Friday, August 14, 2009
Is that a dustbunny I see before me?
Today I will spout the tale of a Desperate Housewife.
Tomorrow my best friend and her family are arriving.
She is the bestest woman in the whole world who just happens to be a character clone of Monica Geller but without the wierdness - well, I guess that depends on which way you interpret it - she doesn't yell at you when you make a coffee ring on her coffee table, but she strategically places (naturally and without thinking!) 450 coffee mats on the same coffee table so you can't miss anyway ;-)) She has two black dogs and lots of white carpets and furniture, but you'd be hard pressed to find a hair out of place. She makes and decorates cakes to die for and always looks feckin' immaculate (even at 7am in the morning!) She always has time for everyone and her kids are unbelievably well mannered, even her hubby is a real gentleman - hopefully she'll read this before she arrives and won't be able to fit her head through the door, so I'll get away with the grime and dust that is doing its utmost to reapply itself despite being laser-blasted with Mr Sheen!
It's taken over an hour to sort out the children's bedrooms. The rule seems to be: play with one toy, get bored, move onto next, leave out first toy, get bored of second, leave that out to amuse toy one and move onto next, ad infinitum. I decided to "help" Mr Beehive the elder sort out his desk and shelves...I now need to chemically wash myself down. In the interim, Mr Beehive the younger, whose room was fumigated earlier today, has decided he wants to "do art" so his room is still tidy, but he has moved onto a fresh room - the one I tidied yesterday *sigh*.
So I am hoovering stairs, cleaning the glitter off the carpets, discovering that the younger two have used their initiative in the attempt to dry their art work by lying it over the top of the radiator, however, it's so soggy, the radiator is not on, that, like my make up this morning, most of the glue and glitter has slid off and onto the cream carpet (yup those buggers again!).
My workout today has surpassed the Wii though and the elbow grease from scrubbing the 67 spots of black paint from the cream carpet (oah, there we go again!) has left me with nowt but chicken wings for arms!!
Add to this the fact it is raining (again!) and all the towels are due a wash so I'm sitting here watching the electricity meter spin round on acid with the delight of tumble dryer useage to ensure that all towels meet fluffy, clean criteria needed for guests by half past four, the dog has peed all over the kitchen floor so that needs washing, LMB wants me to play princesses with her (I'm feeling the need to be Cinderella today!), the hoover needs emptying - again - before I can attempt to clean the stairs (what fool puts cream carpets all the way through a rental house? *sigh*), Master Beehive the younger needs to write his remaining thank-you letters (that will be two hours for six words!), I have two assignments to write and a deadline, I need to think of something for dinner tonight (and I'm sure you know that that means something interesting that doesn't make one if not all children go ' urgh, what's that?'), the house buying/selling is giving me a bad feeling in my gut and we're sitting here on tenter hooks, the ironing pile is back up to the ceiling despite my doing it all last night and Little Miss Beehive is "cleaning the windows " (Damn you Montessori!) we're good thanks!
Luckily for me, LMB already sees my purpose in life as she told my cousin on Monday "Mummy is mainly the servant in our house" WTF?!
So, my "To Do" list looks like this:
1. Wash, dry and fold towels
2. Make up beds
3. Tidy and hoover repetitively
4. Cover cabbage plants from persistent arse of a butterfly
5. Clean the loos
6. Have a wee (have to schedule that in!)
7. Take dog to vet
8. Drink Gin!
Repeat to fade!!