The difference between men and women part deux

Mr Beehive is always keen to remind me about the differences between male and females and the need of the male for the "direct question".

For example:

When a man says:

"Would you like a #11 tonight" (simmer!............... from the Chinese takeaway )He means exactly that.

When a woman asks:

"Would you like a #11 tonight?" She may mean -

a. Do you want Chinese - or would you prefer Indian - I actually am bored stiff of Chinese and will feign a headache if you don't give me the correct answer to the question that you actually don't know!

b. I do not want to cook - if you make me cook I will divorce you/run off with the mailman/tell your mother that yes you DO have a large todger, her profiteroles ARE awful and taste like armadillo dung and yes you are WELL aware she has had a nose job!

c. Will you feed the dog?

d. Would you like # 11 tonight?

This being the case, however, when Mr Beehive asked me this afternoon what I would like him to do with the old printer (**&^$%#^&???!!) as we couldn't freecycle it as it is a UK one, I said I didn't know.

If you think that he would realise by now that that does not mean " place the bugger right outside the bathroom door for said wife to fall over each time she goes to the bathroom" then you would be SOOOOOOOOOO wrong.


AAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Mind your T's and Pooh's

Today we have been to visit some relations on the Old Man's side, once, twice or three times removed, who only knows - or cares, however, they live on the banks of a lake and the mini Beehives are always fascinated by this. Not just for the usual appeal of small boys and large expanse of water that always tends to lead to nakedness and a real sense of no fear to throw themselves henceforth into the deep, but the fact that this lake is home to snapping turtles.

As we were discussing the idea of swimming with these little critters, Master Beehive, the elder started to drop his t's -very English and this hasn't been the first time since we got back.

After explaining to him that it is TurTle not Tur-ull, Master Beehive the younger piped up;

"No it isn't they are Turdles"

Well I guess he has a point on pronunciation over here - but feck me, the images right now are not exactly pretty..............

(Yeah - sorry, the best I could come up with a google search of "pooh swimming"!)

Odd socks

Toys, toys, toys.

Whenever I go to visit friends and family with kids, I am able to reassure myself that we don't have the world's largest toy mountain, that there are children who have as many and..........more! However, when I live beneath the bottom of it and birthdays and Christmas loom I once again find myself drowning.

As the boys get older, the toys get smaller, more indistinguishable, wrapped in more plastic when they arrive as gifts and generally require a PhD not only to open the fecker, but to put it together, install the intricate lithium size AAAAAAA batteries which, despite being round, are "assuredly" going to fit into the square hole! This is all before they have even taken them to pieces, in Master Beehive the younger's case, to find out how they work - then there are even more unrecognisable bits lying undiscovered to the naked eye, only to be found embedded in one's left heel when trying desperately to tip toe, without waking anyone, to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

All the Beehives, despite wonderful imaginations so they CAN play for hours when the mood takes, have an apptitude for starting one game and moving to the next like Tuesday nights at Speed dating! This means there is a trail of toys in their wake that I fall over and where pieces eventually get lost. I seem to spend my life searching for bits of a puzzle that one or other child wants to do, or fishing legos out of the U-bend or pirate pieces from the food mixer.

This morning I have already searched for a piece of a jigsaw to no avail, a story book on CD (I asked Master Beehive the younger to put this away the other day for his sister, admittedly he is as sick of Charlie and Ebola as I am, hence it can no longer be found anywhere), a doll and ALL her clothes - what a hussey! picked up all the superheros for the second time today, put away a plethora of building blocks after following a trail that started in LMB's bedroom and ended up in my office and removed Barbie from the rather X rated clinch of Action Man!

A few years ago, I decided to keep an "odd sock" box where all the lonely ones go for time out until they can be partnered up again (mind you, 'tis incredible how many of them remain lonely - but that's another tale!), now I am debating an odds and sods toy box, where all the bizarrely shaped pieces of toy that are left lying around, the odd puzzle pieces, the one doll shoe etc remain until claimed. This sounds great in theory, but I envisage ending up with my own division of UPS in boxes of unclaimed sad toy parts.

So I will just continue to trail around after the Beehives, referring to my book of "How To Identify The Crap Kids Have" to know where pieces go, putting things back in the right box, on the right shelf or doll.

Life's a Beach!

If Master Beehive, the younger, were an animal, he would be a seal.


Why?

They laze around all day, belch loudly, poop, and undoubtedly make jokes about it and only eat fish and meat!



Or perhaps that is just "man"?


But they are cute!



What would YOU be??

Curious incidents of The Beehives in the Night Time

I have these little kids, The Beehives,

They are small and very funny.

Bathtime is a vaguely amusing ritual in our house and Master Beehive the younger doesn't ever never fail to disappoint!

I say:

"I would like very much completely for you to stop being a Bang Head Dinosaur and put on your pyjamas."

He says:

"But I LIKE being a Bang Head Dinosaurs and I think my pants look really, perfectly, absolutely silly stuck on my head."

Master Beehive the Younger has a passion for being a bit of a clown!

So I say:

"You may take your pants off your head and wear them on your legs, then you can put on your vest, go upstairs and choose a book."

Master Beehive the Younger removes his pants from his head and puts them on his legs, then he wants a drink of milk.

But he has just had his teeth cleaned and mum would prefer him to have water.

"But I won't ever never drink water, I want milk, milk, MILK............ please? "

He is quite good at manners.

"Okay!" I say, "but then you must clean your teeth again okay?"

"Okay!" he says

"Mmmm, that's yummy" says Master Beehive the younger taking the longest time E V E R to drink a glass of milk. Finally he finishes and goes off to clean his teeth. After about ten minutes I realise that I haven't seen him for a while, so I go off to find him.

Master Beehive the younger is sitting under the table -

"Look! I am Indian Scumpton and this is my teepee - do you want to come into my tee pee? That's a funny word isn't it, tee PEE - get it? It is like Tee Poop!"

"Not really!" I say in a solemn voice

"Master Beehive, please come out from under the table and clean your teeth" I say, handing him his toothbrush.

He sits there, silently.

I ask again

"I'm not Master Beehive, I am Indian Scumpton!"

"Please Indian Scumpton or whatever your name is, will you come out and clean your teeth or I will not be able to read you a book tonight"

"Read me a book! A Book!" he says jumping up and banging his head on the underside of the table.

After I have nursed his head and wiped away his tears and surreptitiously cleaned his teeth each time he opens his mouth to howl, he gets down from my lap and proceeds to go upstairs to his bedroom.

He then returns

"You are coming to read me a book aren't you? You absolutely totally promise after you have read to my naughty little sister?"

"Yes" I say "Go and choose a book, stay in your room until I come through, do not pass go and do not collect $200".

As I sit down in Little Miss's bedroom, Master Beehive the younger pokes his head around the door with a pile of books.

"Which one do you think will be the best? Do you prefer this one on animals, or this one on Pirates?"

"I don't mind" I say "I just need you to stay in your room so I can finish here and come to you."

"Okay, then it will be the Pirate one"

"Great choice" I say

I settle down to continue reading.

"My vest is making my back itch" he has returned this time vest-less

"Okay," I say "Put it over there and I will cut out the label tomorrow, now go to bed"

I resume my place in the Charlie and Lola book that LMB has an obsession about, she has them all, including one on CD and likes to read them or hear them at least 5967 times per day.

"I'm cold!" Back again

"Well find another vest or a t-shirt without a label, or wear the label at the front"

"Okay!" he says

10 seconds later he is back

"Are you coming now?"

"If you just let me finish this book and sing your naughty little sister a song, I will be with you."

"Promise?"

"I promise" since when do I ever never NOT do this same routine ever single night without fail?

Finally I finish the book, sing a song, tuck up and kiss LMB goodnight and go through to Master Beehive the younger.

He is fast asleep!

Feeding time at the Zoo

I despise mealtimes. Harsh, but true.

I spend all week trying to think of inventive menus for the week, walk my arse off round supermarkets buying the weeks groceries only to get home to find I have forgotten the rare enzyme free, sugar free, salt free thickener that a particular recipe HAS to have, ensure all dietary issues are covered - no lactose, little wheat, no artificial colours or flavours, use all my cunning to find ways to disguise broccoli as beef and carrots as chicken and slave over a hot stove during the worst time of the day - the witching hour! THEN I have to sit and watch them eat it!

Today I cooked bangers and mash, which, for those British lovers of the boggo cuisine, goes with Gravy. Often when cooking the evening meal I am supervising homework and answering questions right left and centre without really (*insert shameful emoticon) paying much attention to anything other than not burning the bacon (or the dog for that matter whose favourite game is "pretend to be a mat" right under the stove or the sink). Hence the fact when questions such as

"Muuuuum, can we have HP sauce instead of gravy please?" are asked, I tend to hear

"Muuuuuuuum .......get out from under my feet dog...... HP ooops, the spuds are boiling over.......LMB please don't choose to paint tippex on the table...... please ?" instead.

Hence the fact that I got it wrong!

I was then subjected to at least 5 minutes of Master Beehive the elder remonstrating that I always forget things.......(well yuhuh, when you ask me in the middle of the scientifics of banger burning) and how gravy doesn't go with sausages........**** this is where I stick my fingers in my ears and rather loudly sing "la, la, la, I can't hear you!" at the top of my voice, Master Beehive the younger showing me that he really CAN vomit back sweetcorn, despite my masterly plan of hiding it under the mashed potato "I told you it made me sick mummy!" and Little Miss Beehive shovelling it in her mouth as fast as she can, whilst holding herself in the nether regions, juggling up and down in her chair and simulaneously spraying most if it, in the masticated form, over me and the boys by struggling to tell me that "I don't actually really need to pee pee mummy, but my belly hurts!"

This week I decided to organise my freezer a little better. I freeze extras so that we always have SOMEthing in reserve should we be late back from after school activities, I burn the casserole, or I go on strike (I do threaten this a lot!). Over the course of the year though, I have become somewhat slovenly in my efforts to label the stuff so that it can actually be identified at a later date. Admittedly I didn't have things dating back to 1976, but that probably wouldn't have stood up in a court of law. I am really not sure what I had/have. It is amazing how many UFO (unidentifiable food objects) actually look the same when frozen. They may have started life as a rather nice chilli, casserole, tikka masala, bolognese etc, but when allowed time in the same deep freeze they all end up looking like each other, I wonder if this is a form of Deep Freeze cloning that goes on or perhaps, it's like dogs who seem to take on the form of their owners........who knows!

It is nearly all now labelled apart from a few UFO that look like a cross between a year old whitening dog turd and a breeze block that I may save for a REALLY desperate day. That said, it does make for honesty when asked "what's for tea?" I can say, in all seriousness, "Wait and See". It truly IS a mystery until defrosted (and sometimes beyond!)

Ah well I guess Mr Beehive will be home soon and I bet he'll be asking what's for dinner -Hmmmmm........ I wonder how I could pass off the frozen dog turd??? The picture at the top is food for thought................

Yours from the depths of a frozen abyss

The Beehive

Bibbidi Bobbidi Return of the Jedi!

Once upon a time in Far Far Away Land there lived a little boy, let's call him Bill.

Bill had a very active imagination, which was lucky because he lived in Far Far Away Land!

One day Bill had a friend over to his castle, let's call his friend Phil. Bill summoned his coachdriver and ordered her (well all males are females really in pantomime, otherwise the tights look SO wrong boys!!!) to pick up him and Phil and bring them back for lashings and lashings of snacks and frivolity (only he didn't really use those words because he can't quite pronouce the latter just yet!)

So on that wet rainy day in September, the coach driver took her coach and horses and sighed a huge sigh of relief that today and today only, she would be relieved of her job of having to entertain Bill as he and Phil could play together, and drove to Montessorianaland to pick up Bill and Phil who had spent the morning at this enchanted land learning how to tie their shoelaces to each other!

On the way back, Phil and Bill began to chat about the day's events.

Provoked slightly by the coachdriver's interest in their second morning back after the ever so long summer holiday spent with a shrivelling witch who started the 13 weeks as a princess but due to some evil reverse of fortune and whhhhhaaaaay too much time breaking up spats between Bill, Jill and Till was kissed by a frog and turned into a witch, they began to disagree as to whom had the longest timeout that morning (great start boys!!!)

Bill turned the conversation toward Star Wars, a film series about a group of 1970's yuppies ( a princess, a handsome stud who is really only 10 but playing a 23 year old and the American version of the "cockney wanker"! Oh and a couple of battery operated, all singing all talking Curry's own Brand Cyborgs) saving a planet from being blown up by the Plastic Helmet wearing Man in Black (Dark Vader - according to Bill!) which they failed to do, but after finding a planet full of teddy bears, drinking lots and learning that they were all long lost relatives thirty five times removed so snogging wasn't really incest, it was all okay!

Anyway, back to the plot:

Bill: Isn't it cool when Dark Vader goes up the mountain and then WAAAHHHHHAA (insert high volume scream at this point to which the coachdriver nearly bucked in her seat and issued a sharp hiss of reprimand!)

Bill : Isn't it cool when Dark Vader goes up the mountain and then WAAHHHHAAA

Coachdriver - Bill! Volume Please! You're giving the pumpkin blight!

Bill: Isn't it cool when Dark Vader goes up the mountain and then WAAAHHHHAA!

The Coachdriver at this point opened up a pot of headache pills and swigged a couple down with her bottle of grog stowed away under the saddle for times like this.

Phil: Yeah - in the video game.......(pauses!) ..........you have the video game right?

Bill: Yeah (indignantly)

Coachdriver: Yuh huh!!!!!!????????

At this point it becomes apparent to you dear reader, that the coachdriver is more than just a simple driver to Bill and is infact his personal servant, PA, cook, cleaner, teacher, nose and bum wiper and master of inventories, in particular unbelievably small pieces of plastic playmobil that hide themselves away in every orrifice known to man!! Therefore she is well aware that Bill is once again talking out of his hat.

Phil: In the video game...........yadda yadda yadda .................

This is interspersed with Bill's enthusiastic interjections such as:

Woah!!! What the...???!! etc etc ad infinitum at 5900 decibels.

Later that afternoon after having made 65 snacks, poured copious drinks, taken numerous small beings to the loo, turned on CD players, turned off CD players, scrabbled around looking for immeasurably small items of games, broken up screaming, yelling and stopped the throwing of toys around in complete over excitement, and wiped tears, the coachdriver realised she had made a HUGE mistake when she hadn't taken up Cindy's offer to have her godmother turn her into a mouse.

Only 2 more sleeps!

My sister sent me a photo this week of my niece, beautifully kempt and neatly presented in her brand, spanking new school uniform. She starts in reception. Both her and my sister were so nervous before the big day.......oh how I remember it well! I haven't ever had the full uniform thang to think about, but I do remember the hazy and distant past back in 2004 when I had my son dutifully prepared for his first day at school, hair cut short and neat, clothes clean and pressed, face clean and beaming, shoes shined (okay, so that's a lie, on the right feet though with matching socks!!). I joined the nervous groups of new mums hanging around tentatively in the shadows just in case their small would break down in floods of tears and realise that they didn't ever want to go to school but wanted to stay home with mummy FOREVER !!
That little image of my tiny boy with his little school sweatshirt standing so small with a huge grin about his new status of "schoolboy" sticks in my head so clearly!


This week has been somewhat foggy. After arriving back in the US on Tuesday relatively late, we have all been struggling with early, early wake ups thanks to the time difference (body clocks are not quite back in sync) and a military style phase in to the start of the school year. This phase in is, in the minds of all the parent participants, purely designed with our kids in mind - not us!!
My week, therefore, looked something like this:

Wed - LMB in from 9 until 10am
Thurs - LMB in from 9 - 11, MB the elder in from 9 - 12
Fri - LMB in from 9 - 11.45, MB the elder from 9 - 1
Mon - LMB is not in AT ALL! MB the younger 9 - 12, MB the elder 9 - 3.15
Tues - LMB 10 - yes, that's righ 10 - 12, MB the younger 9 - 1 MB the elder 9 - 3.15 - so that'll be a 9 am start, an hour hang around, a quick manic workout at the gym before returning for a 12 pm pick up......an hour hang around then a 1pm pick up........oh and then if I remember him from all the frenzy - a 3.15pm followed by a piano lesson - breathe deeply!

I often wonder how on earth I would ever manage to get back to a regular fulltime job. I did think about it this year, but unfortunately the job I looked at was at a different school to the children, therefore on a different holiday schedule, that alongside swimming lessons, piano lessons, tae-kwon-do and ballet, not to mention cooking the meals, laundry and sorting and running the house......I think I need a PA to run me! So for now I am sticking to the title of Home Goddess (which I think quite suits me lol!) and Taxi service.

The garden has survived our trip, thanks to my dear friend and Mr Beehive's automatic watering contraptions. I wouldn't quite say we have a glut of tomatoes yet, although the potential is there, we may well have a glut of green tomato chutney if they don't start to turn soon. We have now had our first crop of Okra and squash, plenty of herbs and the melons are all there, if not a little on the small side. I have currently hung them in stockings off the ground after reading that this is supposed to help them stay round and not rot........watch this space! In my new raised beds I have just planted some lettuce and cabbages and am awaiting a delivery of garlic bulbs and seeds for bracchias. I think this year will be an experiment with the later crops. Apparently things I read say that I can plant in Sept and the weather will be good enough here to grow until late Nov. Next year we are planning big stuff! We intend to have a potato bin and are going to buy a greenhouse so that we can get stuff off earlier and hopefully have a more successful harvest with a continuous flow of stuff from July through the end of the fall.

So fast forward to Academic year 2007/8:

I am going to stick that little picture on my dashboard to remind me of Summer 2007, our jaunts to the beach, to the Cape, to the UK and with our friends and family, as my rugrats with their long shaggy hair, sleepy expressions, odd socks and marmite around their mouths (how COULD I have missed that!), already slightly late but with an attitude of nonchalance (me that is, not them!) climb into the Schoolmobile ready for another year and mama settles down to finally find her mojo once again!

There were five in the bed and the Mummy said.........

Today the short fuse is alight!!!!!!! Humpty and Hamble are at loggerheads, she apparently wants to fraternise with the competition on Noggin and Humpty isn't having any of it!

"You can't dance to the Lazy Town CD anymore, it's boring and you can't dance cos you is plastic and wearing Laura Ashley and you don't have pink HAIR!!"

" You can't come to England and you are a big fat EGG, wear stupid trousers and have a cotton ball NOSE!"

"WAAAHHHHH"

"I don't want to play All the Kings Horses anymore it's not a fun game, let's play something else"

"Okay - let's bounce on the beds"

{{{{{{{{{{{{BANG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

"WAAAAAHHHHHH......... Hamble's head fell off!"

"He's not letting me have the rope."

"I need the rope to climb the fort"

"I don't WANT you in the fort, you cloth muppet!"

"Get off the fort you eyes-won't-shut-made-in-china-probably-lead-painted-Plastic Head "

AAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought it was too good to be true after my near perfect parental management of five yesterday.

Deviation tactics are needed. Time to find a telephone box to change in.........

"Let's all make musical instruments????" said Mary Jane from CBeebies

"YAAAAYYYYY!!" Five screaming toys all head directly towards me at fast speed.

Okay, so shit, should have organised this before I called them in, after all, I didn't get my Blue Peter Badge and manage to squeeze into those tight red pants with a nauseous grin for nothing.

Now I need to set up paints, rice, pasta, lentils, bulgar wheat and empty water bottles without Jemima and little Ted painting each other, Humpty and Hamble conducting an experiment to see if Humpty's eye is glued or sewn on and Big Ted hating my guts forever because I have made him give up one empty water bottle from his prized collection just so I have five!!

Well - that wasn't so bad - all Playschool toys are being pretty patient and gracious with my lack of Tikkabilla skills !

Improvise, improvise, we need funnels to pour rice into the containers as thus far, it is all over the floor - paper towels - yay - I think I still have it!

Five minutes have passed in relative P & Q - wahay for art and craft.

"Finished!"

"Me too!"

"Done!"

"Get Down"

"Where shall I put it?'

Did I say five minutes had passed?

Back to the drawing board..............quite literally!

All toys are washed or sponged down and hanging on the line by their ears or relative body parts - apart from Hamble who is lying naked on her back in the kitchen sink trying desperately to stop the water coming out of that handy little hole that all plakky dolls have and I am left with a bombsite of lentils, pasta, rice and the likes, paint, dirty paint pots, a very confused Shep, who has been showered with titbits from the table and yet - yuk! it doesn't taste nice and Big Ted wants me to help him pick BEANS from the garden for dinner! Feck - no one told me there was a cooking part in the script!!!

Where is Floella Benjamin when you need her?

Five little speckled sprogs

Five little Speckled Sprogs
Sat on a Speckled Log
Eating some most delicious fruit - yum, yum
One jumped up from the fray
Said "I'm going off to play"
Then there were four pink speckled sprogs - hooray

Four little Speckled Sprogs
Sat on a Speckled log
Eating some most delicious cheese - yum, yum
One jumped down from the seat
Came in to find some meat (betcha can't guess who that one is!)
Then there were three pink speckled sprogs - hooray

Three little Speckled Sprogs
Sat on a Speckled Log
Eating some boogers from their nose - yuk yuk
One jumped up from the perch
Ran off to sit in dirt
Then there were two pink speckled sprogs - hooray

Two little Speckled Sprogs
Sat on a Speckled Log
Poking each other in the eye - ouch ouch
One had enough of that
So went to torment the cat
Then there was one pink speckled sprog - hooray

One little Speckled Sprog
Sat on a Speckled log
Feeling alone and rather sad - boo hoo
She stood up on the tree
Yelled "COME AND PLAY WITH ME"

Then all the little sprogs came back - yay yay!


Number of noses wiped: 45 and counting
Bums changed - 2
Broken or bleeding body parts - 1 (but that wasn't on MY watch lol!)
Breakfasts eaten - 4 out of 5!
Number of times I have heard - "mine!", "no!", "not fair"- very few!!!
Number of times I have been growled at - a fair few - he scares me!!
Number of baskets of washing hung out: 2 - are you impressed?!
Number of cups of coffee - 1 (still impressed?!)
Valium taken - none (so far!)

So far, so good! All children are accounted for and still friends and it is nearly halfway through the day! I have dinner prepared, lunch on the go AND am managing to find a slot to write my blog!!
Today I am in charge! I have five smalls that I am responsible for - no, there has been no secret babies born overnight, I am looking after my sister's children for a couple of days, she has gone to NYC. It has been filling me with dread for the past two weeks actually. There is a difference when you are looking after your own - you know their foibles, they know the ropes and the boundaries, you also have them aged apart (well unless you have multiples!) but when you have others that you are responsible for 24/7 and two are pretty small....it can be a little scary!! However, now we are in the throes of it, they (touch wood!) are doing well together. Fortunately the weather has been kind to us and we are going to go to the park for a while this afternoon to wear them out!! Mr Beehive has been put on red alert to be home by 5.30pm tonight if he values his genitalia but all in all, things are currently smooth........................



...........................To Be Continued................................................................................................

The Vibes........natch!!

Ahhhhh... Man versus woman part 1

I don't suppose there are many out there who haven't heard of the book " Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" and/or know about the differences of men and women. The man being the hunter/gatherer type, tunnel vision, but also spatially aware of his surroundings (that makes me laugh - ask Mr Beehive to find a pint of milk in the fridge that is anything outside his peripheral vision, it'll have turned to cheese first!), the desire to provide for his family through finding food and procreating (that sounds like a new sitcom - Sex and The Stomach!)

The woman, on the otherhand, the nurturer, at home, taking care of the 3,000 small cavebabies, preparing food, having the needs of her children and family come first (that sub-reads as: takes no shit from no one ' bout her babies!) and couldn't find her way home from the end of her bed without pictures (not having a flounce here but, honestly!!!!!!!!!humph!)

Mr Beehive is a man who, despite having definitive male tendencies, is occasionally aware of his more feminine side. One of these characteristics is the fact he likes to dwell on things, take time to think things through before giving his well thought out answer or asking for advice. I, on the other hand, am hot headed, I have to talk things out right there and then until they are done.

Last night we went out to the movies (this has become a habit in recent weeks lol!) and this morning, despite chatting in the car on the way home, he blurts out about something that is bothering him at work.

The long and short of it is that he has been asked to give the green light to putting hired tuxedos and ladies dresses on expenses. It isn't something he is happy with, AND technically it isn't his jurisdiction, but he is also a mediator in personality, so has returned with a policy that basically says it is up to individual management to decide for each event.........blah - pass the buck!!!!!! This same person who pose the original question has retaliated saying that women "don't hire dresses" - technically - true I suppose, but then if a company was paying the wonga for me to hire a Vera Wang over buying a Macy special at $bargain basement, - I think I know which I would go for!!

That said, the point is all about choice, surely. If a woman chooses to buy from personal money rather than hire on the company, that is a decision she has consciously made (isn't that why we burnt the bra - so we could work, stay home, buy a dress or hire a dress, ultimately have choice!!!???) But what Mr Beehive has to realise is that if he doesn't implant a hard and fast policy, he will have this same question asked every time the company puts on an event. They have this same issue every year at Christmas, some departments allow their employees to hire limos to the events, others (the bean counters lol!) don't!

You see, let me in there for half a day and I will iron out their policies as I have told him many times before, they need organising but someone who isn't close to the fold, someone hard nosed and with a "couldn't give a brass ****" attitude. I have given him a cheat sheet of answers to go back with...........!! I could get intouch with my Alpha male!!

So fast forward a couple of hours and I am driving the Beehive tribe and Master Beehive the younger starts asking about hunting. We have just stopped for a deer to cross the road in front of us. He wants to know why people hunt? Are hunters real? Are hunters cavemen? Why do people hunt when there are markets to buy food from etc.

You can hear his little head processing the information and then the best question:

"Is caveman another word for husband?"

I'll let you be the judge of that!!

Camping for Softies, Wetties, Wimps and Muggles alike!

Here it comes again! This weekend we are off to the Gathering of the Vibes again. This time the weather forecast is looking a little more optomistic than last year, so hopefully we can put behind us thoughts of being washed out of our tents again.




I am not a huge camper, I do like my creature comforts, but for this weekend, I will forgo most of my luxuries and enjoy life as a true treehugger embracing nature and *nearly* all her elements (but the rain best stay away!). We have packed minimally and gotten hold of a Radio Flyer trailer to transport Little Miss Beehive around the site should she decide to lose the will to walk and want "uppie" all the time or I get too hot to wear her in the Ergo. This can then be converted to a cool bed for the evenings when we go down to the stage and she loses the will to stay awake and dance with us (mind you, that is an oxymoron where LMB is concerned). Camping with kids is never a true minimalist, back to the elements experience though for those of us half-breeds. However far out of babydom they are, there is always the need for cuddlies, certain clothes, books, eczema creams, Sponge Bob Square Pants Bandaids AND Barbie Bandaids (well you never know which child will want which if they fall over!) snacks for the inevitable snack-a-thons and a far more sophisticated selection of food for the fussy ones amongst us. Maybe one day we will teach them to actually go out and gather their dinner from the wild, this time, pasta, tofu and veggies from Whole Foods will suffice!

My best friend in the UK is camping this week too for the first time. She is taking her kids and heading off to the New Forest with a friend. If I don't fall into the over enthusiastic camper category, she is about as mad about camping as you would be if you found a dead rat in your best Jimmy Choo! The thought of not having a flushing loo, having creepy crawlies in her smalls and nowhere to get a wax, straighten her hair or apply some lippy..........well a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
Fred, this tent is for you chick! Have fun, wish us luck and watch this space !!

Pot Veg

I love this time of year when the harvest final starts to ripen and we can eat from our garden, albeit we have to reap from grobags rather than the soil - one of the downers of living in rented accomodation. On the up side though, our tenant in the UK is behind with his rent and has offered us a plot of land in Argentina as compensation! Of course, we have refused (I am married to an accountant - he hates risk lol!) but the idea tickles me. I wonder what fruits and veg we could yield there, I've always fancied exploring a bit of South America?


Isn't it colourful???


Anyway, here are a few pics of the garden, in which we have tomatoes, squash, beans, okra, melon, plenty of herbs and some alpine strawberries. You will have to excuse the deer proofing all around the periphery but the buggers really will eat anything including harsh squash leaves with their prickles. This has worked pretty well this year, also keeping out the rabbits and mice, however we have had to do the occasional bird rescue when one has found their way in. Over the next few weeks hopefully we will have good crops and I can start working on freezing some or preserving so that we will have some for the winter too. My big plan one day when we have our own house is to have enough space to pretty much live off the land during the summer and fall with veg and fruit and eggs. Perchance to dream.........


The tomatoes.

Beans, squash and Okra

The melons are just in the right hand corner of the picture. We actually manage to grow these undercover in the UK a few years back until something got in and ate the fruit!!!!!!




Little Miss Beehive picks the first crop of beans which we had last night with salmon and rice - yummy!

That's my boy and girl!!

The word "parent", goes simultaneously alongside the word "guilt" but I don't intend to get into that right now suffice to say that I am sure I am not the last or first mother on earth who feels a little guilty that number 2 child sometimes gets a little overlooked.

This holiday my number one plan was to help him with his reading. He is sounding out three letter words and more, but unlike Master Beehive, the elder, who had my undivided attention when learning this newfound skill, MB, the younger, is at somewhat of a disadvantage what with his elder brother needing help with his various activities and his baby sister vying for my attention whenever I even so much as attempt to sit down with him (or sit down per se!)

Today we dropped him off at the YMCA camp - first day of it. On backing out of my space a rather impatient driver decided to shoot around the side of the car waiting for my space in order to get in first, but in the meantime, blocking my exit - Twonk! Whether my daughter read my mind or sensed my bristles, she yells in great glee: "Bloody Car"!! Oh too many times do I say that!!!!!aggh!
After picking him up, LMB was occupied trying to bring down invisible aliens with a walkie talkie, dinner was nicely cooking in the oven, all was calm. I decided this was an ideal opportunity to help him read. Eagerly he rushed off to fetch one of many Oxford Reading Tree books that we posess (these ex-teachers!!) desperate to show me how well he could read. I was actually quite amazed at how much the "hands off" approach has worked for this wee man. Either osmosis is an excellent form of aquiring knowledge and skill, or he has been reading with Daddy each night without my knowledge. However, he does stand out from his elder brother in his ability to take semantic cues to a new meaning.

"He put in milk.
He put in Tomato Sauce.
He put in Baked Boogers" ???????

I think (hope) he meant Beans! But only MB, the younger, could have thought of this one so fast!

Things to do before you die!

Finally I am back in the land of the living!

My nightmare has come true! The epilogue leak I read on t'interweb, the one where I was ready to fly to the UK and personally bop JK on the head..........was the real McCoy - the end is CHEEEEEEEEEEEESE - sorry JK, I know you had your audiences, who are probably far softer than I, but I promise you, my ending was far better!!

Anyway, having stood for 2 hours in the line on Saturday morning to get my copy, I am finally back in the land of the living having gotten half way through (the rest of the book, however, is amazing!) But, NEVER, NEVER again will I go to any bloody book launch !! Still, at least now I can tick it off the list of "things to do before you die" however, had I stood there much longer, I think my list title could have been changed to "things to do as you die!"

Do you have a list? I used to have a things to do before I am 30, which had to extend to 40........now I think I will be lucky if I fit it all in before I pop off!

T'was a rough day yesterday in the Beehive. Master Beehive, the elder, was walking around in a state of living dead having forced himself to come along with me to the event, despite my better judgement.

At one point we were shopping at Whole Foods, he sat on the floor on the fruit and veg aisle, silently weeping and convincing the employee who was trying to find out what was wrong, about my status as an unfit parent - keeping my child up until the wee small hours, then dragging him, uncaringly, around a supermarket, probably feeding him coke and donuts for breakfast too whilst I swigged a beer or two! Too bad it was all self induced!!

It was actually Master Beehive the younger's birthday so we were really on the search for a cake to surprise him as he was under the impression he was only having one at his party - next weekend!

We took him to lunch to celebrate at our local Japanese haunt (his request, not ours I hasten to add) during which time Master Beehive, the elder, was really struggling to hold it all together and tantrums, his and mine, were beginning to bubble.

Later that evening we were due to go out to some friends' house. I was trying to talk myself out of going. The thought of making conversation with my eyes sealed together wasn't exactly appealing. They were having a Super Duper Weenie party !! They had hired a Hot Dog truck complete with staff (actually the guy who runs it is a gourmet chef and owns a restaurant, all the stuff is homemade, so the sausages were actually meat rather than regurgitated filling bits and stuff from the floor!) The babysitter arrived an hour early - ??! and I wasn't so sure I could pull through another few more hours before the comfort of my own bed.

Still, we made it, Mr Beehive was fed Chilli dogs and a New England all in, watered a few beers and made his own ice cream sundae (we weren't allowed to leave before this point - you know the phrase - kid in a candy store - sod their age!) this truly was a party for Big Kids!

Finally I was allowed to crawl back under my covers for a steamy hot date with that (rather cute!!) 17 year old wizard.

Oh, and ...........yeah - that's me!

Right! But it's on my list *wink*

Competition in the village!

The week in the Beehive is proving to be somewhat obsessed. Friday, as you know, is release night and if you need to ask "what release night?" you have either:

Been living on a space station for the last year

Wear a paperbag perpetually on your head

Are a member of the outer lying islands of the Wingawonga tribe in the Straits of Liygong.

Or something of that effect!

I have promised to take Master Beehive the elder and a schoolmate to the release party at our local bookshop, this has all come about from our school auction earlier this year, where our offering was an HP night for "one lucky winner" courtesy of the Beehive. So we are preparing Unicorn stew and Dementor dogs and Looneylovegood slush as we speak and I have found an outlet and soul mate for my crazed theories on "what is going to happen"!

Today we have been shopping for wands, as is normal in everyday suburbia in America! Unfortunately I have been let down by an online shop whom I would LOVE to out right now, but am not going to be that vindictive. They have, I can only guess, been overwhelmed by demand and now can't cope, but as they don't answer e-mails or the phone, all this is speculation. So last minute wand shopping it was.

En route to the "wand emporium" we have deposited Master Beehive the elder at his magic class, followed by maths. Each day, religiously he has donned his magician's cape, packed his snack up and tricks for an hour of tutoring in the art of disappearing rabbits and changing dollar bills into plain paper -shame no one has taught him that the other way around!!

Today I found myself having to reprimand myself.

You probably know how it is as a parent that, much as we like to claim we don't, most of us at one time or another have an unbridled judgement of another's parenting skills. It starts in early parenting as competitiveness, you know the things - my baby walked before yours so is therefore going to be an olympic runner, my baby talked before yours and the Nobel Prize 2053 already has his/her name on it!!!!!! only to manifest through later, more experienced parenting as judgement!!!!!

I, in fact, only had this conversation with a friend yesterday. Her son has taken to hitting and beating up (her words, not mine!) other kids if they have a toy he wants (he's just one mind!!) and she was recounting the times she would sit at friend's houses with her daughter watching other friend's children do the same as her son, whilst she would sit surrounded by the light of her judgemental halo!!!

I like to think I am not overly judgemental in general, we are all different, with different approaches etc.........life is, but I am human and know, even if I don't always voice them as I am doing now, (and they may not necessarily be parenting related) have that feeling of "well, if you had only done it this way........or I wouldn't have done that" a kind of "smugmum" moment! yak! Correct or otherwise.

It always tends to be strangers who set my inner demon off too, rather than people I know. I feel I can empathise with my friends because I know them and their children and more often than not AM them in that very same situation.........

Stay with me if you will, this morning I am following in a mom with three kids in tow, two of whom are about to do battle. I have, not two minutes ago heard this same poor mum speak to one of the children about not telling tales on the others..........Calmly she asks them to stop fighting........they don't.........she repeats...........they ignore...........now here comes the bit that sparked my demon.....

"if you don't stop, I will tell your teacher".........ad infinitum all the way up the corridor "I'll tell him"..........see where I am going?

So little gremlin smugmum with (for today and this moment in time!!) beautifully cooperating children, is silently in my head screaming - "monkey see, monkey do, you are telling on them......aggghh"

Feeling selfrightiously that this is my prize for the tantrum on Monday morning in the supermarket!

Back in the car having successfully squashed the gremlin I am reminded of earlier this morning shouting at Mr Beehive the elder to stop shouting..............oops!!!

Lesson to self - MUST TRY HARDER lol - dontcha just love parenting!!!!!!

So, back to my week of normality, I am driving home with Little Miss Beehive after dropping Master Beehive, the younger, at his art class for an hour, I notice that the signs are up for our local agricultural show. Momentarily I am struck by a genuine sense of dismay that we will in fact be away for the show this year.......Oh me, Oh my, what is a girl to do? No jam or photos in the show this year - the demon is rising again.........that competitive streak......

Village life has just risen up and bitten me hard on the bum!

There's no place like home, there's no place like home......

It is only 7.21 in the morning, but I know that the Beehive will not disappoint me for entertainment value again.

It starts at 1.20am this morning by a small troubled Beehive who needs me *now* to find his bag full of powder. Still very very dazed and groggy I haven't yet managed to put two and two together and realise that he is half asleep himself, there is no such bag, he has been dreaming. Removing my head from the underside of his bed when the dawning strikes, I encourage him back into bed reassuring him that we will look for it in the morning.

By 6.15am I am awoken again - and remove myself rather suddenly from the warmth of Dan's chest.....*shite, did I say that outloud??* - by Mr Beehive getting up for work. Darn!

Doing a mental check through what I can remember for the day's plans before I hit the real world entirely, I realise that some serious ironing will have to be done before I can find shorts to wear - I love having company at weekends, but unfortunately my manservant tends not to iron for me!

Sleepily, I shower, get semi-dressed and go downstairs to commence work ironing and boiling eggs for a picnic at the beach later.

On arrival at the kitchen I am greeted by Mr Beehive the elder, dressed as a magician (with Pirate pants???), eating cereal and with his ready packed lunchbox and wand beside him!!!!!! (there is actually method to his madness, he is doing a course at the middle school in magic this week - lots of fun I gather!!!)
Little Miss Beehive is singing the ABC song at the top of her voice both are eating breakfast. Master Beehive the younger has yet to make an appearance and is still snoring.


Standing by the ironing board in my bra and knickers, I happily realise today is totally normal!!!!!!!

Must dash, my kitchen timer has just rung - the eggs!!

Enjoy your day

Yours normally

The Beehive

Post script:

By 8.20am I have hung out the washing, put on another load, chased one child around the house with her clothes whilst attempting to hold an MSN conversation with my sister, picked up wet washing from the mud to re-wash that the same child "helped" me hang out (bugger Montessori), run around the garden after the dog with a croc in his mouth trying to convince him to drop it (bugger those crocs!), sorted the recycling and retrieved cutlery from it (thanks LMB!), fed the dog, re-fed the dog as I forgot LMB had already done it as it is "her chore" for this week (bugger being organised!), attempted to boil the eggs on the back burner by turning on the front burner for 10 minutes so have had to re-boil (bugger, bugger, bugger!)......

So what's your theory then?

Last night Mr Beehive and myself went to see the new Harry Potter film. Quite what has happened to the now incredibly lush Daniel (or Dan as he prefers to be called!) Radcliffe beggars belief. He has beefed up - quite nicely thank you and I occasionally found myself thinking some rather naughty Mrs Robinson thoughts about him at intermittent intervals. Dan - wear MORE t-shirts!!!!!

Anyway, I digress ! Whilst on our way, Mr Beehive tries to engage in some light conversation - silly man - wrong topic. So for the record this what I think happens in book 7

JK has already told us she has to kill off two main characters and reprieves one whom she didn't think would get a reprieval. As we already know, HP or Voldemort has to die. JK has also talked about finishing off HP as a way of preventing further stories from the series being created later by others. You know, I really think that she is safe in this department. I think that there are so many fans of her and her story out there that even if someone did try, it wouldn't get the audiences. Based on that I don't think Harry dies. I think Neville does. I believe that he plays a big part in this in the end as a way of avenging his parents. JK has successfully drawn us in to liking this quiet, shy, bumbling boy who has a disturbed past. He is desperate to prove himself and to seek revenge for the Cruciatus curse that was performed by Bellatrix Lestrange on his parents. I think she will kill him but not before he has killed her. The other character will come from the triange that is Snape, HP and Voldemort. We know V will have to go and I think that Snape will be the other. He "killed" Dumbledore - so did he? We know he performed the Adava Kedavra but this could have been staged intentionally to draw Voldemort close to Harry. Also I think this was a way of getting Snape back in to Voldemort to act as a spy for Dumbledore's side. I think he is going to be good in the end. Perhaps this is just my way of finding good in everyone lol! I still don't have any idea who RAB is, perhaps Regulas Black, Sirius' brother? and haven't worked out how this person who has already taken the first Horcrux fits in. It has crossed my mind that there is some opposing magic going on, that maybe Dumbledore has staged his own death and that maybe he was/is a Horcrux ? Or that maybe he comes back in some form or other, after all, he burst into flames at the funeral just like a Phoenix and his patronus is a Phoenix - I think there is more to this than meets the eye. If Snape IS foe, why was Dumbledore protecting him? Why did Dumbledore seem concerned that HP was okay in the Goblet of Fire - somethings are all a little bizarre.

Check this out: www.the-leaky-cauldron.org There are some great thoughts on there!!

So, just in case I am right in my crazed theory and should have put a bet on the bookies, you can tell your friends that you got this info from:
The girl who knows!!!!!!!

The German comes to tea

Iced that is!

We are already well down the route of alcohol, but she is "allergic" to alcohol - poor bint, so instead we are subjected to putting the world to rights via Newman's iced lemondade tea!!!!!!!!!

So the Beehive and the Branchline are sitting enjoying the outdoors when we are alerted to life on the "real"side by a "holy shit" following a chorus of coyotes who are, to put a finer point on it, singing for their supper!!

Feeling the need for my inner child to emerge, I ask her to join us for a drink as she is:
a. Worried about the "wolves"
b. halfway on our garden anyway
c. in need of a stiff glass of something alcofrolic!!!

Fast forward a couple of hours and I appear to be solely entertaining whilst Mr Beehive and Mr Branchline are reminiscing and Mrs Branchline has fallen off the bandwagon and gone to bed. Feck! Mrs Beehive has to chat civilly to crazy next door neighbor - after her wonderful accolades to local landscape gardeners a few weeks back about us being vindictive neighbors for asking her to turn off the mower at 5am on a Sunday morning - bad dog - down boy!

After a few hours of putting the world to rights - hmmm??? I need to pee or pee through the cushion I am sitting on!!!!!!!!! Master Beehive the elder has ejected from his bed to ours, Mrs NextdoorthatisFARTOOMUCHINFORMATIONneighbourIreally
don'twanttohearaboutyour68yearoldboyfriendinOhio
has finally gotten the hint and gone home!!!!!!!!!!!!


Problem is - by her own confession, she LIKEs to Mow !! Rather like my mother who LIKES to iron!! It is 11.00pm, pitch black. Sorry, no excuses - she is NUTS!!!!!!!!!!! and we tried!!!!!!!

Give me strength!

Funnily, I did have a feeling it was going to be one of those weeks at The Beehive after Mr Beehive chose to have a premature rehearsal for Halloween this week and try out his Vlad the Impaler costume (or perhaps that should read - Vlad the ImpaLED!).

Fast forward to Monday morning, the boys are doing enrichment programmes this week at the local middle school and, due to life being easy and simple (NOT!) Master Beehive the elder's programme starts half an hour before Master Beehive the younger's. So what to do in the spare 30 mins?? Well, the list of errands was endless and achieving some of it was all within my grasp - oh but for such a short time.

Start at go, recieve $200:

First off, killing two birds with one stone (such a fool am I!), Town Hall, Dog license renewal and a car pass for the recycling plant. If successful get 60 bonus points and return to Middle school without hitch within alloted time span.

Not to be: problem number one: last year's license showed the incorrect expiry for the dog's rabies shot so of course a call to the vet was in order......lose five minutes from the sand jar. Town hall recycling problem as pass requires car reg. which then requires my exiting the building to retrieve this with smalls in tow, thus losing another 5 minutes of my time. So take forms as alternative to return in post at own convenience (add one bonus point for initiative!) Time remains unaltered!

Back into car - record time, 10 minutes to get back to the Middle school - perfect as it is only 3 minutes drive. Sit patiently at red light behind another car to pull out of junction. Watch jerk with exceedingly long trailer and no patience pull into the intersection and block it during green on our side. Swear under breath and do nothing but wait for this to rectify. Man in front obviously in far more of a hurry tries to pull infront of said van and trailer, realises he can't so thus reverses at speed in irritation, without looking..........yes, you've guessed it........into me! Go directly to Police Station, Do not Pass Go, Do not receive $200 and lose all your remaining time in the jar!

Feckity feck!

Fortunately kids are fine, car is actually fine, attitude of twonk in the car in front is not but as it has all been observed by police man (we were in the police car park - bigger twonk!) it is all sorted with apologies (of blustering British force - yes, of all the Yanks in all of CT, I get a Brit put his tush in my face!!!!!!!)

Today can't be get worse, mwahhaahaahaa *evil laugh*!!!!

This morning Little Miss Beehive has woken up as Violet Elizabeth Bott!!

It is 93 degrees here - externally, but after a quick dash into the supermarket whilst boys were successfully at classes, it became 93 internally for me!

She wanted to hold the bread - OPEN! ON THE CART and the FLOOR! Sometimes there just has to be a "No"

She could have held the pasta, the cheese? The Tomatoes? No, it had to be her little fingers on the bread and then the bread loose on the cart!! and my god, she wanted to the world to know what a bitch I was for not letting her do this.

Become a fly if you will on this supermarket wall. Today, of all days, I chose the up market supermarket in town, you know the one, with the ladies with pink rinses, DINKY's, business men and the one mother in there aside from me had four, yes FOUR bloody angels with her and a smug grin ggrrrr!!

I am pushing around this massive fuck off car trolley for my six piddly items because I felt in a "happy mummy" mood when I started, no one had crashed into me yet today, the kids had played wonderfully together earlier, so I could cope with apologising for a few scraped ankles and tins off the shelf to allow my sweetie the opportunity to ride in a car trolley, which I normally say no to because we are:

a. in a massive hurry
b. I've got the boys with me too, so of course it only seats two and then a fight ensues as to who gets to sit in it.
c. I can't cope with the extra 80lbs of trolley to push around (these buggers are HEAVY!)

I knew that to the outsider I had already lost this. Be warned parents of tantruming children - you will NEVER look good in this situation however you handle it. Here is the Beehive guide to tantrums in public:

1. If I try to reason with her and try to comfort her (which is where I start - distraction, giving her another item to hold etc) the tantrum gets louder. This fits the inexperienced parent of one , doesn't know what to do and hasn't read enough parenting manuals yet category. This mother will be greeted with sympathetic noises from onlookers.

2. If I give in - she gets the message that she can throw wobblies and get what she wants - I fit the category of the pathetic parenting tribe - those who don't discipline and have unruly kids. This group of parents gets tutted by those who have seen, and ignored by those who have not (because the tantrum is over!)

3. If I ignore her - she continues to yell and scream. Now I am in the category of uncaring parent and social outcast. I know she will calm down e v e n t u a l l y.
I have explained to her why she can't have x and that she can have y as an alternative. This is the worst category to be in - people stare, tut, mutter under their breath and even offer opinions as to how I should discipline her!

4. The final category is rather limiting - it means that one can probably never return to the Pink Rinse Store which in a small town does mean that you may eventually be limited (or even fairly quickly!) to the local Kwiklidlkostsave that only sells blue and pink food and coke!
But it involves having no real need for the food that you are rushing in fo in your only free five minutes in the week, leaving your trolley with food in it in exactly the place the tantrum explodes and exiting the store with (preferably!) screaming child and irrate staff!

Take your pick - I am sure there are many more options. I tend to start with 1 and then move to 3 and back to 1 when she eventually calms down and I can give her a hug. I would LOVE to know other people's solutions to this one!!!

Refill your water container!!

From this:

To this:

From your tap!!

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?rn=49750&cl=3289922&ch=61492&src=news

Emergency!! The doctor has to belch!

There is nothing like a day that is full of drama in the Beehive and today is like no other. We are having friends around this afternoon so.......putting off clearing out the shed yet again (after all, why do today, what you can put off until tomorrow!). That said, we decided last minute that the gravel we had stored in there from last year would be better placed surpressing the remaining weeds under the Hibiscus tree on the patio. So.....*feeling a little guilty here, but not TOO much as it is primarily Mr Beehive's domain and thus his chaos* I asked for them so I could spread them out.

A simple task one might think, but not so. Venturing into the valley of disarray, Mr Beehive willingly obliged.

One minute we were laughing about the volume from our neighbour on her latest rant at her latest tenant, the next he is joining her in wails and screams, managing to successfully impale himself on the barbecue fork that he has left facing outwards at calf level (hmm, of course you can't really hear the slight - whaddiditellya, in that last sentence can you??)

Fortunately, he managed to miss his arteries (I am sure there must be some big ones down there!) and the actual hole was a puncture rather than a large cut requiring stitches, but there was blood.

Master Beehive, the elder, the guy who hides behind the sofa in Nemo disappeared pronto, Master Beehive the younger, however, proved to be such a great help. He helped apply a firm compress to the wound so it stopped bleeding and helped me to put a bandage around his daddy's leg - my paternal grandfather would have been proud!!

On completion of the job in hand (no, not the gravel - I have still to send him back out to do that *insert wicked laugh*!! - kidding of course!) I told Master Beehive the younger, how great a help he was and what a great doctor he would make.

"Really?" he asked "can I be a doctor?"

"Yes, if you work hard, you can go to medical school."

Grinning from ear to ear he rushes off to find his brother to tell him this "wonderful news"!!

Five minutes later, he is back

"Are doctors allowed to burp?" he asked in all seriousness

"Well, not out loud in front of patients" says I

"Okay, I'll only burp inside my mouth then."

OMG - please if he ever fulfils this dream, just don't tell me if he is ever YOUR doctor!!!

Why Don't You..........

It is hot and muggy today and the children, after Tae Kwon Do and a trip to the ice cream shop have decided to flake out with a story on a CD. I have therefore had time to pick up my e-mails, realise I have missed my sister on MSN (again!), take some photos of the scrap books that the boys are making and do this............

Google "(your name) needs" and then pick best five that come back and give your response to that (someone mailed me this idea - I am not THAT bored or in need of escape just yet!) so here goes:

"Rach needs"

1. To do something that's interesting.

Hmmm, well this was kinda interesting but then again each to their own I guess.

2. heeeeelllllllp.........

Big brother is watching me!

3. To sing live

Well I have always been a closet diva, the most I ever extended to live were school and uni productions (think Pirates of Penzance and Grease!!!) and karaoke!! Since then I have packed up my hairbrush for other ventures!!

4. To wear her wwjd bracelet

Okay, so I think this stands for "what would J do". But who the hell J is, maybe I can just invent that bit? Jamie Oliver? Jools Holland? Jo Brand (fuck only knows what SHE would do!!) I think we can safely say this is not something i need right now

5. To be hunted and exorcised

That is a little harsh and I can't say I like the idea and ditto above!

Right time to go - the sky has gone yellow, the leaves are blowing the indications that a storm is coming, I need to go and clear up outside and get my life sorted out!!!!!!!!!

Gibberingly yours
The Beehive!

A recipe for Tomato Soup

Little Master Beehive, the younger, as you may already know, is a vegephobe. He is on a diet of no-green things (or red, orange, brown, yellow) that resemble a veg until he is at least 7 !! However, for some reason, beknown only to the workings of his free spirited mind.....he LOVES tomato soup - which is good of course! He will eat it home made or the nice organic one I get from Wild Oats - hoorah!

So on helping choose today's lunch - he asked for his favourite and the conversation ran like this:

LMB - Can we have tomato soup for lunch?

Me - Yes, if I have some. If I don't will another type of soup do? Would you eat something else?

LMB -Hmmm, maybe (fingers insert into mouth)

Me - I have Potato and Leek.........

LMB - (silence)

Me - Ah, found some, that's lucky.

LMB - Did you know that this is proper tomato soup?

Me - No, I didn't why is that?

LMB - The rubbish stuff has tomatoes in it.............

FSOT

For sale or trade:

Three in one model, converts from lying flat to jumping to running around in circles crazily all with a simple press of the button (preferably your own!). Can go fast, faster, incredibly fast and manic. Will do stop at own convenience rather than owner's. Pleasing to the eye, but incredibly loud as this particular version malfunctioned with the volume control, volume only goes down as low as 95 decibels, however, batteries can be pulled at around 7pm most nights for around 10 hours of silence with only the odd buzz at intermittent intervals. Very easy to uphold, just feed chocolate to rev the sparks up again. Has a slight whine, but this could be tinnitus affecting the current owner. Occasionally leaks particularly after a long bout of playing the same record, over and over and over and over and over and not actually succeeding in getting to the place it wants to be. Not too hard to manoevere, although has been known to go into overdrive when hungry, thirsty or in need of shutdown........I think the manufacturer's terminology is "meltdown". Slight default in the mechanical arm which occasionally will swing out and hit other parts of the model causing a large screeching noise sounding a little like a strangled cat, which may cause alarm at first. This is nothing to worry about, unless you see red stuff leaking from any part of the model, in which case, there is nothing to be done other than take it apart for an hour or two whilst the damaged section is being repaired with band aids. Can be taken apart for removal to other homes with similar versions of the model and will frequently demand the desire to have these same versions attach to their output causing the volume and giddyness to increase further still. Usually responds well to being spoken to and reasoned with, but occasionally may need a sharp word primarily due to the volume control being defunct! Will occasionally smell, make strange wind associated noises or laugh hysterically at the word "pooh hole". Tends to eat a rather large hole in your pocket, so not that economical, but pretty environmentally friendly as all parts and dressings for parts are washable, recycled and re-useable. Grubby condition and much loved........

$200 ono

Items in search of:

A doll or the bastard that told me having kids was a walk in the feckin' park (lol!)
A large bar of chocolate
A portion of fish and chips from the UK with vinegar - don't forget the vinegar
A flat stomach
My boobs
Caffeine
My life
Shares in someone's wine cellar
A frontal lobotomy!


Only 9 more weeks 'til school yahay!!!!!!

It's coming............

Not long now!!!

Cape Cod

Where to begin? I never know quite where to start when i haven't kept on top of things for a while, particularly when we have been on vacation too! We have just returned from a fantastic week on Cape Cod........Less talk - more pics!! Enjoy.....

Early evening looking over the Bay in Provincetown, Mass.

Ripples in the sand - I love mucking with patterns!

Whale Watching !! What an experience!

Oi! This is NOT a whale!! Actually this was a great hour spent with my eldest on the beach watching the sun set. He took this one of me!

Going............................

Going.....................

And then the moon came out!

Random boat on a beach - but so typical of the Cape

And another Cape feature!

I love this one - it looks like she has the whole beach - for miles and miles!

Dam Building - some boys never grow up! Peter Pan and his kids!

Peter Pan was also responsible for this too...........

My favourite picture of all the ones I took. I just love the determined look of his face and the spray that came up around him. The combination of dark on his wetsuit and the light of his hair makes a great photo. This one is going on my living room wall!

Never try to multitask!!!!!

This is the result!! Did you know that eggs explode? Did you also know that our dog would NOT save us if the kitchen were to go up in flames!!. I found him cowering under the table - poor pup not even a wimper ! and did you know - blown up eggs - STINK!! I mean STINK!!! Luckily, I am not attached to my egg pan or the kitchen ceiling particularly!!!!! Thank goodness!

Painting the Piano an odd shade!

I am officially barking!

Not only am I now writing two blogs, this weekend I decided to paint the playroom - yes, like that, on a whim!!

I am a true Airean through and through - I get an idea and then I have to carry it out to the death - but often halfway through, I get bored and poor Mr Beehive is left to pick up the remnants. I am one who seeks instant gratification!!!!!! Which in many ways is a great attribute, I am always on the go, have eternal energy and love to be involved with stuff. Poor Mr Beehive, on the otherhand, is now learning to Lazure and knit lol!

Still, the playroom looks fun and funky - I went for colour (it was a dirty shade of white with Little Miss Beehives handywork adorning it!) - pinks through to purples, deepening down the wall - it worked out pretty well. Master Beehive the elder was not too keen in the first instant when I reported that.......god forbid.......the woman had chosen PINK for the playroom - all that GERL stuff! There was a small element of sanity behind my choice and that was based on the colour choice being representative of the function of the room.

You know the story - red stimulates, therefore should be used in a room that requires discussion, conversation etc such as a dining room, green induces a sense of calm and tranquility so is best for bedrooms. Black, on the other hand, is enclosing and repressive and white is stark and empty. I was in need of something that was warm and calming but inspired imagination and play, so reading a little of Steiner's thoughts on colour and children and why they choose pinks for the younger years - here we are!!

So wassup at the Beehive then?

School is now OUT for the summer - 13 weeks ladies and gents - yes, you did read that right, it isn't a typo - all though I wish it were!! Still, I think we have a pretty action packed few months lined up. Not sure where I am going to fit in writing or grocery shopping, but that is a minor worry.

Today Master Beehive the elder did his first ever piano recital: Peasant Dance, Russian Sleigh Ride and Betty and Bill! Some 20 pupils of the same teacher were all performing three pieces. We were breathing a sigh of relief to find his performance allegedly close to the top - Little Miss Beehive was not up for a concert this afternoon and by the time she had announced in a wonderfully good accoustic recital hall (after her second bribe of a chocolate chip cookie!) " I NEED TO GO PEE PEE!" in the middle of some poor kid's debut, I decided to flounce, with her in tow - unfortunately this all turned out to be a lie! The lad didn't perform until somewhere near the middle of the 1hr 45 minute concert!!!!!!!!! However, he played well and made us dutifully proud of him. I had to laugh though, at the times that my poor parents must had gone through this nerve wracking experience of taking me to my latest showcase, only to bite their nails to the quick in case I forgot the trills or refrain!!!! Fortunately for Little Master Beehive, he has none of this to contend to, he only need to get to the end.....................I just wish he would do it a little S-L-O-W-E-R!!!