A rather large hole!

What do you get if you put:

All your eggs in one basket, depend on one week out of 52 for dear life, a small cramped room with space for 3 in which you cram 5, a five hour airplane journey and six hour delay, no vegetables or fruit for significant periods of time and an overload of sugar, a limited supply of toys and no really safe free running and energy release zones, no access to a working toilet for at least four or five hour intervals, no phone reception and several hundred $$$ down?????


Answer:



The average family holiday!



Okay, but let's be totally honest, it wasn't a great start, the day due to leave, we were hit by a Nor'Easter leaving us 3 inches, falling snow and a dismal forecast for the next 24, but we are seasoned travellers, we improvise, we got a cheap motel room near the airport the night before determined that we would travel to hotter climes, even if it killed us........and it damn near did! Bundled wee bairns into the car for a three hour trip to said motel, then tried to find food, which one would think would be easy in the 21st century in NYC near the airport.........




So of the necessities for human comfort we had warmth so far, food was a comin' courtesy of Mr Pizza man (who obviously had to get his bow and arrow and go out and shoot the bastard pizza!) and sleep would be in the making (almost! Suffice to say that, after a very late pizza arrival and rubber sheets on everyones bed, indigestion and an accute awareness as to how many times each person rolled over in the night was actually more true.)




Moan moan moan moan moan then...........

It is a little like childbirth I think.........alllllrrriiiiggghht! so I HAVE to make a corrolation, but bear with me! You know before you have kids, everyone claims to prepare you? You think life will continue, you have taken the classes, seen the pictures, you have a high pain threshold then......

BAM!

It is nothing LIKE the pictures, it blows your breath away, you know it is similar to the pictures but nothing, nothing prepares you for the reality. This was a view that no picture or video that we shot will ever really do it justice. The actual visual connection was just incredible. I had never felt so in awe of nature until I saw the Grand Canyon.

In the two brief days that we were there we managed to turn ourselves into geology and nature boffs going on trips to learn about all the flora, fauna and geology we could. Books have been bought in abundance for hope of further quenching of this thirst that it has given us all. T. was truly in his element........like father, like son *yawn*.

And then on to Sedona.

This is truly a cheap shot. It doesn't reflect in any shape or form the unbelievable redness of the sandstone rocks, nor the surrounding landscape which all adds to the awe of these structures of weathered and erroded rock stuck up in the flats. We resorted to buying a couple of professional pictures to try to capture the real depth of colour. These rocks change dramatically with the conditions of the weather (believe me, we did a bloody good job of seeing all these weather conditions in four days! I quote our guide " we only get about 60 out of 360+ days as rain in a year" - GREAT they saw us coming!) However, we are British, a little ponsey rain up a 4000 ft mountain in an open top jeep with hail ain't gonna stop us !! I. slept through it, awoke on the top of the mountain in the hail with a "yahoo!!!" and LOVED the plastic poncho, which we have kept for Niagara next week! and bar the intense cold (35F) watching the weather come in, hail on us, lightening on us and then clear to sun, was again, reassuring me of the power of nature and the frailty of human life.




This one is Phoenix. Actually for the record, this was the first picture taken on the trip. As an ignoramus I was all ready for the abundance of cacti and "desert" flora at the Canyon. Of course, the Canyon is some 7000 feet above sea level, way too high and too cold for cacti other than the prickly pear! Fortunately both my 6 and 4 year old were of the same mentality, as was R, so I feel better. We saw more pine trees than any other tree, in fact on the days when it rained and the mist came down, it actually gave Ullswater a run for its money!

Our last day was spent trying to track down some Membrillo for a friend who went to school in Phoenix. Map-less and without any remote idea of the city, we trailed through the streets searching for liquor!! Unfortunately to no avail. I am not sure if this is a sign of our age? Alcohol that we used to drink as students is no longer around?? or perhaps we were just not frequenting the right suburbs?? Speaking of age, today I have turned 35! Well I actually turned it at 9pm in Phoenix, or was that 4am in the UK? but then the clocks were turned forward last night, so that would have made it 5..........funny feeling - time, age, nature......small people in a very tiny pond.

Locked in a bog with a shaggy dog

"What is a promise?" asked W

T - "Something you can't break."

W - "What never?"

T - "Sometimes you can. For example; if you wanted to ride your bike but it was broken and mum promised she would fix it and on the morning that she went to do it there was a fire. It started in England and went over the water to Ireland where we lived, and we had this sprinkler and then there was so much water that there was a flood, so we used the sprinkler to put out the fire, but the hose made a flood...................."

Well, it would be a great excuse!!

Until today, we had turned the locks around on our bathroom doors so that a small toddler couldn't open the doors and go in the bathroom without our knowing. Little Miss Beehive has been able to open the locks and the doors, with great delight, pretty much from the week after we turned them around! However, as with the life in the Beehive, we haven't gotten round to returning them to the original place despite them being defunct in their purpose right now. It is possible to turn them to locked and still close the door, hence making getting out again, impossible.

Where am I going with this? (See where he gets it?)

Little Miss Beehive has a new game.........wait until unsuspecting person goes into the bathroom pre-occupied with the job in hand not hiding imp or already boobytrapped door lock, then out she springs with the stealth of a weasel and locks the poor bugger in the lav, along with any malodourous business.
Of course, yesterday, doing it on the day T. had a friend to play so the 90 decibels that we normally have had been upped to 120!! No way on earth was I going to be heard from the depths of crapperland.........fortunately, as luck would have it, (after about 10 minutes of me hollering and wondering whether I would be better still stuck in the loo when the mother of the playmate arrived in about an hour's time, or on the patio with a broken part) a small female Houdini just happened to be passing after biding her time and probably chuckling with glee at her achievement.

"wassamadda mammy?"

"I, the door is locked, can you open it for me please?"

"shuremammy, I save you."

Life resumes as normal!

I am currently looking into a short week getaway for the kids and I during the summer in between our guests. My favourite option at the moment is THIS

Is this just tomfoolery ? You can't possibly get locked in a Yurt.................


can you?

Sunnier climes

Yay! In only a few more days we are going to be heading away from here for here. I am in the midst of trying to pack clothing for a completely different climate whilst sitting here in the early early days of a late starting spring. We have been on a hunt for sandals today.......not easy considering many of our friends are spending spring break skiing, so you can imagine the stock in the shops right now is still pretty wintery.
The rest of the packing hasn't been too hard courtesy of friends and my sister's hand me downs for I., W fitting into T's clothes from last year and T's passion for wearing shorts until the depths of winter which has meant he has a plentiful supply! I am having to cull the quantities of dinosaurs, cars, dressing up clothes and play food that keeps appearing in back packs and for every item that I put in folded I. takes it out, "re-folds" it and puts it somewhere else often in her little basket that she is "mepakin". If we make it with two complete pairs of armbands and enough underwear for a week we will have done well the thought of going commando in a Snow White dress doesn't fill me with excitement!!!!

This weekend the clocks went forward. The US have decided that, in a way to reduce energy, they are going to have daylight saving time from early March through November. I do love the longer evenings, it certainly gives a spring/summer air to it all, but where are we saving?? The idea is that we will use lighting and heating less or put it on later in the evening as the nights will be lighter etc.....but surely, the mornings are now darker longer, so the lights will be on longer the other end? I can't honestly see that doing it this way around will save that much, particularly as R's work has decided to replace most of the "crackberries" as they couldn't cope with the clock change. Well, it is a "gesture", GB is very good at making gestures!
I am grateful though that for three short weeks, the US and the UK are only going to be 4 hours apart from each other, which makes trying to speak to friends and rellys a little easier.

GDubYa-isms

You know when you have been too long in one place:

Today's discussion at the lunchtable:

W. is singing an African song in the local language (I have no idea which) that he learned at school and sang at gathering yesterday. I suggested that I would like to video tape him singing it. Naturally T. wants to be taped too singing a song and decides that he will sing a song in Hebrew that he learned for the Winterlight concert.

W: Where is Hebrew

Me: It isn't a country, it's a language that they speak in parts of the world.

W: Where do they speak Hebrew?

Me: Israel,

T: Jordan, Iran......do they speak it there?

Me: Well there might be people there who speak Hebrew.

W: Eye-Rack?

OMG! *Shock*

Is that like a shoe rack then???

Plastic Hell

I HATE packaging! What IS it with companies that makes them think that they need to triplewrap everything in uber tight adult proof seals??

I am slowly putting my "holiday-head" on, you know, the "we are sitting here in the remnanats of snow but I have to think about temperatures in the desert" kind of thoughts and starting to pull out the kid's summer clothes etc and so each year when we fly I pack a couple of "surprises" in their backpacks along with colouring books and word searches, that hopefully will give them something new and novel to play with on the journey, nothing expensive I suppose, if you like - cheap tat! But, it occupies them and then they have something to play with on holiday.
But it overwhelms me that there is this need for two layers of plastic, one layer of cardboard and then a load of wire ties or cotton to hold everything in place. At the end of the day, the packaging costs more than the toy!

Another minor irritation I have with unecessary crap is charities that think that if they send me a useless pen that will write just long enough for me to sign my name on their donation form, I will give them money? No, I will send their pen back and give to a charity that doesn't waste my donation on gimmicks. I remember once having this discussion with someone who worked for a charity and apparently the research behind it is that they (the charities) believe that more people will sign the donation forms if there actually is a pen to hand........I think many people will actually do the opposite. I prefer to send my money to a charity I believe in that doesn't fill my mail box with forms, pens, free bags, post-it-notes with my name on etc etc. My donation would be worth double without the sweetner.

There was a news item in Green Parent this Feb/March issue encouraging people to leave their unecessary food packaging at the checkout. Who needs aubergines heat sealed in cardboard trays, or, this one I love (not!) apples set out in carton holders of four, each in their own individual little dip, somewhat like eggs, then heat sealed, for me to then take home to my house (this is hypothetical people!!), take OUT of the plastic and then bin my plastic packaging in a plastic bin liner because.......guess what, it isn't recyclable plastic........aggghhh!

Come on people, get over it, it is time to fight back and remove all this plastic from the shelves, do you think it is making your fruit and veg TASTE better, of course it isn't........get out your shopping trolleys and string bags......break the cycle, if we, as consumers don't show companies that we really don't need this, it ain't gonna change.


Phew, rant over!

From a plastic perspective
The Beehive

Circumlocutory fecal evacuation!

Today my gremlin side has crept into my parenting!

Yesterday we were at a presentation evening at ds#1's school. He, along with his fellow classmates, were demonstrating in pairs, different work activities in the classroom. T and his partner were doing a presentation on Time Zones. Parents passed from station to station listening to the children give repeated performances of their material.

Anyway, that aside, the evening ran on and we left around 8.15pm, which for T's bedtime is getting late. On the way home in the car T brought up the subject of Plate tectonics (one of the topics at the presentation that evening) and this led onto earthquakes and volcanoes....then lightening...bad things.........keep with me,......and eventually God!!

"Why does God have bad things on the earth that kill us?" was his question. I am sure I have told you before, I find these questions among some of the hardest to answer with my children. Give me questions on reproduction any day over these. I feel that however I answer him I am influencing what he believes in and he isn't satisfied with "some people believe that.......xyz" But what IS there, what do YOU think???

I was brought up as a Christian in a church going family and I believe there is something, but what I don't know, whether it is a god or spirits I am very unsure. He asks me how he can come back in this life if he has been killed, where will he go? I know these are only the same questions any parent gets asked, death, dying, who am I? but the answers are hard to give and allow him to think and feel freely rather than the way I or R. do.

This is just something I am sure, with time, will come to me and he will find his own course of belief. So.......I am now somewhat brain dead from all the questions.

We curl up to read a story after he decides to have some more breakfast (before bed!!) and then finally at around 9pm he heads upstairs and R. arrives in with yummy Japanese food!

By 10.30 I am also in bed, I think I have a cold coming.

12.20, He is up! Bad dreams, bed clothes off, thirsty etc. He is dutifully tucked back in, dreams blown away, kissed and I donate my drink of water for his thirst.
I fall back to sleep

1.20am, back again. This time........tbh, I can't truly remember, but there are shadows and might be more dreams etc. This time R. goes, I hear stern words, roll over and try to get back off.
2 minutes later I think I can hear affected sobbing ( you know the kind - "sniff! sob! silence", volume increases, "sharp intake of breath, sniff, sob" silence - is anyone listening to me? let's up it a notch... "sniff, small cry out - test the water, sniff again, sob!")

Okay, that is IT! I am up, in the room, lay down the law:
"You are safe, you have had a bad dream, I am sorry you have had a bad dream, but that is all it is, a dream. I am tired. I have given you everything I have in me tonight, my head is hurting from all the questions, I want to sleep. You were up at 12, now 1 and I want you to go to sleep......NOW! You have my water, you have me awake and I won't be able to go to sleep now until at least 3! This is not fair, it is every night (actually, at the moment it is, so that was justified!). I do not want to hear from you again until the morning, do I make myself clear? I will tuck you back in, kiss you goodnight and then I am going back to bed!" aaaaggggghhhh

Now I am awake, I need to pee, I can't sleep, my head is now thinking about what I said, and then about other things I need to do tomorrow.........gggggrrrrr

This morning is another day........on the way into school one of the teachers accosts me. Young Master Beehive is something of a celebrity in the staff room so it appears! He is quite reknown in the school for his many, many questions and curiosities and love of garrulous, verbose confabulation..........but last night at the presentations, apparently one or the teachers overheard him saying to his fellow presenter with a heavy sigh "I am so tired of talking."

Shame how these things don't last !

Yours wordily
The Beehive

La langue maternelle or Lingo de Gringos!

Language is fascinating!

This afternoon I have been speaking with my mum who is currently trying to learn Spanish. As a household we regularly went to France for vacation time and therefore we spoke French, with the exception of my father, who had the vision that if he wore a flat cap and socks with his sandals and then repeated his desire in a louder volume he would be understood wherever he went - sorry dad, but 'tis true! That said, he always managed to get that extra good bottle of vin rouge and moules frites. I think over the years, to his credit, he has become better at learning Franglais!

Here in America, the second language is Spanish and all the children have had Spanish assistants in their classes and T. is now taking Spanish lessons. They are continually imersed in Spanish on an almost daily basis and even if they don't become fluent in it before we return to the UK, they will certainly find language learning far easier than us oldies do. There is research to say that the earlier children start to learn a second language the easier it will be for them to pick up a third or fourth. It is all to do with exercising a certain part of the brain before the age of around 8 years old, it is then harder to do after this age ( a highly simplistic point of view, I apologise!)

So as an adult both my mum and I are finding another language much harder to learn (my mum less than me perhaps because she is of an era where very formal english was taught in school and therefore totally understands the multitude of verbs and tenses!) So she is favouring the book and CD approach, whereas my approach has been much more "on the job!!" I, on the otherhand, have picked up most of the little Spanish I know up from school or a bit when I travelled to Central America as a student, so as you can imagine, it tends to have a rather childish vein to it or is fuelled by my desire for something to drink.

In fact, all in all, my Spanish is somewhat lacking!

I will, to prove this point, leave you today with my Spanish repetoire showing you that, like my father's approach years ago, it is not necessarily about the amount of a language that you can speak that gets you the best things in life.

"Hola, senor, uno cueva por favor. Donde es te patas e pantalone? Mas!"

See, a pint and rampant sex - what more could a girl ask for?(albeit if he is wearing slippers, I figure he might be rather elderly!!)

Hasta luego amigos!!
The Beehive

Parallel lives!

Happy St David's day!!

This morning I am pissed off to say the least! I promised I wouldn't say anything, so I am going to write instead!

I am sure many of you have mornings really similar to this one so hopefully you can extend your empathy to this!

My morning (so far I hasten to add!)

5.30am - awoken by #1son who is a budding writer and was up with the lark and his creative inspiration (added to that he cannot do anything quietly, so this dawn chorus started with doors banging, pencils being dropped and lights flashing on!), get out of bed to ask him to go back to bed.

5.45 - #2 son, singing

6am - give up sleep as a bad job, get up, huffing and go to bathroom.

6.05 - shower, en route picking up pencils, turning off lights, opening our curtains and removing wet towel from shower room floor where it had been soaking up from a dripping faucet!

6.10 - out of shower, throw on clothes, pick up more pencils, wake up daughter

6.16 - dress after chasing underwear around the house being sported by said daughter on her head! - "me mummy, funny, me mummy, funny!"

6.20 - go downstairs to find husband sheepishly trying to charge battery for #2 son's play today (note - I asked him to do this over a week ago!) engage in small angry spat about his lack of awareness of the rest of the world whilst emptying dishwasher, pouring milk on children's cereal, orange juice into cups and letting dog out.

6.25 - wipe up spills, sort out vitamins, let dog in,

6.27 - re-sort vitamins which have ended up IN the dog! wipe up more spills, put on first load of laundry

6.29 - clear breakfast things and reload the dishwasher, fall over dog who wants to be fed.

6.30 - set off to the cupboard to feed dog, get distracted by remembering to get fish out of freezer for dinner, fall over dog again and remember to feed him

6.31 - Prepare rest of ds#1's lunchbox, fall over dog - pick up spoon that dd dropped at breakfast, check on teeth cleaning situation.

6.32 - chase #2 son around the house to get him to clean teeth, while passing, open lounge curtains, pick up cup from beside a chair, turn off taps that dd has left running

6.33 - go back into kitchen to put fruit into lunchbox, discover dog has emptied lunch box, start over!

6.40 - find dh cussing because video is now not playing the tape. Assures me he will be at the play today with new tape and video, say nothing and roll my eyes, pick up towel and put top back on tooth paste, turn off taps again.

6.45 - go into kitchen to turn off lights, fall over dog - damn forgot to feed him. Notice washing in dryer, empty dryer, F**k feed the dog!! feed the dog.

6.47 - go upstairs to lay out clothes for dd, ds#1 is dressed and playing with superheros, ds#2 is naked and watching. Chivvy ds#2 along, pick up pyjamas, pull back quilt and open curtains in his room.

6.48 - leave room, fall over toys, find dd#1 wearing most of my lipsalve all over her face - "maycup mama!" - remove item from her mitts and proceed to explain that she has enough now and I will put it safely up high until tomorrow, through gritted teeth as I discover I am now sitting in coconut lipsalve and it is on my jeans! Try to scrub off with a tissue!

6.49 - make bed, open curtains, open window, turn on computer, en route pick up dirty washing

6.50 - clean my own teeth whilst changing toilet roll which has been emptied and an new one gotten out, but roll not removed and trashed!

6.51 - go to check on dressing situation. Ds#2 is still naked, ds#1 is still playing, dd#1 is trying to get into a bag of magic tricks that are not hers (still in her PJ's). Remove afore mentioned item explaining gently that it isn't hers.

6.52 - appease and soothe following tantrum.

6.53 - take tantruming child to her own room so we can be distracted and encourage her to dress. She proceeds to diss all the items I have chosen, so we start again - her choices which consists of a completely impractical sweater, but no mind, I am too tired to argue. Get clothes laid out on the floor.

6.54 - turn around to find dd gone again!

6.55 - Open curtains in ds#1's room falling over scissors, paper, books and a blanket, pick all up, and fold blankets, pull back his quilt.

6.56 - Find dd in my bathroom in the bath playing with candles and votives! Remove her.

6.57 - DD finally decides to get dressed - on her own, I come to brush my hair and put on some make up !!!!

6.58 - DH mumbles he is going, steps over recycling and leaves - I forget to check if he has the video camera with him! Mumble back and carry on applying lippy!

7.00 - DD comes through half dressed, knickers, trousers and one sock with her stuffed animal collection for me to admire.

7.05 - Decide to check on ds#2 - still naked, raise my voice, offer a few threats, fall over toys and make a tit of myself, leave.

7.10 - dd1 is now dressed but smelling rather rank

7.11 - "I poohed in my pants"

7.12 - She poohed everywhere. Bath dd, change my clothes and start again.

7.25 - DS#1 - now wearing just a t-shirt and listening to a cd! Cuss, fall over toys, cuss, Dress him, leave room.

7.30 - Small voice "mummy, mummy" - run rushing to find dd wanting to do a puzzle! - you have GOT to be kidding right now??????? Sigh, sit down and do puzzle!

7.45 - Give 5 minute warning to get ready for school. I have PTA meeting this morning, then W's class play so need to go early to get coffee from the shop (I won't survive otherwise!)

7.50 - Time up warning, come to get ready

7.55 - chase up stragglers, find snow pants, snow boots, hats, gloves, coats for respective sprogs, fall over dog!

7.56 - Help dd put on coat and then go to put on mine

7.57 - help dd put coat on again - she thinks this is a game

7.58 - start a search party for ds#1's reader!

8.00 - have one child ready, one child missing and one child in process!

8.01 - go round house turning off lights, pick up towels, fall over dog, pick up puzzle pieces, find reader.

8.04 - Strap smallest enfant in car (helps me keep one child in one place!) go in, give reader to older child, find middle child's hat.

8.05 - hat cannot be found so tears and weeping commence at high decibels as to why he will be in trouble wearing his spiderman hat (can't wear characters at school). Sigh, turn hat inside out and plonk on his head!

8.07 - Older child now throwing a strop because I will not allow him to just wear his bodywarmer to school, this is after the strops he threw in the early part of the winter because I insisted on long trousers not shorts in temps of less than 40 deg F!!

8.08 - try to reason with ds#1. DS#2 on his way to the car, minus lunchbox and hat

8.09 - follow ds#2 out to strap him in, put hat back on head, take lunch box. Find dd without her boots and hat in the car *sigh* and ignore

8.10 - Chivvy ds#1 out of house in full attire including snow pants to echoes and grumbles of "it's not fair!"

8.11 - phone rings, dh has gotten a new tape, rambles about hoping the machine is not malfunctioning, I mumble incoherently about it not mattering at this point in time!

8.12 - all children strapped in, lock up, get in car and go, picking up recycling on the way.

8.13 - Return to house, unlock door to pick up ds#2's glasses, re-lock house, return to car cleaning glasses on the way.

8.20 - half way to coffee shop realise ds#1 hasn't got his bag with the READER! turn around, swearing rather loudly about responsiblity and servants!

8.25 - arrive back home, pick up bag and reader, get back into car.

8.27 - Cop car pulls a speeder over RIGHT OVER MY DRIVE!!!!! can't get out! FUCK!

8.40- Finally pull out of drive, we are going to now be LATE and COFFEE-LESS!

This is a pretty normal morning for us


This, on the otherhand is the morning as viewed from DH

5.30 - Hear dw get up, roll over

5.45 - Hear dw get up, pull her covers over to my side, roll over

6.00 - feel a sharp pain in lower leg, realise I have been snoring and have all the covers. DW says something that sounds like "6.00 blah blah kids, blah blah covers, blah blah"

6.05 - feel cold, realise dw has gotten up. Look at clock, get up.

6.10 - go downstairs to use the bathroom, find nice novel to read en route, step over recycling.

6.18 - Come out of bathroom, go into kitchen to unload dishwasher.

6.20 - kids all come downstairs making lots of noise demanding breakfast. Hear the word "play". Panic, have flashback, something to do with re-charging video batteries and a child's play today. Disappear to lounge to do this, hope dw doesn't notice.

6.21 - too late!

6.45 - realise I am in shit up to my neck, try desperately to think of good excuses. Not only is the battery not charged, but the fricking tape isn't working. Panic, feel dizzy!

6.50 - No need to confess, the wife has ESP and knows what has been going on. Recieve cold treatment! Like it is MY fault!!

6.55 - have shower, get ready for work, step over towels on the floor, walk past bedrooms wtih curtains shut. Watch wife make beds, think what a babe she is an how I would like to have sex with her right now.

6.56 - awake sharply from daydream. Get dressed, go downstairs to get computer, step over recycling, step over dog.

6.57 - Go back up stairs to kiss wife and tell her I will take the time on my way to work to get another tape for the video.

6.58 - Wife still giving cold treatment, but acknowledges me by offering her cheek.

7.00 - Get into car to go to work. Sigh, what a hard morning! Feel the weight slip away and turn on radio to listen to news!

7.25 - Fly into Walmart to get a new tape.

8.10 Call dw from cell phone to tell her I have found another tape and left it at the school. She will be really happy.

8.11 - Think I better tell her that it could be the video machine that is faulty.

8.12 - Not the best idea I have had in a while. This news was not recieved well!

8.20 - Arrive at work, Secretary has brought in my coffee and look, croissants this morning, yum........check diary.......nothing in for today except a lunch meeting!

Apparently the cost of a wife/mother per year (if she were to have a salary!) is somewhere in the region of £90,000!

Ad hoc home education

So, today has been another snow day. I have decided to blog our day in pictures instead of words! Words are something that I need the time to think about, pictures on the otherhand, speak for themselves.

Illustrating stories!

Maths and counting!

Home economics !!

Physical Ed - extreme sport style, this is called "snowyfirtree climbing"!

Construction work and computer editing!!!

Art - snow angels!

Currently it is 11 am and I have run out of inspiration! They are currently watching Muzzy in Spanish (ooh tick the languages box!) I think I might teach them shapes later this afternoon, by using my laundry - "this is how to fold a square/triangle" !! and then maybe a quick science lesson in how heat is made when I light the fire LOL! I expect there will be music at some point and then probably a big lesson on the importance of sleep at an early hour!!

The Oscars!

Sorry I haven't posted, got snapped on the red carpet last night dahling!! What do you think? Very Mary Quant! This was after my "maycup" lady made me up yesterday after I had been to "ogre"!! I think she is telling me something!

For Sale!!!

I have:

Exhibit A: Slightly soiled model of a 2000 male comes with dirt stains, one scar on his back and a couple from chicken pox. Engine tends to wine when it doesn't work the way it was meant to or wanted to. Guzzles gas like there is no tomorrow, but will run on fruit and veg so makes for pretty cheap living! Makes a lot of noise, but is good at self entertainment, can be left for short intervals while buyer goes to pee! Can be sensitive and appears 6 going on 76, but don't be fooled by the gob!! This one actually will tidy up and has a great sense of humour. Hasn't had a haircut in a while so might need some moderation for the right buyer!


Exhibit B: A newer and louder version, this one is a 2002 male. Finger sucking cleanaphobe with a hatred for all things edible and green. Only works on "Manyana" setting and occasionally "stop" setting. "Fast" and "helpful" settings broke in childbirth!! Has a wonderful vocabulary of excuses "I need to pee", "I am tiiiiiiiiiired", "my legs don't work". Has long floppy hair , a cute face and a permanent desire to be butt naked. Very cuddly! Oh, this one is slightly visually impaired and wears glasses that make him so darned cute you won't be able to stay mad at him for long!!!!!!!

Exhibit C: The only female version in this series. A late 2004 model that comes with all pink accessories. Loves "maycup" and "me-lips". Eats anything that moves so beware, can be fatal! Is semi house-trained and loves using the "toylet" but be warned, has a fart that can kill! Unfortunately she has a serious speech impediment substituting "tr" for "f" so can be somewhat embarassing in supermarkets when she shouts about her new "tracking boots" or if she sees a truck go past. This model is particularly fast, moreso than the earlier models, she can move from one area of destruction to the next like a small tornado. She can do wonderous things with soap and keyholes, permanent marker and wallpaper and this one comes with a four legged partner in crime.......which I will throw in for FREE!!!!!!!!

Stories my son needs......and words my daughter doesn't!

As some of you know this blog not only re-lives the "out of the mouth of babes" comments that I experience being the mama of three talkative smalls, but also, occasionally, I drop in a more serious post, or something a little theoretical open for discussion. Today is a more serious post, albeit I AM going to start with this little gem from I.

If you have been reading the last couple of entries, you will know that she has been struggling with tr and f, getting them mixed up. This lunchtime we were putting on our outdoor stuff to meet friends for lunch. The boys have just been bought some "trekking boots" which they LOVE to wear and take even bigger pride in telling everyone that that is exactly what they are "trekking boots". We also bought a pair of similar style for I.

"Mama...........where my f***ing boots?"

It still needs SEEEEERRRRIous work!

Now to the science bit!!

______________________________________________

I have been introduced to a great little resource, that I personally feel would do well on the shelf of any parents with sons: "What stories does my son need?" by Michael Gurian. Yes, the same guy I rambled on about a few posts back!!

This is a book that loosely guides parents in their choices of books and movies that build character in their sons. It is not, I feel, without it's flaws:

1. It is American, so maybe some of the movies in particular, would be different choices in the UK?

2. It is not a finite list, there may also be (as he states) other books/movies that build similar character, new books come out all the time, maybe some children (my T. is one) who may not be ready for a certain movie or book at the designated time span.

3. Some of the books are now movies which are NOT on the same level as the book, so to exchange one for the other would be a mistake: Bridge to Terabithia (albeit i haven't seen it) I understand is one such book.

I think it is an ongoing book that I know I may add to and also edit if I feel certain books/movies inappropriate, but it is a great tool. I have actually bought my mum, sister and a girlfriend with a son a copy each too!

So; one of the movies recommended for T's age is E.T. Initially I wasn't sure that it would be appropriate, bearing in mind that although this child has a "reading age" of an 8/9 year old, his movie repetoire is much younger.

The book (WSDMSN?) has discussion points for after the movie or book that helps your child to think more deeply about the emotions of the characters, hopefully building up character.

With E.T. the idea is that the boys will start to think about the friendship that Elliot has with ET, maybe think about whether the government officials who try to capture E.T are "bad", how long distance friendships can be maintained (one of the reasons I chose this movie obviously!) and build up empathy for the characters rather than seeing it as "goodies and baddies fight aliens and each other end of!"

Now, bear in mind, my boys like to ask questions, so I hoped that it would be easy to talk about the movie afterwards..........however, the questions started at the opening credits and didn't finish once the screen went blue.......... "How is this going to happen.?" "Why is he.......?" "What is going.........?" Breathe, breathe but OMG.the.non.stop.questions aaaggghhhh!!!!!!!

Anyway, back to the topic in hand..........

W. is somewhat of a combateer, and after watching the movie, which they found sad but still liked it, T. decided to go and write the next chapter of a book he is working on (this chapter is suitably titled "Al meets E.T") , W. came through with his wooden sword saying he was going to play "E.T fights the bad men". Ugh! Not really what I wanted to hear........but it so beautifully lead us to a great discussion about how E.T. really did "fight" the government guys, how he had the best "weapon" of all, he had a Friend. Having a friend in Elliot who was prepared to help him to the very end was the best form of "sword". He didn't need to raise his fists but they did it together as a team.

I strongly feel that what kids watch (and to a certain extent read) does influence their behaviour, maybe negatively outright ie: fighting, bullying etc, but also less obviously such as showing a lack of empathy to others, an inability to express themselves, a lack of emotion because "boys are tough". I am not suggesting for a second that I am going to censor all my kid's viewing forevermore and edit their reading because I am not, but I hope that having family movies together and discussing their reading material (also providing appropriate stuff) I can help them make good choices and use their knowledge of "good" media to inspire to or find their own ideas, thus hopefully encouraging them to be compassionate men, (and women of course, mustn't forget my daughter in this!).

If you haven't read this book, or for that fact, any of Michael Gurian's work, I would strongly recommend you try one. He isn't preachy or self-righteous, he writes in a way that you can pick up and put down ( a necessity with smalls!) and don't need a degree in psychology to understand.


Yours inspiringly
The Beehive

Kissing the cow!

This morning we have been out sledding, which was great fun! The snow has frozen over the top, so we have our own ice rink out there! But alongside getting cold and wet goes the added bonus, that mama like to warm us up with hot cocoa......specially frothed with her new toy,! (I got sent a free mini frother thing from Boden - It's fab, coffee shop be warned!!)

Of course, the kids being off school (again!!!!!!!!!) we are trying to find new things to do however,that means yet more bread has been made courtesy of moi and I. Soon after kneading the bread and letting it rise I decided to make the tomato sauce for the pasta at lunch time. This therefore meant that I was unable to do carry I. around for a while, which she wanted (I suppose I could have gotten the Ergo from the car but I wasn't thinking!)

She took umbridge at this and made me feel horrid by crying and saying "uppy uppy", but I couldn't lift her up as I was using a very sharp knife and dealing with hot stuff on the stove top.

We have all been there, the demands of smalls at the most inappropriate time and normally I. is pretty amenable and can be distracted by a large marker and the wall should it be required (!!). This morning was not one of those days, she would not be comforted.

So, crying child attached to my leg, playdate due to arrive (his mom is one of the teachers at school - that would look good, me shaking a 2 year old off my leg whilst I try to juggle a cleaver and hot tomatoes; "sure I can be trusted to look after your son and not kill him for an hour!!), dog joining in on the fun and the consistent pounding of the cooped up monkeys running around like banshees upstairs........you get the picture.

I: "Mommy moo-kiss"

Me: What do you mean? Where is the cow? A Moo Kiss?

I: (sob, sniff, gulp) Moo-kiss me

Me: I'm sorry sweetheart, I don't understand (thinking, is she calling me a cow, is it a new form of snogging????)

I turn around to be greeted by a small red, wet creature dutifully showing me a string of trailing snot from her nose to her finger.............

Oh!!! MU-cus!!

Right, let's get a tissue!

Snottily yours
The Beehive

For Julie in Spain!

Affectionately yours,

The Beehive

Down with Groundhogs and up with valium!!!

Damn that wretched little rodent!!!

Like he couldn't have stayed asleep a little longer!
For those of you who don't have the first clue what I am whittling about then I will put you in the light:
Punxsutawney Phil is a groundhog, also known as a woodchuck or whistle pig, basically he is a furry rodent about the size of a small otter/cat who hibernates in the winter. On Feb 2nd, (Groundhog day - yes, like the film!) if he is spotted coming out of hibernation and can see his shadow then there will be six more weeks of winter, if he can't, then spring is coming. Apparently no-one told this chap that if he stands under a tree, then the sun won't get to him.....tada, no shadow, so THANK YOU PHIL!! We today, have a snow day! Okay, so it isn't so much snow as another sneeze, but more is forecast for later, so I suppose shutting the school was inevitable!

Yes, valentine's day, the day of Luuuurrrve, I am luvin' it large at home with Les Enfants, who are currently making "red-food" shopping lists as I hastily agreed, after #1 son made me pancakes and strawberries (with Daddy's help) for breakfast, to making them a "red lunch" which is what they were going to be doing at school today. It was a moment of madness!!!!!!!!

So to end this little ramble, I want to dedicate this poem* to the rodent who is leading me to the bottle of chilling vino this evening (luckily I went to yoga last night so I won't feel so bad about a glass of wine!!)

*Disclaimer - I am NOT a poet and this following pile of crap may significantly improve AFTER the aforementioned wine later!!! But for now, read at your peril!

Dear Punxsutawney Phil,
I write with a request,
If you aren't sure what the winter holds
Stay quiet in your nest!

Don't be such a bloke
who can't say "I don't know"
but has to give an answer
that lands an inch of snow.

I'm freezing off me bits,
Sitting in the house
The heating is up full
And I cannot feel me t**s

My toes have turned to ice
My hands a shade of blue
The kids are running wild off school
I don't know what to do

The cleaner's stuck in a drift
The coffee shop is shut
I'm sick to death of Nemo
I can't even walk the mutt!

Playdo is stuck to the walls
Paint is on the floor
Toys are strewn upstairs and down
My head is feeling sore

Accept you ain't a clue,
Fame's not what it seems
An honest pig we'd rather have
Than one that makes us scream!

So Phil I say to you
On the next Groundhog day
If you don't know the truth, say nothing at all
Or Xtermahog might come your way!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Planes, Frains and a whole load of green stuff!!

Some of my biggest chuckles come from conversations we have in the car: Here is another one!

So, the background to this is that whilst T was at his piano lesson this evening, W, I. and I went to the organic shop to get our vitamin supplies and some raw cane sugar. The kids had had a drink and a snack beforehand, but the shop sells rather nice smoothies, unfortunately the guy had stopped making them for the day, so I chose a drink from the fridge, tropical fruit flavoured, full of energy, greens, vitamins - a real power boost.

On opening this drink, much to my disappointment it was, to coin an phrase my kids love,"yukky"!!!

W: Let me try!

Me: You won't like it.

W: Please?

Me: Okay then.........(handing him the drink)

W takes the drink and determined to prove me wrong, takes a huge swig - fatal mistake. This stuff is like a cross between Borox and stale straw!!!!!! Fortunately he was in such shock from his error that he swallowed the stuff rather than reflexing it back over the car, which is a relief as I don't think we have any paintstripper in the house!!!!!

I: Me try, me try

Me: Okay then, W. hand it to I please.

I pulls the most ridiculous face, but then comes back for more. Yes this one is a little crazy, she turned down a green jelly the other day (thank goodness) in favour of fruit.

When we pick T up he decides he wants in on this game too, so he also attempts to drink it.....to the same effect!!

T: So what's in it?

Me: Here's the label, tell us!!

T: green alfalfa shoots, broccoli spears, kale, spinach, irish moss.........IRISH MOSS??? wheat grass, barley grass juice, beetroot greens......... (etc etc - you get the idea)

W: What's Irish Moss?

T: you know, that stuff that grows outside on the ground

Me: Yup, like cabbage and spinach and grass.........(being facetious obviously!)

T: No, don't be silly, it grows by the water so it is disgusting.

Me: Well Cranberries grow IN water, they grow in bogs, we will see some when we go up to the Cape this summer.

W: How old will I be then mama? Will I be 7?

Me: No, you'll be four

W: Six then?

Me: No, four!

W: Ohhhhhhhhh (said with real disappointment!) I can't eat any then and I really wanted to try some.

Me: Why can't you eat them?

W: I am on a diet.

Me: You are? What diet is that then W?

W: I am not allowed to eat fruit or vegetables until I am seven!

Nuff said methinks!



_____________________________________________________

In the bath:

We have recently bought some new bath toys. These include a foam road set that sticks to the tiles. In this set are a load of vehicles. I. is now pretty coherent most of the time, she has long sentences, I am pretty lucky (so far, knock on wood !!) that her tantrums are fairly minimal as I think the fact she is able to express herself may have a lot to do with it.

We have in the aforementioned set a:

car
airplane
mo-bike
frain
boat
van
and a
F**k!!!

We are working so hard with her on this slight mispronunciation. There are many words that have come out of the mouths of our three that we have let go because, let's be honest, it's cute!!!!!

But:

"Can me have the big f**k ?" is not!!!!!

Yours phonetically

The Beehive

Behind the wheel

Conversation between les enfants on the way home from school today:
* disclaimer - NONE of my children have seen Star Wars, Sleepy Hollow OR Scooby Doo!!!

T: Do you remember Star Wars W?

W: Yeah!

T: I like the bit in Star Wars where the spaceship lands on Daft Vader's head

W: Oh Yeah, and how his face turns into Luke Skywalker - that is sooooo cool.

T: Have you seen Sleepy Hollow?

W: What one is that? Is that Scooby Doo?

I: Skoooooby Doooo, Skooby Doo............ (sung to the tune of Jingle Bells!)

T: No, it is the scary one.

W: Oh Yeah! I've seen that. (To me) Mum, do we have Sleepy Hollow?

Me: Yes we do, but you haven't seen it.

W: Oh yeah, that's right. Can I watch it?

Me: Uh, No!

T: It is far too scary for you (this is my son who is scared of Monsters Inc, Toy Story, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty..........the list is endless - he even hides at the start of Finding Nemo!)

W: We could watch Muzzy?

I: Muzzy, Muzzy, Muzzy, Muzzy....................

this continues until we get home..........you get the idea!

Welcome to Walnut Grove!

CLICK HERE!!!!!

It is done!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally, after two years, several hours of cussing, lots of pulling out and starting again.........a real labour of love.........it is finished.

Fortunately he didn't outgrow it before I finished it, which was my main concern, and despite the fact it looks somewhat primitive and beginnger-like and my obliging little guy put it on this morning and said,

"You have a jumper like this *(pause)* Is this for GEEERRRRRLS?" in his american drawl, he has happily continued wearing it.

Thank god for that! I had set myself up for him losing interest in it before it was done and refusing to like it or........worse still..........wear it! I was going to be all calm and nonchalant about it, after all, he is only 4. But lucky for me, he is pretty easy going! Thanks kiddo!

The next project is for T. He is less obliging and more direct about what he likes and doesn't like.I have chosen a relatively simple pattern which was being sported by a pretty cool guy in the book holding a skateboard and the jumper has a name "Woody". So far he is happy about this, albeit it doesn't actually COME with the skateboard, which was a bit of a let down. I have enough wool to do the age 6 - 7 years..........so I really DO have to work fast this time!

Why am I doing this? I have no idea. TBH, it is cheaper to buy a ready made jumper than the yarn to make one.......but there is this sense of pride and achievement in thinking that you have made what is on their backs.

Speaking of making stuff and domestic bliss, yesterday we made bread. No, not with a bread maker......the real Macoy, I don't have a bread maker. I remember the Saturdays when my mum used to make a loaf or two and leave them to rise in our airing cupboard. I personally can't see the point in a bread maker, you lose the team spirit that is involved in making bread. Throwing in the ingredients and leaving the thing to stir, knead and cook without me around is more effort than buying an organic loaf and certainly a helluva lot less fun!! Both I. and W. helped me and I have to say, it turned out the best loaf I have made in a long time, probably due to W.'s Tae Kwon Do moves he did on the dough!

Bread and Beer, two of the finest uses for yeast ever discovered! Even starchy Caroline Ingalls must agree with that!! Oh and by the way, for those die-hards out there........it so happens that Laura Ingalls was closer to a hobbit than she was a twee young lass in the nice wooden house with it's sloping roof........they didn't live there! Apparently they lived in a sod (a cave pretty much) somewhat like Bilbo Baggins!!!!!!

So, I have taken off my pinny, removed my bonnet, put the buggy away in the barn, sat down to fresh bread and dripping with the prairie train bells in the distance......... for now........

and if you made it this far with the music...........bet that made you feel all warm and cuddly!!!

Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou........whaddidyousayhisnamewasagain?

My middle son is a charmer - or so it appears!.

Frequently when I go to pick him up from school I hear little cries of "Hi W." from small adoring fans. He, on the other hand, offers a suitably caveman grunt, to which they giggle, flutter their eyes and try to get him to talk to them!! I have been stopped by mothers on occasions telling me how their daughter talks a lot about W. and how much she likes him etc...

I have even been approached by a mom at the school asking if she could use him as a model for some photography as she is a children's photographer........apparently he caught her eye at the Primary mom's morning at school a couple of weeks ago, where he swanned into the class with me in tow wearing his purple shirt, tie, red jeans (yes, I know, he likes to chose his own clothes!!) and mop of "just got out of bed" hair, which on that morning was looking particularly wild and rampant (OMG?!)

Now for those of you that don't know him, this appears to be a blog entry by a bragging mother, but for those of you that DO know him, will know that this is just so W. He always looks like he has been dragged through a hedge backwards, clothes on back to front and mismatching, hair all over the shop, but he has huge mischevious eyes and tricks and temperament to match and he really would let this admiration roll over him. A true "free spirit".

Anyhow, this morning, after he went off to school once again, this time for Primary Dad's morning, his fan club started up ( I am contemplating putting in a request for a salary as his Personal secretary!)

Firstly he is called on the phone from LONDON by his best friend (these two are joined at the hip I kid you not!) who had been in Norway for the last couple of days and wanted to say hi!! Then, when the mail arrives, there is a package for my four year old Lothario much to the disgust of his older brother! Inside it contains a painted stone in the shape of a heart and a candle from Ayleen with her (obviously, burning, ha ha) love!

So as is in the Beehive, we playfully tease him about his girlfriend, asking him about her as she is in his class at school. He joins in the laughing, taking it all in the spirit it is intended, this continues for a few minutes, us ribbing, him egging us on, when suddenly he stops laughing and becomes deadly serious......................

"Who on earth IS she?" he asks.

So it goes like this.........

This morning I am trying to write a magazine article on Montessori education and attachment parenting it goes something like this:

9.00 type

9.10 doorbell goes - landlady arrives to measure for a new washing machine

9.45 type

9.46

T. "Is it snack time yet?
M "15 minutes okay, I just have to get the first paragraph done.
T "Ok!"

9.47

type

9.48
T "Do you have some paper?"
M "Yes, what colour do you want and can you then just get on for 15 minutes as I need to think about this?"

9.50

type

9.51

Dog starts barking outside, I continue trying but lose my train of thought. Go down to let in the dog.
Run back up to office.

9.55

type,

9.59

T comes in again

"You said 15 minutes."
"Okay, I am coming"

Go down for snack and coffee after having written a total of about 30 words in 3/4 of an hour!

10.15

Return to type

10.16
T comes in again

"Where are my shorts?"
"What?"
"I want to practise my Tae Kwon Do and can't find my shorts" he is standing there in his boxers
*sigh* heavily
"Can't you wear your underpants?"
He runs off

10.17

type

10.18

T back in within 1 minute

Me "WHAT????????"
T "Do you have my scout book?"
"Which scout book, T I am trying to write and it is really hard when you keep interupting me because I forget what I am typing." (believe me, that isn't hard either!)
T "The white one and then I won't disturb you again."
"Ok" handing him the file

10.19

type,

10.19
30 seconds

T "These are all the jelly beans I want to get...." he starts rattling off from a list, every bloody jellybean on the bloody planet!!!!!!!

me "Aaaagggghhhhh - please, please, please go and do something I will be finished soon if you let me start. You can eat candy, smoke some drugs, set fire to something, use my credit card, buy a motorbike if you just frickin' GOOOOOOOOO and let me get on!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "
(ooops this is the bit in the article where I am writing about being emotionally responsive !) okay so I didn't actually SAY the last sentence, just thought it!!!

T comes back in after 10 seconds.

"I think I am ready to go back to school now."

"OMG! Yes, you probably are, but you can't this week as you need to be totally right. Have you not got anything you can do right now? How about a book?"

He wanders off..........

10.20
I slam my head on the wall and close my work down for the day........time for another coffee I think!

Time elapsed 1 hour 20 mins,
Total words written: about 100