May

Why, hello grey skies and rain again!
May and we are still midst a drought and hosepipe ban and yet the rain pours. It is the wrong type of rain! Of course, you didn't know there was a right type did you?

Just two images taken by reporters from The Guardian this week:

Apparently, if this rain had fallen during the winter months, it would have filled the reservoirs, however, as it is falling now, during spring, all the lush vegetation is greedily using it up! I'm sure that the farmers and families whose land and homes are flooded right now are agreeing wholeheartedly with this concept *sigh* !

The British and their weather, no wonder we all understand irony!

However, I am happy for one thing, well, for three really; firstly my greenhouse was installed on Tuesday, so I don't much mind about the rain as it's not going to stop me getting out there to grow things now. I actually frighten myself at times how I am turning into the epitome of the person I never thought I'd be when I was a teenager. How on earth can a greenhouse fill me with so much excitement and love, but it does! As soon as I get my tomato plants from my mum I will take a few photos.

Secondly I had an unexpected day off yesterday. Of course, I could have been dutiful and used it wisely...no. scrap that, I did! I jumped on a train with my camera in tow and went to Camden Lock for the day. To be fair, not much photography took place as I spent so much time wandering and looking and people watching (and a wee bit of buying *guilt*) that the camera stayed in my bag! I must have walked around 10 miles round and around the market at the lock. I ate Lebanese sheshwara for lunch and drank Arabic coffee at one of the vendor's stalls and bought some lovely little gifts and clothing - my soul was truly refreshed.

Oh and the third thing...I nearly forgot; breakfast!
At breakfast this morning I was awarded a double yolker to go with my spinach and oatcakes - Obviously my girls don't mind the rain too much.


Today I'm back to the grindstone - next essay - off we go!

'You may turn over your papers'

I always find it truly amazing  that I can go from a fully grown, generally fairly confident and sensible woman to a jibbering wreck.
I can wake early in the morning and be indecisive - Do I get up? Do I feign sleep and stay in bed? When I get up, do I want coffee or will that be bad (bit late for that in my stage I life I hear you cry), perhaps tea that may calm my stomach...but I don't really drink tea...well, not builder's tea...dilemma, dilemma.

I can't eat, so that's out of the question, but then if I don't just eat a little something... my mother's voice by now has joined my own inside my head - it's quite a party in there believe me.

What to wear? OMG, what to wear? It needs to be comfy, you can't possibly sit there with a crotch splitter for two whole hours - so comfy, but not too hot...however right now I'm cold, in fact...no, I'm freezing...but if I put something on to warm me, I'll then need to get up and take it off...that might not be allowed, so then I'll just have to sit there and overheat...and what if I pass out because I'm too hot? Oh good grief - I might even VOMIT???!!!

Finally when clothing is decided upon, I need to go to the loo...no I don't, it's okay.

Oh, wait, hang on...yes I do. Erm, well okay, so a teeny teeny bit.

And pens - this is always a REALLY important point. Do I do biro - that hurts after too long writing, or ink - but that could smudge - and...god forbid...what if they run out?

Loo! I think I need to go again...do I? Yes, let's go. I may have even prolapsed my bladder to force that out!

And once there, the choice is almost too much.

The clock has started and we're off:

Are the questions the ones I wanted first of all, can I retain the information long enough to spew it henceforth onto the page, and...if I even get it down, did actually answer the bloody question correctly or have I in fact, missed the bleeding point entirely?

Do I know more about this question or that? Actually, maybe I know more about that subject but that question makes it easier to answer...decisions, decisions...ink pen or biro...I brought both, of course!

Two hours pass like 20 minutes.

And it's over.

Brought to my knees by 8 questions on an exam paper.

Tonight, we don't mean to, but the whole paper is replayed. Did I get that in? What did that question actually mean? Ten points for WHAT? I couldn't come up with ten facts for the ten points! The textbooks are meant to go away, but there is a sneaky look in them just to see what was missed. Why do I do this to myself? Then there is the facebook ping pong - the analysis of the paper, the texts fly back and forth.

And now...we wait!

Birthday boy

Today is Master Beehive the eldest's birthday. He is 12! Can you believe it. I have been writing this blog since he was five! It's been quite nostalgic looking back at his antics and the photos of his birthdays up to date.

From this...oh, alright, NEARLY from this, sadly he was born in the era of negatives and printing

so I don't have his early birthdays on the computer.

Age six

Age four here I think.

Age nine!

Age seven

Ten, I think!

Eleven

Such a dude now! Age 12

He went bowling and for pizza with his friends yesterday and today we're taking it easy. He's asked for roast gammon for dinner with an ice cream cake and he's been to buy his iPod touch that he saved for with his money. I guess we may now not see him again until he's thirteen ;-)

Mr Beehive (the very much oldest!) has been fixing me up some rather cool hanging guttering for my lettuce. He and my dad spent much of Easter weekend building a deck in the garden to hide the patches of earth and concrete that have been ruined by the fact that one of the previous owners of this house had stored diesel in concrete tanks underground.

We were unaware of this, but by law, we have to do something about it when we do know about it because, as you can imagine, if it leaches into the soil, it's an environmental hazard. 

It's not 'quite' the same as hitting oil in your garden, however, and we were soon considerably poorer with the professional draining and removal of the diesel and the tanks filling with concrete to prevent subsiding. This then left us with three ugly tank covers and nothing that would grow there. So it was decided upon that a deck would be the best idea.

I'm thrilled! All this has come out of my own and my dad's imagination and his creativity to be able to build this with Mr Beehive as his labourer ;-) We are intending to grow an eating grape over the top and a passion fruit (again, edible) and wish for lots of sunny English weather ;-)

Anyhoo - the lettuce thing came around from me being sent a 'pin' from a friend with these gutters down the side of a house. What an excellent idea! So lettuce...or strawberries maybe...although I have other imaginative ideas for those!

This week I have midwifery exams again, so Friday is the day of reckoning. I have just spent the last hour writing an attempt at a question...in all honesty, I think my hand might seize up before my memory...which is really saying something! I wish I could type my answers.

After this week, things are quieter for a couple of weeks, so I have treated myself to a Raggy Quilt workshop and we have cram packed our weekends before I start working on labour ward and may not see daylight again for around 4 months!

Still, I'm sure the boy will have an app for that on his new device...even if it's a direct line to a caffeine hotline to keep me awake after all the nightshifts!

Carbon conversations

Recently Mr Beehive and myself have been attending fortnightly meetings with other likeminded people from our own and neighbouring villages. We are meeting to run through a six week course called Carbon Conversations.

Basically the idea is that we look critically at our carbon output as a family/house and even community I guess if it gets that far...but we're still on baby steps; to look at ways to reduce it.

We initially filled in a crude footprint questionaire, I say crude, because the results don't really take into consideration the things you Do do they just look at what faults you have, so there is no trade value ;-). However, mine came back as a very low score of 8.63 tonnes a year, which is over 3 tonnes less than the national average.

My high scores were travel - not really surprising, and shopping. You could say not really surprising as we are a family of six, only this was done on a crude estimation of bedrooms and income not on bills. It presumes that because you earn over a certain amount and have a certain amount of bedrooms you must spend x amount more than the national average. There is no consideration for home grown veg or home produced food, eggs from your own birds, making your own clothes or those of your kids, using recycling or second hand clothes. So, as I said...before I started a mini rant...it's a bit crude.
Then Mr Beehive's score was done differently?! Weird. He, again, scored high for travel, but he is cutting back to two days working from home whenever he can, which will reduce a bit.

However, the course is great for new ideas. Despite the fact you think that you are already 'doing your bit', it's amazing how much you realise there is much more to do.
We have the solar panels and recycle our condensation and hot air to keep our water warm, we have wood burning stoves and an insulated loft, however, one area we fall down on in an old stone cottage is crappy window insulation.

We do have double glazed windo
ws but they are not with the recommended amount of space between them, so we are subjected to condensation, mould and cold...lovely!

Mr Beehive's task for the Easter break, along with deck building...that is for another blog post...was to ring and speak to some local glazing companies.

We are currently in a state of shock receiving back the quotes...our five year plan is hastily looking toward becoming a ten year plan with one window per year at this rate!

In the full throw of trying to be efficient and green one of my other 'ten year plans' after this degree is to try to get together a co-op for the village like we had in the US. It was a fantastic arrangement where people put together their larder/pantry lists once a month and we bulk bought in, so everyone got their goods from an eco store at a low cost because it was bought by the case load. We then had an evening per month where we all met at one of the organiser's homes and sorted the goods out ready for delivery or collection. I do have 'grand designs' on things...but check out these links for a bit of tree huggin' greenery today:

http://www.simondale.net/house/   I'm sure you've seen me post his hobbit hole on my blog before, but check out some of his links and the commencement of his new home!

http://www.plunkett.co.uk/index.cfm

http://www.sulgrave.org/Shop01.html

Such illusions I have!
If you have any experience of running a co op or village shop, or if you have your own five year plan, it'd be great to hear from you as this area is a little lacking in my neck of the woods!

Ah well, back to studying about Jaundice and the bladder as exams round two are next Friday.

Have a good Wednesday

Easter

We are home again and it is lovely to be home. We have had a wonderful week away visiting friends and cousins, but there is always something nice about snuggling up into your own bed. This morning I even slept in until I was joined by the smallest Beehive at 8am! How divine - it rarely happens!
I even awoke to yesterday's roast being transformed into a shepherd's pie for dinner this evening:

I have also been treated by a day of quiet and solitude today to study.

Even Pip and Meggie are relaxing.

Easter yesterday was just us this year, possibly the first time in a long time. I love to host; Easter, Christmas, birthdays, I would rather host than go visiting, but sometimes others like to host too, so this year we were just us.

I cooked and baked...twice....thanks to Master Beehive the younger's enthusiasm for all things chocolately and managing to drop the first lemon meringue cake all over the floor *sigh*. The second one was good though!

So, I am back at the grindstone and just literally jumping in here for five minutes break to add some photos of our few days.

This is my tidy workstation! Do you like the sign??
I am the world's best procrastinator as I've also made soup this morning instead of studying!


Here is the soup too along with the recipe:

Squash, chilli and ginger soup with coconut milk:
Fry one onion, two garlic cloves in some butter and oil.
Add the squash and gently sweat
Add a thumbsized piece of ginger and some fresh chilli and enough vegetable stock to cover.
Allow this to simmer for around 20 mins
Whizz in the liquidizer and add a sachet of coconut cream before you heat to serve.
It comes from one of the Covent Garden soup books and is delish!

Tomorrow my parents are coming as my dad is helping Mr Beehive to install a deck for my morning coffee in the summer months...well of course...every woman needs a coffee deck right? We have an area of the garden that gets the sun from early sunrise to around 5pm in the afternoon in the height of summer. For some reason, however, the grass won't grow, so we're going to put in a deck with a pergola over it so we can grow some grapes too...we will harvest our own wine before our time is up! I intend to put a small two person cafe style table and chairs there along with the chimenea and some plants...a perfect hidey hole (ha ha!)

For now, however, I just 'need' to download some more music and then I'll get back to the revision...I promise!

Forty is just a number!

So the bridge has been crossed over and, if I'm truthful, it wasn't so very painful.

A few weeks ago, I'm embarrassed to say, I was stuck in a dark hole of not wanting to turn forty.  It's not forty per se, or ageing myself that bothers me, it's just that it does seem so final a number for all the good things that happen - getting married, setting up home, starting a family, watching and celebrating friends get married and have children. Forty just seemed to be the age of no more babies, seeing friends divorce (potentially - thanks guys for not doing this, very proud of all of you celebrating hugely high numbers of years wed from 7 right up to 43 as we speak!!), watching illnesses set into parents and older friends (luckily we aren't seeing this either).
Forty seemed to be the age of watching those crow's feet spread and the hips fill chairs. Ridiculous I know as there is still so much of life to celebrate, I suppose I just love life so much. I have loved becoming a wife and developing my role and style, and having my children that I didn't want to cross the bridge so start on the road to watching my own children grow up to have children...just yet...I suppose I didn't want to say my own personal journey in having children is actually over.

 However, now, I will just aim to become a wise, grey haired matriarch holding my family and children's children within my embrace. I will aspire to sit on the stoop in my rocking chair in my future years rocking my future grandbabies to sleep and watching my own children find their ways in the world.

So I have given myself a jolly good slap. Forty is just a halfway point in the good stuff. Forty is the time to watch the harvest of what has been sown before and it isn't an end point of anything, just think of the things that are achieved by the over forty club...and add to that the fact that forty makes you far more comfortable in your own skin, it means you don't particularly worry about what people think over what you wear, you can say what you like (within reason) and get away with it, you can complain about the temperature of a meal or price of a dress without raising too many eyebrows. Forty is the age when you can actually do anything because you're not "too young" or "too old".

So, how did we celebrate? Well, my terribly, wicked, wonderful, scheming, amazing, much loved friends and family were all in it together! Listening patiently to my whining about no one being able to make a date or find the time or cash to commiserate with me. I'm actually quite surprised anyone wanted to attend after all the self pity that reeled out over the past three months. It really was all seeming quite downhill.

However, the man I inflicted myself upon some 14 years ago, and thought I knew inside out, appears to have somewhat of a cunning and scheming side to him. I won't go into huge detail, but will just share some of the wonderful photos of my special day with so many of my special friends and family, some of whom travelled a very long way and others of whom I've not seen for over 10 years due to the travelling we've been doing.

Sis, Bro and my eldest's god mum and one of my oldest pals, Annabel.

Gorgeous Em and her handsome son, and a handsome son of my own in the foreground

Really! THIS lady should be celebrating today, it was thanks to her that I'm here...and Dad of course!

Love these ladies in their shadies xx

The cake! Such a wonderful montage of me and my life. Thank you x

What a wonderful weekend. Forty rocks!

This week is Easter holidays and I've brought the children up to Edinburgh for a
to meet with our friends up here.

We're chilling out, visiting some of the Science festival, drinking ridiculously sickly hot chocolates with marshmallows, doing some shopping...thank you Anthropologie for moving to Edinburgh... dodging the snow, eating Middle Eastern food and catching up with friends...oh and not forgetting a visit to the Bear Factory - of course to purchase an Easter Bunny!

Have a great Easter weekend xx

Spring(ing) chickens!

Can you smell it?
Can you hear it?
Isn't it wonderful?

I am such a mama bear! I hate the winter, I wish that I really could hibernate. I thrive in sunlight and blue skies and colour, not in grey, dull, dark days.

Driving out this morning with LMB, it really hit me that spring is finally coming. It's not just the new life poking through the surface of the earth, it's the whole aura that seems to come along with it, a cleansing feeling, like a new soap or like that new pencil case on the first day back at school in September. It symbolises new beginnings and it feels like everything is fresh.

The mowers start up again on weekends, the smell of cut grass fills the village. The birds begin to sing when we wake in the morning and the light creeps in through the smallest of gaps in the curtains. I feel a need to be outside, outside, outside and hate being cooped up when the weather gets warmer. I need my hands in the soil and my heart in the sky!

Today, however, I've been chasing chickens. My beautiful vegetable garden has been chickened! Which, isn't a bad thing through the autumn and winter months as they have done a wonderful job on the soil, it is so rich and fertile. However, now we're back to wanting to plant things, we are requiring damage control. We bought some electric fencing to put around the area under the apple trees thinking that we could move this around and alternate where they go, thus limiting the amount of devastation they cause.

This plan appeared to work fairly well, albeit I presumed they would follow me this morning as they do every morning, when I rattled the food box and we Pied Piper-ed it over to the 'new' pasture! Ha! Of course, what the foolish pretending farmer forgot to think about is that the minute the greedy buggers got where there was new food to forage they'd not be interested in the pellets and corn anymore...oh no! So, point one to the chickens as it took me a good hour and a half in my pjs to 'round them up' and get them all over the fence and turn it off.

The chickens also scored point two as well as they had me running back and forth from the house to their enclosure over and over as I was concerned that we'd find that one or other of them had barbecued themselves on the wiring. After all, if it's meant to keep a large fox out, what would it do to a small wiry chook?

Point three was won by the sheer fact of cunningness. Fox? Hmmm, hello fox, meet my chickens! After about an hour or so of back and forth ensuring they were still on this mortal coil with me, I took LMB out as we had to run a few errands. I figured they'd be fine now and I wouldn't be long.
They say that dogs and cats know when their owners cars pull up the driveway before even setting eyes on them, well, my chickens, it would seem, are the teenagers of the poultry world and know exactly when my car  LEAVES the driveway. One by one I am sure, lead by the crafty leader of the troupe, they managed - don't ask me how, to escape.








Their wings are clipped on one side and there is no gap in my fence thank you very much, so I figure there must have been some kind of chicken cannonball system going on in my absence!

On my return...well, I don't need to tell you...no chickens in the pen! Four chickens happily foraging under the trees in the garden, but no fifth! No feathers - which was my first reaction - Mr Foxy may have got lucky, but there was no evidence. As I donned my Inspector Clouseau mac and box of corn, I wandered off down the road calling her name and shaking my tackle box! My neighbours hadn't seen her in their garden, but we also live next to an allotment, so I decided she may have gone there to see if there was much in the way of anyone else veggie patches to annihilate! Twenty minutes later and still no sign or sound of her. It was quite a mystery. My girls are not pure breeds, and Molly, bless her, is the scrag end of the hybrid world too, so if anyone was going to pinch one, it wouldn't be her!

Eventually, however, she was found when I had a brainwave that she may have needed to lay and refusing my wonderful adaptation of a basket on its side filled with straw, she had decided to lay under the summer shed!
By now I am caked in dirt from scrubbing around on the floor and ...tut...one egg down today *sigh* cos there is no way I'll get that out from under there! She, on the otherhand, chose to come out when she was good and ready after having a laugh at me and my shaking stick on all fours crawling around in the mud!

The bonus point also has to go to the chickens today due to the fact that I then spent an hour earlier sweeping and digging over the veg patch, tidying it and repairing the damage, figuring that they'd be happy and safe in the new enclosure and I'd get my potatoes planted....they are currently back where they started having a wonderful time digging over this nice, clean and tidy garden! They better lay me some whoppers for breakfast tomorrow grrrrrr!

Still, tomorrow is back to the grindstone, with just over a month until the next set of exams I have to go back to the world of hard study as of tomorrow morning, so I'll leave you all with some Spring photos that I took earlier today. Enjoy x

Watch out for the wheelchair!

There are some days when you wish that the ground will open and swallow you up and today has been one of those days.
At a practice based study day today I was coming out of the maternity area with a friend when we saw a car parked on the chevrons with its owner doing some kind of frenetic river dance on the spot. Another employee also saw this and asked him if he was okay...not that we think that it's normal to do this kind of dance whilst parked where you shouldn't be and looking around you rather wildly, only that this kind of thing never happens around me. I have never been the antenatal teacher whose clients' waters break in class, I've never been on a plane with a woman who goes into labour (I know, this probably is a GOOD thing!) Yes, even when I work in a busy maternity suite, I still miss the drama (I am grateful of this...honestly and know that it will happen and I will probably rue the day I put this in black and white here on this page!).
However, we went over to check he was okay, only to find his wife contracting heavily on the front seat.

As if that wasn't enough for the poor fella, but they sent me to go to retrieve a wheelchair from A & E.

So, two problems with this:

1. I have no idea where A & E stash their chairs and I also have a rather embarassing habit of having a total memory block surrounding the names of things when I'm in a bit of a panic. It doesn't bode well does it? So,  running into the A & E department asking them if they have an 'ambulance', didn't get me much futher than  some very odd looks and about four people kicking into automatic pilot and rushing towards me. They all retreated hurriedly when I corrected myself and I was demoted from sexy doctor service to elderly porter service!

2. I am still donning a learner's license for pushing chairs, although in my defence, have you ever pushed a hospital wheel chair? The break is on the handle so you have to push the handle up and keep it up to keep it moving. Allow the handle some slack and you'll end up in the lap of your patient...head first!
Of course, you may not actually go over the top of the handlebars, you may, in fact hit the receptionist's desk..or a nurse's shins...or just go round in circles whilst dropping all the leaflets that you'd actually been to collect before the drama began in the first place...just saying of course ;-)

Fortunately, the one gift I do possess is that of not actually having eyes in the back of my head (don't tell my kids!) so I had no idea what faces they must have been pulling at me as I left.

I did get back to the poor woman before she had her baby and they did get her into labour ward, however, I did manage to complete my comedy of errors with one more faux pas. As the woman was aided into the seat of the chair, my colleague handed me back my leaflet on contraception that she was about to sit on...oops, I doubt she needed that reading material right now!!

I do suppose there is a reason as to why these things don't tend to happen around me often...

Silversmithing.

I have had a wonderful weekend.
Last July I was lucky enough to be asked to be birth partner for my friend Emma. She was kind enough to treat me to a wonderful present that truly touched my heart. The thought she had put into it means so much.

I have just spent a weekend silver jewellery making and what a brilliant weekend it was too.

We learned how to bend, twist, cut, pierce, punch, anneal, pickle. It's not a cheap hobby as it requres a plethora of tools and obviously, silver itself isn't cheap. However, the results you get are amazing. The freedom to design something that truly suits you and you can afford, is very rewarding.

There were obviously some very experienced silversmiths who attended who had designed pieces of incredibly intricacy and some who had the imagination and creativity of my friend Saskia, who always makes amazing, off the cuff stuff. My stuff was a little tame in comparison, but heck, I love it and I'll wear it and now I've got the bug for silversmithing too - so I'll try to look out for some more courses from time to time so that I get a bit more experience.

But I won't bore you, suffice to say...roll on retirement when I can get a little shed at the bottom of the garden and set up there.

I also made a ring and two pairs of earrings.

Note: The pictures are temporary until I get time tomorrow evening to re do them with my camera rather than my phone!

Slow Sunday

I've been going at it rather hell for leather since September and today I feel the need for a bit of a go slow. A day to connect with my children, to catch up with blog land, to catch up with some 'proper' housework ie. to bleach the floors rather than just give them a quick sweep and to take photos and cook - all the things that make me feel calm.
I've submitted my essay, the lit review is underway and my shifts are sorted for the next few weeks.

Whenever I feel that life is flying past me somewhat I actually visit some of my favourite blogs to make sure I slow down. Sometimes they don't use many words, it's just pictures, but it is like my private 'little book of calm'.

This is one of my favourites: Beauty that Moves Her home is always emitting peacefulness. I'm sure she'd tell you that at times it is as chaotic as mine, but she does inspire me to find solace in the corners of my own home and life.
Amanda teaches me practical things. I had lots of her books when the children were younger and loved her simplicity and rhythm in her life. She also has a beautiful home that radiates love and grace. Maybe there is a common theme  her in 'other people's homes' rather than 'finding peace' ;-)

So today I have cleaned (which isn't calming, but needed to be done) and now I can watch the rays of the late winter sun dancing on clean windowsills rather than getting stressed by the amount of dust I can see!

My lovely hubby helped me to fix my new 'dresser' corner yesterday evening, so I can look at all my old and shabby things that tickle me. I think I need to find a long kilim style runner for the top of the unit at some point just to give it the final touch!

I am now sitting with music in the background, a bowl of these yummy kale chips and a coffee, life is sweet!

until the treadmill starts again tomorrow morning at 7am! How are you spending your Sunday?

Parents of the 21st century unite!

An interesting conversation came up with my eldest the other day whilst we were driving. He wanted to know what my favourite car was that we'd had.
I'm always conscious with conversations like this that make me question my motives and behaviour and I'm grateful for his asking because it does make me reflect on our choices.

Being a family of six (that includes our au pair) and then two dogs, we are unable to get away with a 'small' car. A small car would mean we would need to take two everywhere,  one decent sized car means we all fit, we can put a roof box on the top and thus, hopefully reducing our emissions. However, a large car, means less miles to the gallon, more resistance and then I find myself being fussy too. Our 'perfect' car was the Ford explorer that we had in the US. It dealt with snow, dogs, children, clutter, shopping (that stayed upright in the boot) and my most favourite 'gadget' was the dual opening for the boot, which meant that after shopping or out with the dogs, we can 'lift the lid' and the lower section remains shut ensuring the dogs' safety and keeping my shopping from flying all over the driveway (which happens now!) I am so easily pleased in odd little ways ;-)

However, the Ford explorer is a 4 x 4 and did about 1/2 mile to the gallon *sigh*.
So, next year our car is up for a renewal on its lease, bear in mind that I travel sometimes up to 400 miles a week that simply cannot be done on public transport, carry a plethora of my kids and other people's children, barnyard paraphenalia and animals. I'd like something green but that I can count on to get me around country roads with all this in tow. Any ideas?

Staying on this green theme we have also had our current energy tariff come to the end of its fixed deal, so we are on the hunt for a new energy supplier. Bear in mind we do have the solar panels and we use wood burners as much as we can. Our heating is oil and we don't have piped gas, we are on the lookout for someone here too.

I do try to reduce our footprint as much as I possibly can, we don't own a tumble dryer, instead my kitchen becomes a chinese laundry at weekends and the wood burner, whilst heating the kitchen, also drys the clothes, we use cloth bags for as much shopping as possible - I also use a local veg box service to deliver locally farmed (relatively) seasonal fruit and veg. We use washable cleaning cloths for the kitchen and cleaning the bathrooms. The children's lunchboxes, which have always been a real bone of contention with me due to the wicked amounts of packaging that we are convinced we need: Is there really a need to buy a box of crackers or muffins that are all individually wrapped as they are sold as 'lunchbox'. We use stainless steel canteens, bento box style lunchboxes and reusable wrappers for sandwiches.

I actually enjoy challenging myself to think about how to reuse things or recycle, however, as the children get older and my hand knits take way too long for me to knit up or they won't wear what I sew for them, it is proving more challenging.

There was a time when they'd happily play with wooden blocks and beautifully carved sustainable wooden toys, they'd wear what I made them and sit in their cloth nappies making me feel very smug and happy with my ability to reduce. Then they started to grow, not only in size but in mind and opinion too! Barbie began to knock her disgustingly manicured plastic hand on my door and leave her bunion inducing five inch 1cm stilletos all over my floors. They wanted comics that came with plastic tat, then there was the DS...no, the DSi...no, the DS3d (I've not given in to that one!). The eldest needs a laptop for his school work, the middle one needs a new IPod, because despite me trying to get one second hand and  reuse...it died! The girl, oh, the girl, she needs plastic fantastic in every possible direction: hair clips, dolls, then there is the desire to put glitter on her face and nail polish on her nails.

I'm not going to deny everything, they have to live in the 21st century and know what is going on around them and we live in the age of technology where my 9 year old is more computer savvy than me and he does my power point presentations for me! BUT, there is still a desire to not keep buying new and give into commercial pressures.

I do feel sad for today's youngsters. They may be clear and happy in their own minds, but they are continually told by advertising that they are not. They saved up their money to buy a DSi, but within a week or two, they don't 'really want that', what they 'really want' is the 3D version! What message is this sending to our kids? It's not just about the materialistic, it's about telling our children that they don't know their own minds. It's not just telling our children that they won't be happy until they have the next of something, it's telling our children that they must rely on someone else to tell them when they are happy.
I feel it more now as my eldest is at secondary school. He's not content to muck about in the trees in our garden or play with his lego as much these days - although he will still spend several hours a week. He is being carried along on the tide of gadgets and sometimes really struggles to reason with his dad and my feelings towards some of it. He fails to see the problem in an iPhone for example when he has a great camera, a video camera,  a touch screen phone and an iPod. All on one iPhone means all lost in one go too....

I'm sure I was probably just as bad as a teenager, but I'm not sure I got quite so excited over Pong on our old Atari, but I bet I made as much of a fuss and my mother had palpitations when the walkmans came out rather than good old vinyl!! They'd 'ruin' our ears and turn us into delinquents!!

Ah well, I guess if he becomes too much of a delinquent I can always find a way to recycle him!!

Before I kid you all into thinking that the life of a midwife is all cutsie babies and wonderful births, there is a flip side to this coin. Sometimes births don't go as well as you want them to and sometimes there is nothing you can do to prevent this. It is hard to remember that although we are there to help women and we want to help women, we cannot control nature and nature has a cruel streak. Think about it: tornadoes, hurricanes, earthquakes, these are all examples of times where nature reminds us that it has the upper hand.

Sometimes as a midwife you are put between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand you have the mama's wishes in the back of your mind and want to help her achieve these, on the other, you have reality and the knowledge of how quickly things can change and put both mama and baby at risk and you don't want to even cross remotely into this territory. Whatever you do, you are accountable for your actions, which makes you answerable to everyone.

As a first year student, you just observe it all unfold. There is nothing much you can do, other than observe and write things down as they occur. When it is all over, you reflect, you don't sleep, you eat crap, you spend your life picking your eye bags up from your chin, you don't wear make up, your hair is scraped back, you're vomited on, pooped on, shouted at, carry tea and toast, don't sit down, don't wee, you read up on what happened, what it all means and what the risks are and what you can watch out for in the future.

Learning points are spewing forth, essays are being written, literature reviews organised, meals cooked, sleep lost and I even forgot to take my son to his school bus on Thursday morning, missing it for him and his school friend, meaning that her mother ended up having to drive them all the way. For a whole six hours, I did wonder whether I would be better off working in a bookshop! No real responsibilities that involved life threatening decisions, no work to bring home, surrounded by lots of lovely books....Just for a while, I wondered; did I really want this responsibility? Wouldn't I be better just being a proper mum to the children, cooking them proper food rather than relying on tins of baked beans a few times more than I'd like to, giving them more of my attention rather than saying 'please go away because I need to study', taking my dog for long walks in the day rather than thinking all the while I'm walking - 'I shouldn't be here, this is wasting my day'.

But, you know what, then there was a PPH on my next shift. I wrote the notes, I made cups of tea for the dad and helped him dress his new baby as his wife was taken to theatre. I helped a few more babies into the world and watched the looks on the faces of the mothers, adoration, exhaustion, fear and elation and you know what...

For three years, the world will survive on baked beans!