Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Mama # 2 had her baby yesterday! This has been a week of new births in this small area of CT by all accounts. So on getting back on Friday night, I was called away again on Sunday evening. My client's water had broken and they were all set on staying home (I was rooting for this choice to be made) however, within 10 mins they had rung again to say that there was some blood in the water and they were nervous, would I meet them at the hospital?

Nights when I am called away always fill me with such mixed feelings. Of course there is the initial excitement of a new baby, a new labour and birth and new opportunities to help a mother achieve a great birth experience, then intrepidation, for their health and then for staying on the right side of interventions etc etc, then also, that real niggling, sarcastic feeling that I can never get rid of these days of " how long before the epidural, how long before they wave the white flag at me and tell me they no longer want to stick to their original ideals"? I know, I know, I was the same with my first, so were many of my friends, it was then we discovered there was so much more to the birth experience than watching it from the outside. We became so much more aware of how to work with the contractions and embrace them really deep (in a literal sense too!) rather than fighting it because it hurt.

Anyway........this birth I remembered to pack my Yoga mat - yuhuh, not to actually practise!! but because most times I end up sleeping on the grimy hospital floor while the parents try to get rest. i cannot sleep in a chair, I have to be flat and after the birth in September where I slept on a cold tile floor and woke up freezing and in shock, I decided that my yoga mat would be anotehr prop I would add to my bag of goodies!

However, this birth has left me more troubled than most. These clients were already under more stress than many of my clients, their child was conceived with IVF, they had been told that she may have androplaysia dwarfism and the mom had not had an easy pregnancy, gestational diabetes, high blood pressure and a family history of P-E and prematurity.
When their daughter was born, she didn't appear to be out of proportion in anyway. She appeared healthy, muscle tone and colour all good and great Apgars. But to me, her protruding tongue and almondy looking eyes were suggesting she may have Down Syndrome. This was not noticed or said by the paediatrician, so I hope to god I am totally wrong and she was just small and these were regular features. I keep looking at the photos I took, in many, her tongue is out, not just a little, but a long pointed protrusion. I am sure (and I really really hope) I am wrong. i said nothing and intend to say nothing to the parents. it isn't my place, I am no expert suffice to say that my instinct is bugging me. I sincerely hope I never mention this again.

Well, time to hit the sack. My eyes are so heavy that my head keeps toppling backwards, if the boys were awake they would call me a bobble head!

Goodnight!

YMCA

We have a standing joke that I am sure many family's have and this is particularly apparent with Little Mr Beehive! When he is on top form, he is obviously my son, when feeling particularly mischeveous, he is most certainly his father's!! - funnily enough, the same rules apply for the dog too!! but that is another day!

One of Little Mr Beehive's particular similarities to his father, rather than my Monica-ness about things, is his disdain of tidying up. LMrB could live days, maybe even months or years, I break out in goosebumps just thinking about it, under piles of worn clothing, with books all over the place, tripping over shoes and toys etc.
As a family, we all chip in to lay and clear the table at meal times.........one of LMrB's pet hates. Often when asked to help out he starts up what is slowly becoming his signature - It starts with a hopping, then clutching at his groin, then more hopping which intensifies and becomes a frenetic jump, then a mad dash to the bathroom and wails of "I need to peeeeeeeeeeeee!".

Well today we are all sitting, waiting patiently for him to return, which he starts to do...arriving at the kitchen door, he notices, perhaps, his yogurt pot still sitting where it was left waiting for him to put it in the trash and announces with a big grin - "oh no, now I have to go pooh!"

The usual round of raised eyebrows pass the table, even Little Miss Beehive has caught onto this, speaking of whom was trying desperately to get me to feed her my strawberries "me try one?" she asked hopefully (oh, she had already had her own bowl so please don't feel too concerned for her!). I looked at her and she tried again "just a liddle one okay mama?" she asked with fluttering eyelashes and her twitchy fingers already in my bowl - we are in fits of giggles about her already demure and "girlie" pleading techniques, so when LMrB decides that his bathroom business is taking a little long (his father is more of a book man, but we never really started that routine with the children) we are entertained with a hearty and loud rendition of the Village People, which interspersed with grunts and splashes makes for a great Saturday lunch!!

Y..........grrr...........M.......ggggrrrrrrr......C...............A SPLASH!!! aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh*sigh*

A tale of two births

So this week has strangely brought about the kinds of births that many of us could only dream about.

Firstly, on Sunday, my friend Cari and her husband, Rob, birthed their second child on the floor of their bathroom! They were all set to go to the birthing centre but their son had other plans. Cari is a wonderful, calm woman and took all of this in her stride. She would have certainly relished the intimacy of birthing her baby at home (something that so many women are not able to do here in CT. for issues of insurance, lack of HB midwives etc) and it had been her secret longing all the way.

Keep this image in your minds readers, because shrouding this beautiful story was the one that then followed when they did what any person would have done and is legally meant to do (I think!) and they called 911. What followed was a horrific pre- judgement of them as mad renegade hippies and thus were treated like second class citizens. Their healthy 9lb+ son was taken from them into the NICU, fed formula and Rob was unable to hold him until the next day, that and they were threatened with legal action if they did not comply!!

Yesterday Cari's pain was intense to say the least. No-one heard her, that all she wanted to do at the hospital was stay with her son, nurse him herself to get his sugar up and be his mother!!

If there is ever a number 4 in the Beehive.............s/he will be birthed at home IN ENGLAND!

Birth number two was my clients, due last Wednesday. Again this couple were due to be birthing at the same birthing centre and were driving down from about 45 miles north in NY state! Her first labour had been fast for a P.G and so we were expecting this to be about a 4-5 hour birth. Her cervix had already been partly dilated and effaced and she had mild, inconsistent, occasional contractions. She rang me at 3.20 yesterday afternoon to say her water had gone and they were going to drive in. I sorted out my childcare, and left my house by 4.30. Traffic aside..........I still wouldn't have made it!!! They walked in the birth centre door at about 4.30, Baby Auden was born just 20 mins later. My arrival at 5.06 was just too darned late!! I did remain with them however, as they had another child whom I was going to sit with for a while.

Ironically (is it??), despite this being a MUCH different scenario to the one Cari went through at the hospital and my client enjoying just "being" with her family, one of the nurses at the centre was desperate to push them to go home. She hinted about the weather getting much worse (cold, not snow) and how she would be far happier in the lounge of the birthing centre rather than in the bedroom bonding with the baby and enjoying some alone time...........Funny, it really is a game of two halves!!

Today is "Primary Mom's Day" at school. So W. has been up since the crack asking if it is time to go yet. He has chosen to wear a shirt and tie (!!) so I feel incredibly underdressed in comparison. I have had half the contents of my wardrobe on at one point this morning, do I do:

1. Sensible mother: nice smart brown trousers and shirt and boots (with heels)?

2. Warm and cuddly mummy - comfy trousers and a big warm sweater and sneakers?

3. Posh mom, smart pencil skirt, neat blouse, jacket, pantyhose (ha, just put that in cos I LOVE the word!! so stupid!) and heels

4. Normal me, but slightly off the cuff earth mama - Empire style patterned loud shirt and short, cropped cardi with jeans....................

Believe it or not, I do own an assemble of the above in some form or other, but........well, I wouldn't be W's mama if I tried to be anything but number 4!!

Okay, my other half is back from the gym - yes, he scoots out on a Saturday morning, (like all the other days in the week!) leaving me with Saturday chaos of children, dishwashers, breakfasts, bed making, dressing children, showering, walking and feeding dog...........bet he hasn't even brought me a coffee!!!!

Oh well!

Four legs good, Two legs bad!!!

I cannot be the only one in the world who wonders sometimes who on earth writes the news scripts?

This week's corker has to go to the radio news reader (shamefully I can't remember what station as I was just flicking to find news of any sort) who came up with this faux pas after an emergency landing by an aircraft due to the death of the pilot in transit:

" the plane landed safely at x airport. No-one was hurt in the emergency landing...........(pause)........except the pilot of course."

At bookclub this month we have just discussed "The Spirit Catches you and you fall down". If you haven't read it, it is well worth the read. A book written by a journalist who followed the life of a little Hmong girl with epilepsy and her family. They move from Laos to the US whereupon it is discovered that this little girl has epilepsy. In the Hmong culture, epilepsy is seen as a gift, it is described as the title. Many shamen have this gift. Anyway in America epilepsy is seen as a medical condition that is treatable. However, neither her parents speak English or read Hmong nor at the time were there interpreters. There is a real cross fire of culture and in the end, by whatever means, the little girl eventually becomes so sick that she doesn't recover and remains from this day forth, in a vegetative state. I shan't give too much more of the book away, suffice to say that I found it very impressionable. Whereas initially it is so easy to "judge" from a western stance, ie: were the Hmong stupid not to take the tablets, surely they must know that medicine was the only help for her, of course the doctors were right; in more depth it is actually incomprehensible to really understand HOW the Hmong felt about this and why. This culture is so far removed from any of our pre-conceived ideas of technology, medicine, illness and even hierarchy, that it became a book that certainly I (not sure any of my fellow bookclubbers remained with my by this point!!) started seeing from, if you like, a levitational view. I really knew that I could never understand why this happened and to be honest, I don't think I was meant to, but it really helped me open my eyes. It was well written, the author had certainly got to a certain degree of intimacy with the Hmong, and reported the history and the facts as such, but had she understood them, no, absolutely not, and she won't, just as had a Hmong written the book they would never have understood it from a Western POV.

That said, if you like books that make you think outside the box, ie: this is not a particularly easy read, it is also written in a very journalistic way too, then try it.

The other "bee" in my bonnet this week is an article in the http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/01/10/nschools10.xmlTelegraph in the UK about the call to scrap catchment areas for schools and basically to draw names out of a hat for intake for schools. I can see what they are trying to achieve by doing this: ie a mixed intake so that lower socio-economic areas are not necessarily going to be the lower achieving schools, house prices remaining more constant because there will be less desire to move to a good school catchment area etc but my problems with it are thus:

1. A good school is not solely down to the area. A good school comprises, in my opinion, of a good strong headteacher, motivated staff, funding, a mix of pupils who are inspired.

2. What about people who do live, and have always lived, within walking distances of local schools that they are more than happy and expect their children to attend, they have to get into cars, add to the pollution and traffic and parking problems to drive 4 - 5 miles across town to a school where their child's name HAS been drawn.

3. Private schools are going to be oversubscribed and thus this will eventually have a knock on effect for funding for state schools ie: less pupils= less capital = not achieving #1 in my list!!

4. People are always going to "change religion", move to a good catchment area or bend the rules to ensure as much as possible that their child gets the best possible education.

It's crazy. I am sure my parents never had the problems that my generation are now facing. Our house in the UK backs onto a school, currently we will presume that our younger two will be offered places there. We hope T will, but as his entry will be to Y5 it may be harder and he doesn't really fit into this argument, he is a different case. That said, if either of the others don't get in, we are lucky as the next options locally are also excellent schools but I will be fulfulling #2 and driving 3 miles to a different school - madness! In our area in the UK a lot of the problem is down to the fact that they are building more and more houses and not keeping the amenities up so that everyone is accomodated. Before we left for overseas, they had already knocked down one house three doors down and built three teeny tiny postage stamp sized town houses in it's place, so now as a minimum there are three (but probably 6 or more) people living in the same sized plot as 1 or maybe 2 were before!! There are or maybe have been 60 houses built on wooded area all of which are "family" houses so that is another 240 people to get into the already oversubscribed doctor's surgery and 120 more children probably to get into the local school that attaches to my house...........

Would we pay privately to ensure them a good quality of education if we were in a situation where our next offering of school was crap - probably, yes, because we could if we tightened our belts but why should we? and what happens to people who can't?

Maybe all this money spent on developing lovely wooded natural land could have been spent on schools or amenities? Nah, of course not, at the end of the day, that won't line some business man or politician's pocket so s/he can continue to send his/her children to a private school away from us riff raff.

The Great Hiawatha

It has been a funny kind of week this week, we have had some snow - finally (about 1/2 and inch, a sneeze in fact, hardly worth mentioning) but of course this has meant the rigmarole of snow pants and boots, gloves, hats and scarves X 3 has been part of our daily school routine. That is not to mention ensuring that all 6 gloves, 6 snow boots, 3 snow pants, scarves, hats and jackets, spare wet clothes including socks, homework, readers, and 2 lunch packs are all brought home again afterwards too!

I have been feeling somewhat displaced this week. I suppose because the week began with our realisation that we have now been here 18 months and it is possible that in the same time again, we could be moved. I suppose in my mind I always presumed we would be going home (which we still quite probably will be) but then R. brought up the topic of another international move.
We had set a time frame to ensure we would be back int he UK by T. starting at secondary school, so we still do have time to play with. But it just threw me off kilter a little.

It always seems so glamorous to live the life of an ex-pat - the exotic-ness, the new places to explore, the multicultural lifestyle, the gin brigade, the "clubs" blah blah - point is, it may be like that in many places, but for most expats, life has to continue in much the same vein as it does at home, only without the close friends and family, without the roots and security of knowing what is coming, without the choice of whether to work or not, without the familiarity and unsaid background knowledge of the country and culture.
It is a great lifestyle, I am forever grateful for our opportunities, but......there is also a loss of something, a fear that the gaps you leave behind will be filled, that you are "missing out" on the goings on back home. I suppose I didn't realise I was so much of a home bird! I have missed the births of friend's and my SISTER's babies, celebrations for events, changes and even now a funeral. Often expat wives are called "Trailing Spouses" and that is exactly sometimes how I feel.

Today has been another day for de-cluttering - I AM ON A ROLL! We have de-papered today. It began this morning when we talked about extending the house back home in a few years, turning what is currently the bathroom into a study. This room is very small and we are drowning in paper! Too much for this wee john to accomodate!

The biggest problem with being a hoarder - is being married to a financial one! My dear other half is the world's WORST for hoarding paper, receipts dating back years! Do you know, I even found an estate agent's blog thing for HIS first house in Manchester! So, once again, our house is breathing a huge sigh of relief and Ebay is heaving with Fimbles, Teletubbies (oh they're not paper I know, i moved onto the kid's rooms next!), clothes, books etc

Finally I must just leave you with W's latest little character. My younger son is great for coming up with truly hilarious names for characters. He has a wonderfully natural sense of humour and a devilishly sharp wit. He was entertaining the masses with his game of Indians, where of course, he is the chief. I asked him what his name was -

"Skumpton" he replied

I introduce to you: Indian Chief............Skumpton????!!!! Where DOES he come up with it?

Take a moment

Today is not a day for good tidings. I have just learned that my piano teacher died two days ago. He had an aneurism I think and they hadn't expected him to last very long at all, but he managed a good six months. Thing is, he wasn't very old at all. I really can't get my head around it. He taught me from the age of 7 until 18, packing me off to The London College of Music on Saturdays, taking me through my music 'A' levels (and GCSE), smiling gently as I would throw a tantrum over not getting the Khatachurian dance right again, having patience as I tripped over my fingers over and over, encouraging me all the way. He leaves a wife and three daughters
Second news was that an school friend is due with her third boy any day now and her terminally ill husband has only weeks left to live. Imagine, a widow at 34, those poor sweet boys. i don't know how I would cope. R. is not only my husband, my sounding board, my sanity, my patient, patient supporter, he is, in a literal sense, my soul mate. I know i would be flat without him. I don't know how she will be without her partner. I so desperately want to contact her again, we haven't really been in touch since 6th form, but I don't really know how appropriate it is to start digging up old contacts in this scenario. I know she needs support right now and probably has that from her family and friends and she may think that this is spectating, which it isn't from my point of view, but that may not be shared. Perhaps a card and small gift when the baby arrives is appropriate?
Thirdly, my clients who are due at the end of Jan are going to be induced on Tuesday this coming week. They have been told that their baby may well have androplasia dwarfism but the neonatolagists can't be sure. What ever, the baby is not growing as well as she should. This couple conceived with IVF after lots of trying, so this has been one hell of a rollercoaster few years for them and even now they cannot be assured of an easy birth or parenting journey.

I feel somewhat flat this afternoon. I feel so blessed but equally so bad for these families, whose life journeys have suddenly taken such an enormous turn. Perhaps you can remember these families in your thoughts tonight?

Gratefully yours
TheBeehive

A story told by Astrid Lindgren, author of Pippi Longstocking.

“Above all, I believe there never should be any violence.”

In 1978, Astrid Lindgren received the German Book Trade Peace Prize for her literary contributions. In acceptance, she told the following story.

“When I was 20 years old, I met an old pastor’s wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn’t believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard practice at the time. But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking-the first of his life. And she told him that he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, ‘Mama, I couldn’t find a switch, but here’s a rock that you can throw at me.’

“All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child’s point of view; that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone. And the mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because violence begins in the nursery-one can raise children into violence. I think that too often we fail to feel situations from the child’s point of view and that failure leads us to teach our children other than what we think we’re teaching them.”

This made me weep!

"You have just realised his worst fears!!"

• "Always treat your 'babies' as the real thing" - (number one rule of NCT props and childbirth aid dept!!)

• "When demonstrating breastfeeding do not remove head of baby" (must be rule two)
  

I have now failed in two attempts. Firstly, I cannot and will not patronise my clients by treating a plastic doll as the real Mcoy......I keep them in plastic bags under a chair for goodness sake and my clients are 36 not 6!!
Secondly I have not only failed number two, but also managed to realise one of my dad's worst fears this evening.

At the start of the course we run a worry board: things that parents wanted answered, are concerned about. Very frequently "dropping the baby" or "hurting the baby accidently" are listed. My present class had listed "killing it, squashing it, dropping it, maiming it," as it's fears, which are pretty just for many new parents.

Tonight we were covering breastfeeding and I was attempting to demonstrate as to why a baby does not find it easy to feed when nestled in the crook of an arm (for the layman - it bends the neck forward and cricks the oesophagus) Normally I ask my clients to bend their own heads down to their chests and try to swallow, but tonight, I also followed up by demonstrating on my "breastfeeding baby" (some overpriced plastic doll with an open mouth AND a faulty HEAD!)..........and the head came clean off .

Sorry, I am laughing even as I type. What a sadist!

That certainly has to go down in history as the way NOT to breastfeed! I have to say, however, I am pleased that I hadn't handed Headless Harry over to my clients for them to "practise" on.......just think of that poor dad, he would have been mortified!!!

Still, I think I am forgiven, we certainly laughed about it. Baby has been reunited with his head and I am now truly on my mission to find a properly suitable demonstration model. Anyone out there a designer? I want a doll with a floppy neck and a bean bag body along with a hard plastic head and open mouth and a visual tongue.

Oh and you had better add unbreakable to my list of wants!!

2006 in review

2006 in Review

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? Pilates, became a doula, got some writing published, went up the Empire State building on Christmas Eve.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?I don't make resolutions, I prefer the freedom of being able to change my mind and I don't like the definition of a "New Year" to be the thing that means I can strive for better things, I can do that anytime!! So part two there is no !

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? How close do you want?
Yes about 10 women all within about 1 foot of me!!!!
....friend wise, Julie, although I haven't seen him yet, she's in Spain!

4. Did anyone close to you die? No and I am grateful to be saying that

5. What countries did you visit? Jamaica, Belgium and England (that seems weird!) but we are living in the States and exploring there, does that count?

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? More time!!

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Gosh that is a hard question. Nothing major happened (for once!) so I guess 2006 will go down in a history as a nice, calm year with no moves, no babies (of my own!), no new houses etc.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Is this really banal to say losing 10lbs and getting a great Yoga venue to practise at?

9. What was your biggest failure? Losing my rag sometimes, taking things on in such a personal way, getting irate about things I cannot change!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No, but R. did and I hope that he remains on track this year. That doesn't want to recurr this year!

11. What was the best thing you bought? I have no idea that there is any one thing: A mattress pad for our bed - now I really can sleep, several gifts for people for Christmas from Oxfam unwrapped, a new camera, maybe my really good blender so now I make smoothies for W. and kid him into consuming veggies and fruit!!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? OMG, every day I see people on the t.v, in papers who have done selfless deeds, fostered children, helped in the developing world, saved lives............

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Where do I start? George Bush and his lack of recognition in the US's part in global warming for one small issue, many tabloids and their exploitaiton and sensationalistic stories, many OB's!! Nestle, Nestle, Nestle ......

14. Where did most of your money go? Probably on organic food, then books I expect, although I think a lot disappears into R's share scheme at work which we will one day see again I think!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My family and friends coming to visit...........oh and a takeaway - it means I don't have to cook!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2006? Jingle Bells I expect. I. sings it with such panache and T has learnt to play it on the piano!! In fact I am actually heartily SICK OF IT!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:i. happier or sadder? Neither, but I am more content and at peace with myself.
ii. thinner or fatter? Woohoo - thinner - 10lbs - did I say that?
iii. richer or poorer? Probably richer, it feels like poorer, smalls like to eat, grow and do things, but we certainly have enough.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Exploring the area and country we are currently living in, writing, taken more video of the children, breathed!

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Driving, sulking!

20. How will you be spending the Winter? Hopefully in much the same way I spend most of my time surrounded by my family, snuggled up in front of the fire or mucking around on our "ski hill" in the back yard on a sled!!

22. Did you fall in love in 2006? Not especially.

23. What was your favorite month of 2006? I don't really think I had one, each month had it's qualities

.24. What was your favorite TV program? I do like "House", but we tend to watch videos of British series' rather than channels, Spooks, Messiah, that kind of thing.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No, that is far too harsh a word. I have lower esteem for a few people I didn't this time last year, and disappointment in one friend, but equally higher esteem of a few.

26. What was the best book you read? The BEST book? Hmmmm, I liked one I read really recently "The Spirit catches you and you fall down" also "The Mind of Boys" was pretty inspiring, I don't know. Oh hang on, I really liked the book "A year by the sea".

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? That my clarinet still works and isn't full of mould - yet!!!

28. What did you want and get? More energy - sometimes, healthier - definitely,

29. What was your favorite film of this year? The Constant Gardener.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I honestly can't remember, we might have had a meal out somewhere? Isn't that dreadful! I was 34

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? That overnight my children would have developed the ability to talk to each other rather than shout at top volume, that they would never fall out or argue or at least would reason with each other and that the clothes looked as good on me as they did on the model!!!!

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? A huge mix of alternative, boho, hippy look with an underlying awareness of the phrase "mutton dressed as lamb". Hopefully pretty young and funky, although it does very often consist of jeans!!!!!!!

33. What kept you sane? A nice Chardonnay and a book.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Not fancy, but I admire Angelina Jolie, not so much for her acting, more her international work, her physique and that she has snagged Mr Pitt (the bitch!) however I have the lushes for Johnny D, Orlando (of course) and Mr Aragorn - so as you can imagine, Pirates of the Carribean and LOTR are somewhat of a porn fest for me!!!

35. What political issue stirred you the most? The polar icecap has rattled R's cage. The technocracies of birth in the US is what stirs me the most

.36. Who did you miss? My family and friends

37. Who was the best new person you met? I don't know, I met a bunch of new people this year who have been lots of fun to know, maybe Laurie........my yoga buddy and Montessori mom, probably Mary, she is my inspiration and guru.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: Two really: Your kids are who they are - let them just be and you won't find that 26 hour day, it just ain't there.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Hmmm still thinking.

Okay, so current mood is apparent then!!!!!!
I have days when I wonder what I am up against. This morning on the way to school I am called by a lady who is 5 days PP. She is suffering from the after effects of an epidural (swelling everywhere) a 1st degree tear (v.painful!!) and the consequences of the somewhat floppy mouth of what must can only be a lactation consultant from the hospital having a very bad day of sense of judgement. Of course, I can only take her word for it, BUT........
She has been feeding him formula since her return from the hospital and hasn't tried to latch him only to pump........to cut a VERY long rant in half, the "advice" from the hospital was that she was "so determined to feed it would be dangerous for the baby"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!&*(*)&((*&$£???? The same consultant (although I am reluctant to call her that) would not answer my client as to what exactly she meant (text book case of foot in mouth syndrome!) and recommended pumping and formula. Her diagnosis was based on the fact that the baby wouldn't latch on.......2 hours after his circumcision surgery (okay don't get me started on that subject!).

Suffice to say, she successfully latched him this morning at 9.30am when I arrived, fed him, found a comfy lying down position AND has aborted the idea to pump for at least 6 weeks.

This is not the first time I have heard this dreadful kind of story. It makes my blood boil. I want to report comments like this. I don't understand what the aim of it is. She is a LACTATION consultant for goodness sake, she is meant to be PRO breastfeeding. If she (my client) hadn't have rung me, she would be exclusively formula feeding now, that sounds really arsey and "what a saviour" I am-ish, that isn't what I mean at all, I just don't know what to do. There needs to be some kind of support (Free if possible or certainly low cost) in place that is genuine, up to date and knowledgeable where women can ring, have someone come around to help without the fear that they can't afford it, the insurance won't cover it, they don't know anyone etc. It happens in the UK with the NCT, although I am not sure that they do home visits anymore. I will get her the contact for the local La Leche league though. If women are told this kind of thing in hospital following a long arduous birth they are naturally going to doubt their ability. This consultant left my client with the understanding that she was not producing milk for her son. True it maybe that her milk supply is not yet established and she may be slower than some for the milk to come it, but meanwhile is producing just what her son needs as long as she feeds him!

So, I am on my way home, fuming, and decide to do my usual........call me tight or frugal but buying snow suits and thick coats for NEXT year in the sale has always been the way I work, saves me loads! I bought I.'s coat and the lady asked me if I had the size up from the one I need as they always come up really small.?!!! So, simple question, if that is common knowledge, why not just make them bigger???????????I don't get it!

I was reading a comment on someone's blog this week about how easy it is when someone has a problem, to feel that problem as one's own. You know, I would love to think that was always true, what a calm and peaceful place the world would be. We would be filled with compassion for each other all the time. Within hours I was reading an article in a magazine about Female Genital Mutilation and the author of the article concluded with saying that how easy people find it to read about issues such as FGM and other disturbing issues and not take on the problem as one's own. The difference tends to be if the situation affects us directly or it is on our own doorstep so to speak. I sometimes feel this conflicted about my job. How far should I go to try and change things? how much can I, one person do? Oddly enough T. is currently reading Gulliver's Travels. Look at how much those tiny Lilliputians did as a team !! Then this evening I got home to an e-mail from a client I taught a week or two ago for a short series, she said:

"....F. (her husband)remembered everything too. He was such a champ. He helped me more than I could imagine anyone could....."

I suppose the answer is that one day we will see the effects of our desire for change, one day, if we work as a team there maybe more miwife infuence, more education for OB's on the holistic model of care, but until that point we will have to continue to plug the holes in the dam, be that drop in the ocean.

Okay, so ramble over, I must go a re-do dinner, yes you read that right, re-do, as the mutt decided that it was his, admittedly R. was late home tonight but that is really taking the p**s.

De-cluttering da house!

I have days like this, when I feel the need for a huge splurge on decluttering. I feel we are drowning in books at the moment. I love books and so does R and it appears we have three children with exactly the same opinion. Books are the one thing that I don't mind buying outside of Christmas and birthdays and they are the one thing that I couldn't do without. However, this is verging on the ridiculous! Each of the children has a pretty packed shelf with middle son being the exception with a hugely "over" packed shelf; he has the books T has outgrown and the books I. isn't yet ready for as well as a bunch of his own.........not to mention we have three bookshelves of our own downstairs!!

So where in the heck to start.........duplicates were first - can you belive we have duplicates??? That is seriously poor! When I first met R. I laughed at him. He used to have all his books in alphabetical order..........where is the fun in that? (Yeah alright Paul if you read this, I know I used to have labels on mine too..........but I was 6 when I did that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) My shelves were all higgeldy-piggeldy because the enjoyment of finding a book that I hadn't read for a bit and re-reading all the while actually looking for a totally different book was the appeal to me........sort of like being lost in a huge library (*shiver*) . So naturally (being the alpha female I am!!) I got rid of that anality for a start!! The downside of this appears to be we have found ourselves with duplicates.

Second came the "if it ain't been read in 18 months" rule with a large bend in it! After all, that would leave my shelves looking sad and forlorn, and the "why in the hell did I buy THAT?" rule.......for the "Training your Golden Retriever" book (he isn't a retriever for one......training - hmm that is another!) and the "Fundamentals of Obstetrics and Gynaecology" books (well meaningly advised by the NCT or maybe ALACE - but IRL.........get real I am a doula not a doctor!)

Finally came the task of attacking the "Lonely Planet" collection that we have accumulated over the years. We have been to the majority of the places we have the books for (relief!) but there are a few on our shelves to where we will not be going before they bring out at least six further newer editions of the book and thus these are in fact, gathering dust!
Our poor house has breathed a sigh of relief today at the fact that the weight in books has lightened, there is space between some of the books (you know what that means don't you.......!!) and I have made a buck or two selling some of the better quality ones on a second hand site, all in all a day of frugality!

Which is a good thing as R. did my tax return today and what with the little I get a year, because in the US we are being taxed together, my tax is HALF of what I made this year and believe me and you, that was pretty minimal and not to forget the childcare on top. I really don't know why they (the government) want women with children to work? It really isn't cost effective. I know it isn't about the money and we are not badly off, I don't have to work and I am lucky enough to have the choice, but that is not the point. It is the fact that I am trying, I want to contribute to what R. brings in, I want to feel I am contributing to society but 40% tax on my earnings and then the childcare too means I take home less than 15%! For being covered in vomit and pooh and standing on my feet for 36 hours. I am sorry, I love what I do and I should do it from my heart, which, when I am there working with my clients I do........but it don't pay the bills! Okay, rant over. I apologise, there are so many families out there who struggle. This isn't about that, this is about independence and my alpha streak really.

Anyone want some books??????

'Tis Done!

Well to a lesser degree........she got finished, just and nearly. She has her cap on and I still need to properly attach all the hair, but at least she was in a playable condition. Problem was, I. had seen me with it stitching over the previous few days and when she opened it she immediately handed it to me; "mummy's dolly"! Oh well!

We took the boys into NYC for a treat on Christmas Eve, and they had a great time. It was very cold and windy at the top of the Empire State building, but a great day for views. We then walked to the Rockerfeller Centre. I have to say, I had a different impression in my head of this area. I thought it was going to be huge, not a small rink on a lower level. It somewhat reminded me of the surprise I had when I saw the Trevi Fountain in Rome. I had always envisaged it being bigger and grander rather than in a back street pretty much.

Today is Boxing Day or the Feast of St Stephen's in the UK and many parts of Europe, here in the US it is a normal day and people go back to work. R. is going into work today and then taking the rest of the week off. Mum and Dad leave us tomorrow. I can't believe their visit is over already and this time we aren't seeing them for nearly a year! We still have a very filled year ahead as we launch into 2007. I have several births lined up for the first two months, and by the time we are eventually dug out of the snow in the Spring we are taking a holiday to the Grand Canyon. We a good flow of visitors throughout the year so I am sure that 2007 will be just as crazy and manic as 2006 was.

I remember sitting in my kitchen in the UK back in January 2003 with my friend, Fred, and having an empty calendar, we used to "complain" about not liking the start of the year and it feeling such an anti climax after Christmas. These days I laugh about that and a part of me yearns for that too. To be able to hold onto these days a little longer would be fantastic.

I don't have any specific resolutions for the New Year. It is a nice feeling to feel a "fresh start" but to resolve to be more x or do more y is too static for my liking, not to mention that I would rather have the option to "change my mind" and that my resolutions come as I learn more, it is a journey!!!!

However, I do have desires for change in the world in 2007 and that change truly begins at home, by wishing for peace in the New Year I would like to see less self absorption by the world and more global thinking, less talk with money and more with feeling, more offering the hand of compassion and less fingers on the triggers, more thinking outside the box and what the results of actions may be even within our own families and communities, and less jumping in with both size 10 boots. I think it was Gandhi who said "be the change you wish to see in the world".

As the countdown to 2007 begins I wish to all of you, a very happy, peaceful and aware New Year.

new years text

Armless wenches and hurling competitions

Coffee drunk - 1 cup of brown water -my parents are staying and they bought medium roast - sorry folks, I am a stand your spoon up in it get high on the fumes kinda gal!
Current mood - deranged and crazed but trying to stay sane until after I have taught my class tonight - then it's meltdown time!!
Exercise today - at least 3000 times up and down the stairs with a bucket, endless bending down to clear up toys, chasing dog around kitchen at least 45 times with the latest object of his desire that he isn't meant to have.
Noses wiped - 4726
Bottoms wiped - actually only one today (doing well!)
Laundry done - you have GOT to be kidding me!! My washer is having a nervous breakdown from overuse
Calories consumed - does the left overs of last night's dinner for breakfast count as today's or yesterdays calories?? but currently living off fresh air (those damn scales lie!)
Sleep log - somewhat lacking due to sharing my bed with a vomiting 6 year old. I'd say I had a good run from 10pm until 3am!!

We are sickness aplenty here this week. The end of the school term and the excitement of Christmas nearly always leads to someone being sick. When my sister was little it was always her. She pretty much couldn't make it past the 21st without being ill. She always did the same if we were going on holiday.......a few days before, we never needed to check the calendar, she would inform us of the day by being poorly the night before
Last week it was W, so today it is T's turn. Poor lamb he has a fever and acid stomach. It has taken me most of this morning to convince him to go back to bed (along with chasing after him with a bowl and gallons of water!). I hope he is better by Sunday as we are planning to go into the city to see the Rockerfeller centre and go up the Empire Stat building as a treat, we were intending to go tomorrow - but he is not fit.

I am desperately trying to finish I's Christmas present. As you can see by the picture, she is nearly there apart from arms and a wig!!
Her dress is in the making but I need to get a crotchet hook for her hair which means going out, which means taking a sick child, which I am not going to do, so I think it will be a close call as to whether or not she is under the tree for Christmas, or maybe she will just be naked!! I am pretty pleased with it considering I don't have a machine, so she has been lovingly stitched by hand and just look at those superb pear hips - a proper woman!
Don't worry about the flap on her bonce, a small lobotomy will sort that and you'll never see the scar as it will be under her hair!!
I will post a finished picture if I actually manage it!

And finally, J.K. Rowling has titled the last HP book hoorah!! I suggest you go no further if you don't want to know.......




Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -

although according to the illiterate New York journalist who made the announcement on Yahoo this morning, it is actually the Deathly Hollows - if you check out J.K's own website, she has set up a game to help you get to a hangman which eventually reveals the name (hint click on the eraser!). This same mentioned journalist also reports that at one point in the game a Christmas "reef" illuminates - hmmm I suppose she is talking about phosphorescing phytoplankton on the Barrier Reef? (I know, it makes me sound so smart - I had to look it up, I couldn't remember what it was called- not so clever now eh?) rather than this. Still smart arsed-ness aside, I am excited that the book will be out next year, towards the end rather than the summer as originally rumoured - finally laying to rest (no pun intended I hope!) the bespectacled young wizard and his quest against "he who should not be named". Does he cark it? Hmmm she doesn't give that much away, but my odds are on no and that Snape is good but he does pop his greasy size 14 pixie boots, but not after he has revealed some smoosh requiring the reader to vomit into a bucket about how he was always there to protect Harry bleugh......(god there I go again!! I think two days confined to inside the house is messing with my head!) Ach well. Let me know what you think!!

Winterlight

Well it is that time again. The holiday season is upon us.
This year, as with every other, the world has gone mad! People are buying up the supermarkets as if it is the end of the world!! Why? I really don't understand the need. Of course, we will have our organic turkey and veg on Christmas day followed by a steamed Christmas pudding courtesy of my grandmother's mothers superb recipe, which has of course been stirred by each one of us for luck! But we won't eat anymore than we would normally for a Sunday lunch. Every year I cringe more and more when I see the commercial exercise in wealth display that Christmas has become.

I am eternally grateful to be spared of too much glitter and plastic with the wonderful diversity of the school and their approach to the holiday season. With a school full of children from all walks of life, their approach is that of Winterlight, the celebration of the solstice on the 21st and beautiful winter songs, some carols and the celebration of light, this way Kwaanza, Diwali, Christmas, Hannukah are all there. T. has already participated in his choral concert and was so excited and proud to be able to be a part of this and particularly to share it with his grandparents who flew in that very morning and remained awake just to hear him and hear him sing.
Don't take me for a Scrooge or a Bah Humbug, I am not, but with questions being asked of me such as "If Jesus was a Jew, then why do we call ourselves Christian and celebrate Christmas rather than Hannukah?" the more I question why indeed? The more I want to lean more to celebrating this time for just the time it is in the calendar rather than for religious reasons. That said, it is part of my upbringing and heritage that I wish to share with my children, the same goes for the spirit of the big hairy fella in red. I have some acquaintances who feel it quite unecessary to inflict upon children this guy in a red suit who buys presents for "good" boys and girls. For them there has been pain when they found out that this is in fact just a story, a myth, a fable...........a lie? and really there is no such person. Hmmmm..........I respectfully disagree, I remember feeling that Christmas was a magical time and even when I did find out (I don't remember how) that it was in fact dad sneaking around trying not to stub his toe on the door and swear, it didn't spoil the magic for me. I think that is what I hope for my children, when they are ready they will discover, and, just as I explained to mum last night when she asked me how I would approach the topic of hanging (T. is reading Oliver Twist), I would answer all the questions he needed as honestly, without elaborating but without hiding the reality. I will tell him it is a tradition that goes along with Christmas and that it originates from history, Saint Nicholas or Baboushka or whichever fable you believe to be the origins. Each year we put 10 small presents in their stockings, a clementine and a small piece of chocolate just as my parents did for me and my sister and their parents before them and this is not subjected to their "being good" or "being on the list", that is the one part I really don't agree with. I don't feel scarred from knowing that it was all fantasy and I still feel this is a magical time of year to celebrate winterlight with my family and friends.

I have tried to make more of my Christmas gifts this year, I. is getting a doll (fortunately my current client had her baby this weekend, so i have time to finally finish the doll, although she may not be clothed in time!!) and my mum is helping me finish a jumper for W.

Another big part of our Winterlight celebrations is to not only think about our own festivities, but also to think about this time of year for others less fortunate. This year, my children chose to give a kit for a teacher from Oxfam for each of their classes at school. We also find half a dozen toys each year, that are in good condition, that the children give to the Toys for Tots appeal and then we make a hamper up for the soldiers in Iraq. The children of a friend of mine here frame about half a dozen of their art pieces that they made throughout the school year and take them to one of the old people's residences in the town to brighten the walls - I think that is a wonderful idea, so easy and yet thoughtful and the residents will probably be cheered by some brightness and "kiddypics"! One of the teachers at the school always volunteers for the soup kitchen on Christmas day and another friend back in the UK has a homeless person over for Christmas dinner and another friend and his partner are working in Uganda for VSO and not opting for the easy option of returning home for the holidays (I think they are contemplating catching and plucking their own turkey eugh!!!) I am proud to know there are such thoughtful and open people who rise above the commercialism and share their peace and love at this time.

Now I must fly, my younger son is singing in his class concert today and insisted on wearing a shirt and tie just like his older brother had done........there is a tear in my eye!

Have a wonderful, peaceful and restful holiday season !

Water of Life

"Why can't water cure cancer?" was the question T asked on the way home from school today. As we drove into school this morning, many houses had lines of paper bags outside them. These bags held candles which were there to reflect on those who have cancer and it is also a fundraiser for cancer research. The journey to school caused many questions about cancer and who gets cancer and why.
I always find these times in parenting really hard and enlightening. It really stretches my skills and I find myself reflecting on them deeply later on.

Firstly, how far do you go to tell children about cancer? For my children they have yet to encounter anyone with cancer or even a similar life threatening disease (touch wood they won't have to for a while). I don't want to frighten them but equally I don't want to shield them.

I always try with these discussions to be led by them, to answer what they specifically want to know and give them time to process it. Normally (as it did tonight) they have a while to dwell on it, then they want to know more.
I want to be honest as much as I can, so when T. asked if he would get cancer, I said that I didn't know, I hoped not, but I don't know the answer to that. I explained that there are ways he can reduce his chances by living healthily, not smoking or doing bad things to his body, but even then, that is not finite.
He and W. wanted to know what it was, so I told him it was a disease that caused large lumps inside people's bodies that eventually ate away at the good things in their bodies and made them really sick so they couldn't live. So W. asked if Cancer was a monster, (I think the link was that he thinks monsters eat people!!??) - truthfully - yes, Cancer is monster, but the type of monster he means, such as the "Wild Things", then no.
T. then asked why on earth they give people drugs to make them better if the drugs make them sick in other ways - OMG - too smart!! After a full 20 minute interrogation on Cancer (and my knowledge being less than enough!) I was close to passing the buck here, but I think he got it.
"Why can't water cure cancer mum?" he asked - "wouldn't that be simple. You tell me that if I am sick I need to drink lots of water to feel better, why can't people with cancer just drink lots of water too?" I wish sweetheart.............

Another parenting thing that has been making me think recently is an ongoing discussion and circular e-mails I have been sent from well meaning friends about the use of praise and in particular (something the Americans love to use!") "Good Job!" when a child does a task well or completes something.

From what I gather, to use this, is demeaning to a child, it is "training talk" as you would train a dog, rather than talk to another human. The dog follows a command knowing that he receives praise and a cookie on succesful completion. Some real followers of someone called Alfie Kohn actually think that children don't require this kind of positive reinforcement in which ever way it is given "good job, well done, that's great" etc etc, that we should be treating children as adults, not encouraging them to seek this positive praise but rather to achieve things for themselves alone and this is unconditional parenting (I know there is far more to it than just that, but this is the bit that sticks in my mind!) This is just a glimpse of what it is about: Five Reasons article

I think my ball lies firmly within the side of giving positive reinforcement. To me, there are many times when my children do really help, they do work hard on an activity, play together without fighting, sort out arguments and reason with each other, listen etc etc and to me I see the glow of pride when I tell them exactly that.

Sure the praise isn't an "off the cuff" derogatory comment and I do avoid "good boy/girl" as that is not an acknowledgement of their task or achievement, rather it is personal - much like "bad or naughty boy/girl". I try to stay generally along the lines of "you must be really proud of that drawing, or I really appreciate how well you helped me" but to see their faces knowing that their parents have acknowledged their triumphs, their keeness to try and help etc is so important.

Maybe we shouldn't be a society with the need for reassurance in our abilities or tasks, but tell me who out there, as an ADULT, doesn't like to be told they have done something particularly well, a cake or meal was really tasty, or they look nice in a certain outfit. I know I do, and I would think, judging by my children's reactions, they do too. I suppose the crux of this is that if we, as parents, had been brought up this way, and the generations before us, then maybe there wouldn't be the need for seeking out affirmation for what we do...knock on effect. That said, I parent in the 21st century within which, I know for a fact, I often really craved some comment from my maternal grandfather particularly, that I was doing okay. To me, not receiving this, made me feel like there was something missing, that there wasn't unconditional love, there was definitely love, and in his own way, he showed it.......perhaps that is just it though........the feeling that I needed to "aim to please" is exactly what Kohn is all about?

But I see it that, longterm, if you don't give children positive praise and reinforcement when it is deserving, then perhaps we are pushing our children underground, they won't want to come to us with something they have done, either positive or negative, for fear of being shunned or rejected? How will this have an effect when they are 15/6? To me, it seems somewhat cold, conditional and detached. I think I need to read it fully to understand and maybe accept some of his reasoning.

To me, unconditional, attached parenting is all about being aware of my children's needs, for them to know that they are acknowledged and appreciated, even if something took them twice as long as anyone else or they really struggled, to tell them just how much we appreciated their trying will surely encourage their need to be proud of what they do. And besides all that..........I LIKE to tell my children when they have done well or tried hard........Selfish or not, for me, if I have seen the effort, then they deserve to feel that their works are not going unnoticed. Food for thought .......

"What you are aware of, you are in control of...what you are not aware of, is in control of you..."

Today is R's birthday, the ripe (I hope not!) old age of 38!!! Bloody Hell, that's nearly 40! It is wonderfully depressing and equally uplifting to be heading to this stage of our lives. I feel so calm about it all, which is great, as it is only age after all, but I think, the important thing is how I feel we have managed to do so much, see so much and yet still have so much more to do and see and (I hope!) the time to do it. It is weird how these musings come about. This one, was brought about by something that my yoga teacher mentioned yesterday about the moons and the tides and then something clients asked me about last night - "why are so many babies born at night?" - and then also when there is a full moon and turning of the tide?
My thoughts on the first are that it is all down to primitive animal instinct: Babies tend to be born at night because it is safer. Well, when we hadn't evolved it was safer, and probably for many other mammals in the world it is safer. Under the cover of night, a birthing mother can hide from predators and be less detectable.......only not with the blazing lights of the hospital and the leads from the epidural drip - anyone can find ya! However...........blah blah, long story shortened (a bit!), this then got me realising just what a tiny insignificant little imprint we are on the planet, how, despite the fact we think have some control over our lives, so much of what we do is already in place, organised and led by forces far outside our control. This is not to say that it has suddenly dawned on me, I have been aware of exactly who I am and where in the enormous picture I fit into things (I think!) but on an even bigger scale, with the classes I teach, encouraging women to take control and work with their bodies and their babies, much of what they will experience in labor is actually already in place for them from the second they conceived and neither they, their care providers or maybe even the baby, has a say in it.

Yesterday I heard of the Tornado in London - who would have thought it. A street in North London severely damaged and looking like a street in the mid west of the States more than Kensal Rise!! I was heartily glad to hear no one was hurt mind. But there you go, out of our control (well unless you want to start the discussion of global warming and how much we are actually creating this change in the weather systems). R. is very keen on getting permission to erect a wind turbine when we eventually move back to the UK. Obviously not in our house we have in the UK right now, but if we decide to renovate or find a suitable property, then we may try to move over totally to wind and solar power. He is also wanting to change to a Hybrid car. We can't do without the car here unfortunately as we are in the sticks, but at home, we may find we can reduce to one car. http://www.ucsusa.org/global_warming/solutions/ten-personal-solutions.html


To lighter things -

Tonight we are at Richard's work do - the theme is Casablanca - I am so stupidly excited ( I don't KNOW anyone there, but hell!!) it is a black tie affair and I have the opportunity to wear a "frock" yay! I think the last dress up frock I wore was my wedding dress!! Last year we missed the event due to a huge snow fall that night and my insecurities on leaving the children and then not being able to get back. Of course, Murphy is at work today, it is 12F, bitterly cold (yesterday it was so warm we picked up T from school in the afternnon without coats!!!!!!!!!!!) and it is desperately trying to snow right now. Bugger it, I had me hair done, so it'd better not snow- well either that or I had better get the sledge out of the shed, he can pull me!!!!!!!!

Savvy! Savvy?

My task of the day today is to come up to date with the 21st century !! For quite sometime now R. has been trying in vain to get me to lose my huge paper diary that is my life, containing all my addresses, dates, contacts blah blah and update to a Palm Pilot type of thing so that we can then syncronize our diaries, send e-mails portably etc. (as you can see, I am not up with this, so the lingo is probably far from correct lol!)

My shoulder alignment from lugging around my filofax, has finally been what has made me see sense! I now have an early Christmas present and naturally, all the hours in the day to figure out how to use it! I suppose it is as with everything, 15 years ago, I could never imagine not writing everything down using that little ink stick! today, I type just about everything, my life is now on the computer I suppose, so i guess it makes sense to make the move from pen to stylus!

Of course, there are still going to be the things I will miss about my big black book, the fact that it not only holds all the info I need, it also carries photos of the kids, post it notes, business cards, leaflets of useful things - okay, lots of junk too, and there is no where on my palm pilot to store that! But I guess I won't miss the need to visit a chiropractor to re-align my spine due to excessive weight being carried on my left shoulder!!!!!!!!!

The season of festivities has arrived here, well actually, it arrived the day after Thanksgiving. We are seeing more and more houses decorated already, Christmas trees already up, wreaths on doors and windows and half the shelves of Stew Leonards already empty! What is it that makes people feel the need to start so early? Bah Humbug I am not, I am as excited as the next person, but I have no desire to put up a 20ft inflatable snowman on my lawn just yet (well, actually at all.......but then that IS the bah humbug in me!!) nor fear not being able to find a 300lb turkeyphant to grace my table (after all, the woods are endowed with the buggers!!!) and reduce the smalls to gibbering wrecks because they can't cope with more than a week's worth of build up and excitment.

I am gracefully saved from the cries of "but why???" when asked why the tree isn't going up yet, by R. thoughtfully having his birthday next week, so we have always had the tradition that Christmas doesn't start until AFTER Daddy's birthday and thankfully with the lack of much tv viewing, I don't have to suffer too much "I want" just yet for the latest X-box (or Play boy - as I managed to reduce the school parent's lounge to tears with last week, getting myself muddled over Playstations and Game Boys - oops, see it is that lack of technology screwing me up here!) I know it will come eventually, I don't intend to keep them from it forever, but for now, at 6,4 and 2 they are happy with models, jigsaws and more traditional toys, there is plenty of time for them to become savvy with the latest technology!

"Don't lose your temper......no one else wants it!"

Yesterday T came to me before school upset that he had a pile of work that he hadn't finished yet. His goals for the week seemed daunting to him and I think he felt overwhelmed and unsure where to start. We sat and talked for a while about things he might like to do, break it down into 2 pieces each day, bring some home etc. I explained that even now I have to make lists daily for the things I need to do and often I don't finish all the work I set out to achieve. Other things crop up or I get distracted. I think he felt more positive, he certainly seemed happier last night. It is so important to achieve even small things and yesterday I achieved a pose in yoga (Bakasana) for the first time. It was such an achievement. I have only been doing Vinyasa yoga for about a month now and each time I go, I know I have psychologically set myself goals even if I don't acknowledge them out loud. I know I want to push my body that little bit further, that evening, with that goal successfully under my belt, not only do I now feel inspired to practice it more and more, I managed to write 2000 words on my assignment!! Today my goals are far less challenging, but no less important. By setting small targets, it opens up the opportunities to achieve and feel good about oneself.

Recently I read about the power of laughter. Believe it or not, there are some people who run laughter workshops. Now I enjoy a laugh as much as the next man, but the thought of being made to forcibly laugh in a room full of people really puts the bejezus into me! However, I decided whilst driving the children to school yesterday to at the very least try to force myself to smile at nothing. So while I am grimacing (hopefully unobserved by passing motorists!!) this sign appears on the side of the road: "Don't lose your temper........no one else wants it!" Well, what fun! I not only smiled but laughed out loud, which in turn caused the children to laugh too.........laughter is infectious! I am not converted however, I will still not stand in a room of chortling hyenas laughing over the fact that there is nothing to laugh about, I AM going to smile today at absolutely nothing, and if I can't think of nothing, I will at least remember that by smiling it will difuse any situation that might drive me crazy with the children!!

Go on........give it a go!!!

"If you like orange poop!"

Happy Thanksgiving!

What do I have to be thankful for? Well, amongst many, many other things, I am thankful for my family for being guinea pigs to my culinary compositions! and the honesty of my elder son at his chosen times.

Today, like many others, I have decided to "jazz" up the cabbage and the bok choi and have added a twist to the traditional pumpkin pie!
The former two went down well as we sat down to a Thanksgiving meal at the "posh" table. The kids have come to expect great things when we sit down to a meal at that table. We didn't have the traditional bird, instead I did Nigella's 24 hour pork, (requested once a year by my dh!!) which was somewhat cut short by the flipping oven having a 12 hour automatic cut out switch. Hence this morning when I awoke to the somewhat less than aromatic scent of pork, the oven was only luke warm. Not a prob with a smaller cut of hog though...

I am never one, however, to do things simply. To cook a simple, plain pumpkin pie is boring! So I decided to jazz it up, using real pumpkin from our October 31st efforts and then a cross 'tween a lemon meringue attempt, admired the finished product. Served hot with vanilla ice cream, the kids tucked in as I served up some for R. in the kitchen. Thinking he couldn't be heard, my greatest critic responds to his brother's question of "how is it?"

"It's okay...........if you like orange poop that is!"

Bugger! Better stick to the recipe next time!

The world according to children

"What is the sun?"

"I don't exactly know the science, perhaps we can look in that book you have about the sun?"

"Well I know what it is! It is a huge ball of fire."

"That's right!"

"It started off on earth as a planet, then some people put it into a cannon and shot it into the air and it became the sun."

"That is a great idea, we will have to check if it's true."

"No! Maybe it is God"

"Well, some people think he may have created it."

"No! I mean........maybe God is inside it!"

What can I say???