Friday, November 17, 2006

Mothers, sisters, daughters and girlfriends

What is it with the female species that they have this desperate need, some of them, to stick the needle in and twist? My blog this evening is covering two separate situations, one that is directly affecting my life, the other not so at all, other than I know the "persecutor" and cannot believe she is so shallow.

I suppose the ramble begins with T. and his stage of development. He is having one or two insecurity issues since he started at Elementary this year. I have been working hard to try to hear him out and help him deal with this. It is unfortunately manifesting itself in some rather unwanted behaviours and, if you have any advice, I would gladly listen!!

Ever since he was small and started to interact with other children, he has always gravitated towards girls. He has never been a particuarly testosterone fueled child wanting to play soccer or even ride a bike. He has preferred more sedate activities, reading, lego, his drama club etc. I have had no concerns with this what so ever, other than the fact that I did feel that he may find it hard when he gets older as girls tend to move off on a tangent from boys (and vice versa). After all, boys are smelly and loud (LOL!!!). Girls seem to form more of a tight knit best friend (albeit changeable by the day!) relationship, whereas boys are less this way inclined (this is my general observations, not hard evidence!)

My fears have been somewhat recognised as he is discovering that girls are no longer wanting to "play" with him or hang out with him as much as they used to, yet at the same time, he doesn't always fit in with the sporty bunch, although he seems to have a group of aquaintances who slap him on the back or say "hey" in the corridor (ugg me man!), so I don't feel he is in "isolated geek-dom". The issues of course that he now faces are:

2.lack of understanding of their emotions and in turn having the ability to deal with them, having a totally different brain make up
3.not really knowing where he fits in,

to add to that he has always been the eldest in the class what with the move two years ago too and now suddenly he is the youngest. I don't think in the long run this is going to do him any harm whatsoever, in fact, if he can start to understand this change, it will only serve him well. However, how to help him understand the feminine psyche is another thing altogether!!!!!!!!!

Aside from this, part deux of my situations about girls;

I sometimes log into some of the UK mothering web forums and have done for a few years now, more being nosey, but also as an old friend hangs out there and it has been nice in the past to drop in. However, I have recently been utterly surprised with the behaviour that is starting to become more and more apparent with her. Most recently she seems to have decided to take it upon herself to "out" another mother on the website who has maybe lied, maybe stretched the truth, maybe just feels she needs to convince herself that she is having another boy (her 4th!) when it has been common knowledge that she wants a girl. I don't really care much for the situation and don't feel I am in any position to comment on the pregnant mother's situation having not known her. That said, the "friend" has publically scathed her, called her a liar and is, to be honest, stalking her! I have no idea what is driving her right now other than to say that I am pretty glad she is no longer in my life. Not only that, she has stated that it is innappropriate to lie on public forums to the rest of the "community", having herself in the past, quite blatantly lied and USED that lie, that she is a trained breastfeeding counsellor, (which she isn't). I suppose I am doing no better by talking about it on here, other than to say that I think this blog is far more private than one of these forums and it is a beautiful demonstration of the complexities and oddities of the female mind!

My current reading is taking me to "The Minds of Boys" by Michael Gurian. I would highly highly recommed this to any parent of sons or teachers. It is a great book, both reassuring on the one hand and informative on the other. For me, it has started to connect together some of the thoughts I had had in my mind and some of the observations I have made with the boys. It is making me appraise the ways I speak to, spend time with, play with, discipline or even set up the evironment, for my boys. If you need an idea for a Christmas present for someone with all I need to do, is convince R to read it too!

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