I always find it truly amazing that I can go from a fully grown, generally fairly confident and sensible woman to a jibbering wreck.
I can wake early in the morning and be indecisive - Do I get up? Do I feign sleep and stay in bed? When I get up, do I want coffee or will that be bad (bit late for that in my stage I life I hear you cry), perhaps tea that may calm my stomach...but I don't really drink tea...well, not builder's tea...dilemma, dilemma.
I can't eat, so that's out of the question, but then if I don't just eat a little something... my mother's voice by now has joined my own inside my head - it's quite a party in there believe me.
What to wear? OMG, what to wear? It needs to be comfy, you can't possibly sit there with a crotch splitter for two whole hours - so comfy, but not too hot...however right now I'm cold, in fact...no, I'm freezing...but if I put something on to warm me, I'll then need to get up and take it off...that might not be allowed, so then I'll just have to sit there and overheat...and what if I pass out because I'm too hot? Oh good grief - I might even VOMIT???!!!
Finally when clothing is decided upon, I need to go to the loo...no I don't, it's okay.
Oh, wait, hang on...yes I do. Erm, well okay, so a teeny teeny bit.
And pens - this is always a REALLY important point. Do I do biro - that hurts after too long writing, or ink - but that could smudge - and...god forbid...what if they run out?
Loo! I think I need to go again...do I? Yes, let's go. I may have even prolapsed my bladder to force that out!
And once there, the choice is almost too much.
The clock has started and we're off:
Are the questions the ones I wanted first of all, can I retain the information long enough to spew it henceforth onto the page, and...if I even get it down, did actually answer the bloody question correctly or have I in fact, missed the bleeding point entirely?
Do I know more about this question or that? Actually, maybe I know more about that subject but that question makes it easier to answer...decisions, decisions...ink pen or biro...I brought both, of course!
Two hours pass like 20 minutes.
And it's over.
Brought to my knees by 8 questions on an exam paper.
Tonight, we don't mean to, but the whole paper is replayed. Did I get that in? What did that question actually mean? Ten points for WHAT? I couldn't come up with ten facts for the ten points! The textbooks are meant to go away, but there is a sneaky look in them just to see what was missed. Why do I do this to myself? Then there is the facebook ping pong - the analysis of the paper, the texts fly back and forth.
And now...we wait!