A scientific study into the similarities of toddlers and hobbits!

Don'tcha just love toddlers!

This afternoon Little Miss Beehive has had an accomplice to play! I use the term accomplice for that is exactly what they are together - Mastermind and accomplice lol! To be perfectly honest, I am really lucky that they get on so well, bear in mind they are not quite three yet and her little pal is happy enough to play here with LMB without her mom.

So, I picked them up from Montessorianaland and brought them back for lunch. They decided they would like pasta, so I set about preparing. Meanwhile, LMB has already set the table (there are sometimes perks with Montessori!) for herself and her pal and between them, filled themselves up with carrots, apple sauce, yoghurts, bananas and water You can guess what's coming - they didn't want the pasta (.......and sometimes annoyances lol!). Never mind, I thought, I will just save it for LMB's dinner.

Not an hour later and the house suddenly seems much quieter, where have they gone? I go to look to find the pair of them, huddled in a corner in cahoots, trying desperately hard to shove in and swallow as much of the pasta as they can muster. Second lunches!!

I had to laugh as their eyes are watering in the vain attempt to pretend they haven't eaten it!! Pippin and Merry you have met your match!

Talking of birthdays, LMB has her third birthday in a couple of weeks, so this weekend she is having a few friends over for a 'party'. I think that probably translates as having several smalls over to ransack the house, jump on the beds and smear food all over everywhere, the joys of finding petrified food months after the party has ended delights us parents the world over.......so, nothing new there then!!

Her brothers have been encouraging her to pick which cake she would like me to make from my limited cake book collection, the choices of which are usually quashed by my even more limited cake making abilities! (The stoned loch-ness always rears his ugly head at birthday times!) However, this time, she has excelled in her choice.......basically it is a cake with a doll stuck in the middle - imagine an edible loo roll dolly and you would be pretty much there.
So I have lots of scope for error and making a total hash of it and it still looking like it should!

As for what I am going to do with seven two/three year olds for two hours, well I think I will take a leaf out of Little Miss Beehive's book:

Start with an appetizer.

Jump on the bed.

Have second appetizers

Do a craft - got that bit organized at least!

Eat party tea and cake

Run madly around the house wearing a Belle dress, smearing cake on the walls and possibly vomiting (one child normally does don't they?).

Second teas

Go home!

As long as I have enough refreshment stops in there it should be easy peasy!! (Watch this space!)

I digress.........again!

How much of your day is spent not actually doing the things you set out to achieve? 10%, 25%, 90%?

I know I am in the higher percentage.

I always start the day with good intentions, but somehow along the way things always seem to deviate from the original path. Take this morning for example:

Main tasks of day:
Empty washing machine
Do washing up
Finish mincemeat
Do bread
Feed children
Help dress children
Make beds
Quick tidy up
Feed and exercise dog
Have shower and wash hair
Dry hair
Put clothes away from drying
Take one child to playdate
Pick up child from playdate
Feed children
Take children to school for babysitting whilst in conferences
Supervise piano practice
Prepare evening meal
Listen to reading
Feed children
Feed dog
Wash up or fill dishwasher
Bathe children
Read books
Put to bed


Thing is it looked like this:
Empty washing machine
Do washing up
Go around house and discover cups in bedrooms
Re-do washing up
Finish mincemeat
Realise jars have grown mould over the summer. Clean jars thoroughly and re-boil them
Burn breakfast whilst scrubbing mould.
Put dog out to exercise himself in the yard.
Re-start breakfast
Bring dog in due to barking at neighbour
Pour cereal
Put oatmeal in microwave
Pour more cereal because by the time child's oatmeal is ready other children are on round two.
Stir mincemeat - still smells burnt from yesterday.
All children finish, clear table, load and run dishwasher
Feed dog
Children all sent off to dress and clean teeth
Attempt to make phone call as it is quiet, no children.
10 seconds in, first child back wanting toast.
Second child in wanting to know if at 7.30am it is time for the playdate (this will then continue to happen every 10 minutes until 10am!!) Do very quick lesson in time telling (falls on deaf ears!!)
Hang up phone call and promise to call back.
Sort out issues
Notice toys strewn everywhere. Put in pile on the stairs ready to take up later.
Go back to kitchen, get out bowl to put bread mix into.
Call back person
Wash bowl as dog has chosen to lick it!
Notice star wars figures in the bottom of the soapy water and a trail of water out of the kitchen.
Find child #2 giving Star Wars storm troupers a bath in the sink in a concoction of handsoap, toothpaste and Aveeno.
Clean mess
realise haven't eaten, gone cold, forget it, give it to dog!
Go upstairs to supervise dressing of children - find they are all dressed - Belle costume and her brother's underwearfor LMB , shorts and nothing else for MB the elder and shorts and t-shirt for MB the younger. Decide to pick my battle and ignore this for now!
Download e-mails and answer important ones, but this is not before removing a pound coin from the disc drive and re-starting the computer saying a prayer it'll work and isn't f***ed!!
MB the elder finds me and asks if he can have a tag sale NOW! Debate this issue with him at 7.40am in the morning. Come to a mini compromise. On talking with him, realise he and his siblings have made a huge pile of random toys in the middle of his room to sell. Give up on e-mails to tidy up the toys and re-explain why a tag sale now is not an option.
Have shower. Get locked in the bathroom (LMB is up to her old tricks!). Yell profusely for 5 minutes for resuce, until one rugrat finally hears me and opens the door for me!
Put away clothes in various rooms, picking up odd socks and toys as I pass. Return to bedroom to put away next pile to find LMB has dutifully rearranged all the piles for me. Start again!
Look at clock realise that it is now only 15 minutes until the playdate and haven't dried hair. Quickly show my hair the dryer and pull a hat on!
Realise bread is still 'rising' in the cupboard - ignore it, it'll stay there until lunchtime! ***

And so the day continues!!

I read the otherday that the average wage for a SAHM has gone up to around $139,000 and over $80,000 for a working mother (ex. her salary!). Shame it's just monopoly money!

*** ETA: Don't EVER leave bread longer than the recommended rise time....my washing machine was wearing it! Remember the story of the magic porridge pot.......nuff said!

Arty Farty Monkey Business

Today has been a crafty day.

I have made mincemeat ready for pies at Christmas and then have made some of these little guys for party favours for Little Miss Beehive's party next week.

I really struggle to find affordable, non-candyfied, non-plastic toys to go into bags and was put onto this really simple pattern to make some felt mice. See he even has a little sleeping bag to snuggle into!

I only have to make seven by next weekend!!

On other subjects, today has surely been a conspiracy!

Little Miss Beehive has managed to sniff me out of any area I have managed to hide in meaning I have actually managed to make no phone calls and the one exception I began, had to end due to a kerfuffle breaking out in the ranks (Tell me, despite two parents, why is it the only name ever used is 'Muuuuuuum'???!!!!!!!) and I am struggling now to string two words together! Whilst I was trying to make dinner at midday, she also decided that the piles of leaves from the front step would look much nicer inside and up the stairs. This went unnoticed for a good ten minutes, so you can imagine the amount of serious work she managed to get through in that time! I managed to quickly clear it up in between stirring gravy, only to have Master Beehive the younger step on a bee that must have come in with the leaves which I had missed!!!! Fortunately this Bee was not allergic to his own kind, which was a mighty relief!!

The bread I started to make for tea this evening turned out to need 12 - 15 hours to rise........hence we are now eating a different recipe tonight and the ciabatta will be ready tomorrow! I decided to make this ciabatta after sampling the most delicious ever last night at a supper and presentation/discussion I went to. The daughter of the host had made the best tasting bread I have ever eaten. The crust was really crunchy and the middle, just perfect!! So I felt the need to try some of my own.......hmm, I think I will just have to get the recipe from Margaret instead!

Mr Beehive the spaz, has managed to burn the bottom of my pan in which the mincemeat was nicely marinading in Brandy by trying to make a cup of tea and turning on the wrong ring under the kettle.....fortunately I have managed to salvage most of it, but I have no idea if the nice burnt flavour will get into the rest.

Whilst at the discussion last night, one thing that came up is that the brain of the man has more in common with the male chimp than with the female human and the same is true of the female brain........well, I guess it's better to know who you're dealing with! Pass the bananas!

A little nuttiness

On weekends I like to cook. There is nothing more relaxing to me than pottering about in the kitchen trying out or making up new recipes. It also comes to the rescue when I am suffering from writer's block due to lack of sleep.

This was self-induced this time!! Last night I went out with some of the ......hmm, ladies makes us sound old and believe me, we were far from that in mind and soul last night; girls.....sounds condescending and mums.....well we went out to escape that word for a while, so perhaps I should just rephrase it to 'some good friends from school'. We went out to dinner and then later the restaurant was hosting a band, the lead singer of which, one of our group knows personally. It was fantastic fun, I had no idea how much I was in need of a night like that, I was even up on the dance floor (yup! regretted that this morning lol!) 'finding my funk' (apparently, according to Heather, I have one to find but I think it might be a lost cause!). The night didn't really begin until 10pm so by 11.30 some of us olds with young bedhoppers back at base station, decided to call it a night. I have no idea what time the rest of the group finally abandoned ship, but we left them shaking their booties - you know who you are you stop outs!!

So hence, today I am not able to do much. Instead here is a recipe that I made this afternoon, just perfect for a windy, cold autumnal day with a roaring log fire:

Veggienut loaf

2 large carrots (diced)
2 sticks of celery (diced)
1 onion (diced)
2 cloves of garlic
2 handfuls pistachio nuts (unsalted and not roasted)
2 handfuls of plain cashew nuts
2 handfuls of raw sunflower seeds
3 oz (ish!) Gorgonzola cheese
2 eggs (beaten)
salt and pepper
1/2 tsp oregano

Lightly fry the onion, celery, carrot and garlic until golden brown and soft.
Chuck the nuts (NOT the seeds) into the food processor and give them a couple of quick whizzes to break them down into smaller pieces. Don't turn them into breadcrumbs though!
Put the nuts, whole sunflower seeds into a mixing bowl and add the fried veggies. Add the sunflower seeds and chopped pieces of cheese. Stir well to combine. Add the two beaten eggs, salt, pepper and oregano and mix until all the food is coated with the egg and it makes a soft consistency.

Grease one large or two small loaf tins.
Put the mixture into the tin/s and press down well.

Cook in a 375F oven for around 25 - 30 mins until the top is golden brown.

Enjoy!

Wherever I lay my brain......

Have you seen my nosey-parker tool?

Scroll down the toolbar and there is a world map.

It shows me where you lot are bored so are plugging in to read my blog. I am not entirely sure it shows everyone though as I know I have a friend in Singapore who reads my blog and she doesn't appear to have a nice red blob. The bigger the blob the more views (now it doesn't determine whether it is just the same person or not though, but it is good to see that there are more folk out there than my mum who read this drivel!)

So:
Hello in Chile, Australia, Cape Town Turkey, Canada, US, UK, Norway (?)this is where my geography is getting a little sketchy.

Tonight I have been to school (yup again - I swear I attend more now as a parent than I was ever required to do as a kid!). It was an information night for Elementary (upper and lower) and Middle school. Each teacher was required to give us a lesson on something and later we were able to ask questions. I always love these events because I find I learn so much, not just about Montessori, but about things I never knew. Did you know, the first dinosaurs had two brains? One in their head and the other in their bum!!?? Quite obviously a prototype of man, from which some have evolved faster than others!! It gives quite a delightful meaning to the phrase, talking out of his hole !!

Talking of design, I am getting a new look!! As of Monday I will be quite unrecognizable! My blog is getting a make over so prepare yourselves - sorry, nearly wrote 'self' but on checking on my infinite readership (ho ho!) I appreciate I am rambling to more than one now!!

Anyway, I digress! My question for the evening, had a hidden agenda, not that it would have been remotely obvious to even the most asleep person on the planet (ho hum!) was about the child who may be slow to move through his work cycles, be more of an observer and dreamer (didn't use that word, didn't want to GIVE myself away after all, that would just be silly!) than participant and how they would become self motivated. The question, as usual, beautifully answered, was about capturing the imagination with the materials in the class, developing the curiosity to enable them to want to research and explore more. Of course, to be perfectly frank, the question had been answered for me not 20 minutes earlier..............

Who could not resist researching on dinosaur brains, knowing where they hid them!!!??

I don't think I will have to worry that Master Beehive the younger won't be self-motivated!!

Halloween capers

I think the Bangles got it right with their song, Manic Monday. Only in the Beehive it should be renamed Manic Week.



It is Halloween tonight, my favourite night of the year. Do you know why? Because tomorrow it WON'T be Halloween. All the planning and talking about Halloween that has been going on between the mini beehives since August ladies and gentlemen will be over! I can breathe a sigh of relief. The marshmallow ghosts I was icing this morning at 6.15am, in my pyjamas, will be gone and a semblance of calm will resume. I won't be required to don a Vamptessa costume with full goop, teeth and regalia or think about inventive ways to limit candy damage without surpressing childhood fun!
Duck! Here comes a flying pig!

Don't you think that Little Miss Beehive looks rather like a bored Mrs Slocombe in her Sunday best?

Still, calm may resume for a short while.

Mr Beehive has been away again this week, so I have once more been a single mom. It has been relatively uneventful. Most children have been in bed most nights at a decent hour and remaining there most of the night. I have managed to plan a presentation, wrap birthday and Christmas presents, do the grocery shop, carve a pumpkin, communicate with the outside world, make contact with an old friend from University AND go to the gym twice AND I haven't touched a drop of wine yet! Pretty good eh?

Little Miss Beehive started ballet and tap this week. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. Sooooo cute! We are having a couple of issues with reinforcing the fact that ballet happens IN the room and not on my lap outside the door, but other than that we are off to a flying start and every lunchtime when I pick her up from school I get this very dramatic spin with arms in the air and the question in her 'soft pwincess voice' "are me going to Ballaaaay today mammy?"

Yesterday I went to Master Beehive the younger's classroom to observe his work. he was so excited and had the whole three quarters of an hour planned out for me. Unfortunately he forgot to include the time he wanted to lie on my knee and have cuddles, so he didn't quite get through all of it, but it was a wonderful, wonderful insight into his time in the classroom. We have been working on tools for communicating with others when they step into his personal space and he doesn't like it, up to now, he has been telling them that he will put them in jail or, worse still......shoot them! (yes, I did want the ground to open up when I heard about that!). You can imagine my horror then when on Monday night he sneaked downstairs when I was watching the television. The couple on the screen were in a passionate clinch and one thing lead to another (BTW, this was a 12 film chick flic before you all jump to conclusions about the kind of sordid, sad, desperate housewifey style life I lead when Mr Beehive isn't around!!). When I eventually discovered him and the fact he had been watching from around the corner, he said, with a grin on his face, (you know what's coming.......)



"That was sooooooo rude mummy!"



Remember how it felt the first time your parents caught you snogging your latest crush??? It felt a little like that really!



"I know, but it was a film for adults and you should be in bed!"



"They were eating their food with their mouths open and showing it to each other! Yuk! Disgusting and rude!"



This was true, not 10 seconds previously, they had been doing exactly that. I nearly fell over laughing.



Just goes to show!

Feeling poetic!

Mrs Beehive only has one pair of hands.

She has lots of jeans of various brands.

And a battered old set of Le Creuset pans -

But Mrs Beehive only has one pair of hands.

In her shoe live some kids who always demand

huggies, uppies and kisses, bum wipes and thousands...

Of boo boo fixes, homework help and food of all kinds -

But Mrs Beehive only has one pair of hands.


She gives rides to their friends when they come to playland -

And when they all stop for tea, the fare is so grand.

But Mrs Beehive only has one pair of hands.

Just look at the way that she opens those cans!

and the few hours of sleep that this gal can withstand -

And her birthday cakes are truly not of this land!! (It has to be seen to be believed!)

But Mrs Beehive, poor Mrs Beehive! - Mrs Beehive only has one pair of hands.....


Hey!

Wait a minute.....

Now then......

Keep going......

What's this?

Look!

It's a hand! It's a hand!

Whoopee for Mrs Beehive's extra hand!

Good night!

It has been one of those days. Master Beehive the younger has been brought down by a leurgy of some viral kind or other, the weather has been dismal and grey and after slogging over a hot stove this evening.......all Beehives decided they were far too sick to eat it!!!!!!!! The fish I bought for our dinner turned out, once I cooked it, to be off - the ammonia smell was overbearing, so we ended up with veggie lasagne microwave meals !!

The dog on the other hand............Feeeyullllls good na na na na na na na!

What's brown and sticky?

It's been all about sticks today! We have had a day off from school and decided to put it to good use on the arts and crafts front.

Master Beehive the younger has been getting somewhat carried away with him enthusiasm for Samurai and Knight style games and yesterday after school, I was approached by the teacher who mentioned that there was some "inappropriate language" coming from these games. Naturally, my first reaction was that of wanting to have the floor open up and swallow me. He is indeed a true boy and despite not having weapons in the house, nor having a PlayStation or any type of electronic game or watching anything inappropriate on the t.v, he is still picking this up from somewhere and will turn (as he has done from babyhood) anything he finds into a bow and arrow etc.

On reflection, I really don't want to suppress this as I know from reading this is truly an attribute of many boys and they should be allowed to know that imaginative games like this are okay. I like this article for starters. He loves to be outside, climbing trees, getting dirty and often playing some kind of imaginative game that involves hunting or whatever. Unfortunately what I need to help him understand, is that maybe school is not the place for this type of game.

I was pleased today though for a day of respite. I have had a conversation with him and am now working on trying to show him other ways to play outside, make adventures and still have as much fun, but without the weapon part.



We gathered a mound of sticks and then sorted them into piles of thick ones, ones that were too dry and long thin ones. Then we made four or five posts in the ground and we began to weave. It took a long time and a lot of patience even to get this far, but we are thrilled with our first attempt.

Later on we decided to make some mobiles for Halloween.

Oh finally, I just wanted to share a new addition to our wall, alongside the ladybirds we now have this little critter.

Isn't he errr....big!

I think he is a very large grasshopper, but Master Beehive the elder seems to think it is a praying mantis (hopefully male!). We have had all our bug books out but can't seem to convince ourselves either way. He has a green layer just under the brown, and his front legs are barbed.

Any help ?

Little Miss Beehive was all ready to pick him up and shoo him away, fortunately I was able to convince her that the wall was indeed big enough for any visitors who want to share it with us. Mind you, I can't quite restrain from a full body shudder every time I open the door just in case this is the moment he has decided to camp out on the door or decide he wants a ride indoors!

We are going to call him Wild Thang.

Yours stickily

The Beehive

PS: It has been brought to my attention that I may be deluding you with the fact that peace and calm has reigned in the Beehive all day! Who are you kidding? Of course not. Currently I have Little Miss Beehive wailing because she wants me not Daddy, this is after spending her dinner time "pretending" to spill her water by actually doing it! Then mopping up with paper towel, shredding it and ramming bits in her ears whilst the dog tries desperately to get his head into her bowl of soup, Master Beehive the elder talking non stop asking me lots of "Do you know?" type questions: "Do you know the eldest person in the world was 160? Do you know there is a river somewhere called something? Did you know the next mother to spontaneously implode all over the kitchen floor is...?" and Master Beehive the younger is blowing bubbles into his milk whilst trying to pretend he is eating the kale, but not really!

Actually yesterday I was witness to something I NEVER thought I would hear Master Beehive the younger say:

"I want blueberry pie and NO ice cream please!"

Never mind. Mr Beehive has brought home the book recommended to me to read hopefully giving me some thoughtful insight as to the 'weapon play' and how to deal with it! It's called Playful Parenting!!! If you were right here right now, you would see the joke in that!!

What's in YOUR bedtime routine?

Beware the bedtime ritual! What may have started when your firstborn was a newborn will evolve and become part of your family culture .......... FOREVER!

This week I have been playing the role of single parent due to Mr Beehive being away. This has therefore meant I have been doing all the bedtime routines.

When Master Beehive the younger was a few months old, he started to fall asleep at a regular time most evenings, from that we moved him upstairs at that time, bathed him just before and there started the preliminary "bedtime routine". As a rookie mother I was always concerned that things needed to be "just so", after all, Gina said so!! (I soon binned THAT book!). After his bath came a massage, a feed and then bed. I would always sing to him and walk backwards (ho hum!) out of the door mumbling the same words everynight as I went "night, night darling, sleep well, mummy and daddy love you very much, see you in the morning." Only I was said it so fast, usually so as not to detain myself in the room with drowsy small babe too long, that it came out something like this:

"ni-nidarlysleewell,mummydaddylovuvermuchseeumorn." with the occasional curse added for good measure if I fell over a stray toy on the floor - well, I was walking backwards, what do you expect.

As the children got older this routine has evolved, from what was once a gut wrenching fear that any change in the "routine" would mean my baby would never sleep again and it would be ALL MY FAULT, to something now that is performed by me for fear of retribution by "THE KIDS"!!

So threefold this week has been:

Baths, massages, hair combing, books (all individual - LMB wants "pwincess books!" and Master Beehive the younger wants to read to ME! and Master Beehive the elder likes to read in his head to himself, so it is something we have never managed to do communally, except on a Friday and Saturday evening when one of us reads from our family reader to the boys.), mantras, tucking in, glasses of water, putting sleeping buddies in exactly the right places, finding blankies, blowing away potential bad dreams, kisses, songs, sunsalutations, turning around and touching my toes three times whilst saying red lorry, yellow lorry three times fast, hopping 10 times on each foot and finally the usual "ni-nidarlysleewell,mummydaddylovuvermuchseeumorn." and removing myself backwards from the room.

Tiptoeing not three steps from the bedroom there is a wimper of pain.

I return.

"You forgot to sing La Macarena whilst wearing a Cinderella costume mama........I won't be able to sleep without it."!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


AGHHHHHH!

Shhhh!

Listen to that.............................













The sound of silence!

All Beehives tucked up with lambs, kisses, songs, teddies, stories, drinks of water, magic dream potions..............ahhhh bliss..............................well for a few hours anyway!

Abracapeedra

Halloween is coming!

This has been the height of excitement since the beginning of September in the Beehive. We have had discussions of which costumes are best, practised skits, made up jokes, made gory recipes and now to top it all Master Beehive the elder has made "a potion"!

Yesterday evening after bath, Master Beehive the elder asked me if I had a jar I didn't need that he could use for his potion. Not wanting to surpress his creativity (stupid me!) I found him a clean, empty pasta jar. An hour later I went up to turn off his light to find him stooped over his jar that now contained a cloudy liquid with a pale yellow colour and dubious odour! I am sure I don't need to spell out what he felt his spell required, short of a bodily fluid amongst other things.........yeuch........oh, and he is missing a chunk of hair from the side of his head too!! I despair!

Fleas, Bugs and Dementia!!

I am a self confessed fleamarketthriftshopbargainantiqueaholic. This morning, I was up at the crack as, thanks to the rugby yesterday, I had earned myself a morning at the largest Flea market in New England! I love that place, it sends shivers down my spine and I get really excited. I don't know quite what it is that I love so much about someone else's dirty crap and I am bloody awful at bartering for stuff too, but there you go. There is a certain thrill to it all bringing back this knackered old piece of history and recycling it.

So setting off at 7.15am (on a Sunday morning!) an hour later found me raking out some fantastic finds. Mr Beehive, I have to confess, is a very understanding husband as I bring back all sorts of weird, wonderful and down right filthy things into the house to turn into something else or do up. In the past I have made shelves from shutters and old planks, ornament shelves from old apple boxes, I have sanded down old chests, tables.....the list goes on. He was pretty lucky that this morning I didn't bring back the rusty old bath taps that I had my eye on, I was thinking about it though.

Look at the rack not the amount of wine!!!!!!

Having found the bottle crate above that I am turning into a spice rack for the kitchen I decided I needed 24 small reusable glass containers to keep all my spices in. So this afternoon to the delight of Master Beehive the younger and the Little Miss I trogged on out to the Swedish-place that-shall-not-be-named as I couldn't think of anywhere more inspiring that might stock exactly what I needed, and Master Beehive the younger was near on wetting himself with in trepidation that he might be afforded a half hour in the Smaland!

On my return home, I was greeted by this!!

Those little black dots you see all over the front of my white house are ladybirds!! There must be over a thousand right now. I am sure this is down to the weather warming up again to over 70. They have all, quite literally, come out of the woodwork, still there are worse things to be infested with, they will eat the fruit flies that are also getting hyper active at the moment. The only downfall is that when you accidentally tread on one, they make a delightful crunch and squirt yellow goo all over the floor and Master Beehive proceeds to jump manically around the kitchen squealing that the ladybird wee'd itself over and over (god help me!). I have cleaned up some stuff in my time, but Ladybird piddle takes the biscuit!

I asked Master Beehive the younger to help me remember the names of two realtor boards I had seen on the way home. He was really concerned that he might not live up to the task.

"You'll do fine!" I reassured him, "Just keep saying the two words in your head: Higgins Group and Prudential."

"Okay!" he said worriedly "Higgins group, Prudential, Higgins group, Prudential......."

When we arrived home, I asked him if he could remember the names of the two Realtors:

"Sure mummy!" he grinned "Higgins group and Dementia"

You and me both kiddo!

Heckling in 2D

Here's a question for you: Why do people shout at the telly when they are watching sport? What do they think it is going to achieve? Do they think that for that split second the guy on the pitch to whom they are directing their tactical criticisms will stop, look up and say:

"Sorry mate! I know I am a bit crap today, but the heat is unbearable, my wife washed my strip in a new washing powder so I have a dreadful chaffing going on and there is actually a really fit bird sat in the stand who keeps putting me off. But I agree with what you are saying I really should throw it to x in order to make that try, I know you are an armchair coach and you would have done it much better. Sorry!"

Do they hear us shout at House that he ought to do better with his diagnoses of patients and stop being such an arse, or yell at the guy in Pushing Daises that there is absolutely no way in real life he would be able to snog Anna Friel through plastic wrap without afflicting serious injuries. Perhaps, in fact, the contestants of American Idol or Dancing with the Stars would, truly, dance and sing much better, were they to be heckled and remonstrated from a sofa in Connecticut on a Saturday afternoon? *Okay, forget that, there is NO amount of heckling that would improve some of those reality shows!*

It is mind boggling.

It's the Rugby world cup final. Mr Beehive has ordered it from Cable to watch. He actually doesn't really watch much sport on TV, but he does love the Rugby. He has in fact, entrapped both Master Beehives to this pastime so they are all in fact down there yelling at the screen.

It sounds something like this:

"Come on! What ARE you doing???"


{{{{Pause}}}}}


"Yeah, what IS he doing?" (Master Beehive the elder in annoyed agreement)

"Yeah! ..........Can I have a drink?"






"Ooooohhhhh, NOOOOOOOOOO!"

{{{{Pause}}}}

"That SILLY man!"

"What is this game called again?"


Oh, and England lost ooops!

Go to the light.............

Do you remember that scene in Friends? Phoebe is at Carol and Susan's wedding and is possessed by the wife of an elderly man who cannot move to the other side as she has still got to "see it all". Phoebe takes it upon herself to try to find the one things this woman needed to see to finalize her life in limbo. As it turns out, it is in fact the wedding of Carol and Susan that seems to be it.

This morning I awoke.......prodding Mr Beehive I hissed, "Are we alone?" (poor bugger, thought his luck was in!). As it turns out, we were. No midnight visitors and no child to fall over asleep on the mattress beside me. I showered - for ten complete minutes, even enough time to remove the fuzz from my legs, still no visitors. Both Master Beehive the elder and younger came in with smiles on their faces to bid me a good morning and then proceeded to lay the table and prepare their own breakfasts with out beating seven shades of s**t out of each other. I actually fell over my mouth rather than the washing on the stairs when I came down to a peaceful kitchen.



Where in the hell was I? I have been having some rather odd dreams of late, so I was initially convinced that I actually was probably still asleep upstairs in some evil and vile trick of a dream! Or maybe I had passed into no man's land, dying in my sleep, and this was the one thing that I needed to see to "see it all"?



Giving the usual five minute warning, I was knocked over by all three (you did read that correctly) Beehives appropriately dressed, no Snow White or Samurai, most clothing on the correct way around and not inside out, minty fresh breath and combed hair. All three continued to the next level of my gratitude by putting on shoes and coats without fuss and proceeding to the car.......in fact I do declare I even heard an "after you...." - Nah! probably not!

Given that most mornings the five minute warning tends to take over fifteen to fully appreciate, we were all sat in the car in the drive in stunned silence at 8am wondering what to do next. Could we really drive to school this early? Perhaps a maths problem would be in order: If I had to drive 4 miles in half an hour, how slow did I need to go??? Did I need gas?? No!

Later on after drop off I went to get my hair done. We have a cocktail party tonight at school and I felt that the new Sporty Spice look from the 90's with the high scraped back ponytail, was a touch rough around the edges.

My hairdresser, Jennie, really should be named Midas. She can perform wonders and not only that, anyone who is prepared to let their fingers get remotely near my three day old, unwashed bar net, deserves a medal in my book! Anyway, as she left me with a stunning coiffure that even looked a shade or two lighter (perhaps I shouldn't be confessing that out loud!) I noticed that God, in his infinite wisdom had chosen that precise moment to press the "rain" button. I had had to park quite a way from the salon as they are having renovations carried out at the moment, so knew this was a disaster for the new Aniston wig!



"Do you have a hood?" Jennie asked



Shaking my head she disappeared to the back of the salon, returning with........... a nice plastic shower cap.



Weighing up my options: either a great poodle frizz from the rain and humidity, or a five minute walk through the town sporting the latest, hot of the catwalk, head gear.



Well, what can I say, I only hope that some poor old biddy was able to use that comedy moment to find their way to the other side having finally "seen it all"!

Slummyacky Parenting

What is it that classifies a smug mummy from a slack parent, a yummy mummy from a scummy mummy?

The growing trend it seems these days is that whether one knows or likes it or not, one fits into a particular breed of mother during ones parenting career.

So, this is my brief Internet quiz as to are you a Smug/Slack/Yummy or Scummy mummy:

1. When your child brings someone back for a play date, do you usually serve a snack of:

a. homemade vegan carrot muffins with a flax oil and beet smoothie?
b. Whatever you can find that isn't growing a blue fuzz, the dog hasn't licked and hasn't too much sugar!
c. High tea of scones and cucumber sandwiches that the housekeeper made.
d. Chips, Wotsits and gummy worms


2. When you take your children to school in the morning, are you:

a. Dressed ....almost! Awake..........far from it!
b. School? The nanny does it, I can't park the 4 X 4 in those silly spaces, besides, it clashes with my wax/pedicure/haircut/breakfast with the girls.
c. School? We Home-Ed.
d. School? What school? They have to go to school? Nah, can't be bothered.

3. In their spare time, your children like to:

a. Eat flour and make pasta pictures on the floor.
b. Knit yoghurt and learn Greek
c. Collect ASBOs
d. Go to swim classes, ballet, horse riding and fencing all in the same afternoon ....... with the nanny!

4. Your six year old son comes home with a grazed knee after a scuffle with a classmate do you:

a. Immediately go down the school and demand allowances due to his indigo-ism.
b. Ask if they punched the other kid's lights out, then get in the car to go round and torch the house of the classmate.
c. Glance at it briefly, give a kiss and pass a band aid.
d. Eugh, blood? I am so glad that the nanny was there to take care of it!!


5. Your favourite place to shop for your children is:

a. Wherever I can get a bargain.
b. Baby Prada of course!
c. Wherever I've not been caught nicking.
d. I never shop, unless it's fair trade, I make all our clothes.


So, what category do I fit into?

Well today I yelled at them again to leave the house - probably fishwifesque, putting me in the scummy mummy category AND.......I forgot to brush their hair until I got to school, I took my rather large 4 X 4 and parked it (not totally yummy mummy !) then went to have a pedicure (hanging head in shame!). After picking up Little Miss Beehive, I abandoned her to play outside on her own (slack parent!) climbing the tree whilst I made her lunch (more slack mummy because it was all I could do to find stuff that wasn't blue or slimy as the fridge STILL hadn't been fixed), swore at the repair centre who had failed to call me on my cell AND turned up in the morning, despite the appointment being scheduled for this afternoon. I didn't threaten to torch their home OR let the air out of their tyres, but I probably would have given a Scummy a run for her money (oh and my hair is delightfully greasy and pulled back off my face as I am getting it cut tomorrow! all that was missing was my tracksuit!). Finally after lunch the Little Miss showed her artistic skills AND cleaned and washed up her pots after she had finished (Smug mummy!). Dali it was NOT, there is no element of early genius in her paintings, in fact when she pointed me out in the middle, I had to REALLY squint to make out any kind of recognition! Oh and she is now watching some TV (but it is in Chinese, so does that exonerate me?) so I can write this. Shoot me now!

Must Try Harder!

I hate mornings! I think I may have mentioned it once or twice before. I don't know what it is with mornings that makes all my "positive parenting" comments and thoughts turn and flee henceforth into the woods!

Each morning, despite my crib sheets on the fridge and cheat sheets in the car, always turns into verbal meltdown with me begging, nagging, persuading and bribing all three Beehives to get themselves together and get into the car:

For example:

1. Give the ten minute warning: well, we do that AND the five, the three, the one and the thirty second.........I can still guarantee one or other won't be down. "Tell them" and I quote "the car leaves in 2 minutes with or without you"........okay, so the person that wrote that smart ass comment, tell me what you do at 2 Min's and 30 with a 5 year old still in the house wearing his pyjamas........leave???

2. There is always a breakfast calamity: spilt milk, spilt orange, the wrong cereal, the right cereal but finished, the wrong bowl, the wrong cup, the fact that x laid the table but didn't get y a glass or bowl or whatthefeckityfeckever!! I am always, pretty much without fail, on my hands and knees under the table with the dog at some point or other during breakfast. So, the guru suggests I allow THEM to clean up.......okay, if I then desire to stick to the kitchen floor for the next couple of days until I get around to washing it entirely, by then having walked nice sticky black footprints around the perimeter! I am from the old book: if you want a job doing.......

3. A bathroom calamity: naturally! Little Miss Beehive is a wonder at hanging on until the last possible second, normally then attempting to get herself down from the table bent in half and unable to actually operate her legs in a contrary motion to get herself to Mr Armitage Shanks! First change of the day!

4. A lost lunchbox (if I have been slack in my motherly duties the night before) or a mislaid reading book that was "definitely on my bed last night!" or a note that was signed and put into the appropriate school bag, only for it to then be extracted and put to an alternative use hence causing knuckle rapping from one or other of the Beehive's teachers! Organise the night before, encourage them to pack and prepare their own school bags and lunches. Technically in an ideal world, this works, however, my fridge has been out of operation since last Friday. Yumm!! What can I prepare for dinner? Slimy carrots, mouldy tomatoes and soggy cheese! If I leave their lunches in there overnight, they will send the DHA around to condemn me. Luckily the repair people have me down as an emergency - only not THAT much of an emergency and I am "on hold" until Thursday at the moment!!!!!!!

5. Give them selected choice when dressing, but allow for choice and independence. What happens then when, despite the discussion as to not dressing up in Snow White and Power Ranger costumes before school, your child
a. goes commando!
b. Wears his interpretation of a Samurai costume UNDER his school clothes and causes me to be collared by his teacher and presented with wooden pizza cutters and wooden toy sushi cutters in a small holster after school.
c. Wears cotton skirt, thick sweater, vest, wellies and sun hat all in the same day.
d. Insists that pyjamas are what they are going to wear today and thus reduces me to downright begging to get her to change into something more appropriate.
e. arrives on the front step when we are running late, whilst the car engine is running in 40 degree temps (Fahrenheit that is!) wearing ..........wait for it.............SHORTS!!!!!!!!!!!and THEN have the audacity to tell me that HE will get a tardy mark because I made him late! Pah!!!!!!!!

Did I say I HATE mornings???????????????????

4 States, 24 hours!

Last Saturday evening, sat on the computer reading the news on Yahoo, an article on the leaf forecast in New England caught my eye. We have have this very slowly diminishing list of things we must try to see or do before our time comes to an end over here, so.......two hours later and we were booked into a hotel in Vermont the following weekend. So Yah-Boo to those of you who think I am predictable and steadfast.......I can do spontaneous things (really!!!!)

We left on Saturday morning, driving up through Mass and then Vt, we came back through New Hampshire (Yes, it was disgusting, the whole touristy thing - just to say we did it!)

We were staying in a ski resort in Southern Vermont so the journey wasn't going to be too long and it was made easier (in the first instance!) by the acquisition of a story CD for the kids. By the third back to back rendition of the author droning on, (she is no storyteller however good a writer she may be!) we were ready to hunt her down and personally perform a total laryngectomy. Still, the colours of the trees were nearly good enough anaesthetic.

It was actually pretty amazing to see how green things still were in Massachusetts, yet by Vermont, only 30 miles further north, nearly 70% had turned. It must be so difficult as a visitor to actually capture the leaves at their utmost best. There must be a really fine line between the leaves all being the most colourful and then the trees actually losing them. There were already many bare patches on the mountains.

The rest of this blog entry will be pretty drivelly in words and I won't be able to do it justice, so as usual, I will let the pics do the talking.

Look at the size of these pumpkins?? Old Deerfield, Mass.

Flea market shopping in Vermont. Master Beehive looks sooooo happy to be there! Mind you, it was bitterly cold.

Some random farmhouse on Route 100, Vt, but I loved the contrast of colours in the house and that one old tree.

Back to Historic Deerfield, Mass.

This was the view from our window. The trees were pretty red, but at the time in the morning of the photo, the sky was also red too so the whole mountain blazed like the rocks in Sedona, Az.

In the words of Little Miss Beehive "Awww, pwitty"

That was Internet shopping at its best!!

Yours, all leafed out!

The Beehive

Pull up your stockings

Father Christmas is trying to get a head start this year.......or so I have been told!

This evening, after only 8 Christmasess of trying to get the right things, it has finally dawned on me that the loot list needs to be in production a little earlier than December 12th as FC has done all his bargain basement shopping by then. So tonight after dinner, they were instructed to sit and create a 10 item goody list.

1. Star wars figure - not just any specific - Padme?
2. A snorkel kit -In DECEMBER!
3. A drum kit - You have GOT to be kidding me!
4. A guitar - See above!
5. A Star wars figure - I see a theme running here! Unfortunately Master beehive the younger has been lent the latest"Star Wars Encyclopaedia" by his friend so now we have ALL the names of ALL the characters!
6. A doctor's kit - not just your bog standard bag, this has to come on a cart with wheels!
7. A gumball machine - yup, he tries THIS one every year!
8. A lazer tag game - this sounds fun!
9. Harry Potter characters - not the easy ones, but Ginny and other obscurities!
10. Candy - Yeah, problem is, FC is in league with the tooth fairy, so candy tends to get overlooked!


I on the other hand tried on the most cute and devine leather coat today - apparently (according to the sales rep??!!) the season's "must have" and the feel of "butter".

I was VERY smitten. It did look good - apart from the price tag but unfortunately when I suggested the idea to Mr Beehive, he reminded me that I had actually asked for a goat (from Oxfam)

He isn't buying it that he misheard goat for COAT!!!

Hmmmmmmmmmmm

My very own Caucus Race!

"It's been rather a surreal kind of a day" sighed Alice wearily as she settled down in the armchair.

"Firstly my day was shortened by two minutes. Before I went to bed last night I supped from a bottle of darkened ale that definitely said "DRINK ME" ! and when I awoke in the morning I was twice the size (or at least my sleeping partner had shrunk again!) and I found myself missing two minutes! The miscreant stole into my room in the early hours and altered the time on the pocket watch given to me by the white rabbit. I'm sure it was that darned bunny, determined I wasn't going to be late, or perhaps that tike of a boy, Master Beehive the elder, to whom time and order is of the essence? It is most perturbing when one is always looking for a 27 hour day, 2 minutes is highly necessary. Think what it could have been - time for a shower, time for breakfast, a cup of coffee, time to do four puzzles, dress three children, feed a dog, prepare lunch AND have an extra minute in bed!!!"

"So this was the start of the day. It then continued with a car driving into the pillar outside the building where I was at a meeting with a potential client. We were so engrossed in the discussion of birth and suchlike, we didn't hear or feel the impact! It made for a worrying couple of moments, but indeed I, my client, and more importantly my caffeinated beverage were safe."

"Later in the day, I was getting decidedly twitchy in the rabbit hole and decided to de-bunk. So the Hatter, the March Hare and the Dormouse were all bundled with buckets and spades, into the Moose Muncher for a trip to the beach.............in October. The weather was simply devine!"

"So really," concluded Alice, picking up her bottle of pills on the way to the door ;-))

"that was about it......oh except that the March Hare ate an apple for dinner..............I think it was probably the most stupidest day ever!!"

Donald where'sya troosers?

My mother is currently recovering from shock! Yesterday, whilst on her way to church (that really bears no relevence to the story.....), she was visually assaulted.

Her route to the church takes her through the allotments and past the local primary school. Whilst passing she was hailed by a small boy (apparently no older than Master Beehive the younger - and by all accounts - just as mischevious!). Politely he attracted her attention:

"Excuse me!"

Now my mother is never one to refuse the request of a miscreant young boy (having a handful of grandchildren of that nature!), particularly such a polite one, and dutifully stopped.

"Would you like to see this?"

Now for poetic license, I like to believe that at this point, she smiled sweetly, bent down and whispered "of course!"

To which he then pulled down his trousers!!

I am, now, rolling about on the floor in hysterics, having a child of my own who is only now getting over the "whopping the willy out phase!" but I think my mum was more shocked than I would have been and I thank heavens that it was her and not me whom he decided to delight. This way, he was only delicately reminded of his inappropriate display of tackle on strange biddies, I on the otherhand, may have reminded him that if he didn't keep things tucked away, the birds might confuse it for a worm and come down and eat it (insert *evil laugh)!!

God you have to love little boys!

Time to go and find my own little testotot who has been sent to his room for redecorating the lounge in packing peanuts (feck, if I were 5, I would do that too - what fun!) and is now reminding me that he is there by his gradually increasing wails, I wonder how long it would take before he would fall asleep there (insert second evil laugh*)???

To mother - no offence!