It's that time of year, school is nearly out and us mothers of our eager pupils are frantically searching for that perfect gift that gives the appropriate message of appreciation. Is it a mug? Chocolate? A set of nice pens?
After years of teaching, I am all the more conscious of the delightful tat available for our kids to happily give to their teachers to add to the collection of 25 identical ones they received that year.
So Thursday morning, I was a woman on a mission - find the ideal gift that both reflects my child (and us) AND the teacher AND doesn't end up meaning I will have to remortgage my house ! I want to get something that is both a conscious gift for them AND the earth - small task methinks! Christmas, they received Oxfam gifts of meals for school children or school books for kids in developing countries etc.
Chocolate - is, although nice in small quantities, dull and uninspiring. They probably get inundated with it - so that's a no!
Wine - albeit on a slightly higher plane than chocolate, and they might not drink - see the above!
An ornament - Don't even GO there, sorry but cute mice dressed as teachers are really not nice!!!
A mug - you have GOT to be kidding me. My mother collected all hers over the years - it has been a Looooooooong process encouraging her that she really only needs half a dozen for cups of tea for two!! and the slogans..........they beggar belief.
A book? Very personal, could try a book token - maybe a little unadventurous? Not to mention the fact that the posh mummy brigade will be looking under their fake eyelashes at anyone who brings a present that isn't at least 6'5" in girth in a Tiffanys box! Inspiration dahling, a token is sooooo last year!
A plant for the garden - urgh, what if they live in an apartment?
A voucher for a restaurant ? Hmm, again a little too personal.
A handmade gift by the children? Well if they like LOTS of paper and sellotape or a mud and worm sculpture..........nah, probably not the best idea!
The other issue is that on top of the teacher, there is also the assistant teacher and, well, her girth needs to be of similar size !!! Can't be seen to be favouring via size of tissue wrapped article! Hell, added to that is cost - after three children, six teachers..........it's gonna get expensive, hmm, but I think I am supposed to gloss over this point and reattach my left eyelash!
So back to the drawing board............
The other part of my post today is more on a serious note, forgive me for my anger, but I am so pissed with this speciman that works with kids and calls himself a teacher!
This afternoon I went to enquire about some karate lessons for the children. The boys currently attend one at their YMCA, which is fun, but very full and crowded and I feel T, in particular, would move on at a faster pace if he had a smaller class. So I went to one place, somewhat of a brag-fest was my first impression as the place was littered with trophies, my second was a feeling of intimidation, but I put that down to me being picky and stupid.
The guy I spoke with seemed lovely having been passed to him by another guy who, happily told me that they would take my other "son" pointing at Little Miss Beehive, as soon as she was potty trained.
"She is toilet trained" I informed him calmly "and I am not here for her"
"Oh, how old is she? 3?"
"I TWO!" - you see, she can answer herself if you would have the decency to actually address her!
This nice guy asked me to come back at four with the boys and they would see what they were capable of.
So at four, the children and I are taken into the "interview" room, with the inital guy. I know, alarm bells were already sounding due to the fact I thought it was going to be of the same genre as a timeshare sale! Looking around for the nearest exit, we all went in.
After at least 10 minutes of questions - ("which was better for the boys, to listen to their parents because they are told to or because they want to. Answer my questions with a yes SIR! Why must I carry wet wipes for feet in my car AT ALL TIMES? Did I know his floor was worth thousands and professionally cleaned every day, why I could eat my dinner off it. Why did I want them to do karate was it a, b, c or d - e: fun, didn't enter into the equation."), Little Miss Beehive, at 4.20pm with no snack, was beginning to tire and get restless........
The bribes then started - "If you are quiet I have a surprise for you and your brothers" (Mein Herr, not me!!)
I. kept on with the wriggling and protesting to get down
"Well young lady, you obviously have decided you don't want a surprise." WTF!!!
After a few more seconds of her not obeying his orders, he gets up, opens the door and says:
"Mom, she is going to have to go."
I cannot believe I am hearing this, she is only 2, she has been as still as can be expected in a boring room with him and all his trophy collection.
I must have looked at him with all the gorm that I can muster as I still cannot believe that on the one hand he is preaching respect, and on the other, ordering me to leave the room !
"Come on boys, this isn't going to work" I said
"She can stay if she is quiet."
Oh, that is big of you........I take it you don't WANT our business then you head-up-your-own- arse TWONK?
"She is TWO, she is not more than a BABY!"
So with all the dignity I could find, I walked out of his shrine, remarking loudly to no-one in particular, but in the middle of his awaiting class, how unbelievably RUDE he was.......
Fortunately not a mile down the road we stumbled across a lovely martial arts class where I met a mum from school. The boys were invited to watch or take part, no one frowned or shouted down at us..........nuff said.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
To throw the book
It is often early in the morning as we are getting ready to school that minor kerfuffles break out in the Beehive. A piano practice trying to be done with a toddler adding her countermelody, or a book trying to be read with a toddler deciding that is is "her" book and she needs it now, or hair being dryed with a toddler wanting to play hairdressers. Hmmm.... notice a theme??
We try as much as possible to talk with our children rather than at them about behaviours and one of the favourites is "try to use your words" to avoid feet stomping (of the toddler) or fingers going into the mouth and whining (Master Beehive the younger!).
This morning's outbreak was over the ownership of a book.
From my position in the bathroom, cleaning my teeth, I could hear the escalation -
"my book"
"no, I had it first"
"miiiiiiiiiinnnnneeee!"
"no I. stop, you can have a different one"
Then of course -
"waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh"
Dropping my implements I realise it is time for intervention (I prefer to give them time to see if they can settle out of court rather than feeling that I am taking a side or making decisions for them)
"What happened?" I asked
"W. pince me" - wailed Little Miss Beehive, pince being the word she uses for any form of misdemeanor that occurs and generally Master Beehive the younger is the offender. It used to work quite well until I realised that she could also trip over and tell me that "W pinced me"!!
"Did you?"
Looking at his feet and mumbling "yes"
"What did you do?"
"I threw a book at her"
"Well that wasn't kind. We don't use our hands and feet and hit, you must use your words."
"I did!" he cried in umbridge
"I told her to duck!"
We try as much as possible to talk with our children rather than at them about behaviours and one of the favourites is "try to use your words" to avoid feet stomping (of the toddler) or fingers going into the mouth and whining (Master Beehive the younger!).
This morning's outbreak was over the ownership of a book.
From my position in the bathroom, cleaning my teeth, I could hear the escalation -
"my book"
"no, I had it first"
"miiiiiiiiiinnnnneeee!"
"no I. stop, you can have a different one"
Then of course -
"waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh"
Dropping my implements I realise it is time for intervention (I prefer to give them time to see if they can settle out of court rather than feeling that I am taking a side or making decisions for them)
"What happened?" I asked
"W. pince me" - wailed Little Miss Beehive, pince being the word she uses for any form of misdemeanor that occurs and generally Master Beehive the younger is the offender. It used to work quite well until I realised that she could also trip over and tell me that "W pinced me"!!
"Did you?"
Looking at his feet and mumbling "yes"
"What did you do?"
"I threw a book at her"
"Well that wasn't kind. We don't use our hands and feet and hit, you must use your words."
"I did!" he cried in umbridge
"I told her to duck!"
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Remember your Manos!!
The art of children who learn languages from an early age is that they swap the words around and know exactly what they are trying to say to you. The curse of not knowing the language your child is learning yourself is thus:
Yesterday I picked up Little Miss Beehive from school and she presented me with my Mother's Day present:
"Is that for me?" I asked
"Manos" she shrieked
"Sorry, is that for me please?"
"Manos" she repeated
"Thank you?"
"Manos, manos"
"Thank you for my mother's day present. It's very lovely, may I hold it please?"
"No, it's mine!"
She then ran off with the gift of a bookmark with her hand prints on it........................
Eventually, the word dawned on me - she didn't mean manners at all, she meant HANDS - MANOS !
Yesterday I picked up Little Miss Beehive from school and she presented me with my Mother's Day present:
"Is that for me?" I asked
"Manos" she shrieked
"Sorry, is that for me please?"
"Manos" she repeated
"Thank you?"
"Manos, manos"
"Thank you for my mother's day present. It's very lovely, may I hold it please?"
"No, it's mine!"
She then ran off with the gift of a bookmark with her hand prints on it........................
Eventually, the word dawned on me - she didn't mean manners at all, she meant HANDS - MANOS !
Friday, May 11, 2007
Early morning wake up call
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is 5.30am and my next door neighbour is MOWING HER LAWN!!!!!!!!
This is the crazy lady who tried to cut up the tree that fell on our house, with a chain saw when the live electric cables were still wrapped around it and then who instructed her handyman to pull down the remainder of the trees.......using his van and a rope who lives in the house that Jack built!!!!!!!
If it were hot in the day, I could understand the need to start early...........but it isn't even LIGHT yet!
This is the crazy lady who tried to cut up the tree that fell on our house, with a chain saw when the live electric cables were still wrapped around it and then who instructed her handyman to pull down the remainder of the trees.......using his van and a rope who lives in the house that Jack built!!!!!!!
If it were hot in the day, I could understand the need to start early...........but it isn't even LIGHT yet!
Thursday, May 10, 2007
A message to those who live in glass houses.
It has been one week today since the disappearance of Little Madeleine McCann in the Algarve. I am sure there has been not one person who hasn't felt sick to the core at the pictures of the beautiful blonde haired girl. Looking at our own children sleeping safely in their beds, we are frightened both for Madeleine AND our own children. It would be condescending of me to say that only parents must feel this through to their bones, but I am sure I am not alone in seeing elements of this child in my own daughter, only months younger than Madeleine.
I must pass comment though on the amount of disgust I have felt over the judgementalism of people, letters in the paper, on internet forums who, all of a sudden, feel it is their place and right to verbalise their abhorrence with the fact that the child, along with her siblings, was left on her own in a hotel room whilst her parents dined elsewhere.
First of all, on whatever scale this sits, there are people out there, who, on a daily basis, take risks, many of which involve children and some of which end disastarously. Take people who jump in a car with their kids and choose to take a phone call whilst driving, people who misjudge the speed of other drivers or their ability to get out of a junction/overtake etc, people who leave the front door open to bring stuff in from the car with their toddler wandering onto the street or engage in a conversation with a friend whilst their toddler wanders off or onto a busy road. People who choose to risk having a drink and getting in a car, people who allow their kids to walk home from somewhere on their own (however old and whatever time of day), parents who allow their kids to go on camping trips away from home, parents who allow their toddlers to walk holding the hand of a parent rather than strapped in a stroller or attached to reins......all of these activities have varying degrees of risk about them and we choose to or not to take them.
However we feel internally about this situation, however we feel we might have done different (but who is to say that this prevents a situation?), whatever different parenting choices we make from each other, now is not the time or the place to start casting aspersions. The real guilty person is the person who took the child.
Put energy into willing Maddy to be found safe and alive and well. When that happens, then.....well, you are free to pass judgement, but until that day, just imagine the living hell that Kate and Gerry McCann, two doctors - (yes, don't tell me that doesnt' cross your mind either - how does this kind of thing happen to people like that. ) are going through on a daily basis.
My heart goes out to that poor family and to baby Madeleine, for that is all she is. Please, please let her be found safe and well.
I must pass comment though on the amount of disgust I have felt over the judgementalism of people, letters in the paper, on internet forums who, all of a sudden, feel it is their place and right to verbalise their abhorrence with the fact that the child, along with her siblings, was left on her own in a hotel room whilst her parents dined elsewhere.
First of all, on whatever scale this sits, there are people out there, who, on a daily basis, take risks, many of which involve children and some of which end disastarously. Take people who jump in a car with their kids and choose to take a phone call whilst driving, people who misjudge the speed of other drivers or their ability to get out of a junction/overtake etc, people who leave the front door open to bring stuff in from the car with their toddler wandering onto the street or engage in a conversation with a friend whilst their toddler wanders off or onto a busy road. People who choose to risk having a drink and getting in a car, people who allow their kids to walk home from somewhere on their own (however old and whatever time of day), parents who allow their kids to go on camping trips away from home, parents who allow their toddlers to walk holding the hand of a parent rather than strapped in a stroller or attached to reins......all of these activities have varying degrees of risk about them and we choose to or not to take them.
However we feel internally about this situation, however we feel we might have done different (but who is to say that this prevents a situation?), whatever different parenting choices we make from each other, now is not the time or the place to start casting aspersions. The real guilty person is the person who took the child.
Put energy into willing Maddy to be found safe and alive and well. When that happens, then.....well, you are free to pass judgement, but until that day, just imagine the living hell that Kate and Gerry McCann, two doctors - (yes, don't tell me that doesnt' cross your mind either - how does this kind of thing happen to people like that. ) are going through on a daily basis.
My heart goes out to that poor family and to baby Madeleine, for that is all she is. Please, please let her be found safe and well.
Knock, Knock
What do you get if you cross Knock Knock jokes with a two year old?
Joke telling - is all about the punchline - or so they tell me. I have been trying for years to get that bit right!! However, if you can't get the punchline just right then take a tip from Little Miss Beehive, just mush the whole thing together!
Copyright to LMB, ae 2: current obssesion; telling knock knock jokes - or rather two knock knock jokes rolled into one!
"Knock, knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Colin the doctor, I sick, boo hoo!"
Still doesn't beat Master Beehive the younger at the same age:
"I spy with my big eye (he's always had something about his eyes being big!!), something beginning with C"
" Car, cupboard, .............etc"
"No..........Elephant!"
"Ok, you win.....your turn again."
" I spy with my big eye, something beginning with P"
"Pig, people, ...............etc"
"No.........Elephant"
You get the picture!!
Joke telling - is all about the punchline - or so they tell me. I have been trying for years to get that bit right!! However, if you can't get the punchline just right then take a tip from Little Miss Beehive, just mush the whole thing together!
Copyright to LMB, ae 2: current obssesion; telling knock knock jokes - or rather two knock knock jokes rolled into one!
"Knock, knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Colin the doctor, I sick, boo hoo!"
Still doesn't beat Master Beehive the younger at the same age:
"I spy with my big eye (he's always had something about his eyes being big!!), something beginning with C"
" Car, cupboard, .............etc"
"No..........Elephant!"
"Ok, you win.....your turn again."
" I spy with my big eye, something beginning with P"
"Pig, people, ...............etc"
"No.........Elephant"
You get the picture!!
Sunday, May 06, 2007
And HIS wants are not so small!
This morning I caught all the miscreants "sneaking" around with backpacks on their back (their words, not mine!!)
Playing along with this I asked them all where they were going.
"Nowhere, we're just sneaking?"
"Not on a trip then?"
"Maybe Pennsylvania", said the elder of the trio fumbling in his backpack he pulls out his money box.
"Can you help me count my money please? I can count the paper, but not all the coins."
"You have a lot of money, what are you saving up for?" I asked
"Oh, I dunno...........maybe a cell phone or a car."
Playing along with this I asked them all where they were going.
"Nowhere, we're just sneaking?"
"Not on a trip then?"
"Maybe Pennsylvania", said the elder of the trio fumbling in his backpack he pulls out his money box.
"Can you help me count my money please? I can count the paper, but not all the coins."
"You have a lot of money, what are you saving up for?" I asked
"Oh, I dunno...........maybe a cell phone or a car."
Friday, May 04, 2007
Celebrate your mother dammit!
It's nearly Mother's Day, that is, here, in the US. Mother's Day in the UK was celebrated in March. Which, because I don't have a UK calendar anymore, I was reminded about three days prior, due to my sister asking if I wanted "in" on the gift she had bought mum ?
" Er? Yes, thanks, that will save me posting"
I lied - actually, it would save me the guilt of forgetting hmmm, thanks sis!
So what will it be this year? Breakfast in bed? A box of chocs? A day at the spa - ya ha, so getting above my station now!
No, my needs are small and so therefore I have created my wishlist. This is my Top ten (in no particular order!)
" Er? Yes, thanks, that will save me posting"
I lied - actually, it would save me the guilt of forgetting hmmm, thanks sis!
So what will it be this year? Breakfast in bed? A box of chocs? A day at the spa - ya ha, so getting above my station now!
No, my needs are small and so therefore I have created my wishlist. This is my Top ten (in no particular order!)
- The chance to lie in long enough to actually see the little and long hands hit the six together.
- The opportunity to wear the same shirt for a whole day without it being covered in weetabix or snot by 10.30am.
- The opportunity to pee without a peering face around the door asking me "wasat mama?" and pointing somewhere toward my nether regions, when trying hard to perform daily ablutions and following from that, the opportunity to help with homework for the elder Master Beehive without my knickers around my ankles because yet again, this little hiding place has been discovered and choosen as the right place to find mummy sitting still long enough to answer the questions!
- A hot cup of tea rather than a cold one that I find three days later where I left it, wearing a shiny layer of scum and dust, after promising myself that I would drink it just as soon as I had picked up the laundry and preceded to get completely distracted.
- The ability to cook dinner whilst falling over a dog, toys, shoes and skidding in pee that a toilet training Little Miss Beehive is frantically trying to show me, midst distractedly stuffing the innards of a chicken with the telephone, on which I was originally trying to make an appointment for my annual exam without having to mention and then explain the word "smear test" in front of inquisitively listening 4 and 7 year olds!
- The ability to plan for in advance, prepare leisurely and serve with a flourish, perfect meals without the hint of rush, last minute-ness or stress, and to be able to cook the perfect meals that get polished off by all my children including the vege-a-phobe, rather than feeling an incessant guilt for the amount of waste we have after each meal and all the hungry kids there are in the world - wahay, there goes another flying pig!
- Mail - yes, that's right, mail - FOR ME! Not party invitations for my kids' social lives, not junk asking if : I want my roof painted purple, want to buy the latest innovative push up, super-velocity humunga-bra, or need liposuction for fuck's sake, I don't need reminding! Just a little letter will do.
- The opportunity to be allowed to dream about snogging Brad Pitt or Orlando Bloom in a hot and steamy clinch without my darling other half standing over my shoulder sniggering over my current purchase of OK magazine!
- The ability to hold a coherent adult conversation for longer than 0.6 of a second with anyone in the world other than an answerphone (time differences or workaholic other half!!) or crap drivers on the road - (okay so the latter is more a one sided haranging on my behalf!)
- Children who, for the whole day, don't whine, ask 1,000000 questions that I can't answer or am too mentally exhausted to answer (or at least keep it to less than 100 questions per day!) and don't argue with each other........just for one day........pretty please???
So, that's it really - simple. Now, where did my fairy godmother go................. come back!
Thursday, May 03, 2007
From mice and tree rings
They're back...the mice that is!
Unfortunately this morning, I had to tell Master B, the younger, that the mice had very cleverly opened my pantry, got up on the stool, taken down the remaining easter eggs, removed the stool, closed the pantry door again and taken them upstairs to eat in his wardrobe sometime yesterday afternoon or evening when I wasn't around. It was most unfortunate as one of these eggs was so nibbled that it needed to be discarded because of the germs!! He was, naturally sad about this, but understood that if he saw the mouse again, he needed to ask the mouse to ask me about chocolate and then it could be shared.
The catalog is done, 'tis over, fini, terminado!! So as a treat today, nails have been polished.
Whilst I was paying, my pedicurist noticed the picture of the mini Beehives in my purse.........
"They you children? No? They no you children, you no look like mommy, you too........"
The sentence was left unfinished as she took my upper arm and pinched it, then circled her hands around it............OMG, is this like tree rings? Perhaps the more rings I have the older I am? Anyway, at least she didn't catch me five minutes earlier receiving a complimentary massage from her colleague and dribbling into my lap whilst I fell asleep - hand me that bus pass!
Salivatory yours!
The Beehive
Unfortunately this morning, I had to tell Master B, the younger, that the mice had very cleverly opened my pantry, got up on the stool, taken down the remaining easter eggs, removed the stool, closed the pantry door again and taken them upstairs to eat in his wardrobe sometime yesterday afternoon or evening when I wasn't around. It was most unfortunate as one of these eggs was so nibbled that it needed to be discarded because of the germs!! He was, naturally sad about this, but understood that if he saw the mouse again, he needed to ask the mouse to ask me about chocolate and then it could be shared.
The catalog is done, 'tis over, fini, terminado!! So as a treat today, nails have been polished.
Whilst I was paying, my pedicurist noticed the picture of the mini Beehives in my purse.........
"They you children? No? They no you children, you no look like mommy, you too........"
The sentence was left unfinished as she took my upper arm and pinched it, then circled her hands around it............OMG, is this like tree rings? Perhaps the more rings I have the older I am? Anyway, at least she didn't catch me five minutes earlier receiving a complimentary massage from her colleague and dribbling into my lap whilst I fell asleep - hand me that bus pass!
Salivatory yours!
The Beehive
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
A conversation with Pam
- Hey Pam, it's R. Can you send me the info I need for the auction please? I'll give you my e-mail
It's R - A
-Hi, okay, so it's A....
- No, R - A
- Okay, A
- It's too complicated to give it over the phone.
- Yes. A.
- No, R for Robot, before A
- A - R
- No!! otherway R - A
- Sorry, I have a really bad head cold and everything is reverberating at the moment.
- Oh god, I know what you mean!! Horrid are you at home?
- Yes. So, A- R
- No, let me give you the address
- Oh, you are giving me your e-mail address, I thought I was giving you the website address
- Okay. You send me the website then, so it's R-A
and so it continues!!!!
The auction has totally wiped me out, can't you tell!
It's R - A
-Hi, okay, so it's A....
- No, R - A
- Okay, A
- It's too complicated to give it over the phone.
- Yes. A.
- No, R for Robot, before A
- A - R
- No!! otherway R - A
- Sorry, I have a really bad head cold and everything is reverberating at the moment.
- Oh god, I know what you mean!! Horrid are you at home?
- Yes. So, A- R
- No, let me give you the address
- Oh, you are giving me your e-mail address, I thought I was giving you the website address
- Okay. You send me the website then, so it's R-A
and so it continues!!!!
The auction has totally wiped me out, can't you tell!
Monday, April 30, 2007
Toasting marshmallows and stinky socks
I cannot believe the end of term is coming round so bloody soon! I actually thought I had a week longer than I do have, obviously being the schmuck I am I misread the dates for the school calendar.....or was hideously optomistic about having one more week!!! So, they will be out of school for the summer by June 8th, that is only one month and one week away!!!
Before then, T. is off camping with the Lower Elementary on the last week of term. We had a meeting this morning about this, advising us of the things they need - changes of clothes and suggestions from us to them about the daily changing of socks and underwear (euugghh!), sleeping bags, soft toy, and the things they don't - cell phones (@!), food and love notes from us declaring that we are missing them, bound to reduce them to weeping wrecks! We were also informed of the possible gifts that may be brought home from camp- the ticks (yak!) and the cootie possiblities (apparently advisable to cut the boys' hair really short before going - nice try Elizabeth!!- she offered to braid T's for me!!)
We actually had our first trial run of a sleepover on T's birthday weekend. His best buddy from school came over for his birthday tea and then to stay the night, well, bless him, he made it to 9.30pm but wanted to go home. It must have been pretty strange for him to be in a different house and bed somewhere without his parents where there are new noises and shadows on the wall. So we may or may not try again before the camp.
Anyway, the camp info is being thoroughly digested by Master Beehive, the elder, he likes to be thorough, as compensation for NOT rushing home to pack his bag tonight........which was his original plan!
Before then, T. is off camping with the Lower Elementary on the last week of term. We had a meeting this morning about this, advising us of the things they need - changes of clothes and suggestions from us to them about the daily changing of socks and underwear (euugghh!), sleeping bags, soft toy, and the things they don't - cell phones (@!), food and love notes from us declaring that we are missing them, bound to reduce them to weeping wrecks! We were also informed of the possible gifts that may be brought home from camp- the ticks (yak!) and the cootie possiblities (apparently advisable to cut the boys' hair really short before going - nice try Elizabeth!!- she offered to braid T's for me!!)
We actually had our first trial run of a sleepover on T's birthday weekend. His best buddy from school came over for his birthday tea and then to stay the night, well, bless him, he made it to 9.30pm but wanted to go home. It must have been pretty strange for him to be in a different house and bed somewhere without his parents where there are new noises and shadows on the wall. So we may or may not try again before the camp.
Anyway, the camp info is being thoroughly digested by Master Beehive, the elder, he likes to be thorough, as compensation for NOT rushing home to pack his bag tonight........which was his original plan!
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Home Run!!
It's Saturday, we are on the home stretch!! Today is a day packed with swimming and parties, however, I am at the hairdresser's this morning and Daddy is in charge.......
So what can I say?
Have we missed the TV?
No, actually.
In a whole week (nearly!) only Mr Beehive the younger has enquired about it, and then, only once! I have only been close to relenting once and that was yesterday, on a day when it poured with rain and they were burning off "we're trapped indoors" steam, very loudly, while Little Miss Beehive was trying to nap. But, we all held fast and she slept! That said, it is really tricky to be out and about and avoid the screen altogether. Where ever we have been this week, Costco, the YMCA (yes even there!) there is a little square box on in the corner somewhere which captures the beady eyes of these poor deprived bairns!
The boys have played so beautifully together. To be frank, we have so little TV on in the house anyway (around an hour a week), that it really hasn't changed what we do. If anything, I have become perhaps a little more tolerant of the noise and mess (oooh and believe me, I mean volume, I'm sure I have told you that there is proof out there that a four year old boy is as many decibels as 20 men in a pub!) while they play happily and we have all been way more observant of each other. The boys have ironed out issues that in the past I have needed to intervene with, Mr Beehive, the younger, has played delightfully with his sister (they had a wonderful hour and a half the otherday interacting in the garden without squabbles whilst going on a spider hunt!).
Mr Beehive the elder was concerned about the weather so we had to find alternate ways to discover this not using the computer or t.v. He has, on the other hand, kept his promise to do 10 minutes piano practice each day.
I have also sorted out a lot this week. It is another great activity for I. to help with, shredding old papers etc. I sorted the kids' wardrobes into hand-me-downs, consignment, can't-bear-t0-part-with and what-was-I-thinking or completely knackered piles, which she then muddled or chose to wear on her head! Then we organised a writing tray for the kitchen and made a rather large order from the Michael Olaf catalogue.
I also made a (maybe) foolish mistake of picking up a Leappad style magnetic letter learner thang (no idea what it is really called) for Little Miss Beehive, from the consignment shop. You put it on the freezer or fridge and then put in a letter, it then sings and says the letter name and sound. She has been more than impressed with it, it has kept her amused for ages..........but the bloody song. Why do these things have to come with such mind numbingly dull, repetitive, brain sapping music that when you wake in the night is always the first tune that sticks in your head.........FOR HOURS?? ("I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves.....") Must remember to accidently consign it and buy a drum instead!
My new toys arrived yesterday, a lens hood, adapter and tele-convertor lens for my camera. No T.V, so I actually started to read my digital camera book and the instruction booklet that came with the camera in the first place (*hangs head in shame, after all, we've only had the camera nearly a year!) I had no idea what it could do!
This hasn't been a very hard challenge, I think we could keep this up for another week pretty easily. I've not done anything with the children that we don't normally do, they always read for hours, play imaginative games, like to climb trees, ride their bikes, make stuff in the kitchen or paint. However, I wonder what we would really find it hard to live without for a week? We have only lived without the dishwasher for 10 days before, unless you include the time we lived in the caravan for a month and then a bed and breakfast for two when I was newly pregnant with Mr Beehive, the elder?
Washing machine? Microwave? Car? Phone? Computer?
Am I brave enough to try another challenge?
Funny thing is......the huge pile of ironing is still there!
So what can I say?
Have we missed the TV?
No, actually.
In a whole week (nearly!) only Mr Beehive the younger has enquired about it, and then, only once! I have only been close to relenting once and that was yesterday, on a day when it poured with rain and they were burning off "we're trapped indoors" steam, very loudly, while Little Miss Beehive was trying to nap. But, we all held fast and she slept! That said, it is really tricky to be out and about and avoid the screen altogether. Where ever we have been this week, Costco, the YMCA (yes even there!) there is a little square box on in the corner somewhere which captures the beady eyes of these poor deprived bairns!
The boys have played so beautifully together. To be frank, we have so little TV on in the house anyway (around an hour a week), that it really hasn't changed what we do. If anything, I have become perhaps a little more tolerant of the noise and mess (oooh and believe me, I mean volume, I'm sure I have told you that there is proof out there that a four year old boy is as many decibels as 20 men in a pub!) while they play happily and we have all been way more observant of each other. The boys have ironed out issues that in the past I have needed to intervene with, Mr Beehive, the younger, has played delightfully with his sister (they had a wonderful hour and a half the otherday interacting in the garden without squabbles whilst going on a spider hunt!).
Mr Beehive the elder was concerned about the weather so we had to find alternate ways to discover this not using the computer or t.v. He has, on the other hand, kept his promise to do 10 minutes piano practice each day.
I have also sorted out a lot this week. It is another great activity for I. to help with, shredding old papers etc. I sorted the kids' wardrobes into hand-me-downs, consignment, can't-bear-t0-part-with and what-was-I-thinking or completely knackered piles, which she then muddled or chose to wear on her head! Then we organised a writing tray for the kitchen and made a rather large order from the Michael Olaf catalogue.
I also made a (maybe) foolish mistake of picking up a Leappad style magnetic letter learner thang (no idea what it is really called) for Little Miss Beehive, from the consignment shop. You put it on the freezer or fridge and then put in a letter, it then sings and says the letter name and sound. She has been more than impressed with it, it has kept her amused for ages..........but the bloody song. Why do these things have to come with such mind numbingly dull, repetitive, brain sapping music that when you wake in the night is always the first tune that sticks in your head.........FOR HOURS?? ("I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves.....") Must remember to accidently consign it and buy a drum instead!
My new toys arrived yesterday, a lens hood, adapter and tele-convertor lens for my camera. No T.V, so I actually started to read my digital camera book and the instruction booklet that came with the camera in the first place (*hangs head in shame, after all, we've only had the camera nearly a year!) I had no idea what it could do!
This hasn't been a very hard challenge, I think we could keep this up for another week pretty easily. I've not done anything with the children that we don't normally do, they always read for hours, play imaginative games, like to climb trees, ride their bikes, make stuff in the kitchen or paint. However, I wonder what we would really find it hard to live without for a week? We have only lived without the dishwasher for 10 days before, unless you include the time we lived in the caravan for a month and then a bed and breakfast for two when I was newly pregnant with Mr Beehive, the elder?
Washing machine? Microwave? Car? Phone? Computer?
Am I brave enough to try another challenge?
Funny thing is......the huge pile of ironing is still there!
Friday, April 27, 2007
Naughty, naughty beanie boy!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18324251/
A whole, plastic container!! I just hope it was organic! I love to wake up to these headlines making the US news!!!
A whole, plastic container!! I just hope it was organic! I love to wake up to these headlines making the US news!!!
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Reptile shoes and underwear!
Love 'em or hate 'em but they are still about. The curse of the croc has finally hit The Beehive. I put off being lured into their snare last year, but have since relented. Much as I thought they were a cheap pair rubber/plastic hell, I have since discovered their benefits, despite being ssssooohh last year dahling!
- They let your feet breathe and therefore the stench in the summer of no socks and shoes is considerabbbbuuuullyy reduced aaahhh!
- They take all of two seconds to put on, so getting out of the door in the morning (see previous posts!) has become almost.....dare I say it??? *whispers* Quick??? Oh and they are so so Montessori - La Beehive the younger can put them on herself and it is obvious when they are on the wrong feet!! Shame they fall off just as fast!
- They wash, so are suitable for toilet training - Little Miss Beehive has piddled over her pair many a time and they can just be soaped and rinsed. The same goes for any other bodily fluid!! Oh and they don't slip either, so if you pee, you don't skid in it - fantastic!
- You can put soil in the soles and pack it up and then grow crocuses out of the little holes - tres chic n'est pas? I like to make flower containers out of all my old shoes - Ben, you still have my Doc Martens!!
- They make a great pencil holder.
- Dogs love to chase and chew 'em - cheap rubber toys!
- They come in any colour, so you can mix and match with all your summer outfits! Very fetching for a nice summer wedding??
- They make a fair substitute for a baseball. A bit like welly wanging, only croccy chucking.
- On a bored afternoon, the whole family of crocs in assorted colours, becomes a family of puppets - they are fab to draw on!
- One can drain vegetables or fruit - not tried this hot yet, but working on it.
- You can fasten string through the holes, attach it to your belt to make a great Blackberry holder - or substitute purse (english variety!!)
- Do the same to hold copius amounts of chocolate!
- Do the same as above to hold a bottle of alcohol - actually a full bottle is a little on the large size, but put one either side for great aeroplane-sized wine bottle holsters!
- Starbucks coffee holster!
- In fact do the same as above for any possesion that is required to be on your person at all times.
- Do not use them as a bucket for catching vomit......remembering the strawberry box incident as an innocent student and the P.S. added to this entry!!!
Disclaimer - do any of the following at your own peril - including being a victim and buying a pair. Warning - crocs cannot be used as prevention against any form of sexual disease or pregnancy!!!!!!!
And then to underwear!
So, we are on pair number 4 today, having worn pink for school and poohed, then purple, and poohed in the toy section of the consignment shop, then stripy and peed at home on the patio and then the last pair were fed to the dog! Smiling and through gritted teeth, my little pissypoopy mound is piling up by the washing machine.......I wonder if I can adapt a croc to act as a teastrainer inside Little Miss Beehive's underwear????
And did I mention the telly???- it is STILL off!!
PS: edited to add:
This evening le Grand Mr Beehive was at a playdate, only to become ill. Dashing to his rescue, I picked up only for him to vomit hence over me and aforementioned crocodilia! Thus this evening, I am reduced to watching t.v and drinking chardonnay - weeeeellll the damage has been done for me no amount of tv watching or reduction will save my soul!!!!!! Bairn is now in my bed but still able to "feebly" demand - waaaatter and huuuuggg, everyso often - for effect?????? hmm, 'tis for you to decide!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Day three
Okay, so the silence - she had un-potted the bulbs and re-potted them......all over my carpet!!!!! aaaggghhh!
Day three and we are still going strong. No T.V has been watched by Les Beehives petits (yeah, monkey see, monkey don't do! Cold Feet re-runs have bitten me in the evenings!)
Here is a piece of trivia. Did you know that the average household has 2.6 T.V's and watches in a life time - 7 continuous years of TV if they watch between 2 - 3 hours a day from pre-school age!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have one TV so I guess that makes us Luddites!
Yesterday was a pretty easy day what with piano afterschool. Today however, has been a day off school. The weather is a changin' (again!) and we are restricted to the inside of the house a little more.
So far we have (well actually the babysitter did the first one with them as R and I were at school conferences being told how "high-spirited" two of our children are - bet you can't guess which two!):
Planted sunflower seeds and radishes (I am a glutton for punishment!).
The boys have played for HOURS with the new Playmobil that T got for his birthday.
Run around outside.
Later we are off to get W's new glasses and then get some ice cream for tea from Cold Stone and there is a bake sale tomorrow at school, so I am forseeing some mess and cake mix debauchery going on in the kitchen.
T has piano practice and thank you letters to write.
Current level of stress: Low, kids are engaged, admittedly I think they went a little manic for the sitter (*insert small smirky winking grin here*), I don't feel the need to open the wine or drink more coffee and the TV hasn't been mentioned once in three days!!!!!
Day three and we are still going strong. No T.V has been watched by Les Beehives petits (yeah, monkey see, monkey don't do! Cold Feet re-runs have bitten me in the evenings!)
Here is a piece of trivia. Did you know that the average household has 2.6 T.V's and watches in a life time - 7 continuous years of TV if they watch between 2 - 3 hours a day from pre-school age!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have one TV so I guess that makes us Luddites!
Yesterday was a pretty easy day what with piano afterschool. Today however, has been a day off school. The weather is a changin' (again!) and we are restricted to the inside of the house a little more.
So far we have (well actually the babysitter did the first one with them as R and I were at school conferences being told how "high-spirited" two of our children are - bet you can't guess which two!):
Planted sunflower seeds and radishes (I am a glutton for punishment!).
The boys have played for HOURS with the new Playmobil that T got for his birthday.
Run around outside.
Later we are off to get W's new glasses and then get some ice cream for tea from Cold Stone and there is a bake sale tomorrow at school, so I am forseeing some mess and cake mix debauchery going on in the kitchen.
T has piano practice and thank you letters to write.
Current level of stress: Low, kids are engaged, admittedly I think they went a little manic for the sitter (*insert small smirky winking grin here*), I don't feel the need to open the wine or drink more coffee and the TV hasn't been mentioned once in three days!!!!!
Monday, April 23, 2007
Turn off the TV
This week is national turn off the screen week (for kids primarily, hence the loophole for me sitting here blogging!!)
To be honest, I am not envisaging finding other things to do with the children an issue as they hardly watch tv anyway. We probably watch a maximum of an hour in the week and then a movie at the weekend, maybe. However, the whole school has taken on the challenge and it is going to be more of a challenge as we also have conferences on Wednesday and Friday this week, so the school is shut for those days!
I can see the main problem is going to be after Wednesday when the weather is due to turn again and get colder. Until then, outside activities will easily lure the children.
There have been sheets of paper up at school inviting us and the children to write their ideas for TV-Free activities. I am going to aim to list our activities here and then blog our progress. Fortunately neither the boys have any nintendo type toys, nor have they yet really discovered the computer, apart from occasionally speaking to grandparents and aunts via the webcam, so you will forgive us if we are rude this week.
For myself, I can live happily without tv, as long as I have access to some form of communication, be that radio or computer. I will probably be the one who falls by the wayside soonest with the tv though as I do like to watch a dvd in the evenings sometimes to chill. This week, however, I am teaching two evenings and really do have an essay to start......I'll let you know how I do.
For now, though, this afternoon's activities have been:
Monday:
Bouncing on the trampoline and riding bikes.
Putting seed and suet cakes out for the birds.
Planting some bulbs.
Playing with toys.
Progress of my sanity so far - entirely calm and relaxed.
Progress of kids so far - relaxed and engaged in activities (albeit it is a little quiet for the wee Miss B, I think there may be some destruction in the offing!)
Need for alcoholic beverage at this point in time - None
To be honest, I am not envisaging finding other things to do with the children an issue as they hardly watch tv anyway. We probably watch a maximum of an hour in the week and then a movie at the weekend, maybe. However, the whole school has taken on the challenge and it is going to be more of a challenge as we also have conferences on Wednesday and Friday this week, so the school is shut for those days!
I can see the main problem is going to be after Wednesday when the weather is due to turn again and get colder. Until then, outside activities will easily lure the children.
There have been sheets of paper up at school inviting us and the children to write their ideas for TV-Free activities. I am going to aim to list our activities here and then blog our progress. Fortunately neither the boys have any nintendo type toys, nor have they yet really discovered the computer, apart from occasionally speaking to grandparents and aunts via the webcam, so you will forgive us if we are rude this week.
For myself, I can live happily without tv, as long as I have access to some form of communication, be that radio or computer. I will probably be the one who falls by the wayside soonest with the tv though as I do like to watch a dvd in the evenings sometimes to chill. This week, however, I am teaching two evenings and really do have an essay to start......I'll let you know how I do.
For now, though, this afternoon's activities have been:
Monday:
Bouncing on the trampoline and riding bikes.
Putting seed and suet cakes out for the birds.
Planting some bulbs.
Playing with toys.
Progress of my sanity so far - entirely calm and relaxed.
Progress of kids so far - relaxed and engaged in activities (albeit it is a little quiet for the wee Miss B, I think there may be some destruction in the offing!)
Need for alcoholic beverage at this point in time - None
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
The mama-daughter bond
Daddy took Little Miss Beehive to school yesterday while mummy went back to see the nasty man that took out her teeth and didn't give them to the tooth fairy, so mummy has no cashback on her investment.
Little Miss Beehive was somewhat glum and down. As she trailed into the class, dragging her coat, she told her teacher:
"My mummy is lost"
At last, someone understands!!!!!!!!!!
Little Miss Beehive was somewhat glum and down. As she trailed into the class, dragging her coat, she told her teacher:
"My mummy is lost"
At last, someone understands!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, April 15, 2007
To lack of wisdom!
This week has been a long and tough week thanks to the exodus of two porcelain pearls that I have been somewhat attached to for the last couple of years. Problem has been that there hasn't been the room for them........so, decluttering begins at home, why not start in my mouth!!
Monday morning, bright and breezy, saw me at the maxillofacial surgeon's office (oops nearly typed "orifice" !!) Much as my own bog standard dentist had tried to convince me that this guy was such eye candy that I wouldn't need the GA that I was begging, I hadn't fallen for that and requested (and was declined!) HEAVY sedation.
Gas and Air, yes, ladies and gentlemen, the stuff we take in the UK for management of pain in labour. To be honest, I knew that and that was actually what was making me more scared. When I took G & A for the eldest of the mini Beehives, all it did was make me feel drunk, disorientated and sick........However, Mr Eye Candy was going to put in an IV sedation on top of the gas he was giving me via a rather attractive blue clown nose.
I suppose in hindsight I should have realised that it was working when I told him he inserted needles like a girl and was he strapping my arm to the chair to stop me hitting him! *oops!*
So recovery has actually been worse than the op itself. I am nearly a week on and the bruising is finally subsiding. I still can't eat on one side, haven't lost the pound per tooth I was banking on (ha ha !), do not have the chiseled jaw promised me - the lure and sales tactics are all lies ladies and gentlemen!! AND I have to go back and re-face Mr Eye Candy on Tuesday minus the disguise of drugs!
That is of course, if I am not snowed in or flooded. We are once again, MID APRIL!!! under a severe weather warning. Sick of wet, sick of cold and sick of grey. California looks really appealing right now!
Still, on a high, Mothering magazine have just offered a proposal for a piece of work that I have written. This is not a contract as yet, and they may still not be able to use it, however, it is positive and might be my first paid job!!
Monday morning, bright and breezy, saw me at the maxillofacial surgeon's office (oops nearly typed "orifice" !!) Much as my own bog standard dentist had tried to convince me that this guy was such eye candy that I wouldn't need the GA that I was begging, I hadn't fallen for that and requested (and was declined!) HEAVY sedation.
Gas and Air, yes, ladies and gentlemen, the stuff we take in the UK for management of pain in labour. To be honest, I knew that and that was actually what was making me more scared. When I took G & A for the eldest of the mini Beehives, all it did was make me feel drunk, disorientated and sick........However, Mr Eye Candy was going to put in an IV sedation on top of the gas he was giving me via a rather attractive blue clown nose.
I suppose in hindsight I should have realised that it was working when I told him he inserted needles like a girl and was he strapping my arm to the chair to stop me hitting him! *oops!*
So recovery has actually been worse than the op itself. I am nearly a week on and the bruising is finally subsiding. I still can't eat on one side, haven't lost the pound per tooth I was banking on (ha ha !), do not have the chiseled jaw promised me - the lure and sales tactics are all lies ladies and gentlemen!! AND I have to go back and re-face Mr Eye Candy on Tuesday minus the disguise of drugs!
That is of course, if I am not snowed in or flooded. We are once again, MID APRIL!!! under a severe weather warning. Sick of wet, sick of cold and sick of grey. California looks really appealing right now!
Still, on a high, Mothering magazine have just offered a proposal for a piece of work that I have written. This is not a contract as yet, and they may still not be able to use it, however, it is positive and might be my first paid job!!
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Beavers and a Cup O Joe
This weekend we have been "over the border"!!
Some madness encased us and we decided to join our friends from the UK and drive up to Niagara Falls. Of course, first case in point, we are in fact Brits.....we haven't got a CLUE how far places are. The furthest we can drive is from John O' Groats to Lands End and there aren't many folk that'll do it in a day (if at all really!) so why on earth would someone choose to drive from Edinburgh to London in a day with three kids????? Easy, they are British and clueless!
Day one:
Left home after school at 4.15 on the drive to Syracuse (had my sensible head on this time and had booked us all into a Motel halfway!)
4.20, returned home........we forgot the travel cot for I.!!! We are getting really really skilled at this now and tend to just do it for effect!
4.25 set off again
This first part of the journey, as one would expect, was the novel part..........road trip, kids packed in the back with colouring, dot to dot, fruit leathers, music and......the new addition to our family - the dvd, for when times got really tough.
5.25 - things were getting tough! *cringe* I knooooooooowwww!
6.30 - give or take we decide to stop for dinner. So did the rest of New York state at the same diner. Being unable to park, we choose then to follow signs to Pizza Hut and turn left following it.
6.32 - in some dead end town (I kid you not!) no Pizza Hut, turn around and return to original signpost, yes, it said left. Repeat said journey only 100yds to find another sign for Pizza Hut pointing in the OPPOSITE direction!. In between the signs there is not even the sign of a salad!! Maybe, says my dear other half, they are going to build one!!!!!!!! Okay, well, we'll just wait shall we??
6.34 - Back on the road ready to stop at the first diner.
6.45 - Yay! sucess we find a great diner, practically empty.
7.15 -We now know WHY it is empty. It is being run by George and Mildred! He is deaf, she is nearly dead! Poor couple. They do an excellent job on being invaded by 5 hungry and impatient children and their even more impatient parents. Coffee is desperately required by F and C. Going against all warnings.......they order "diner coffee" !!
8.30 - we finally get all bairns back into respective cars and pyjama-ed on the hopes they might sleep.
8.45 - Two down, one to go
9.15 - Still to go
9.45 - OMG - GO TO SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9.50 - Arrive at Motel with a look of horror to discover people carrying in sleeping bags - mild case of panic and flashback to years of backpacking and staying in dormitory style accomodation at YMCA's - have I f****d up big time? Are we all going to be sleeping without bedding, well apart from I. of course, she has her travel cot and all required bedding? Can I squeeze another child in there? Did I wash the car blanket after the dog threw up on it last time? Yes, I think so!
10pm - Phew! All blankets and bedding provided Zzzzzzz
Day Two
7.30am - Breakfast! Yay, coffee!!!
No!!!!!
Okay, note to all potential Motel users, if the orange juice comes out of a machine the colour of dirty, diluted dishwater........DO NOT TRY THE COFFEE! Motel breakfasts vary considerably, but hell, you get what you pay for and for $60 for the night for all of us you can't expect miracles!For the kids it would have been an absolute sugar rush (had they not been with parents having to endure peeling them off the car ceilings for the next 3 - 4 hours!!) Chocolate donuts, pastries - chocolate, drink - hot chocolate, sugar coated crap and cereal aagggh get me out of here!
By 8.30 we were back on the road! First stop change the car of our companions at the local Hertz dealer, unfortunately the one they had hired earlier in the week in JFK had had the power sockets disconnected for fear of them taking it to cook drugs as it was hired in NYC! (I kid you not, this was the reason they were given!!) By this time, 24 hours without coffee we were all wishing we had had the incentive to darn well DO that!
9.00 - On the search for a Starbucks - it will be an easy task on an American Interstate! They are two a penny!
10.00 - Really, it's quite easy to find a Starbucks..............
11.00 - Unless of course you are going towards Canada !
12.00 - Reach Passport Control and greeted by somewhat hunky Canadian - mmm nice first impression! Wants to know if we have any wine!!??? Okay, so he might be beautiful, but he is stupid - LOOK at the cargo - three children and we are associated with the two behind too - you think we have no alcohol for the weekend?????
"Just a couple" says R.
"How many is a couple?"
"Two" I say
"Six" says R !! SIX????
"We are travelling with the car behind!"
Nice man grins understandingly and waves us through!
To car behind us .....
"Are you with the car in front?"
"No!"
Ooops - well we thought they were behind us!!
12.15 - Another nice Canadian. Silly husbands asked US to go and check in as we were early.
12.17 - All checked in and both families upgraded to suites!!!!!!!!!!!! Well....we were tired and deserved it!!
2pm - FOUND ONE! All present stumble into Starbucks and order coffees - the one thing that is ridiculously expensive - probably double the US prices!!
Later that day we went up the Skylon Tower which was a great view. We could see Toronto as the sky was so clear! Following that we then walked along to the falls by the side of it and it was fantastic, no tourists (well, apart from us!) so we had front row seats!
7.00 Fed the kids from the best we could find! Why is it that whenever you go away to places like this "kids menus" are all the same or a derivative of; nuggets, hot dogs, pizza, burgers and tons of chips. Has no one heard of a vegetable? So intensely bored of this bollocks, we sought somewhere that we could get soup and sandwiches for the children.
8.00 - Kids in bed and all snoring the minute their heads hit the pillows - ah bliss!
Now for adult time.............
8.10 - Monarch of the Bleedin' Glen is on the telly - the boys are out getting curry (which we later discover came via a small detour to the "pub")
1am - It is actually time to go to bed........weariness has set in!
Sunday
5am - smalls are bathroom visiting - feel my insides tense up as I know this means they will not go back to sleep now! aaaggghhh
7.30 am - Wake with a start!
7.35am - Hear the wardrobe door so realise in my semi-conscious state en route to bathroom that there must be a child messing around in there. Don't turn on lights for fear of waking baby. Open the door to see a shadow of a child. Gently put my hand in behind his head and guide him out only for him to fall completely flat to the floor, like a dead weight. Panic, get down beside him shouting "get up, are you alright, what's wrong?" or words to that effect.
You little bleeeeeeep! Have to say, for 6, that was a good one! I. is now awake with all the laughter! Decide to get my own back later!
10am - After breakfast and much fannying around we are off to go under the falls, on the "fairy wheel" and lunch at the Rainforest Cafe (well more of the same I expect!).
With images of people in yellow plastic ponchos standing under the falls I suggest we might want to purchase a few of the delightful season's fashions in spectacular white plastic with Canadian flags all over them! Much guffawing ensues, primarily from R and C, who proceed to do "comedy cape" for us all! (Photo to follow!)
So apparently we are under the falls in a concrete tunnel, one passage is completely blocked by ice and fallen rock and the other by Korean tourists!!! We hedge our bets and opt for the Koreans! It is freezing under here and the tourists may give out more heat than the icebergs! I. is snuggled up asleep on my back under the plastic raingear and probably has the best seat in the house! The boys on the otherhand are frozen. Our stay here is pretty short lived.
On the walk back up for lunch the heaven's open...........thank heaven's for the ponchos (finally! some use for them!)
Of course, no visit to a high end Hicksville would be complete without the usual attractions such as haunted houses, Tussards by the bucket load, Guiness book of records, sex and lingerie shops and tattooists blah blah! Blackpool - oops! I mean Niagara, is no different! The older boys decided that their afternoon entertainment was going to be a trip to the Haunted House - yup, you have read that exactly right, T. and D, our (nearly) 7 year olds, who HATE and by that I mean, even the opening part of NEMO has him behind the sofa FFS wanted to go around the Haunted house. I don't know if that was one not wanting to be out done by the other or if it was a genuine desire to see this? So, reluctantly they were escorted by daddies whilst us laydies (and a wee chap too, who couldn't decide what he wanted to do, so opted to not go, then threw a tantrum after the boys came out talking about it!) went to the shops!
3pm - All pretty shattered, not least me for carrying 36 lbs around all day and the kids from having small legs and walking about 3-4 miles, we opted to go back and chill, put on a film for the kids and maybe one for us.
3.30pm - F. and I went to the mall. The choice of adult film was Borat and the kid's was Nemo (what with dentists and me having my wisdom teeth out next week, no thanks!) within 10 minutes of the guys hooting with laughter and far too much Borat flesh, we opted out!
Monday
We had decided to drive back in a day.
Dontcha just love a grumpy passport official?
"Roll down the back windows please."
We oblige, but in doing so, have to turn off the child proof lock otherwise we can't get the window down.
I and W both then choose to play up and down with the windows
"Dontcha have a child proof lock for the window?"
Er, yes, but you wanted the window down so we had to turn it off!
"Where have you been?"
Are you serious? Er, Cananda?
"Just Niagara"
"Who were you visiting?"
Great Aunty Mary four times removed!!
"Just staying at a hotel."
"What was your business."
Really????!!
"Tourist stuff"
"Whaddya buy?"
"Two t-shirts!"
A Kalashnikov, sixty bottle of gin, 15 dozen packs of fags and a prostitute!
He must be bored
"Have a nice day" - can you imagine this said in the most dead pan of ways ever...........
Welcome to America!
Some madness encased us and we decided to join our friends from the UK and drive up to Niagara Falls. Of course, first case in point, we are in fact Brits.....we haven't got a CLUE how far places are. The furthest we can drive is from John O' Groats to Lands End and there aren't many folk that'll do it in a day (if at all really!) so why on earth would someone choose to drive from Edinburgh to London in a day with three kids????? Easy, they are British and clueless!
Day one:
Left home after school at 4.15 on the drive to Syracuse (had my sensible head on this time and had booked us all into a Motel halfway!)
4.20, returned home........we forgot the travel cot for I.!!! We are getting really really skilled at this now and tend to just do it for effect!
4.25 set off again
This first part of the journey, as one would expect, was the novel part..........road trip, kids packed in the back with colouring, dot to dot, fruit leathers, music and......the new addition to our family - the dvd, for when times got really tough.
5.25 - things were getting tough! *cringe* I knooooooooowwww!
6.30 - give or take we decide to stop for dinner. So did the rest of New York state at the same diner. Being unable to park, we choose then to follow signs to Pizza Hut and turn left following it.
6.32 - in some dead end town (I kid you not!) no Pizza Hut, turn around and return to original signpost, yes, it said left. Repeat said journey only 100yds to find another sign for Pizza Hut pointing in the OPPOSITE direction!. In between the signs there is not even the sign of a salad!! Maybe, says my dear other half, they are going to build one!!!!!!!! Okay, well, we'll just wait shall we??
6.34 - Back on the road ready to stop at the first diner.
6.45 - Yay! sucess we find a great diner, practically empty.
7.15 -We now know WHY it is empty. It is being run by George and Mildred! He is deaf, she is nearly dead! Poor couple. They do an excellent job on being invaded by 5 hungry and impatient children and their even more impatient parents. Coffee is desperately required by F and C. Going against all warnings.......they order "diner coffee" !!
8.30 - we finally get all bairns back into respective cars and pyjama-ed on the hopes they might sleep.
8.45 - Two down, one to go
9.15 - Still to go
9.45 - OMG - GO TO SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9.50 - Arrive at Motel with a look of horror to discover people carrying in sleeping bags - mild case of panic and flashback to years of backpacking and staying in dormitory style accomodation at YMCA's - have I f****d up big time? Are we all going to be sleeping without bedding, well apart from I. of course, she has her travel cot and all required bedding? Can I squeeze another child in there? Did I wash the car blanket after the dog threw up on it last time? Yes, I think so!
10pm - Phew! All blankets and bedding provided Zzzzzzz
Day Two
7.30am - Breakfast! Yay, coffee!!!
No!!!!!
Okay, note to all potential Motel users, if the orange juice comes out of a machine the colour of dirty, diluted dishwater........DO NOT TRY THE COFFEE! Motel breakfasts vary considerably, but hell, you get what you pay for and for $60 for the night for all of us you can't expect miracles!For the kids it would have been an absolute sugar rush (had they not been with parents having to endure peeling them off the car ceilings for the next 3 - 4 hours!!) Chocolate donuts, pastries - chocolate, drink - hot chocolate, sugar coated crap and cereal aagggh get me out of here!
By 8.30 we were back on the road! First stop change the car of our companions at the local Hertz dealer, unfortunately the one they had hired earlier in the week in JFK had had the power sockets disconnected for fear of them taking it to cook drugs as it was hired in NYC! (I kid you not, this was the reason they were given!!) By this time, 24 hours without coffee we were all wishing we had had the incentive to darn well DO that!
9.00 - On the search for a Starbucks - it will be an easy task on an American Interstate! They are two a penny!
10.00 - Really, it's quite easy to find a Starbucks..............
11.00 - Unless of course you are going towards Canada !
12.00 - Reach Passport Control and greeted by somewhat hunky Canadian - mmm nice first impression! Wants to know if we have any wine!!??? Okay, so he might be beautiful, but he is stupid - LOOK at the cargo - three children and we are associated with the two behind too - you think we have no alcohol for the weekend?????
"Just a couple" says R.
"How many is a couple?"
"Two" I say
"Six" says R !! SIX????
"We are travelling with the car behind!"
Nice man grins understandingly and waves us through!
To car behind us .....
"Are you with the car in front?"
"No!"
Ooops - well we thought they were behind us!!
12.15 - Another nice Canadian. Silly husbands asked US to go and check in as we were early.
12.17 - All checked in and both families upgraded to suites!!!!!!!!!!!! Well....we were tired and deserved it!!
2pm - FOUND ONE! All present stumble into Starbucks and order coffees - the one thing that is ridiculously expensive - probably double the US prices!!
Later that day we went up the Skylon Tower which was a great view. We could see Toronto as the sky was so clear! Following that we then walked along to the falls by the side of it and it was fantastic, no tourists (well, apart from us!) so we had front row seats!
7.00 Fed the kids from the best we could find! Why is it that whenever you go away to places like this "kids menus" are all the same or a derivative of; nuggets, hot dogs, pizza, burgers and tons of chips. Has no one heard of a vegetable? So intensely bored of this bollocks, we sought somewhere that we could get soup and sandwiches for the children.
8.00 - Kids in bed and all snoring the minute their heads hit the pillows - ah bliss!
Now for adult time.............
8.10 - Monarch of the Bleedin' Glen is on the telly - the boys are out getting curry (which we later discover came via a small detour to the "pub")
1am - It is actually time to go to bed........weariness has set in!
Sunday
5am - smalls are bathroom visiting - feel my insides tense up as I know this means they will not go back to sleep now! aaaggghhh
7.30 am - Wake with a start!
7.35am - Hear the wardrobe door so realise in my semi-conscious state en route to bathroom that there must be a child messing around in there. Don't turn on lights for fear of waking baby. Open the door to see a shadow of a child. Gently put my hand in behind his head and guide him out only for him to fall completely flat to the floor, like a dead weight. Panic, get down beside him shouting "get up, are you alright, what's wrong?" or words to that effect.
"APRIL FOOL!"
You little bleeeeeeep! Have to say, for 6, that was a good one! I. is now awake with all the laughter! Decide to get my own back later!
10am - After breakfast and much fannying around we are off to go under the falls, on the "fairy wheel" and lunch at the Rainforest Cafe (well more of the same I expect!).
With images of people in yellow plastic ponchos standing under the falls I suggest we might want to purchase a few of the delightful season's fashions in spectacular white plastic with Canadian flags all over them! Much guffawing ensues, primarily from R and C, who proceed to do "comedy cape" for us all! (Photo to follow!)
So apparently we are under the falls in a concrete tunnel, one passage is completely blocked by ice and fallen rock and the other by Korean tourists!!! We hedge our bets and opt for the Koreans! It is freezing under here and the tourists may give out more heat than the icebergs! I. is snuggled up asleep on my back under the plastic raingear and probably has the best seat in the house! The boys on the otherhand are frozen. Our stay here is pretty short lived.
On the walk back up for lunch the heaven's open...........thank heaven's for the ponchos (finally! some use for them!)
Of course, no visit to a high end Hicksville would be complete without the usual attractions such as haunted houses, Tussards by the bucket load, Guiness book of records, sex and lingerie shops and tattooists blah blah! Blackpool - oops! I mean Niagara, is no different! The older boys decided that their afternoon entertainment was going to be a trip to the Haunted House - yup, you have read that exactly right, T. and D, our (nearly) 7 year olds, who HATE and by that I mean, even the opening part of NEMO has him behind the sofa FFS wanted to go around the Haunted house. I don't know if that was one not wanting to be out done by the other or if it was a genuine desire to see this? So, reluctantly they were escorted by daddies whilst us laydies (and a wee chap too, who couldn't decide what he wanted to do, so opted to not go, then threw a tantrum after the boys came out talking about it!) went to the shops!
3pm - All pretty shattered, not least me for carrying 36 lbs around all day and the kids from having small legs and walking about 3-4 miles, we opted to go back and chill, put on a film for the kids and maybe one for us.
3.30pm - F. and I went to the mall. The choice of adult film was Borat and the kid's was Nemo (what with dentists and me having my wisdom teeth out next week, no thanks!) within 10 minutes of the guys hooting with laughter and far too much Borat flesh, we opted out!
Monday
We had decided to drive back in a day.
Dontcha just love a grumpy passport official?
"Roll down the back windows please."
We oblige, but in doing so, have to turn off the child proof lock otherwise we can't get the window down.
I and W both then choose to play up and down with the windows
"Dontcha have a child proof lock for the window?"
Er, yes, but you wanted the window down so we had to turn it off!
"Where have you been?"
Are you serious? Er, Cananda?
"Just Niagara"
"Who were you visiting?"
Great Aunty Mary four times removed!!
"Just staying at a hotel."
"What was your business."
Really????!!
"Tourist stuff"
"Whaddya buy?"
"Two t-shirts!"
A Kalashnikov, sixty bottle of gin, 15 dozen packs of fags and a prostitute!
"You want fries with that?"
He must be bored
"Have a nice day" - can you imagine this said in the most dead pan of ways ever...........
Welcome to America!
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