Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Feminism and murky waters

I am in a dilemma. Really - more than normal!!! I have a friend, or at least I thought I did, whom I really got on with and valued. We used to live close by, then they moved away, however, we still kept in contact, we shared a lot of common interests and ground. Many women who have children at the same time tend to make friends purely for that reason alone, but we had a firmer background than that, our careers were similar as were our beliefs and our roads have followed a similar path.

In this last year in the US, and it was happening in Belgium too, she has never contacted me. I have had to instigate any form of communication between us, be it phone, e-mail or anything. We have received no Christmas cards or birthday cards for the children, despite my sending for them. Life doesn't revolve around cards, but it does revolve around friendship and making an effort to maintain that. My problem is that it is blocking my direction right now. I am always "hoping" to hear from her.......I need to move on. Last night I wrote a "dear John", but have as yet to send it, it sits glaring at me, venomously, in my drafts - maybe it will be opening a can of innocent worms, on the otherhand, perhaps it will allow me to find some closure here. I am partly afraid that there is nothing there, she is just a lazy communicator, doesn't turn on her pc very often, problem is, my heart tells me that is not true. Another part of me thinks that perhaps I have done something to upset her, I know that isn't true, but.....
So the jury is still out as to whether or not I actually press "send". I have a wicked part that wants to stir up her attention, knowing that she will have read it hours before I even wake up tomorrow morning, but I know her well enough to know that she would not rise to that kind of bait, but I know truly, that I need to close off this portion of my life and wish for what it could have been instead of hoping for what it still might be.

Life is just so bloody complicated.

Another thought I want to express on here is a dilemma of a friend. She is currently working overseas on a VSO placement with her boyfriend. The country she works in is a very male orientated country, women are expected to be docile and supportive of their husbands. She is utterly frustrated as a female professional, as to not being recognised as such. She is being seen as P's wife, not as V, the nurse.

This must be such a hard situation for her to be in. She has come from an environment and culture where she has worked hard for what she has achieved and is now respected as such, only to move to a culture that purely sees her as her partner's "husband". I am not one to hand out advice as I know little about the country that they are in, suffice to say that; Vick, if you read this, a passive role is probably going to get you further right now. To the people that truly matter, you are respected, to those you are helping, you are doing precisely that. I am not a big one for stirring up the murky waters,(see the above drivel) but I truly believe in this situation, you are going to achieve more by "being less". Feminism will take a long time to reach Africa!!

1 comment:

Freda said...

Hi hun. I completely understand your dilema and wish I could give you some sound advice on what to do. Unfortunatley, I seem to have a similar issue and like you, looking for the "right" thing to do. I read somewhere, that in life you carry your true friends with you and that along the way some friendships have to go. Like the passing of time, things,people and their priorties change. I know (hope) that we will remain friends for a very long time, but also understand that sometimes people move on and I hope that because of WHO we are we would accept whatever comes our way. My friend Suzanne whom I have very little contact with will always remain a very special person in my life because of circumstances that we shared and they created our bond. You have to ask yourself does she feel the same way? Do you want to open a can of worms, or more to the point, can you be bothered? I think the distance is enough now to walk away, keep your head high, know that you tried to work on your relationship and don't consider that you failed. Don't send anything that will come back to haunt you and keep your friendship as a fond memory, that one day may come back. I hope this helps, let me know what you decide to do. xxxx