What is it that classifies a smug mummy from a slack parent, a yummy mummy from a scummy mummy?
The growing trend it seems these days is that whether one knows or likes it or not, one fits into a particular breed of mother during ones parenting career.
So, this is my brief Internet quiz as to are you a Smug/Slack/Yummy or Scummy mummy:
1. When your child brings someone back for a play date, do you usually serve a snack of:
a. homemade vegan carrot muffins with a flax oil and beet smoothie?
b. Whatever you can find that isn't growing a blue fuzz, the dog hasn't licked and hasn't too much sugar!
c. High tea of scones and cucumber sandwiches that the housekeeper made.
d. Chips, Wotsits and gummy worms
2. When you take your children to school in the morning, are you:
a. Dressed ....almost! Awake..........far from it!
b. School? The nanny does it, I can't park the 4 X 4 in those silly spaces, besides, it clashes with my wax/pedicure/haircut/breakfast with the girls.
c. School? We Home-Ed.
d. School? What school? They have to go to school? Nah, can't be bothered.
3. In their spare time, your children like to:
a. Eat flour and make pasta pictures on the floor.
b. Knit yoghurt and learn Greek
c. Collect ASBOs
d. Go to swim classes, ballet, horse riding and fencing all in the same afternoon ....... with the nanny!
4. Your six year old son comes home with a grazed knee after a scuffle with a classmate do you:
a. Immediately go down the school and demand allowances due to his indigo-ism.
b. Ask if they punched the other kid's lights out, then get in the car to go round and torch the house of the classmate.
c. Glance at it briefly, give a kiss and pass a band aid.
d. Eugh, blood? I am so glad that the nanny was there to take care of it!!
5. Your favourite place to shop for your children is:
a. Wherever I can get a bargain.
b. Baby Prada of course!
c. Wherever I've not been caught nicking.
d. I never shop, unless it's fair trade, I make all our clothes.
So, what category do I fit into?
Well today I yelled at them again to leave the house - probably fishwifesque, putting me in the scummy mummy category AND.......I forgot to brush their hair until I got to school, I took my rather large 4 X 4 and parked it (not totally yummy mummy !) then went to have a pedicure (hanging head in shame!). After picking up Little Miss Beehive, I abandoned her to play outside on her own (slack parent!) climbing the tree whilst I made her lunch (more slack mummy because it was all I could do to find stuff that wasn't blue or slimy as the fridge STILL hadn't been fixed), swore at the repair centre who had failed to call me on my cell AND turned up in the morning, despite the appointment being scheduled for this afternoon. I didn't threaten to torch their home OR let the air out of their tyres, but I probably would have given a Scummy a run for her money (oh and my hair is delightfully greasy and pulled back off my face as I am getting it cut tomorrow! all that was missing was my tracksuit!). Finally after lunch the Little Miss showed her artistic skills AND cleaned and washed up her pots after she had finished (Smug mummy!). Dali it was NOT, there is no element of early genius in her paintings, in fact when she pointed me out in the middle, I had to REALLY squint to make out any kind of recognition! Oh and she is now watching some TV (but it is in Chinese, so does that exonerate me?) so I can write this. Shoot me now!