Sunday, April 20, 2008

Boobie cases and the LBD!

You know, internet shopping is both a blessing and an absolute pain in the butt!

This weekend I have been excitedly awaiting the arrival of a new dress that I ordered on line for our school auction party in mid May.

I tirelessly (oh ho ho!) trawled the net looking for the LBD - only I was happy with it not being Black. Thinking my luck was in with a sort of halter necked type that claimed to "hang beautifully" - I ordered it in both my regular size and the size below (yeah, I know I can't luck in twice in one session!) plus the perfect set of matching shoes.

When the dratted thing arrived, the material, which wasn't evident from the regular pics, the zoom in pic, or the size 0 model smiling smugly wearing the LBD, clung to all my wobbly bits. The muffin top was leaking into the fabric and in all honesty..........I was scared. I know I still have a month and that is four more weeks of no chocolate, lots of Special K, 300 gallons of water, at least 20miles of X training and 500 hours of Pilates, but this would have to have been nowt short of a small miracle or liposuction to reach the cling free six pack that the dress really demanded.

So today I decided to send Mr Beehive back to the local store to return said item whilst I took Master Beehive the younger with me to another large department store to try to find one of around a dozen dresses I had found on line, but wasn't risking anything short of physical fitting this time!

Unfortunately what the small print didn't tell me was that the likelyhood of finding even one of anything I see online in the store is pretty much zero. The shop assistant scanned my printed off "wish list" only to return it to me with the information that normally what is online isn't carried in the store (*rolling eyes emoticon here*) and the only way to try stuff is to buy it in several sizes and send back what doesn't fit..............okay! Thanks for that info........exactly what I was in there to avoid! (*double rolling eyes emoticon here*)

Still, as we had arrived at the mall at least half an hour before opening, Master Beehive and I had done our fair share of window shopping by this point and had noticed one or two other stores with some potential.

Now there is one really extra special quality about Master Beehive the younger that needs to be known outside his family, Master Beehive the younger is going to be the BEST catch EVER!

He has a real natural eye for fashion, tells it how it is, (you won't catch HIM beating around the bush - if your bum looks big......he'll tell ya and mean it, none of this reading between the lines malarky with him!) and his ability to sit and wait patiently, without huffing and sighing, whilst the woman in his life tries on half a dozen dresses is truly tremendous for a five year old!

So, he sits outside the fitting room in a comfy chair reading the latest issue of "Bridge for Beginners and Bored Housewives" whilst I try on several different dresses; halter neck, strapless, sateen, linen, plain, patterned, white and black, black and white, more black than black and more white than......well.....white! As you can see, the colour idea got flushed down the swanny fairly rapidly and I guess being in the shop "White House/Black Market" had already limited our colour options somewhat!!

After narrowing down my shortlist to two, I thought I would ask his opinion on them.

He was more than happy to oblige and leaving his post and come in behind the curtain.

If you know my boyo, you know that he has two volumes in life: Very Loud and Ridiculously, unbelievably, people-can-hear-you-in-the-next-shop-despite-the-music-being-on-full-volume-Loud

Then in his best "I-know-I-am-cute-and-am-about-to-say-something-I-know-is-cheeky-and-funny-but-you-won't-tell-me-off-cos-I-am-so-cute." ridiculously, unbelievably, people-can-hear-you-in-the-next-shop-despite-the-music-being-on-full-volume-Loud Voice, he pokes his head around the curtain and exclaims with "oh such indignance"....

"Why is your boobie case on the floor mama?"

You could hear the sniggers.

Fortunately I am so used to these outbursts that I was able to leave the changing room with my head held high and engage in banter with the shop assistant whilst purchasing the best of the two lovely frocks.

So all being well, boobies and muffin top safely encased, and no doubt checked for their stay-put-ability by my son, I will be able to enjoy auction night!!

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