Friday, May 04, 2007

Celebrate your mother dammit!

It's nearly Mother's Day, that is, here, in the US. Mother's Day in the UK was celebrated in March. Which, because I don't have a UK calendar anymore, I was reminded about three days prior, due to my sister asking if I wanted "in" on the gift she had bought mum ?

" Er? Yes, thanks, that will save me posting"
I lied - actually, it would save me the guilt of forgetting hmmm, thanks sis!

So what will it be this year? Breakfast in bed? A box of chocs? A day at the spa - ya ha, so getting above my station now!

No, my needs are small and so therefore I have created my wishlist. This is my Top ten (in no particular order!)

  • The chance to lie in long enough to actually see the little and long hands hit the six together.
  • The opportunity to wear the same shirt for a whole day without it being covered in weetabix or snot by 10.30am.
  • The opportunity to pee without a peering face around the door asking me "wasat mama?" and pointing somewhere toward my nether regions, when trying hard to perform daily ablutions and following from that, the opportunity to help with homework for the elder Master Beehive without my knickers around my ankles because yet again, this little hiding place has been discovered and choosen as the right place to find mummy sitting still long enough to answer the questions!
  • A hot cup of tea rather than a cold one that I find three days later where I left it, wearing a shiny layer of scum and dust, after promising myself that I would drink it just as soon as I had picked up the laundry and preceded to get completely distracted.
  • The ability to cook dinner whilst falling over a dog, toys, shoes and skidding in pee that a toilet training Little Miss Beehive is frantically trying to show me, midst distractedly stuffing the innards of a chicken with the telephone, on which I was originally trying to make an appointment for my annual exam without having to mention and then explain the word "smear test" in front of inquisitively listening 4 and 7 year olds!
  • The ability to plan for in advance, prepare leisurely and serve with a flourish, perfect meals without the hint of rush, last minute-ness or stress, and to be able to cook the perfect meals that get polished off by all my children including the vege-a-phobe, rather than feeling an incessant guilt for the amount of waste we have after each meal and all the hungry kids there are in the world - wahay, there goes another flying pig!
  • Mail - yes, that's right, mail - FOR ME! Not party invitations for my kids' social lives, not junk asking if : I want my roof painted purple, want to buy the latest innovative push up, super-velocity humunga-bra, or need liposuction for fuck's sake, I don't need reminding! Just a little letter will do.
  • The opportunity to be allowed to dream about snogging Brad Pitt or Orlando Bloom in a hot and steamy clinch without my darling other half standing over my shoulder sniggering over my current purchase of OK magazine!
  • The ability to hold a coherent adult conversation for longer than 0.6 of a second with anyone in the world other than an answerphone (time differences or workaholic other half!!) or crap drivers on the road - (okay so the latter is more a one sided haranging on my behalf!)
  • Children who, for the whole day, don't whine, ask 1,000000 questions that I can't answer or am too mentally exhausted to answer (or at least keep it to less than 100 questions per day!) and don't argue with each other........just for one day........pretty please???

So, that's it really - simple. Now, where did my fairy godmother go................. come back!

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