cycles, be more of an observer and dreamer (didn't use that word, didn't want to GIVE myself away after all, that would just be silly!) than participant and how they would become self motivated. The question, as usual, beautifully answered, was about capturing the imagination with the materials in the class, developing the curiosity to enable them to want to research and explore more. Of course, to be perfectly frank, the question had been answered for me not 20 minutes earlier..............

Who could not resist researching on dinosaur brains, knowing where they hid them!!!??

I don't think I will have to worry that Master Beehive the younger won't be self-motivated!!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Halloween capers

I think the Bangles got it right with their song, Manic Monday. Only in the Beehive it should be renamed Manic Week.

It is Halloween tonight, my favourite night of the year. Do you know why? Because tomorrow it WON'T be Halloween. All the planning and talking about Halloween that has been going on between the mini beehives since August ladies and gentlemen will be over! I can breathe a sigh of relief. The marshmallow ghosts I was icing this morning at 6.15am, in my pyjamas, will be gone and a semblance of calm will resume. I won't be required to don a Vamptessa costume with full goop, teeth and regalia or think about inventive ways to limit candy damage without surpressing childhood fun!
Duck! Here comes a flying pig!

Don't you think that Little Miss Beehive looks rather like a bored Mrs Slocombe in her Sunday best?

Still, calm may resume for a short while.

Mr Beehive has been away again this week, so I have once more been a single mom. It has been relatively uneventful. Most children have been in bed most nights at a decent hour and remaining there most of the night. I have managed to plan a presentation, wrap birthday and Christmas presents, do the grocery shop, carve a pumpkin, communicate with the outside world, make contact with an old friend from University AND go to the gym twice AND I haven't touched a drop of wine yet! Pretty good eh?

Little Miss Beehive started ballet and tap this week. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. Sooooo cute! We are having a couple of issues with reinforcing the fact that ballet happens IN the room and not on my lap outside the door, but other than that we are off to a flying start and every lunchtime when I pick her up from school I get this very dramatic spin with arms in the air and the question in her 'soft pwincess voice' "are me going to Ballaaaay today mammy?"

Yesterday I went to Master Beehive the younger's classroom to observe his work. he was so excited and had the whole three quarters of an hour planned out for me. Unfortunately he forgot to include the time he wanted to lie on my knee and have cuddles, so he didn't quite get through all of it, but it was a wonderful, wonderful insight into his time in the classroom. We have been working on tools for communicating with others when they step into his personal space and he doesn't like it, up to now, he has been telling them that he will put them in jail or, worse still......shoot them! (yes, I did want the ground to open up when I heard about that!). You can imagine my horror then when on Monday night he sneaked downstairs when I was watching the television. The couple on the screen were in a passionate clinch and one thing lead to another (BTW, this was a 12 film chick flic before you all jump to conclusions about the kind of sordid, sad, desperate housewifey style life I lead when Mr Beehive isn't around!!). When I eventually discovered him and the fact he had been watching from around the corner, he said, with a grin on his face, (you know what's coming.......)

"That was sooooooo rude mummy!"

Remember how it felt the first time your parents caught you snogging your latest crush??? It felt a little like that really!

"I know, but it was a film for adults and you should be in bed!"

"They were eating their food with their mouths open and showing it to each other! Yuk! Disgusting and rude!"

This was true, not 10 seconds previously, they had been doing exactly that. I nearly fell over laughing.

Just goes to show!

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Feeling poetic!

Mrs Beehive only has one pair of hands.

She has lots of jeans of various brands.

And a battered old set of Le Creuset pans -

But Mrs Beehive only has one pair of hands.

In her shoe live some kids who always demand

huggies, uppies and kisses, bum wipes and thousands...

Of boo boo fixes, homework help and food of all kinds -

But Mrs Beehive only has one pair of hands.

She gives rides to their friends when they come to playland -

And when they all stop for tea, the fare is so grand.

But Mrs Beehive only has one pair of hands.

Just look at the way that she opens those cans!

and the few hours of sleep that this gal can withstand -

And her birthday cakes are truly not of this land!! (It has to be seen to be believed!)

But Mrs Beehive, poor Mrs Beehive! - Mrs Beehive only has one pair of hands.....


Wait a minute.....

Now then......

Keep going......

What's this?


It's a hand! It's a hand!

Whoopee for Mrs Beehive's extra hand!

Good night!

It has been one of those days. Master Beehive the younger has been brought down by a leurgy of some viral kind or other, the weather has been dismal and grey and after slogging over a hot stove this evening.......all Beehives decided they were far too sick to eat it!!!!!!!! The fish I bought for our dinner turned out, once I cooked it, to be off - the ammonia smell was overbearing, so we ended up with veggie lasagne microwave meals !!

The dog on the other hand............Feeeyullllls good na na na na na na na!

Friday, October 26, 2007

What's brown and sticky?

It's been all about sticks today! We have had a day off from school and decided to put it to good use on the arts and crafts front.

Master Beehive the younger has been getting somewhat carried away with him enthusiasm for Samurai and Knight style games and yesterday after school, I was approached by the teacher who mentioned that there was some "inappropriate language" coming from these games. Naturally, my first reaction was that of wanting to have the floor open up and swallow me. He is indeed a true boy and despite not having weapons in the house, nor having a PlayStation or any type of electronic game or watching anything inappropriate on the t.v, he is still picking this up from somewhere and will turn (as he has done from babyhood) anything he finds into a bow and arrow etc.

On reflection, I really don't want to suppress this as I know from reading this is truly an attribute of many boys and they should be allowed to know that imaginative games like this are okay. I like this article for starters. He loves to be outside, climbing trees, getting dirty and often playing some kind of imaginative game that involves hunting or whatever. Unfortunately what I need to help him understand, is that maybe school is not the place for this type of game.

I was pleased today though for a day of respite. I have had a conversation with him and am now working on trying to show him other ways to play outside, make adventures and still have as much fun, but without the weapon part.

We gathered a mound of sticks and then sorted them into piles of thick ones, ones that were too dry and long thin ones. Then we made four or five posts in the ground and we began to weave. It took a long time and a lot of patience even to get this far, but we are thrilled with our first attempt.

Later on we decided to make some mobiles for Halloween.

Oh finally, I just wanted to share a new addition to our wall, alongside the ladybirds we now have this little critter.

Isn't he errr....big!

I think he is a very large grasshopper, but Master Beehive the elder seems to think it is a praying mantis (hopefully male!). We have had all our bug books out but can't seem to convince ourselves either way. He has a green layer just under the brown, and his front legs are barbed.

Any help ?

Little Miss Beehive was all ready to pick him up and shoo him away, fortunately I was able to convince her that the wall was indeed big enough for any visitors who want to share it with us. Mind you, I can't quite restrain from a full body shudder every time I open the door just in case this is the moment he has decided to camp out on the door or decide he wants a ride indoors!

We are going to call him Wild Thang.

Yours stickily

The Beehive

PS: It has been brought to my attention that I may be deluding you with the fact that peace and calm has reigned in the Beehive all day! Who are you kidding? Of course not. Currently I have Little Miss Beehive wailing because she wants me not Daddy, this is after spending her dinner time "pretending" to spill her water by actually doing it! Then mopping up with paper towel, shredding it and ramming bits in her ears whilst the dog tries desperately to get his head into her bowl of soup, Master Beehive the elder talking non stop asking me lots of "Do you know?" type questions: "Do you know the eldest person in the world was 160? Do you know there is a river somewhere called something? Did you know the next mother to spontaneously implode all over the kitchen floor is...?" and Master Beehive the younger is blowing bubbles into his milk whilst trying to pretend he is eating the kale, but not really!

Actually yesterday I was witness to something I NEVER thought I would hear Master Beehive the younger say:

"I want blueberry pie and NO ice cream please!"

Never mind. Mr Beehive has brought home the book recommended to me to read hopefully giving me some thoughtful insight as to the 'weapon play' and how to deal with it! It's called Playful Parenting!!! If you were right here right now, you would see the joke in that!!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

What's in YOUR bedtime routine?

Beware the bedtime ritual! What may have started when your firstborn was a newborn will evolve and become part of your family culture .......... FOREVER!

This week I have been playing the role of single parent due to Mr Beehive being away. This has therefore meant I have been doing all the bedtime routines.

When Master Beehive the younger was a few months old, he started to fall asleep at a regular time most evenings, from that we moved him upstairs at that time, bathed him just before and there started the preliminary "bedtime routine". As a rookie mother I was always concerned that things needed to be "just so", after all, Gina said so!! (I soon binned THAT book!). After his bath came a massage, a feed and then bed. I would always sing to him and walk backwards (ho hum!) out of the door mumbling the same words everynight as I went "night, night darling, sleep well, mummy and daddy love you very much, see you in the morning." Only I was said it so fast, usually so as not to detain myself in the room with drowsy small babe too long, that it came out something like this:

"ni-nidarlysleewell,mummydaddylovuvermuchseeumorn." with the occasional curse added for good measure if I fell over a stray toy on the floor - well, I was walking backwards, what do you expect.

As the children got older this routine has evolved, from what was once a gut wrenching fear that any change in the "routine" would mean my baby would never sleep again and it would be ALL MY FAULT, to something now that is performed by me for fear of retribution by "THE KIDS"!!

So threefold this week has been:

Baths, massages, hair combing, books (all individual - LMB wants "pwincess books!" and Master Beehive the younger wants to read to ME! and Master Beehive the elder likes to read in his head to himself, so it is something we have never managed to do communally, except on a Friday and Saturday evening when one of us reads from our family reader to the boys.), mantras, tucking in, glasses of water, putting sleeping buddies in exactly the right places, finding blankies, blowing away potential bad dreams, kisses, songs, sunsalutations, turning around and touching my toes three times whilst saying red lorry, yellow lorry three times fast, hopping 10 times on each foot and finally the usual "ni-nidarlysleewell,mummydaddylovuvermuchseeumorn." and removing myself backwards from the room.

Tiptoeing not three steps from the bedroom there is a wimper of pain.

I return.

"You forgot to sing La Macarena whilst wearing a Cinderella costume mama........I won't be able to sleep without it."!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Wednesday, October 24, 2007


Listen to that.............................

The sound of silence!

All Beehives tucked up with lambs, kisses, songs, teddies, stories, drinks of water, magic dream potions..............ahhhh bliss..............................well for a few hours anyway!

Monday, October 22, 2007


Halloween is coming!

This has been the height of excitement since the beginning of September in the Beehive. We have had discussions of which costumes are best, practised skits, made up jokes, made gory recipes and now to top it all Master Beehive the elder has made "a potion"!

Yesterday evening after bath, Master Beehive the elder asked me if I had a jar I didn't need that he could use for his potion. Not wanting to surpress his creativity (stupid me!) I found him a clean, empty pasta jar. An hour later I went up to turn off his light to find him stooped over his jar that now contained a cloudy liquid with a pale yellow colour and dubious odour! I am sure I don't need to spell out what he felt his spell required, short of a bodily fluid amongst other things.........yeuch........oh, and he is missing a chunk of hair from the side of his head too!! I despair!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Fleas, Bugs and Dementia!!

I am a self confessed fleamarketthriftshopbargainantiqueaholic. This morning, I was up at the crack as, thanks to the rugby yesterday, I had earned myself a morning at the largest Flea market in New England! I love that place, it sends shivers down my spine and I get really excited. I don't know quite what it is that I love so much about someone else's dirty crap and I am bloody awful at bartering for stuff too, but there you go. There is a certain thrill to it all bringing back this knackered old piece of history and recycling it.

So setting off at 7.15am (on a Sunday morning!) an hour later found me raking out some fantastic finds. Mr Beehive, I have to confess, is a very understanding husband as I bring back all sorts of weird, wonderful and down right filthy things into the house to turn into something else or do up. In the past I have made shelves from shutters and old planks, ornament shelves from old apple boxes, I have sanded down old chests, tables.....the list goes on. He was pretty lucky that this morning I didn't bring back the rusty old bath taps that I had my eye on, I was thinking about it though.

Look at the rack not the amount of wine!!!!!!

Having found the bottle crate above that I am turning into a spice rack for the kitchen I decided I needed 24 small reusable glass containers to keep all my spices in. So this afternoon to the delight of Master Beehive the younger and the Little Miss I trogged on out to the Swedish-place that-shall-not-be-named as I couldn't think of anywhere more inspiring that might stock exactly what I needed, and Master Beehive the younger was near on wetting himself with in trepidation that he might be afforded a half hour in the Smaland!

On my return home, I was greeted by this!!

Those little black dots you see all over the front of my white house are ladybirds!! There must be over a thousand right now. I am sure this is down to the weather warming up again to over 70. They have all, quite literally, come out of the woodwork, still there are worse things to be infested with, they will eat the fruit flies that are also getting hyper active at the moment. The only downfall is that when you accidentally tread on one, they make a delightful crunch and squirt yellow goo all over the floor and Master Beehive proceeds to jump manically around the kitchen squealing that the ladybird wee'd itself over and over (god help me!). I have cleaned up some stuff in my time, but Ladybird piddle takes the biscuit!

I asked Master Beehive the younger to help me remember the names of two realtor boards I had seen on the way home. He was really concerned that he might not live up to the task.

"You'll do fine!" I reassured him, "Just keep saying the two words in your head: Higgins Group and Prudential."

"Okay!" he said worriedly "Higgins group, Prudential, Higgins group, Prudential......."

When we arrived home, I asked him if he could remember the names of the two Realtors:

"Sure mummy!" he grinned "Higgins group and Dementia"

You and me both kiddo!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Heckling in 2D

Here's a question for you: Why do people shout at the telly when they are watching sport? What do they think it is going to achieve? Do they think that for that split second the guy on the pitch to whom they are directing their tactical criticisms will stop, look up and say:

"Sorry mate! I know I am a bit crap today, but the heat is unbearable, my wife washed my strip in a new washing powder so I have a dreadful chaffing going on and there is actually a really fit bird sat in the stand who keeps putting me off. But I agree with what you are saying I really should throw it to x in order to make that try, I know you are an armchair coach and you would have done it much better. Sorry!"

Do they hear us shout at House that he ought to do better with his diagnoses of patients and stop being such an arse, or yell at the guy in Pushing Daises that there is absolutely no way in real life he would be able to snog Anna Friel through plastic wrap without afflicting serious injuries. Perhaps, in fact, the contestants of American Idol or Dancing with the Stars would, truly, dance and sing much better, were they to be heckled and remonstrated from a sofa in Connecticut on a Saturday afternoon? *Okay, forget that, there is NO amount of heckling that would improve some of those reality shows!*

It is mind boggling.

It's the Rugby world cup final. Mr Beehive has ordered it from Cable to watch. He actually doesn't really watch much sport on TV, but he does love the Rugby. He has in fact, entrapped both Master Beehives to this pastime so they are all in fact down there yelling at the screen.

It sounds something like this:

"Come on! What ARE you doing???"


"Yeah, what IS he doing?" (Master Beehive the elder in annoyed agreement)

"Yeah! ..........Can I have a drink?"

"Ooooohhhhh, NOOOOOOOOOO!"


"That SILLY man!"

"What is this game called again?"

Oh, and England lost ooops!

Friday, October 19, 2007

Go to the light.............

Do you remember that scene in Friends? Phoebe is at Carol and Susan's wedding and is possessed by the wife of an elderly man who cannot move to the other side as she has still got to "see it all". Phoebe takes it upon herself to try to find the one things this woman needed to see to finalize her life in limbo. As it turns out, it is in fact the wedding of Carol and Susan that seems to be it.

This morning I awoke.......prodding Mr Beehive I hissed, "Are we alone?" (poor bugger, thought his luck was in!). As it turns out, we were. No midnight visitors and no child to fall over asleep on the mattress beside me. I showered - for ten complete minutes, even enough time to remove the fuzz from my legs, still no visitors. Both Master Beehive the elder and younger came in with smiles on their faces to bid me a good morning and then proceeded to lay the table and prepare their own breakfasts with out beating seven shades of s**t out of each other. I actually fell over my mouth rather than the washing on the stairs when I came down to a peaceful kitchen.

Where in the hell was I? I have been having some rather odd dreams of late, so I was initially convinced that I actually was probably still asleep upstairs in some evil and vile trick of a dream! Or maybe I had passed into no man's land, dying in my sleep, and this was the one thing that I needed to see to "see it all"?

Giving the usual five minute warning, I was knocked over by all three (you did read that correctly) Beehives appropriately dressed, no Snow White or Samurai, most clothing on the correct way around and not inside out, minty fresh breath and combed hair. All three continued to the next level of my gratitude by putting on shoes and coats without fuss and proceeding to the fact I do declare I even heard an "after you...." - Nah! probably not!

Given that most mornings the five minute warning tends to take over fifteen to fully appreciate, we were all sat in the car in the drive in stunned silence at 8am wondering what to do next. Could we really drive to school this early? Perhaps a maths problem would be in order: If I had to drive 4 miles in half an hour, how slow did I need to go??? Did I need gas?? No!

Later on after drop off I went to get my hair done. We have a cocktail party tonight at school and I felt that the new Sporty Spice look from the 90's with the high scraped back ponytail, was a touch rough around the edges.

My hairdresser, Jennie, really should be named Midas. She can perform wonders and not only that, anyone who is prepared to let their fingers get remotely near my three day old, unwashed bar net, deserves a medal in my book! Anyway, as she left me with a stunning coiffure that even looked a shade or two lighter (perhaps I shouldn't be confessing that out loud!) I noticed that God, in his infinite wisdom had chosen that precise moment to press the "rain" button. I had had to park quite a way from the salon as they are having renovations carried out at the moment, so knew this was a disaster for the new Aniston wig!

"Do you have a hood?" Jennie asked

Shaking my head she disappeared to the back of the salon, returning with........... a nice plastic shower cap.

Weighing up my options: either a great poodle frizz from the rain and humidity, or a five minute walk through the town sporting the latest, hot of the catwalk, head gear.

Well, what can I say, I only hope that some poor old biddy was able to use that comedy moment to find their way to the other side having finally "seen it all"!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Slummyacky Parenting

What is it that classifies a smug mummy from a slack parent, a yummy mummy from a scummy mummy?

The growing trend it seems these days is that whether one knows or likes it or not, one fits into a particular breed of mother during ones parenting career.

So, this is my brief Internet quiz as to are you a Smug/Slack/Yummy or Scummy mummy:

1. When your child brings someone back for a play date, do you usually serve a snack of:

a. homemade vegan carrot muffins with a flax oil and beet smoothie?
b. Whatever you can find that isn't growing a blue fuzz, the dog hasn't licked and hasn't too much sugar!
c. High tea of scones and cucumber sandwiches that the housekeeper made.
d. Chips, Wotsits and gummy worms

2. When you take your children to school in the morning, are you:

a. Dressed ....almost! Awake..........far from it!
b. School? The nanny does it, I can't park the 4 X 4 in those silly spaces, besides, it clashes with my wax/pedicure/haircut/breakfast with the girls.
c. School? We Home-Ed.
d. School? What school? They have to go to school? Nah, can't be bothered.

3. In their spare time, your children like to:

a. Eat flour and make pasta pictures on the floor.
b. Knit yoghurt and learn Greek
c. Collect ASBOs
d. Go to swim classes, ballet, horse riding and fencing all in the same afternoon ....... with the nanny!

4. Your six year old son comes home with a grazed knee after a scuffle with a classmate do you:

a. Immediately go down the school and demand allowances due to his indigo-ism.
b. Ask if they punched the other kid's lights out, then get in the car to go round and torch the house of the classmate.
c. Glance at it briefly, give a kiss and pass a band aid.
d. Eugh, blood? I am so glad that the nanny was there to take care of it!!

5. Your favourite place to shop for your children is:

a. Wherever I can get a bargain.
b. Baby Prada of course!
c. Wherever I've not been caught nicking.
d. I never shop, unless it's fair trade, I make all our clothes.

So, what category do I fit into?

Well today I yelled at them again to leave the house - probably fishwifesque, putting me in the scummy mummy category AND.......I forgot to brush their hair until I got to school, I took my rather large 4 X 4 and parked it (not totally yummy mummy !) then went to have a pedicure (hanging head in shame!). After picking up Little Miss Beehive, I abandoned her to play outside on her own (slack parent!) climbing the tree whilst I made her lunch (more slack mummy because it was all I could do to find stuff that wasn't blue or slimy as the fridge STILL hadn't been fixed), swore at the repair centre who had failed to call me on my cell AND turned up in the morning, despite the appointment being scheduled for this afternoon. I didn't threaten to torch their home OR let the air out of their tyres, but I probably would have given a Scummy a run for her money (oh and my hair is delightfully greasy and pulled back off my face as I am getting it cut tomorrow! all that was missing was my tracksuit!). Finally after lunch the Little Miss showed her artistic skills AND cleaned and washed up her pots after she had finished (Smug mummy!). Dali it was NOT, there is no element of early genius in her paintings, in fact when she pointed me out in the middle, I had to REALLY squint to make out any kind of recognition! Oh and she is now watching some TV (but it is in Chinese, so does that exonerate me?) so I can write this. Shoot me now!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Must Try Harder!

I hate mornings! I think I may have mentioned it once or twice before. I don't know what it is with mornings that makes all my "positive parenting" comments and thoughts turn and flee henceforth into the woods!

Each morning, despite my crib sheets on the fridge and cheat sheets in the car, always turns into verbal meltdown with me begging, nagging, persuading and bribing all three Beehives to get themselves together and get into the car:

For example:

1. Give the ten minute warning: well, we do that AND the five, the three, the one and the thirty second.........I can still guarantee one or other won't be down. "Tell them" and I quote "the car leaves in 2 minutes with or without you"........okay, so the person that wrote that smart ass comment, tell me what you do at 2 Min's and 30 with a 5 year old still in the house wearing his pyjamas........leave???

2. There is always a breakfast calamity: spilt milk, spilt orange, the wrong cereal, the right cereal but finished, the wrong bowl, the wrong cup, the fact that x laid the table but didn't get y a glass or bowl or whatthefeckityfeckever!! I am always, pretty much without fail, on my hands and knees under the table with the dog at some point or other during breakfast. So, the guru suggests I allow THEM to clean up.......okay, if I then desire to stick to the kitchen floor for the next couple of days until I get around to washing it entirely, by then having walked nice sticky black footprints around the perimeter! I am from the old book: if you want a job doing.......

3. A bathroom calamity: naturally! Little Miss Beehive is a wonder at hanging on until the last possible second, normally then attempting to get herself down from the table bent in half and unable to actually operate her legs in a contrary motion to get herself to Mr Armitage Shanks! First change of the day!

4. A lost lunchbox (if I have been slack in my motherly duties the night before) or a mislaid reading book that was "definitely on my bed last night!" or a note that was signed and put into the appropriate school bag, only for it to then be extracted and put to an alternative use hence causing knuckle rapping from one or other of the Beehive's teachers! Organise the night before, encourage them to pack and prepare their own school bags and lunches. Technically in an ideal world, this works, however, my fridge has been out of operation since last Friday. Yumm!! What can I prepare for dinner? Slimy carrots, mouldy tomatoes and soggy cheese! If I leave their lunches in there overnight, they will send the DHA around to condemn me. Luckily the repair people have me down as an emergency - only not THAT much of an emergency and I am "on hold" until Thursday at the moment!!!!!!!

5. Give them selected choice when dressing, but allow for choice and independence. What happens then when, despite the discussion as to not dressing up in Snow White and Power Ranger costumes before school, your child
a. goes commando!
b. Wears his interpretation of a Samurai costume UNDER his school clothes and causes me to be collared by his teacher and presented with wooden pizza cutters and wooden toy sushi cutters in a small holster after school.
c. Wears cotton skirt, thick sweater, vest, wellies and sun hat all in the same day.
d. Insists that pyjamas are what they are going to wear today and thus reduces me to downright begging to get her to change into something more appropriate.
e. arrives on the front step when we are running late, whilst the car engine is running in 40 degree temps (Fahrenheit that is!) wearing ..........wait for it.............SHORTS!!!!!!!!!!!and THEN have the audacity to tell me that HE will get a tardy mark because I made him late! Pah!!!!!!!!

Did I say I HATE mornings???????????????????

Sunday, October 14, 2007

4 States, 24 hours!

Last Saturday evening, sat on the computer reading the news on Yahoo, an article on the leaf forecast in New England caught my eye. We have have this very slowly diminishing list of things we must try to see or do before our time comes to an end over here, so.......two hours later and we were booked into a hotel in Vermont the following weekend. So Yah-Boo to those of you who think I am predictable and steadfast.......I can do spontaneous things (really!!!!)

We left on Saturday morning, driving up through Mass and then Vt, we came back through New Hampshire (Yes, it was disgusting, the whole touristy thing - just to say we did it!)

We were staying in a ski resort in Southern Vermont so the journey wasn't going to be too long and it was made easier (in the first instance!) by the acquisition of a story CD for the kids. By the third back to back rendition of the author droning on, (she is no storyteller however good a writer she may be!) we were ready to hunt her down and personally perform a total laryngectomy. Still, the colours of the trees were nearly good enough anaesthetic.

It was actually pretty amazing to see how green things still were in Massachusetts, yet by Vermont, only 30 miles further north, nearly 70% had turned. It must be so difficult as a visitor to actually capture the leaves at their utmost best. There must be a really fine line between the leaves all being the most colourful and then the trees actually losing them. There were already many bare patches on the mountains.

The rest of this blog entry will be pretty drivelly in words and I won't be able to do it justice, so as usual, I will let the pics do the talking.

Look at the size of these pumpkins?? Old Deerfield, Mass.

Flea market shopping in Vermont. Master Beehive looks sooooo happy to be there! Mind you, it was bitterly cold.

Some random farmhouse on Route 100, Vt, but I loved the contrast of colours in the house and that one old tree.

Back to Historic Deerfield, Mass.

This was the view from our window. The trees were pretty red, but at the time in the morning of the photo, the sky was also red too so the whole mountain blazed like the rocks in Sedona, Az.

In the words of Little Miss Beehive "Awww, pwitty"

That was Internet shopping at its best!!
Yours, all leafed out!

The Beehive