Sleepy here!

It is a little sleepy here at the moment I know, the kids are out for the summer, my sense of humour seems to have gone awol and I am creating a new blog. www.athomewithmontessori.blogspot.com I want to try to create something that documents our attempts to bring elements of Montessori into our home.

My mother rang me the other day to tell me she's feeling fed up and I hadn't updated my blog in ages to cheer her up!!!!!

Seriously, no one told me the demands of the public were so intense. Had I known I would have booked my place in the Priory now, rather than spending the cash on a new blend of Cloudy Bay vino, some botox and a pair of Jimmy Shoos!


Fortunately I have a couple of weeks respite whilst she and my father practice their drunken franglais somewhere in the depths of Aquataine or somewhere similar, wearing hankies on their heads (laughing now mother?).



Hopefully over the course of the next few weeks, the literary (is that what you would call it!) bug will bite again, my babysitter will recover from the leurgy that has struck her down from one afternoon on the job with my kids and I will find space to write and amuse you all once again with the shenanigans from the depths of the hive.

Hasta luego amigos!

How YOU doin'??

I think I might just still have it........well a very little bit of it anyway!

Of course, it is a nice, hot sunny day, there is every possiblity that I may have heatstroke, but this morning...........I made men (yes not one, but TWO!) look twice and one trip over his words hee hee!


Okay, so to the small print:

I was in the coffee shop (note to self - this blog should be renamed "The Coffee Shop Memoirs" note to others - I don't spend ALL day there but JK had to start somewhere and there is nothing so good for the leetle grey cells than killing them with caffeine!) trying to order my grande, non-fat, no milk, extra soy, extra espresso, no sugar, no whip, some caramel (but not tooo much), more ice, easy on the price frappucino when cute boy behind the bar attempting to memorise this order while looking in the cash till, looks up, then down, then up again

"I'm sorry, what?"

Frantically I check myself for signs of slug trails on my top or a piece of escaping boob from the new push-em-in-suck-it-out-breathe-in wonder bra I doned this morning in a moment of madness. Negative and there is no one behind me either!! I do declare, it might have been a double take - and for me!!

Smiling and in my poshest English accent (that tends to win lots of brownie points when needs must *sheepish grin*) I repeat my order. He then nervously repeats it back to me.......oh my, see what marriage has saved me from (large wink there for Mr Beehive!!)

With a small (it was small........yes .........really!) flick of my hair and a withering look ....................(oh crap, I made that bit up!) I turn my back on him and hurridly read the information laid out on how this particular coffee shop is saving the environment and how I can help (yeah, yeah, I know all that stuff, but I am a tart with a heart afterall!).

Feeling immensely confident in this new, dreamed up ability to turn a head, in walks Dr McDreamy..........okay, so not the REAL one, this one is probably at least 10 years.............11?..............alright ........................12 years younger than me, they make them so fit these days!!

It was the bra that made me do it!

Cutting off the oxygen supply to my brain, I look him straight in the eye, smile, and sashay right outta that joint, leaving a trail in my wake (hopefully not of coffee cups and bottles of water!)

My Parallel Universe

Have you ever woken up and wondered what you did to land on this planet on this particular day?? This morning has been one of those days, bear in mind that the mosquito bites are driving me insane as well, so this could all be one large hallucination!

This morning the family Beehive were all getting ready to do the first school run of the day when two vans pull into the drive. A small posse of men alight from said vehicles and explain they are here on our landlord's request to tidy and trim the trees and bushes around the periphery of the property - no problem!
The usual round up of missing small Beehives is complete and I am about to jump in the car when I hear the all too familiar voice of our lovely next door neighbour, remember, the one who mows her lawn in the pitch black of night OR at 5.30am on a Sunday morning. Standing in our driveway she is instructing the men not to touch bushes that are between the properties, claiming they are on her land and we (The Beehive clan as one) are not nice to her - of course we aren't we ask her nicely to stop mowing - what nasty neighbours we are, as if we should deny her the pleasure and allow ourselves an extra half hour of sleep!!

I shrug and don't enter into the conversation other than to add the odd rolling of eyes and precede to call our landlord - his land, his neighbour, his problem - I know, but it is whhhaaay too early to get into boundary battles AND remember the mozzie bites - they are making me somewhat venomous today!

Dear wife of poor landlord is highly apologetic and promises to sort things out.
I drive away.

Halfway to school I realise I am actually upset that I am shaking, over the fact she was so adamant that we were in the wrong to stop her mowing and also - (I don't think you ever heard about this one!) called in the cops when her friend started to pull down trees with his car that ended up falling on our house, oh this was a SECOND tree, I am not talking about the original tree that fell on our house that she then tried to chainsaw into pieces whilst it was tangled up in LIVE electric cables!!!! Hmmm. so WE are the villans eh? I am sure this is the stuff of British Reality Telly!! Neighbourhood wars!

Fast forward to a manic half hour on the treadmill to try to dispel my shakes and induce a sense of calm.

I then decide to take the three parcels for England to the Post Office. Now, this is NOT an errand to be taken lightly, at best, one can be in and out within ten, at worst, like today, nearl7y 45 minutes later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Note to all my friends and rellys, next birthday/Christmas, you are all getting Amazon vouchers. The US Postal Service has become an American Institution - USPS actually stands for Uber Shitty Poor Service! Or maybe I am being a little harsh - perhaps it is actually more a skill that my LOCAl office takes pride in.

Firstly I need custom labels - are they in the tray where they are meant to be? No, of course not, so I politely (remember I HAVE run a mile and a half by this point and my aura is now green over red!) ask if he could pass me some from behind the counter.
"You have to get in line" he snaps back - such dulcet tones
"Thank you, you are so kind." Kowtowing I back off to the line.

On receipt, finally of my labels I now join the back of the line which has since gone from two cashiers and two people in the queue to one cashier and 9 people in the queue - they laugh at us behind closed circuit tv!

At one point, there is a little glimmer of hope, another cashier brings through till drawers and books of stamps, everyone is salivating that this might be the hour that we get through the PO and on to life outside....................no! False alarm, this was merely a set up to test our perserverence.

The first of our group leave, you were so close lady, you were third in the line, what a waste of a wait - you should have stayed........enjoy the daylight....................we'll miss you!!

Teasing us in strategic positions around this four walled prison are signs "Lightspeed Service" an advert for Star Wars stamps - of course - it would hardly be a real SIGN now would it!

Kermit the Frog is laughing at me manically from a bag for sale on a wall - I can just hear him - "Now who is the muppet, baby???"

Temperatures are rising, as are eyebrows and there is very quietly and occasionally the release of a sigh from someone leaning on the furniture - oblivious to the menacing sign about NOT doing that - Uh Oh! They may be in for more torture.

Finally it is my turn, the cashier who has been toying with us, eventually cracks and decides to open up shop......................45 minutes after stepping into this hell hole, I emerge, three parcels, $30 and my sanity lighter!

It is now time for my treat to myself - See, I burn off exactly the right amount of calories by running a mile and a half, to award myself a frappucino from the coffee shop.

I pass by two moms walking their charges in strollers, one is a single stroller, the other an obviously new, double stroller. How do I know this? Well, she is full in the delights of telling her pal all about it:

"Daahhling Manhattan simply ADOOOOREs this new stroller, he can sit next to baby Texas blah blah"

Yup right, sweet little Manhattan simply adores this place because it is out of earshot of mommy so he can practise his pronunciation:

"Shit, shit, shit" he repeats happily to himself.

I give him a big grin!!! Ah mamas, wake up and smell the coffee.

Coffee in hand, I leg it to school to pick up Little Miss Beehive before I earn myself bad-mom of the year award (again!). Pulling into the drive, the calm drains from me once more thanks to the arrival of Botox Mommy.
Yet again, she is sat in the "kiss and go" parking space in her 15L, personalized plated, larger-than-our-house-in-the-UK, Sodding Uneccessary Vehicle with her engine still running, gabbing on the phone. She does this everyday. What is wrong with turning OFF the engine???




Hmmmmm, I wonder what would happen if I recycle my empty coffee cup up her exhaust pipe???


And it is only lunchtime!!

Survival Batter

"Mummy, will you read to me tonight?"

"I can't tonight sweetheart, I have to cook dinner, daddy will read to you tonight, I will read to you tomorrow."

"Why can't daddy cook?"

"Well, he just doesn't very often"

"Can't he cook?"

"Yes, he can, you know he can."

"Oh, but you can't just live on pancakes."

And from that to this:

Screams from Master Beehive the elder's room this morning, as all three mini Beehives come wailing, naked or dressed in tutu's (we'll leave that for another time!) with cries of
"there's something on the wall", "scary bugs" "aaaaaaaggggggggghhhhh"

Mr Beehive has just driven off, so mommypower has to go into overdrive.
Dressed in a towel and hoping to god it isn't a large spider, I follow them back into the room to find a large black ant on the wall.

"Take it out mum!" encourages Master Beehive the elder jumping around behind me somewhat like a testosterone fueled gorilla ! Not that I have ever encountered a testosterone fueled gorilla , but I take comfort in imagining somewhere in the depths of the Congo, there is a gorilla mama telling her son to stop leaping around like a Master Beehive!!

Okay, okay...... let me just find my kalashnikov that I reserve for just such occasion as ant killing.......darn! It appears I have misplaced it and a piece of paper will have to do, picking up one of many littering his bedroom floor, I attempt to squash......and again.........ooops, again.........there! Got the bugger! Oh No! I have just seen the drawing on the underside, the squashed side of the paper........hanging my head, I pass it and the innards of the ant back to my son mumbling a sorry.

"It's okay, it's only Dad's father's day card" he says grinning and binning!

Maybe he will save it to go in the pancakes??

Mother-Guilt meets 1967!!

5am and we are woken again by the not-so-gentle humming of our dear neighbour and her lawnmower! This time Mr Beehive has had enough, so dressed in his Sunday best (not! but at least vaguely dressed!) he goes to confront her, and that is a scary image at 5.30am in the morning!!!!!! Ahhhh peace reigns, at least for the short while until small Beehives decide to awaken and add their harmonious chorus to the birds and lawnmowers. All I can say is thank f*** I don't live in suburbia!!

This week has been crazy even for The Beehive. I am going to rewind to last Thursday at 3pm US time when, unbeknown to me "bezzer mate", I am heading to JFK to fly to the UK for celebration of her 40th (OMG - no longer 18th or 21st parties - I am going to 40ths!!!)


This has been an ongoing plan since around February of this year, conspired by her hubby, myself and Julie (the pseudo-Spaniard!) and has involved boats, much alcohol, wax, airplanes, Soft Cell, big hair big hair mega mega big hair, many, many kleenex, a diet or two, a trail for some rather vampish looking red shoes, eleven absent children between 4, a group age of 145 between 4!! a sliding glass door, a fantasy about a trick with a strawberry somewhat reminiscent of Pricilla, Queen of the Desert, a rather large mosquito and Buffy the Vampire Slayer - only not necessarily in that order! I am not going to divulge more than that for fear of incriminating those involved - you know who you are.........and you should be ashamed..........hee hee !!

Typically, however, I don't go away often, probably one weekend in a 52 week year and that is if I am lucky......this being the one weekend that Little Miss Beehive falls poorly before I leave. Just signs of a cold, low grade fever, needing to be with me all the time, a continuous slug trail on my trousers, generally out of sorts, but nothing we can actually pinpoint. Mr Beehive assures me she will be fine with him and I am to go. after all, I am only away for three days.

By Monday morning, I notice a rather large red mark on her lower back, initially I put it down to her sitting against something firm and it leaving an imprint, but by Tuesday morning when it hasn't gone and in fact looks larger, alarm bells start to ring. By Tuesday lunchtime we have it confirmed that she does in fact have the dreaded Lyme Disease that is so rife in this area of CT agggghhh! Luckily, we are reassured, we have caught it early enough and that she did in fact have the Bullseye rash so they were able to diagnose it. If left without diagnosis, I understand that is when the problems can arise as it can attack the nervous system and cause muscular pain, arthritis and even dementia in serious untreated cases. The downside for LMB is, three weeks of giddy juice!!!!!!!! Amoxycillan - the pink candy antibiotic! We are already halfway through the first course and the second course, as suggested to me by a friend, I am going to ask for capsules that I can break up and put in her food to try and reduce the additives and colouring that she is reacting so beautifully to right now from her vantage point on the ceiling!

Of course, now I have become paranoid about the little buggers. We didn't even SEE the tick on LMB, despite checking her every night at bathtime as always. However, I have since removed one from Master Beehive the younger, and from his fellow canine companion.........all bedding both human and animal has been thoroughly boiled, to ensure anihilation of the critters. But my poor kids are now suffering freckles being dissected, routine scrubbing of all suspect black bits and a crazy lady chasing them around the house with a pair of tweezers on a daily basis!

These ticks are sometimes only the size of a poppyseed, which makes for really hard observation. Apparently although they originate on deer, it is actually the mice that bring them into the garden. Killing the mice just means that new mice come in with fresh ticks, so we are contemplating trying ticktubes - which works like Frontline for Pets. The mice take the stuff to their nests and end up coated in it, or consuming it, the tick then bites the mouse but it makes it infertile, hence the tick population in our garden dies out..........great in theory.....the alternative is to spray the lawn with chemicals which aren't great for pets or children!

And we didn't want to live in Oz because of snakes and spiders.....................fools!

An apple for the teacher.

It's that time of year, school is nearly out and us mothers of our eager pupils are frantically searching for that perfect gift that gives the appropriate message of appreciation. Is it a mug? Chocolate? A set of nice pens?

After years of teaching, I am all the more conscious of the delightful tat available for our kids to happily give to their teachers to add to the collection of 25 identical ones they received that year.

So Thursday morning, I was a woman on a mission - find the ideal gift that both reflects my child (and us) AND the teacher AND doesn't end up meaning I will have to remortgage my house ! I want to get something that is both a conscious gift for them AND the earth - small task methinks! Christmas, they received Oxfam gifts of meals for school children or school books for kids in developing countries etc.

Chocolate - is, although nice in small quantities, dull and uninspiring. They probably get inundated with it - so that's a no!

Wine - albeit on a slightly higher plane than chocolate, and they might not drink - see the above!

An ornament - Don't even GO there, sorry but cute mice dressed as teachers are really not nice!!!

A mug - you have GOT to be kidding me. My mother collected all hers over the years - it has been a Looooooooong process encouraging her that she really only needs half a dozen for cups of tea for two!! and the slogans..........they beggar belief.

A book? Very personal, could try a book token - maybe a little unadventurous? Not to mention the fact that the posh mummy brigade will be looking under their fake eyelashes at anyone who brings a present that isn't at least 6'5" in girth in a Tiffanys box! Inspiration dahling, a token is sooooo last year!

A plant for the garden - urgh, what if they live in an apartment?

A voucher for a restaurant ? Hmm, again a little too personal.

A handmade gift by the children? Well if they like LOTS of paper and sellotape or a mud and worm sculpture..........nah, probably not the best idea!

The other issue is that on top of the teacher, there is also the assistant teacher and, well, her girth needs to be of similar size !!! Can't be seen to be favouring via size of tissue wrapped article! Hell, added to that is cost - after three children, six teachers..........it's gonna get expensive, hmm, but I think I am supposed to gloss over this point and reattach my left eyelash!

So back to the drawing board............

The other part of my post today is more on a serious note, forgive me for my anger, but I am so pissed with this speciman that works with kids and calls himself a teacher!

This afternoon I went to enquire about some karate lessons for the children. The boys currently attend one at their YMCA, which is fun, but very full and crowded and I feel T, in particular, would move on at a faster pace if he had a smaller class. So I went to one place, somewhat of a brag-fest was my first impression as the place was littered with trophies, my second was a feeling of intimidation, but I put that down to me being picky and stupid.

The guy I spoke with seemed lovely having been passed to him by another guy who, happily told me that they would take my other "son" pointing at Little Miss Beehive, as soon as she was potty trained.
"She is toilet trained" I informed him calmly "and I am not here for her"
"Oh, how old is she? 3?"
"I TWO!" - you see, she can answer herself if you would have the decency to actually address her!

This nice guy asked me to come back at four with the boys and they would see what they were capable of.
So at four, the children and I are taken into the "interview" room, with the inital guy. I know, alarm bells were already sounding due to the fact I thought it was going to be of the same genre as a timeshare sale! Looking around for the nearest exit, we all went in.

After at least 10 minutes of questions - ("which was better for the boys, to listen to their parents because they are told to or because they want to. Answer my questions with a yes SIR! Why must I carry wet wipes for feet in my car AT ALL TIMES? Did I know his floor was worth thousands and professionally cleaned every day, why I could eat my dinner off it. Why did I want them to do karate was it a, b, c or d - e: fun, didn't enter into the equation."), Little Miss Beehive, at 4.20pm with no snack, was beginning to tire and get restless........

The bribes then started - "If you are quiet I have a surprise for you and your brothers" (Mein Herr, not me!!)
I. kept on with the wriggling and protesting to get down
"Well young lady, you obviously have decided you don't want a surprise." WTF!!!

After a few more seconds of her not obeying his orders, he gets up, opens the door and says:

"Mom, she is going to have to go."

I cannot believe I am hearing this, she is only 2, she has been as still as can be expected in a boring room with him and all his trophy collection.
I must have looked at him with all the gorm that I can muster as I still cannot believe that on the one hand he is preaching respect, and on the other, ordering me to leave the room !

"Come on boys, this isn't going to work" I said

"She can stay if she is quiet."

Oh, that is big of you........I take it you don't WANT our business then you head-up-your-own- arse TWONK?

"She is TWO, she is not more than a BABY!"

So with all the dignity I could find, I walked out of his shrine, remarking loudly to no-one in particular, but in the middle of his awaiting class, how unbelievably RUDE he was.......

Fortunately not a mile down the road we stumbled across a lovely martial arts class where I met a mum from school. The boys were invited to watch or take part, no one frowned or shouted down at us..........nuff said.

To throw the book

It is often early in the morning as we are getting ready to school that minor kerfuffles break out in the Beehive. A piano practice trying to be done with a toddler adding her countermelody, or a book trying to be read with a toddler deciding that is is "her" book and she needs it now, or hair being dryed with a toddler wanting to play hairdressers. Hmmm.... notice a theme??

We try as much as possible to talk with our children rather than at them about behaviours and one of the favourites is "try to use your words" to avoid feet stomping (of the toddler) or fingers going into the mouth and whining (Master Beehive the younger!).

This morning's outbreak was over the ownership of a book.

From my position in the bathroom, cleaning my teeth, I could hear the escalation -

"my book"
"no, I had it first"
"miiiiiiiiiinnnnneeee!"
"no I. stop, you can have a different one"


Then of course -

"waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh"

Dropping my implements I realise it is time for intervention (I prefer to give them time to see if they can settle out of court rather than feeling that I am taking a side or making decisions for them)

"What happened?" I asked

"W. pince me" - wailed Little Miss Beehive, pince being the word she uses for any form of misdemeanor that occurs and generally Master Beehive the younger is the offender. It used to work quite well until I realised that she could also trip over and tell me that "W pinced me"!!

"Did you?"

Looking at his feet and mumbling "yes"

"What did you do?"

"I threw a book at her"

"Well that wasn't kind. We don't use our hands and feet and hit, you must use your words."

"I did!" he cried in umbridge

"I told her to duck!"

Remember your Manos!!

The art of children who learn languages from an early age is that they swap the words around and know exactly what they are trying to say to you. The curse of not knowing the language your child is learning yourself is thus:


Yesterday I picked up Little Miss Beehive from school and she presented me with my Mother's Day present:





"Is that for me?" I asked


"Manos" she shrieked


"Sorry, is that for me please?"


"Manos" she repeated


"Thank you?"


"Manos, manos"


"Thank you for my mother's day present. It's very lovely, may I hold it please?"



"No, it's mine!"


She then ran off with the gift of a bookmark with her hand prints on it........................








Eventually, the word dawned on me - she didn't mean manners at all, she meant HANDS - MANOS !

Early morning wake up call

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is 5.30am and my next door neighbour is MOWING HER LAWN!!!!!!!!

This is the crazy lady who tried to cut up the tree that fell on our house, with a chain saw when the live electric cables were still wrapped around it and then who instructed her handyman to pull down the remainder of the trees.......using his van and a rope who lives in the house that Jack built!!!!!!!

If it were hot in the day, I could understand the need to start early...........but it isn't even LIGHT yet!

A message to those who live in glass houses.

It has been one week today since the disappearance of Little Madeleine McCann in the Algarve. I am sure there has been not one person who hasn't felt sick to the core at the pictures of the beautiful blonde haired girl. Looking at our own children sleeping safely in their beds, we are frightened both for Madeleine AND our own children. It would be condescending of me to say that only parents must feel this through to their bones, but I am sure I am not alone in seeing elements of this child in my own daughter, only months younger than Madeleine.

I must pass comment though on the amount of disgust I have felt over the judgementalism of people, letters in the paper, on internet forums who, all of a sudden, feel it is their place and right to verbalise their abhorrence with the fact that the child, along with her siblings, was left on her own in a hotel room whilst her parents dined elsewhere.

First of all, on whatever scale this sits, there are people out there, who, on a daily basis, take risks, many of which involve children and some of which end disastarously. Take people who jump in a car with their kids and choose to take a phone call whilst driving, people who misjudge the speed of other drivers or their ability to get out of a junction/overtake etc, people who leave the front door open to bring stuff in from the car with their toddler wandering onto the street or engage in a conversation with a friend whilst their toddler wanders off or onto a busy road. People who choose to risk having a drink and getting in a car, people who allow their kids to walk home from somewhere on their own (however old and whatever time of day), parents who allow their kids to go on camping trips away from home, parents who allow their toddlers to walk holding the hand of a parent rather than strapped in a stroller or attached to reins......all of these activities have varying degrees of risk about them and we choose to or not to take them.


However we feel internally about this situation, however we feel we might have done different (but who is to say that this prevents a situation?), whatever different parenting choices we make from each other, now is not the time or the place to start casting aspersions. The real guilty person is the person who took the child.

Put energy into willing Maddy to be found safe and alive and well. When that happens, then.....well, you are free to pass judgement, but until that day, just imagine the living hell that Kate and Gerry McCann, two doctors - (yes, don't tell me that doesnt' cross your mind either - how does this kind of thing happen to people like that. ) are going through on a daily basis.

My heart goes out to that poor family and to baby Madeleine, for that is all she is. Please, please let her be found safe and well.

Knock, Knock

What do you get if you cross Knock Knock jokes with a two year old?


Joke telling - is all about the punchline - or so they tell me. I have been trying for years to get that bit right!! However, if you can't get the punchline just right then take a tip from Little Miss Beehive, just mush the whole thing together!

Copyright to LMB, ae 2: current obssesion; telling knock knock jokes - or rather two knock knock jokes rolled into one!

"Knock, knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Colin the doctor, I sick, boo hoo!"

Still doesn't beat Master Beehive the younger at the same age:

"I spy with my big eye (he's always had something about his eyes being big!!), something beginning with C"

" Car, cupboard, .............etc"

"No..........Elephant!"

"Ok, you win.....your turn again."

" I spy with my big eye, something beginning with P"

"Pig, people, ...............etc"

"No.........Elephant"

You get the picture!!

And HIS wants are not so small!

This morning I caught all the miscreants "sneaking" around with backpacks on their back (their words, not mine!!)
Playing along with this I asked them all where they were going.

"Nowhere, we're just sneaking?"
"Not on a trip then?"
"Maybe Pennsylvania", said the elder of the trio fumbling in his backpack he pulls out his money box.
"Can you help me count my money please? I can count the paper, but not all the coins."

"You have a lot of money, what are you saving up for?" I asked

"Oh, I dunno...........maybe a cell phone or a car."

Celebrate your mother dammit!

It's nearly Mother's Day, that is, here, in the US. Mother's Day in the UK was celebrated in March. Which, because I don't have a UK calendar anymore, I was reminded about three days prior, due to my sister asking if I wanted "in" on the gift she had bought mum ?

" Er? Yes, thanks, that will save me posting"
I lied - actually, it would save me the guilt of forgetting hmmm, thanks sis!

So what will it be this year? Breakfast in bed? A box of chocs? A day at the spa - ya ha, so getting above my station now!

No, my needs are small and so therefore I have created my wishlist. This is my Top ten (in no particular order!)

• The chance to lie in long enough to actually see the little and long hands hit the six together.
• The opportunity to wear the same shirt for a whole day without it being covered in weetabix or snot by 10.30am.
• The opportunity to pee without a peering face around the door asking me "wasat mama?" and pointing somewhere toward my nether regions, when trying hard to perform daily ablutions and following from that, the opportunity to help with homework for the elder Master Beehive without my knickers around my ankles because yet again, this little hiding place has been discovered and choosen as the right place to find mummy sitting still long enough to answer the questions!
• A hot cup of tea rather than a cold one that I find three days later where I left it, wearing a shiny layer of scum and dust, after promising myself that I would drink it just as soon as I had picked up the laundry and preceded to get completely distracted.
• The ability to cook dinner whilst falling over a dog, toys, shoes and skidding in pee that a toilet training Little Miss Beehive is frantically trying to show me, midst distractedly stuffing the innards of a chicken with the telephone, on which I was originally trying to make an appointment for my annual exam without having to mention and then explain the word "smear test" in front of inquisitively listening 4 and 7 year olds!
• The ability to plan for in advance, prepare leisurely and serve with a flourish, perfect meals without the hint of rush, last minute-ness or stress, and to be able to cook the perfect meals that get polished off by all my children including the vege-a-phobe, rather than feeling an incessant guilt for the amount of waste we have after each meal and all the hungry kids there are in the world - wahay, there goes another flying pig!
• Mail - yes, that's right, mail - FOR ME! Not party invitations for my kids' social lives, not junk asking if : I want my roof painted purple, want to buy the latest innovative push up, super-velocity humunga-bra, or need liposuction for fuck's sake, I don't need reminding! Just a little letter will do.
• The opportunity to be allowed to dream about snogging Brad Pitt or Orlando Bloom in a hot and steamy clinch without my darling other half standing over my shoulder sniggering over my current purchase of OK magazine!
• The ability to hold a coherent adult conversation for longer than 0.6 of a second with anyone in the world other than an answerphone (time differences or workaholic other half!!) or crap drivers on the road - (okay so the latter is more a one sided haranging on my behalf!)
• Children who, for the whole day, don't whine, ask 1,000000 questions that I can't answer or am too mentally exhausted to answer (or at least keep it to less than 100 questions per day!) and don't argue with each other........just for one day........pretty please???

So, that's it really - simple. Now, where did my fairy godmother go................. come back!

From mice and tree rings

They're back...the mice that is!

Unfortunately this morning, I had to tell Master B, the younger, that the mice had very cleverly opened my pantry, got up on the stool, taken down the remaining easter eggs, removed the stool, closed the pantry door again and taken them upstairs to eat in his wardrobe sometime yesterday afternoon or evening when I wasn't around. It was most unfortunate as one of these eggs was so nibbled that it needed to be discarded because of the germs!! He was, naturally sad about this, but understood that if he saw the mouse again, he needed to ask the mouse to ask me about chocolate and then it could be shared.



The catalog is done, 'tis over, fini, terminado!! So as a treat today, nails have been polished.

Whilst I was paying, my pedicurist noticed the picture of the mini Beehives in my purse.........

"They you children? No? They no you children, you no look like mommy, you too........"

The sentence was left unfinished as she took my upper arm and pinched it, then circled her hands around it............OMG, is this like tree rings? Perhaps the more rings I have the older I am? Anyway, at least she didn't catch me five minutes earlier receiving a complimentary massage from her colleague and dribbling into my lap whilst I fell asleep - hand me that bus pass!

Salivatory yours!
The Beehive

A conversation with Pam

- Hey Pam, it's R. Can you send me the info I need for the auction please? I'll give you my e-mail
It's R - A

-Hi, okay, so it's A....

- No, R - A

- Okay, A

- It's too complicated to give it over the phone.

- Yes. A.

- No, R for Robot, before A

- A - R

- No!! otherway R - A

- Sorry, I have a really bad head cold and everything is reverberating at the moment.

- Oh god, I know what you mean!! Horrid are you at home?

- Yes. So, A- R

- No, let me give you the address

- Oh, you are giving me your e-mail address, I thought I was giving you the website address

- Okay. You send me the website then, so it's R-A

and so it continues!!!!


The auction has totally wiped me out, can't you tell!

Toasting marshmallows and stinky socks

I cannot believe the end of term is coming round so bloody soon! I actually thought I had a week longer than I do have, obviously being the schmuck I am I misread the dates for the school calendar.....or was hideously optomistic about having one more week!!! So, they will be out of school for the summer by June 8th, that is only one month and one week away!!!

Before then, T. is off camping with the Lower Elementary on the last week of term. We had a meeting this morning about this, advising us of the things they need - changes of clothes and suggestions from us to them about the daily changing of socks and underwear (euugghh!), sleeping bags, soft toy, and the things they don't - cell phones (@!), food and love notes from us declaring that we are missing them, bound to reduce them to weeping wrecks! We were also informed of the possible gifts that may be brought home from camp- the ticks (yak!) and the cootie possiblities (apparently advisable to cut the boys' hair really short before going - nice try Elizabeth!!- she offered to braid T's for me!!)

We actually had our first trial run of a sleepover on T's birthday weekend. His best buddy from school came over for his birthday tea and then to stay the night, well, bless him, he made it to 9.30pm but wanted to go home. It must have been pretty strange for him to be in a different house and bed somewhere without his parents where there are new noises and shadows on the wall. So we may or may not try again before the camp.

Anyway, the camp info is being thoroughly digested by Master Beehive, the elder, he likes to be thorough, as compensation for NOT rushing home to pack his bag tonight........which was his original plan!

Home Run!!

It's Saturday, we are on the home stretch!! Today is a day packed with swimming and parties, however, I am at the hairdresser's this morning and Daddy is in charge.......

So what can I say?
Have we missed the TV?
No, actually.

In a whole week (nearly!) only Mr Beehive the younger has enquired about it, and then, only once! I have only been close to relenting once and that was yesterday, on a day when it poured with rain and they were burning off "we're trapped indoors" steam, very loudly, while Little Miss Beehive was trying to nap. But, we all held fast and she slept! That said, it is really tricky to be out and about and avoid the screen altogether. Where ever we have been this week, Costco, the YMCA (yes even there!) there is a little square box on in the corner somewhere which captures the beady eyes of these poor deprived bairns!

The boys have played so beautifully together. To be frank, we have so little TV on in the house anyway (around an hour a week), that it really hasn't changed what we do. If anything, I have become perhaps a little more tolerant of the noise and mess (oooh and believe me, I mean volume, I'm sure I have told you that there is proof out there that a four year old boy is as many decibels as 20 men in a pub!) while they play happily and we have all been way more observant of each other. The boys have ironed out issues that in the past I have needed to intervene with, Mr Beehive, the younger, has played delightfully with his sister (they had a wonderful hour and a half the otherday interacting in the garden without squabbles whilst going on a spider hunt!).
Mr Beehive the elder was concerned about the weather so we had to find alternate ways to discover this not using the computer or t.v. He has, on the other hand, kept his promise to do 10 minutes piano practice each day.

I have also sorted out a lot this week. It is another great activity for I. to help with, shredding old papers etc. I sorted the kids' wardrobes into hand-me-downs, consignment, can't-bear-t0-part-with and what-was-I-thinking or completely knackered piles, which she then muddled or chose to wear on her head! Then we organised a writing tray for the kitchen and made a rather large order from the Michael Olaf catalogue.

I also made a (maybe) foolish mistake of picking up a Leappad style magnetic letter learner thang (no idea what it is really called) for Little Miss Beehive, from the consignment shop. You put it on the freezer or fridge and then put in a letter, it then sings and says the letter name and sound. She has been more than impressed with it, it has kept her amused for ages..........but the bloody song. Why do these things have to come with such mind numbingly dull, repetitive, brain sapping music that when you wake in the night is always the first tune that sticks in your head.........FOR HOURS?? ("I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves.....") Must remember to accidently consign it and buy a drum instead!

My new toys arrived yesterday, a lens hood, adapter and tele-convertor lens for my camera. No T.V, so I actually started to read my digital camera book and the instruction booklet that came with the camera in the first place (*hangs head in shame, after all, we've only had the camera nearly a year!) I had no idea what it could do!

This hasn't been a very hard challenge, I think we could keep this up for another week pretty easily. I've not done anything with the children that we don't normally do, they always read for hours, play imaginative games, like to climb trees, ride their bikes, make stuff in the kitchen or paint. However, I wonder what we would really find it hard to live without for a week? We have only lived without the dishwasher for 10 days before, unless you include the time we lived in the caravan for a month and then a bed and breakfast for two when I was newly pregnant with Mr Beehive, the elder?

Washing machine? Microwave? Car? Phone? Computer?

Am I brave enough to try another challenge?


Funny thing is......the huge pile of ironing is still there!

Naughty, naughty beanie boy!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18324251/

A whole, plastic container!! I just hope it was organic! I love to wake up to these headlines making the US news!!!

Reptile shoes and underwear!

Love 'em or hate 'em but they are still about. The curse of the croc has finally hit The Beehive. I put off being lured into their snare last year, but have since relented. Much as I thought they were a cheap pair rubber/plastic hell, I have since discovered their benefits, despite being ssssooohh last year dahling!

1. They let your feet breathe and therefore the stench in the summer of no socks and shoes is considerabbbbuuuullyy reduced aaahhh!



2. They take all of two seconds to put on, so getting out of the door in the morning (see previous posts!) has become almost.....dare I say it??? *whispers* Quick??? Oh and they are so so Montessori - La Beehive the younger can put them on herself and it is obvious when they are on the wrong feet!! Shame they fall off just as fast!



3. They wash, so are suitable for toilet training - Little Miss Beehive has piddled over her pair many a time and they can just be soaped and rinsed. The same goes for any other bodily fluid!! Oh and they don't slip either, so if you pee, you don't skid in it - fantastic!



4. You can put soil in the soles and pack it up and then grow crocuses out of the little holes - tres chic n'est pas? I like to make flower containers out of all my old shoes - Ben, you still have my Doc Martens!!



5. They make a great pencil holder.



6. Dogs love to chase and chew 'em - cheap rubber toys!



7. They come in any colour, so you can mix and match with all your summer outfits! Very fetching for a nice summer wedding??



8. They make a fair substitute for a baseball. A bit like welly wanging, only croccy chucking.



9. On a bored afternoon, the whole family of crocs in assorted colours, becomes a family of puppets - they are fab to draw on!



10. One can drain vegetables or fruit - not tried this hot yet, but working on it.



11. You can fasten string through the holes, attach it to your belt to make a great Blackberry holder - or substitute purse (english variety!!)



12. Do the same to hold copius amounts of chocolate!



13. Do the same as above to hold a bottle of alcohol - actually a full bottle is a little on the large size, but put one either side for great aeroplane-sized wine bottle holsters!



14. Starbucks coffee holster!



15. In fact do the same as above for any possesion that is required to be on your person at all times.
16. Do not use them as a bucket for catching vomit......remembering the strawberry box incident as an innocent student and the P.S. added to this entry!!!

Disclaimer - do any of the following at your own peril - including being a victim and buying a pair. Warning - crocs cannot be used as prevention against any form of sexual disease or pregnancy!!!!!!!

And then to underwear!

So, we are on pair number 4 today, having worn pink for school and poohed, then purple, and poohed in the toy section of the consignment shop, then stripy and peed at home on the patio and then the last pair were fed to the dog! Smiling and through gritted teeth, my little pissypoopy mound is piling up by the washing machine.......I wonder if I can adapt a croc to act as a teastrainer inside Little Miss Beehive's underwear????

And did I mention the telly???- it is STILL off!!

PS: edited to add:

This evening le Grand Mr Beehive was at a playdate, only to become ill. Dashing to his rescue, I picked up only for him to vomit hence over me and aforementioned crocodilia! Thus this evening, I am reduced to watching t.v and drinking chardonnay - weeeeellll the damage has been done for me no amount of tv watching or reduction will save my soul!!!!!! Bairn is now in my bed but still able to "feebly" demand - waaaatter and huuuuggg, everyso often - for effect?????? hmm, 'tis for you to decide!

Day three

Okay, so the silence - she had un-potted the bulbs and re-potted them......all over my carpet!!!!! aaaggghhh!

Day three and we are still going strong. No T.V has been watched by Les Beehives petits (yeah, monkey see, monkey don't do! Cold Feet re-runs have bitten me in the evenings!)

Here is a piece of trivia. Did you know that the average household has 2.6 T.V's and watches in a life time - 7 continuous years of TV if they watch between 2 - 3 hours a day from pre-school age!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have one TV so I guess that makes us Luddites!

Yesterday was a pretty easy day what with piano afterschool. Today however, has been a day off school. The weather is a changin' (again!) and we are restricted to the inside of the house a little more.

So far we have (well actually the babysitter did the first one with them as R and I were at school conferences being told how "high-spirited" two of our children are - bet you can't guess which two!):

Planted sunflower seeds and radishes (I am a glutton for punishment!).
The boys have played for HOURS with the new Playmobil that T got for his birthday.
Run around outside.
Later we are off to get W's new glasses and then get some ice cream for tea from Cold Stone and there is a bake sale tomorrow at school, so I am forseeing some mess and cake mix debauchery going on in the kitchen.
T has piano practice and thank you letters to write.


Current level of stress: Low, kids are engaged, admittedly I think they went a little manic for the sitter (*insert small smirky winking grin here*), I don't feel the need to open the wine or drink more coffee and the TV hasn't been mentioned once in three days!!!!!

Check this out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLud6yM47u8

Only a few more months!!

Turn off the TV

This week is national turn off the screen week (for kids primarily, hence the loophole for me sitting here blogging!!)

To be honest, I am not envisaging finding other things to do with the children an issue as they hardly watch tv anyway. We probably watch a maximum of an hour in the week and then a movie at the weekend, maybe. However, the whole school has taken on the challenge and it is going to be more of a challenge as we also have conferences on Wednesday and Friday this week, so the school is shut for those days!
I can see the main problem is going to be after Wednesday when the weather is due to turn again and get colder. Until then, outside activities will easily lure the children.

There have been sheets of paper up at school inviting us and the children to write their ideas for TV-Free activities. I am going to aim to list our activities here and then blog our progress. Fortunately neither the boys have any nintendo type toys, nor have they yet really discovered the computer, apart from occasionally speaking to grandparents and aunts via the webcam, so you will forgive us if we are rude this week.

For myself, I can live happily without tv, as long as I have access to some form of communication, be that radio or computer. I will probably be the one who falls by the wayside soonest with the tv though as I do like to watch a dvd in the evenings sometimes to chill. This week, however, I am teaching two evenings and really do have an essay to start......I'll let you know how I do.

For now, though, this afternoon's activities have been:

Monday:
Bouncing on the trampoline and riding bikes.
Putting seed and suet cakes out for the birds.
Planting some bulbs.
Playing with toys.

Progress of my sanity so far - entirely calm and relaxed.
Progress of kids so far - relaxed and engaged in activities (albeit it is a little quiet for the wee Miss B, I think there may be some destruction in the offing!)
Need for alcoholic beverage at this point in time - None

The mama-daughter bond

Daddy took Little Miss Beehive to school yesterday while mummy went back to see the nasty man that took out her teeth and didn't give them to the tooth fairy, so mummy has no cashback on her investment.

Little Miss Beehive was somewhat glum and down. As she trailed into the class, dragging her coat, she told her teacher:

"My mummy is lost"



At last, someone understands!!!!!!!!!!

To lack of wisdom!

This week has been a long and tough week thanks to the exodus of two porcelain pearls that I have been somewhat attached to for the last couple of years. Problem has been that there hasn't been the room for them........so, decluttering begins at home, why not start in my mouth!!

Monday morning, bright and breezy, saw me at the maxillofacial surgeon's office (oops nearly typed "orifice" !!) Much as my own bog standard dentist had tried to convince me that this guy was such eye candy that I wouldn't need the GA that I was begging, I hadn't fallen for that and requested (and was declined!) HEAVY sedation.

Gas and Air, yes, ladies and gentlemen, the stuff we take in the UK for management of pain in labour. To be honest, I knew that and that was actually what was making me more scared. When I took G & A for the eldest of the mini Beehives, all it did was make me feel drunk, disorientated and sick........However, Mr Eye Candy was going to put in an IV sedation on top of the gas he was giving me via a rather attractive blue clown nose.

I suppose in hindsight I should have realised that it was working when I told him he inserted needles like a girl and was he strapping my arm to the chair to stop me hitting him! *oops!*

So recovery has actually been worse than the op itself. I am nearly a week on and the bruising is finally subsiding. I still can't eat on one side, haven't lost the pound per tooth I was banking on (ha ha !), do not have the chiseled jaw promised me - the lure and sales tactics are all lies ladies and gentlemen!! AND I have to go back and re-face Mr Eye Candy on Tuesday minus the disguise of drugs!
That is of course, if I am not snowed in or flooded. We are once again, MID APRIL!!! under a severe weather warning. Sick of wet, sick of cold and sick of grey. California looks really appealing right now!

Still, on a high, Mothering magazine have just offered a proposal for a piece of work that I have written. This is not a contract as yet, and they may still not be able to use it, however, it is positive and might be my first paid job!!

Beavers and a Cup O Joe

This weekend we have been "over the border"!!

Some madness encased us and we decided to join our friends from the UK and drive up to Niagara Falls. Of course, first case in point, we are in fact Brits.....we haven't got a CLUE how far places are. The furthest we can drive is from John O' Groats to Lands End and there aren't many folk that'll do it in a day (if at all really!) so why on earth would someone choose to drive from Edinburgh to London in a day with three kids????? Easy, they are British and clueless!

Day one:

Left home after school at 4.15 on the drive to Syracuse (had my sensible head on this time and had booked us all into a Motel halfway!)

4.20, returned home........we forgot the travel cot for I.!!! We are getting really really skilled at this now and tend to just do it for effect!

4.25 set off again

This first part of the journey, as one would expect, was the novel part..........road trip, kids packed in the back with colouring, dot to dot, fruit leathers, music and......the new addition to our family - the dvd, for when times got really tough.

5.25 - things were getting tough! *cringe* I knooooooooowwww!

6.30 - give or take we decide to stop for dinner. So did the rest of New York state at the same diner. Being unable to park, we choose then to follow signs to Pizza Hut and turn left following it.

6.32 - in some dead end town (I kid you not!) no Pizza Hut, turn around and return to original signpost, yes, it said left. Repeat said journey only 100yds to find another sign for Pizza Hut pointing in the OPPOSITE direction!. In between the signs there is not even the sign of a salad!! Maybe, says my dear other half, they are going to build one!!!!!!!! Okay, well, we'll just wait shall we??

6.34 - Back on the road ready to stop at the first diner.

6.45 - Yay! sucess we find a great diner, practically empty.

7.15 -We now know WHY it is empty. It is being run by George and Mildred! He is deaf, she is nearly dead! Poor couple. They do an excellent job on being invaded by 5 hungry and impatient children and their even more impatient parents. Coffee is desperately required by F and C. Going against all warnings.......they order "diner coffee" !!

8.30 - we finally get all bairns back into respective cars and pyjama-ed on the hopes they might sleep.

8.45 - Two down, one to go

9.15 - Still to go

9.45 - OMG - GO TO SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9.50 - Arrive at Motel with a look of horror to discover people carrying in sleeping bags - mild case of panic and flashback to years of backpacking and staying in dormitory style accomodation at YMCA's - have I f****d up big time? Are we all going to be sleeping without bedding, well apart from I. of course, she has her travel cot and all required bedding? Can I squeeze another child in there? Did I wash the car blanket after the dog threw up on it last time? Yes, I think so!

10pm - Phew! All blankets and bedding provided Zzzzzzz

Day Two

7.30am - Breakfast! Yay, coffee!!!

No!!!!!


Okay, note to all potential Motel users, if the orange juice comes out of a machine the colour of dirty, diluted dishwater........DO NOT TRY THE COFFEE! Motel breakfasts vary considerably, but hell, you get what you pay for and for $60 for the night for all of us you can't expect miracles!For the kids it would have been an absolute sugar rush (had they not been with parents having to endure peeling them off the car ceilings for the next 3 - 4 hours!!) Chocolate donuts, pastries - chocolate, drink - hot chocolate, sugar coated crap and cereal aagggh get me out of here!

By 8.30 we were back on the road! First stop change the car of our companions at the local Hertz dealer, unfortunately the one they had hired earlier in the week in JFK had had the power sockets disconnected for fear of them taking it to cook drugs as it was hired in NYC! (I kid you not, this was the reason they were given!!) By this time, 24 hours without coffee we were all wishing we had had the incentive to darn well DO that!

9.00 - On the search for a Starbucks - it will be an easy task on an American Interstate! They are two a penny!

10.00 - Really, it's quite easy to find a Starbucks..............

11.00 - Unless of course you are going towards Canada !

12.00 - Reach Passport Control and greeted by somewhat hunky Canadian - mmm nice first impression! Wants to know if we have any wine!!??? Okay, so he might be beautiful, but he is stupid - LOOK at the cargo - three children and we are associated with the two behind too - you think we have no alcohol for the weekend?????

"Just a couple" says R.

"How many is a couple?"

"Two" I say
"Six" says R !! SIX????

"We are travelling with the car behind!"

Nice man grins understandingly and waves us through!

To car behind us .....

"Are you with the car in front?"

"No!"

Ooops - well we thought they were behind us!!


12.15 - Another nice Canadian. Silly husbands asked US to go and check in as we were early.

12.17 - All checked in and both families upgraded to suites!!!!!!!!!!!! Well....we were tired and deserved it!!

2pm - FOUND ONE! All present stumble into Starbucks and order coffees - the one thing that is ridiculously expensive - probably double the US prices!!

Later that day we went up the Skylon Tower which was a great view. We could see Toronto as the sky was so clear! Following that we then walked along to the falls by the side of it and it was fantastic, no tourists (well, apart from us!) so we had front row seats!

7.00 Fed the kids from the best we could find! Why is it that whenever you go away to places like this "kids menus" are all the same or a derivative of; nuggets, hot dogs, pizza, burgers and tons of chips. Has no one heard of a vegetable? So intensely bored of this bollocks, we sought somewhere that we could get soup and sandwiches for the children.

8.00 - Kids in bed and all snoring the minute their heads hit the pillows - ah bliss!
Now for adult time.............

8.10 - Monarch of the Bleedin' Glen is on the telly - the boys are out getting curry (which we later discover came via a small detour to the "pub")

1am - It is actually time to go to bed........weariness has set in!

Sunday

5am - smalls are bathroom visiting - feel my insides tense up as I know this means they will not go back to sleep now! aaaggghhh

7.30 am - Wake with a start!

7.35am - Hear the wardrobe door so realise in my semi-conscious state en route to bathroom that there must be a child messing around in there. Don't turn on lights for fear of waking baby. Open the door to see a shadow of a child. Gently put my hand in behind his head and guide him out only for him to fall completely flat to the floor, like a dead weight. Panic, get down beside him shouting "get up, are you alright, what's wrong?" or words to that effect.

"APRIL FOOL!"

You little bleeeeeeep! Have to say, for 6, that was a good one! I. is now awake with all the laughter! Decide to get my own back later!

10am - After breakfast and much fannying around we are off to go under the falls, on the "fairy wheel" and lunch at the Rainforest Cafe (well more of the same I expect!).

With images of people in yellow plastic ponchos standing under the falls I suggest we might want to purchase a few of the delightful season's fashions in spectacular white plastic with Canadian flags all over them! Much guffawing ensues, primarily from R and C, who proceed to do "comedy cape" for us all! (Photo to follow!)

So apparently we are under the falls in a concrete tunnel, one passage is completely blocked by ice and fallen rock and the other by Korean tourists!!! We hedge our bets and opt for the Koreans! It is freezing under here and the tourists may give out more heat than the icebergs! I. is snuggled up asleep on my back under the plastic raingear and probably has the best seat in the house! The boys on the otherhand are frozen. Our stay here is pretty short lived.

On the walk back up for lunch the heaven's open...........thank heaven's for the ponchos (finally! some use for them!)

Of course, no visit to a high end Hicksville would be complete without the usual attractions such as haunted houses, Tussards by the bucket load, Guiness book of records, sex and lingerie shops and tattooists blah blah! Blackpool - oops! I mean Niagara, is no different! The older boys decided that their afternoon entertainment was going to be a trip to the Haunted House - yup, you have read that exactly right, T. and D, our (nearly) 7 year olds, who HATE and by that I mean, even the opening part of NEMO has him behind the sofa FFS wanted to go around the Haunted house. I don't know if that was one not wanting to be out done by the other or if it was a genuine desire to see this? So, reluctantly they were escorted by daddies whilst us laydies (and a wee chap too, who couldn't decide what he wanted to do, so opted to not go, then threw a tantrum after the boys came out talking about it!) went to the shops!

3pm - All pretty shattered, not least me for carrying 36 lbs around all day and the kids from having small legs and walking about 3-4 miles, we opted to go back and chill, put on a film for the kids and maybe one for us.

3.30pm - F. and I went to the mall. The choice of adult film was Borat and the kid's was Nemo (what with dentists and me having my wisdom teeth out next week, no thanks!) within 10 minutes of the guys hooting with laughter and far too much Borat flesh, we opted out!

Monday

We had decided to drive back in a day.

Dontcha just love a grumpy passport official?

"Roll down the back windows please."

We oblige, but in doing so, have to turn off the child proof lock otherwise we can't get the window down.

I and W both then choose to play up and down with the windows

"Dontcha have a child proof lock for the window?"

Er, yes, but you wanted the window down so we had to turn it off!

"Where have you been?"

Are you serious? Er, Cananda?

"Just Niagara"

"Who were you visiting?"

Great Aunty Mary four times removed!!

"Just staying at a hotel."

"What was your business."

Really????!!

"Tourist stuff"

"Whaddya buy?"

"Two t-shirts!"

A Kalashnikov, sixty bottle of gin, 15 dozen packs of fags and a prostitute!

"You want fries with that?"

He must be bored

"Have a nice day" - can you imagine this said in the most dead pan of ways ever...........

Welcome to America!

A rather large hole!

What do you get if you put:

All your eggs in one basket, depend on one week out of 52 for dear life, a small cramped room with space for 3 in which you cram 5, a five hour airplane journey and six hour delay, no vegetables or fruit for significant periods of time and an overload of sugar, a limited supply of toys and no really safe free running and energy release zones, no access to a working toilet for at least four or five hour intervals, no phone reception and several hundred $$$ down?????


Answer:



The average family holiday!



Okay, but let's be totally honest, it wasn't a great start, the day due to leave, we were hit by a Nor'Easter leaving us 3 inches, falling snow and a dismal forecast for the next 24, but we are seasoned travellers, we improvise, we got a cheap motel room near the airport the night before determined that we would travel to hotter climes, even if it killed us........and it damn near did! Bundled wee bairns into the car for a three hour trip to said motel, then tried to find food, which one would think would be easy in the 21st century in NYC near the airport.........




So of the necessities for human comfort we had warmth so far, food was a comin' courtesy of Mr Pizza man (who obviously had to get his bow and arrow and go out and shoot the bastard pizza!) and sleep would be in the making (almost! Suffice to say that, after a very late pizza arrival and rubber sheets on everyones bed, indigestion and an accute awareness as to how many times each person rolled over in the night was actually more true.)




Moan moan moan moan moan then...........

It is a little like childbirth I think.........alllllrrriiiiggghht! so I HAVE to make a corrolation, but bear with me! You know before you have kids, everyone claims to prepare you? You think life will continue, you have taken the classes, seen the pictures, you have a high pain threshold then......

BAM!

It is nothing LIKE the pictures, it blows your breath away, you know it is similar to the pictures but nothing, nothing prepares you for the reality. This was a view that no picture or video that we shot will ever really do it justice. The actual visual connection was just incredible. I had never felt so in awe of nature until I saw the Grand Canyon.

In the two brief days that we were there we managed to turn ourselves into geology and nature boffs going on trips to learn about all the flora, fauna and geology we could. Books have been bought in abundance for hope of further quenching of this thirst that it has given us all. T. was truly in his element........like father, like son *yawn*.

And then on to Sedona.

This is truly a cheap shot. It doesn't reflect in any shape or form the unbelievable redness of the sandstone rocks, nor the surrounding landscape which all adds to the awe of these structures of weathered and erroded rock stuck up in the flats. We resorted to buying a couple of professional pictures to try to capture the real depth of colour. These rocks change dramatically with the conditions of the weather (believe me, we did a bloody good job of seeing all these weather conditions in four days! I quote our guide " we only get about 60 out of 360+ days as rain in a year" - GREAT they saw us coming!) However, we are British, a little ponsey rain up a 4000 ft mountain in an open top jeep with hail ain't gonna stop us !! I. slept through it, awoke on the top of the mountain in the hail with a "yahoo!!!" and LOVED the plastic poncho, which we have kept for Niagara next week! and bar the intense cold (35F) watching the weather come in, hail on us, lightening on us and then clear to sun, was again, reassuring me of the power of nature and the frailty of human life.




This one is Phoenix. Actually for the record, this was the first picture taken on the trip. As an ignoramus I was all ready for the abundance of cacti and "desert" flora at the Canyon. Of course, the Canyon is some 7000 feet above sea level, way too high and too cold for cacti other than the prickly pear! Fortunately both my 6 and 4 year old were of the same mentality, as was R, so I feel better. We saw more pine trees than any other tree, in fact on the days when it rained and the mist came down, it actually gave Ullswater a run for its money!

Our last day was spent trying to track down some Membrillo for a friend who went to school in Phoenix. Map-less and without any remote idea of the city, we trailed through the streets searching for liquor!! Unfortunately to no avail. I am not sure if this is a sign of our age? Alcohol that we used to drink as students is no longer around?? or perhaps we were just not frequenting the right suburbs?? Speaking of age, today I have turned 35! Well I actually turned it at 9pm in Phoenix, or was that 4am in the UK? but then the clocks were turned forward last night, so that would have made it 5..........funny feeling - time, age, nature......small people in a very tiny pond.

Locked in a bog with a shaggy dog

"What is a promise?" asked W

T - "Something you can't break."

W - "What never?"

T - "Sometimes you can. For example; if you wanted to ride your bike but it was broken and mum promised she would fix it and on the morning that she went to do it there was a fire. It started in England and went over the water to Ireland where we lived, and we had this sprinkler and then there was so much water that there was a flood, so we used the sprinkler to put out the fire, but the hose made a flood...................."

Well, it would be a great excuse!!

Until today, we had turned the locks around on our bathroom doors so that a small toddler couldn't open the doors and go in the bathroom without our knowing. Little Miss Beehive has been able to open the locks and the doors, with great delight, pretty much from the week after we turned them around! However, as with the life in the Beehive, we haven't gotten round to returning them to the original place despite them being defunct in their purpose right now. It is possible to turn them to locked and still close the door, hence making getting out again, impossible.

Where am I going with this? (See where he gets it?)

Little Miss Beehive has a new game.........wait until unsuspecting person goes into the bathroom pre-occupied with the job in hand not hiding imp or already boobytrapped door lock, then out she springs with the stealth of a weasel and locks the poor bugger in the lav, along with any malodourous business.
Of course, yesterday, doing it on the day T. had a friend to play so the 90 decibels that we normally have had been upped to 120!! No way on earth was I going to be heard from the depths of crapperland.........fortunately, as luck would have it, (after about 10 minutes of me hollering and wondering whether I would be better still stuck in the loo when the mother of the playmate arrived in about an hour's time, or on the patio with a broken part) a small female Houdini just happened to be passing after biding her time and probably chuckling with glee at her achievement.

"wassamadda mammy?"

"I, the door is locked, can you open it for me please?"

"shuremammy, I save you."

Life resumes as normal!

I am currently looking into a short week getaway for the kids and I during the summer in between our guests. My favourite option at the moment is THIS

Is this just tomfoolery ? You can't possibly get locked in a Yurt.................


can you?

Sunnier climes

Yay! In only a few more days we are going to be heading away from here for here. I am in the midst of trying to pack clothing for a completely different climate whilst sitting here in the early early days of a late starting spring. We have been on a hunt for sandals today.......not easy considering many of our friends are spending spring break skiing, so you can imagine the stock in the shops right now is still pretty wintery.
The rest of the packing hasn't been too hard courtesy of friends and my sister's hand me downs for I., W fitting into T's clothes from last year and T's passion for wearing shorts until the depths of winter which has meant he has a plentiful supply! I am having to cull the quantities of dinosaurs, cars, dressing up clothes and play food that keeps appearing in back packs and for every item that I put in folded I. takes it out, "re-folds" it and puts it somewhere else often in her little basket that she is "mepakin". If we make it with two complete pairs of armbands and enough underwear for a week we will have done well the thought of going commando in a Snow White dress doesn't fill me with excitement!!!!

This weekend the clocks went forward. The US have decided that, in a way to reduce energy, they are going to have daylight saving time from early March through November. I do love the longer evenings, it certainly gives a spring/summer air to it all, but where are we saving?? The idea is that we will use lighting and heating less or put it on later in the evening as the nights will be lighter etc.....but surely, the mornings are now darker longer, so the lights will be on longer the other end? I can't honestly see that doing it this way around will save that much, particularly as R's work has decided to replace most of the "crackberries" as they couldn't cope with the clock change. Well, it is a "gesture", GB is very good at making gestures!
I am grateful though that for three short weeks, the US and the UK are only going to be 4 hours apart from each other, which makes trying to speak to friends and rellys a little easier.

GDubYa-isms

You know when you have been too long in one place:

Today's discussion at the lunchtable:

W. is singing an African song in the local language (I have no idea which) that he learned at school and sang at gathering yesterday. I suggested that I would like to video tape him singing it. Naturally T. wants to be taped too singing a song and decides that he will sing a song in Hebrew that he learned for the Winterlight concert.

W: Where is Hebrew

Me: It isn't a country, it's a language that they speak in parts of the world.

W: Where do they speak Hebrew?

Me: Israel,

T: Jordan, Iran......do they speak it there?

Me: Well there might be people there who speak Hebrew.

W: Eye-Rack?

OMG! *Shock*

Is that like a shoe rack then???

Plastic Hell

I HATE packaging! What IS it with companies that makes them think that they need to triplewrap everything in uber tight adult proof seals??

I am slowly putting my "holiday-head" on, you know, the "we are sitting here in the remnanats of snow but I have to think about temperatures in the desert" kind of thoughts and starting to pull out the kid's summer clothes etc and so each year when we fly I pack a couple of "surprises" in their backpacks along with colouring books and word searches, that hopefully will give them something new and novel to play with on the journey, nothing expensive I suppose, if you like - cheap tat! But, it occupies them and then they have something to play with on holiday.
But it overwhelms me that there is this need for two layers of plastic, one layer of cardboard and then a load of wire ties or cotton to hold everything in place. At the end of the day, the packaging costs more than the toy!

Another minor irritation I have with unecessary crap is charities that think that if they send me a useless pen that will write just long enough for me to sign my name on their donation form, I will give them money? No, I will send their pen back and give to a charity that doesn't waste my donation on gimmicks. I remember once having this discussion with someone who worked for a charity and apparently the research behind it is that they (the charities) believe that more people will sign the donation forms if there actually is a pen to hand........I think many people will actually do the opposite. I prefer to send my money to a charity I believe in that doesn't fill my mail box with forms, pens, free bags, post-it-notes with my name on etc etc. My donation would be worth double without the sweetner.

There was a news item in Green Parent this Feb/March issue encouraging people to leave their unecessary food packaging at the checkout. Who needs aubergines heat sealed in cardboard trays, or, this one I love (not!) apples set out in carton holders of four, each in their own individual little dip, somewhat like eggs, then heat sealed, for me to then take home to my house (this is hypothetical people!!), take OUT of the plastic and then bin my plastic packaging in a plastic bin liner because.......guess what, it isn't recyclable plastic........aggghhh!

Come on people, get over it, it is time to fight back and remove all this plastic from the shelves, do you think it is making your fruit and veg TASTE better, of course it isn't........get out your shopping trolleys and string bags......break the cycle, if we, as consumers don't show companies that we really don't need this, it ain't gonna change.


Phew, rant over!

From a plastic perspective
The Beehive

Circumlocutory fecal evacuation!

Today my gremlin side has crept into my parenting!

Yesterday we were at a presentation evening at ds#1's school. He, along with his fellow classmates, were demonstrating in pairs, different work activities in the classroom. T and his partner were doing a presentation on Time Zones. Parents passed from station to station listening to the children give repeated performances of their material.

Anyway, that aside, the evening ran on and we left around 8.15pm, which for T's bedtime is getting late. On the way home in the car T brought up the subject of Plate tectonics (one of the topics at the presentation that evening) and this led onto earthquakes and volcanoes....then lightening...bad things.........keep with me,......and eventually God!!

"Why does God have bad things on the earth that kill us?" was his question. I am sure I have told you before, I find these questions among some of the hardest to answer with my children. Give me questions on reproduction any day over these. I feel that however I answer him I am influencing what he believes in and he isn't satisfied with "some people believe that.......xyz" But what IS there, what do YOU think???

I was brought up as a Christian in a church going family and I believe there is something, but what I don't know, whether it is a god or spirits I am very unsure. He asks me how he can come back in this life if he has been killed, where will he go? I know these are only the same questions any parent gets asked, death, dying, who am I? but the answers are hard to give and allow him to think and feel freely rather than the way I or R. do.

This is just something I am sure, with time, will come to me and he will find his own course of belief. So.......I am now somewhat brain dead from all the questions.

We curl up to read a story after he decides to have some more breakfast (before bed!!) and then finally at around 9pm he heads upstairs and R. arrives in with yummy Japanese food!

By 10.30 I am also in bed, I think I have a cold coming.

12.20, He is up! Bad dreams, bed clothes off, thirsty etc. He is dutifully tucked back in, dreams blown away, kissed and I donate my drink of water for his thirst.
I fall back to sleep

1.20am, back again. This time........tbh, I can't truly remember, but there are shadows and might be more dreams etc. This time R. goes, I hear stern words, roll over and try to get back off.
2 minutes later I think I can hear affected sobbing ( you know the kind - "sniff! sob! silence", volume increases, "sharp intake of breath, sniff, sob" silence - is anyone listening to me? let's up it a notch... "sniff, small cry out - test the water, sniff again, sob!")

Okay, that is IT! I am up, in the room, lay down the law:
"You are safe, you have had a bad dream, I am sorry you have had a bad dream, but that is all it is, a dream. I am tired. I have given you everything I have in me tonight, my head is hurting from all the questions, I want to sleep. You were up at 12, now 1 and I want you to go to sleep......NOW! You have my water, you have me awake and I won't be able to go to sleep now until at least 3! This is not fair, it is every night (actually, at the moment it is, so that was justified!). I do not want to hear from you again until the morning, do I make myself clear? I will tuck you back in, kiss you goodnight and then I am going back to bed!" aaaaggggghhhh

Now I am awake, I need to pee, I can't sleep, my head is now thinking about what I said, and then about other things I need to do tomorrow.........gggggrrrrr

This morning is another day........on the way into school one of the teachers accosts me. Young Master Beehive is something of a celebrity in the staff room so it appears! He is quite reknown in the school for his many, many questions and curiosities and love of garrulous, verbose confabulation..........but last night at the presentations, apparently one or the teachers overheard him saying to his fellow presenter with a heavy sigh "I am so tired of talking."

Shame how these things don't last !

Yours wordily
The Beehive

La langue maternelle or Lingo de Gringos!

Language is fascinating!

This afternoon I have been speaking with my mum who is currently trying to learn Spanish. As a household we regularly went to France for vacation time and therefore we spoke French, with the exception of my father, who had the vision that if he wore a flat cap and socks with his sandals and then repeated his desire in a louder volume he would be understood wherever he went - sorry dad, but 'tis true! That said, he always managed to get that extra good bottle of vin rouge and moules frites. I think over the years, to his credit, he has become better at learning Franglais!

Here in America, the second language is Spanish and all the children have had Spanish assistants in their classes and T. is now taking Spanish lessons. They are continually imersed in Spanish on an almost daily basis and even if they don't become fluent in it before we return to the UK, they will certainly find language learning far easier than us oldies do. There is research to say that the earlier children start to learn a second language the easier it will be for them to pick up a third or fourth. It is all to do with exercising a certain part of the brain before the age of around 8 years old, it is then harder to do after this age ( a highly simplistic point of view, I apologise!)

So as an adult both my mum and I are finding another language much harder to learn (my mum less than me perhaps because she is of an era where very formal english was taught in school and therefore totally understands the multitude of verbs and tenses!) So she is favouring the book and CD approach, whereas my approach has been much more "on the job!!" I, on the otherhand, have picked up most of the little Spanish I know up from school or a bit when I travelled to Central America as a student, so as you can imagine, it tends to have a rather childish vein to it or is fuelled by my desire for something to drink.

In fact, all in all, my Spanish is somewhat lacking!

I will, to prove this point, leave you today with my Spanish repetoire showing you that, like my father's approach years ago, it is not necessarily about the amount of a language that you can speak that gets you the best things in life.

"Hola, senor, uno cueva por favor. Donde es te patas e pantalone? Mas!"

See, a pint and rampant sex - what more could a girl ask for?(albeit if he is wearing slippers, I figure he might be rather elderly!!)

Hasta luego amigos!!
The Beehive

Parallel lives!

Happy St David's day!!

This morning I am pissed off to say the least! I promised I wouldn't say anything, so I am going to write instead!

I am sure many of you have mornings really similar to this one so hopefully you can extend your empathy to this!

My morning (so far I hasten to add!)

5.30am - awoken by #1son who is a budding writer and was up with the lark and his creative inspiration (added to that he cannot do anything quietly, so this dawn chorus started with doors banging, pencils being dropped and lights flashing on!), get out of bed to ask him to go back to bed.

5.45 - #2 son, singing

6am - give up sleep as a bad job, get up, huffing and go to bathroom.

6.05 - shower, en route picking up pencils, turning off lights, opening our curtains and removing wet towel from shower room floor where it had been soaking up from a dripping faucet!

6.10 - out of shower, throw on clothes, pick up more pencils, wake up daughter

6.16 - dress after chasing underwear around the house being sported by said daughter on her head! - "me mummy, funny, me mummy, funny!"

6.20 - go downstairs to find husband sheepishly trying to charge battery for #2 son's play today (note - I asked him to do this over a week ago!) engage in small angry spat about his lack of awareness of the rest of the world whilst emptying dishwasher, pouring milk on children's cereal, orange juice into cups and letting dog out.

6.25 - wipe up spills, sort out vitamins, let dog in,

6.27 - re-sort vitamins which have ended up IN the dog! wipe up more spills, put on first load of laundry

6.29 - clear breakfast things and reload the dishwasher, fall over dog who wants to be fed.

6.30 - set off to the cupboard to feed dog, get distracted by remembering to get fish out of freezer for dinner, fall over dog again and remember to feed him

6.31 - Prepare rest of ds#1's lunchbox, fall over dog - pick up spoon that dd dropped at breakfast, check on teeth cleaning situation.

6.32 - chase #2 son around the house to get him to clean teeth, while passing, open lounge curtains, pick up cup from beside a chair, turn off taps that dd has left running

6.33 - go back into kitchen to put fruit into lunchbox, discover dog has emptied lunch box, start over!

6.40 - find dh cussing because video is now not playing the tape. Assures me he will be at the play today with new tape and video, say nothing and roll my eyes, pick up towel and put top back on tooth paste, turn off taps again.

6.45 - go into kitchen to turn off lights, fall over dog - damn forgot to feed him. Notice washing in dryer, empty dryer, F**k feed the dog!! feed the dog.

6.47 - go upstairs to lay out clothes for dd, ds#1 is dressed and playing with superheros, ds#2 is naked and watching. Chivvy ds#2 along, pick up pyjamas, pull back quilt and open curtains in his room.

6.48 - leave room, fall over toys, find dd#1 wearing most of my lipsalve all over her face - "maycup mama!" - remove item from her mitts and proceed to explain that she has enough now and I will put it safely up high until tomorrow, through gritted teeth as I discover I am now sitting in coconut lipsalve and it is on my jeans! Try to scrub off with a tissue!

6.49 - make bed, open curtains, open window, turn on computer, en route pick up dirty washing

6.50 - clean my own teeth whilst changing toilet roll which has been emptied and an new one gotten out, but roll not removed and trashed!

6.51 - go to check on dressing situation. Ds#2 is still naked, ds#1 is still playing, dd#1 is trying to get into a bag of magic tricks that are not hers (still in her PJ's). Remove afore mentioned item explaining gently that it isn't hers.

6.52 - appease and soothe following tantrum.

6.53 - take tantruming child to her own room so we can be distracted and encourage her to dress. She proceeds to diss all the items I have chosen, so we start again - her choices which consists of a completely impractical sweater, but no mind, I am too tired to argue. Get clothes laid out on the floor.

6.54 - turn around to find dd gone again!

6.55 - Open curtains in ds#1's room falling over scissors, paper, books and a blanket, pick all up, and fold blankets, pull back his quilt.

6.56 - Find dd in my bathroom in the bath playing with candles and votives! Remove her.

6.57 - DD finally decides to get dressed - on her own, I come to brush my hair and put on some make up !!!!

6.58 - DH mumbles he is going, steps over recycling and leaves - I forget to check if he has the video camera with him! Mumble back and carry on applying lippy!

7.00 - DD comes through half dressed, knickers, trousers and one sock with her stuffed animal collection for me to admire.

7.05 - Decide to check on ds#2 - still naked, raise my voice, offer a few threats, fall over toys and make a tit of myself, leave.

7.10 - dd1 is now dressed but smelling rather rank

7.11 - "I poohed in my pants"

7.12 - She poohed everywhere. Bath dd, change my clothes and start again.

7.25 - DS#1 - now wearing just a t-shirt and listening to a cd! Cuss, fall over toys, cuss, Dress him, leave room.

7.30 - Small voice "mummy, mummy" - run rushing to find dd wanting to do a puzzle! - you have GOT to be kidding right now??????? Sigh, sit down and do puzzle!

7.45 - Give 5 minute warning to get ready for school. I have PTA meeting this morning, then W's class play so need to go early to get coffee from the shop (I won't survive otherwise!)

7.50 - Time up warning, come to get ready

7.55 - chase up stragglers, find snow pants, snow boots, hats, gloves, coats for respective sprogs, fall over dog!

7.56 - Help dd put on coat and then go to put on mine

7.57 - help dd put coat on again - she thinks this is a game

7.58 - start a search party for ds#1's reader!

8.00 - have one child ready, one child missing and one child in process!

8.01 - go round house turning off lights, pick up towels, fall over dog, pick up puzzle pieces, find reader.

8.04 - Strap smallest enfant in car (helps me keep one child in one place!) go in, give reader to older child, find middle child's hat.

8.05 - hat cannot be found so tears and weeping commence at high decibels as to why he will be in trouble wearing his spiderman hat (can't wear characters at school). Sigh, turn hat inside out and plonk on his head!

8.07 - Older child now throwing a strop because I will not allow him to just wear his bodywarmer to school, this is after the strops he threw in the early part of the winter because I insisted on long trousers not shorts in temps of less than 40 deg F!!

8.08 - try to reason with ds#1. DS#2 on his way to the car, minus lunchbox and hat

8.09 - follow ds#2 out to strap him in, put hat back on head, take lunch box. Find dd without her boots and hat in the car *sigh* and ignore

8.10 - Chivvy ds#1 out of house in full attire including snow pants to echoes and grumbles of "it's not fair!"

8.11 - phone rings, dh has gotten a new tape, rambles about hoping the machine is not malfunctioning, I mumble incoherently about it not mattering at this point in time!

8.12 - all children strapped in, lock up, get in car and go, picking up recycling on the way.

8.13 - Return to house, unlock door to pick up ds#2's glasses, re-lock house, return to car cleaning glasses on the way.

8.20 - half way to coffee shop realise ds#1 hasn't got his bag with the READER! turn around, swearing rather loudly about responsiblity and servants!

8.25 - arrive back home, pick up bag and reader, get back into car.

8.27 - Cop car pulls a speeder over RIGHT OVER MY DRIVE!!!!! can't get out! FUCK!

8.40- Finally pull out of drive, we are going to now be LATE and COFFEE-LESS!

This is a pretty normal morning for us


This, on the otherhand is the morning as viewed from DH

5.30 - Hear dw get up, roll over

5.45 - Hear dw get up, pull her covers over to my side, roll over

6.00 - feel a sharp pain in lower leg, realise I have been snoring and have all the covers. DW says something that sounds like "6.00 blah blah kids, blah blah covers, blah blah"

6.05 - feel cold, realise dw has gotten up. Look at clock, get up.

6.10 - go downstairs to use the bathroom, find nice novel to read en route, step over recycling.

6.18 - Come out of bathroom, go into kitchen to unload dishwasher.

6.20 - kids all come downstairs making lots of noise demanding breakfast. Hear the word "play". Panic, have flashback, something to do with re-charging video batteries and a child's play today. Disappear to lounge to do this, hope dw doesn't notice.

6.21 - too late!

6.45 - realise I am in shit up to my neck, try desperately to think of good excuses. Not only is the battery not charged, but the fricking tape isn't working. Panic, feel dizzy!

6.50 - No need to confess, the wife has ESP and knows what has been going on. Recieve cold treatment! Like it is MY fault!!

6.55 - have shower, get ready for work, step over towels on the floor, walk past bedrooms wtih curtains shut. Watch wife make beds, think what a babe she is an how I would like to have sex with her right now.

6.56 - awake sharply from daydream. Get dressed, go downstairs to get computer, step over recycling, step over dog.

6.57 - Go back up stairs to kiss wife and tell her I will take the time on my way to work to get another tape for the video.

6.58 - Wife still giving cold treatment, but acknowledges me by offering her cheek.

7.00 - Get into car to go to work. Sigh, what a hard morning! Feel the weight slip away and turn on radio to listen to news!

7.25 - Fly into Walmart to get a new tape.

8.10 Call dw from cell phone to tell her I have found another tape and left it at the school. She will be really happy.

8.11 - Think I better tell her that it could be the video machine that is faulty.

8.12 - Not the best idea I have had in a while. This news was not recieved well!

8.20 - Arrive at work, Secretary has brought in my coffee and look, croissants this morning, yum........check diary.......nothing in for today except a lunch meeting!

Apparently the cost of a wife/mother per year (if she were to have a salary!) is somewhere in the region of £90,000!