Wednesday, January 10, 2007

"You have just realised his worst fears!!"

  • "Always treat your 'babies' as the real thing" - (number one rule of NCT props and childbirth aid dept!!)

  • "When demonstrating breastfeeding do not remove head of baby" (must be rule two)

I have now failed in two attempts. Firstly, I cannot and will not patronise my clients by treating a plastic doll as the real Mcoy......I keep them in plastic bags under a chair for goodness sake and my clients are 36 not 6!!
Secondly I have not only failed number two, but also managed to realise one of my dad's worst fears this evening.

At the start of the course we run a worry board: things that parents wanted answered, are concerned about. Very frequently "dropping the baby" or "hurting the baby accidently" are listed. My present class had listed "killing it, squashing it, dropping it, maiming it," as it's fears, which are pretty just for many new parents.

Tonight we were covering breastfeeding and I was attempting to demonstrate as to why a baby does not find it easy to feed when nestled in the crook of an arm (for the layman - it bends the neck forward and cricks the oesophagus) Normally I ask my clients to bend their own heads down to their chests and try to swallow, but tonight, I also followed up by demonstrating on my "breastfeeding baby" (some overpriced plastic doll with an open mouth AND a faulty HEAD!)..........and the head came clean off .

Sorry, I am laughing even as I type. What a sadist!

That certainly has to go down in history as the way NOT to breastfeed! I have to say, however, I am pleased that I hadn't handed Headless Harry over to my clients for them to "practise" on.......just think of that poor dad, he would have been mortified!!!

Still, I think I am forgiven, we certainly laughed about it. Baby has been reunited with his head and I am now truly on my mission to find a properly suitable demonstration model. Anyone out there a designer? I want a doll with a floppy neck and a bean bag body along with a hard plastic head and open mouth and a visual tongue.

Oh and you had better add unbreakable to my list of wants!!

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