You must have been put on the spot at least once as a parent, if it is a child who asks loudly in the supermarket why the person in front is smelly/old/fat etc or them telling a teacher how you told daddy he had a gorgeous winkie (neither have happend to me natch!!), then you'll know what it's like.
How do you answer that all important, yet stomach munching question?
This morning Mr Beehive came down the stairs, on the spur of the moment the kids had asked to go to the breakfast club at school and I welcomed the idea of not having a school run, he told them to hurry up and not to f***** about.
Okay, so he didn't actually tell them not to f*** about, only that is what I heard!!!!!!!!!!?????
I turned in shock and asked him if he had said what I thought he did.
"Don't be silly of course I didn't" he retorted. Quite frankly I was hardly expecting him to say yes, but still, I had to make sure I really was deaf and stupid and not just thinking I was!
Of course Master Beehive the elder pipes up in shock "You thought he said the "f" word?"
"I didn't hear him properly" I felt mightily embarassed that I'd thought he had.
Master Beehive the younger then chimes in, "What's the "f" word?"
"F.U.C.K." says MB the elder.
"What's F.U.C.K?" asks MB the younger - then the phonetical genie drops in ...."Oh, FUCK!!" he says so matter of factly.
Of course, I do what any good parent should do in this situation, I crack up laughing!!!
Then my mummy head kicks in and I tell him he shouldn't use the word blah blah blah.
"Why?" - the question of any six year old of course!
"Because it's bad and not nice."
"And besides YOU don't know what it means" says MB the elder
"Well, what does it mean and why can't I say it?"
Okay, so now I need a quick on the spot teachable moment analogy
"Okay so you have two ice creams, in one hand is a chocolate one in a sugar cone, ladened with sprinkles and nerds. In the other is a grass cone with a mud icecream oozing mud and slime down the side and sprinkled with worms and bugs. Which one would you like to eat?....well THAT one is the beautiful English language. What do you think of the other? Yes, it's gross, that is words like the one you heard and other horrible words that don't taste as nice and no one wants to try or hear."
I have never in my life had to work an on the spot analogy quite that fast but I quite like it. Whoever said that chocolate was better than sex got it spot on ;-)